The Last Time
by SevSnape4ever
Summary: After going on a harmless date with Tomas, a Slytherin boy, Ana begins to catch the attention of the Dark Lord and his followers, threatening her already complicated relationship with Sirius. Rated M for: Sex, violence, substance abuse, and rape.
1. Chapter 1

Authors Note: This is the new, revised chapter one. I hope those who read it will continue with the story and let me know what you think!

* * *

><p><em>It was colder than usual in the Riddle house. Three others and I had just returned from a small town in northern Yorkshire where four mudblood families were murdered. Bellatrixs' cackle rang in my ears along with the screams of the witches and wizards. My eyes were unfocused as the Dark Lord entered the room with what could only be considered a smile on his face. He seemed pleased with us and he praised us for our accomplishment. This night marked the first multiple Death Eater attack, and we all knew what that meant; the war had started.<em>

* * *

><p>"Ana darling, dinner is ready!" I heard my mother shout up the stairs. I had almost finished my summer reading before this untimely interruption. I was to take the train to Hogwarts tomorrow and I was not even slightly close to being ready. It had been an overly boring summer and I could not wait to return to school. I was waiting until later that night to pack up all of my possessions because I wanted my tiredness to overpower my excited thoughts about being reunited with my long lost friends. I was unable to visit any of them over the summer, as my parents would not allow me out of the house because of the dark wizard who is seemingly on the rise.<p>

I moved quickly down the stairs and to the kitchen doors when I could hear my mother talking something over with my brother, Shay. Every day was a battle with him. He didn't believe in the same things as my parents did, instead he had been siding with the dark wizards belief's on blood purity. He thought that because our family was pureblooded we should be siding with him instead of with the others and my parents strongly disagreed which angered Shay. A number of his friends were also prejudice, which didn't help. I loved my brother, but sometimes I didn't quite understand what went on in his head. He was only a year older than me and would be returning to Hogwarts for his last year, but he had made it very clear that he took no pleasure in going. I loved going to school and I couldn't imagine what my life would be like when I was finished.

I walked into the kitchen but was surprised to see no food on the table.

"I don't see anything to eat." I said disappointedly but it seemed no one had heard me so I cleared my throat loudly.

"AHEM. I said there is nothing to eat." Speaking much louder this time. My mom finally stopped squabbling with my brother and turned her attention to me.

"We are eating outside dear, your father is already at the table. Why don't you go and join him." She said sounding angry. Not wanting to engage in all this family nonsense I sauntered out the back doors and through part of the yard to where my father sat.

I loved where I lived. There were no neighbors for miles and all that surrounded us was good old nature. There was a lake on the other side of the hill that was only a ten-minute walk. This was where I normally spent my summers, but this summer not so much. The warm evening air fluttered around me as I walked through the grass. When I reached the table I sat down across from my father and stared.

My father was an Auror for the Ministry of Magic, but not your typical one. Unlike the others who shared the same profession, he was very laid back. He didn't like to get involved with all the nonsense and preferred not to take sides, though his job would have him serving the Ministry. He didn't mind though, he was content with his life and when he was not at work he would spend most of his time outside in the yard or lounging with my mother who didn't work. He was currently reading a thick looking book, something he always seemed to be.

I kept my gaze on him until he finally spoke.

"I have a feeling they will be in there for a while, you may start if you are hungry Ana." He said lazily. I smiled and quickly grabbed my plate and filled it with the food placed on the table in front of me. I began to eat my meal alone while my dad continued to read his book. I knew he wasn't actually reading. He hadn't flipped his page the entire time I had been sitting there.

"So..." I started, attempting to make conversation. Finally to my delight he closed his book and looked at me.

"Something on your mind Ana?" He asked as he pilled steamed vegetables onto his plate.

"I leave for school tomorrow." I hinted.

"That you do." He said. His response irritated me.

"Since Lucy died, I have no one to deliver my many intended letters to you and mum this year." I said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

"Shay still has his owl, Ana." My father replied between carrots.

"His bird is mean father, it bites!" I retorted.

"All the shops in Diagon Ally have been closed for over an hour now, there is no way of even getting you a new owl."

"So you mean to say you are not surprising me with a new owl?" I asked sadly.

"That is correct."

I sighed and leant back in my chair while I continued to eat my dinner. I knew my mother would never consider getting me another owl, she hated them, but my father always seemed to give in when I suggested things that would be useful for communicating.

"What is going on with Shay and mum?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Just a disagreement." He said vaguely.

"Does it involve that Voldemort wizard again?" I asked as I chewed on a piece of cucumber.

"Unfortunately, yes." His voice was quiet. I couldn't believe Shay would do this to our parents. It was foolish for him to be going against everything they had taught him; as well as being extremely disrespectful.

I was already finished eating dinner by the time mum joined us without Shay. I excused myself from the table and told them I was going up to my room to pack all of my things for school.

Before climbing up each stair, Shay opened his bedroom door and began to walk towards the top of the staircase. He looked angry.

"I need to talk to you, now." He ordered harshly.

"I'm busy right now Shay, I'll talk to you later." I said as I continued to walk up the stairs and towards my room, which was the last door on the left.

"No Ana, it's important." He said more firmly. I sighed loudly and followed him into his bedroom before he closed the door behind us firmly.

"What is it?" I asked carelessly as I sat down on the edge of his bed.

"You're friends with that blood traitor, right?" He asked.

"I'm sorry, I don't know to whom you are referring to." I answered sarcastically. I knew he was talking about Sirius.

"Black." He said his name with a look of disgust.

"Yes?"

"You need to stay away from him this year." He ordered.

"Excuse me?" I asked angrily.

"Even though I think it's stupid of you to side yourself with mum and dad I still care about you Ana and being close with Black is dangerous." He said lowering his voice.

"Why?" I did not fully understand where he was going with this.

"There are a lot of plans, and his family want nothing but for him to see the way they do, you must know that. If you're close to him, they will hurt you to get even with him." He explained.

"Who are they? I don't-" I began before getting cut off by his loud voice.

"Ana please. It makes me so fucking angry that you are being a little bitch and choosing the wrong side but if that's the way you are going to go then you need to lose your connections with Black." He said cruelly.

"He's my best friend Shay, I can't just abandon him, especially when there are people like you out there giving him a hard time." I shouted and jumped to my feet before storming out of his room. I didn't understand how he could expect me to just stop seeing someone who I've been a friend with since I was eleven years old.

I went to my room and shut the door firmly. Dropping onto my bed, I looked up at the ceiling of my room. This year was not starting off well, and I was not looking forward to more run in's with my brother throughout the year, especially when I was with Sirius.

Sirius was one of the most caring people I had ever known. He was always there for me when I needed him and even more so this past year when things with my family had started to spiral out of control. It was perfect because he too had the same type of family troubles, though his were much more extreme. He was always there to comfort me when I needed it and I cherished that. There was no way our friendship would be pulled apart in a time like this by someone like my idiotic brother.

I raised myself off my bed and found my trunk, pulled it out, and positioned in the middle of my room, then started loading all the things I would need at Hogwarts. I was just about done when I heard a light knock on the door.

"Come in!" I answered as I lifted an armful of textbooks off my desk and dropped them into the trunk on top of all my clothes.

"How's packing going?" I heard my mums soft voice say as she creaked open the door.

"I'm almost done." I replied tiredly.

"Well I hope you saved a bit of room." She said and pushed the door open all the way. My parents stood in my doorway and in my fathers' arms was a tiny kitten. It looked at me and mewed lightly. My heart instantly melted.

"What is this?" I shouted gleefully as I ran towards them and took the cat from my dad. She was as soft as silk and completely white other than a black patch on her left eye.

"You're new pet. I know you aren't going to be able to send those many letters you predicted you'd send to us with her, but we think that she will gain your affection more than an owl would have." My mother said adding a hint of sarcasm as she petted the kitten's head with her finger.

"Thank you so much! She is so adorable. What is her name?"

"Whatever you want it to be." My father said smiling.

"I'm going to call her Fang." I decided as I hugged her close.

"Fang?" My mom asked. "Really?"

"Yes it's a cute name don't you think?"

"Sure..." My dad laughed and soon my mother joined in.

"There is a carrier down in the lounge for tomorrow, but you need to get some sleep. It's a long trip to Hogwarts Ana, you don't want to doze off and miss all the scenery now do you?" My father said and I nodded. I was suddenly aware how exhausted I was.

'Goodnight mum, dad. I'll keep Fang in here." I said politely as my mom kissed the top of my head and closed the door. I lightly dropped Fang onto my bed and watched as she sniffed around it. Finally, she found a clump in my blankets and curled herself up into a tiny ball and fell asleep instantly. I closed my trunk, which was packed and ready to go, before heading to my bathroom to get washed up for bed.

After showering I slid into my cozy pj's and headed for my waiting bed. The moment my head hit the pillow I could feel my eyes drifting to sleep and I knew that when I was to wake up I would be getting ready to start another year off at Hogwarts.

I opened my eyes the next morning as sunlight poured in through my large window. I didn't know what time it was but I decided to get up and get ready anyways, knowing there was no way I could get back to sleep while my mind was swimming with anticipation. After getting ready I went down to the kitchen to find something to eat for breakfast and saw both my parents sitting at the kitchen table drinking pumpkin juice while reading their favorite parts of the Daily Prophet. I sat down at the table with them and picked through the platter of fruit that was placed in the middle while gazing outside. This would be my last morning here until Christmas break and even though I loved school, I was going to miss my home.

I was just finishing my last strawberry when my dad put his paper down and stood from the table.

"Ready to go Ana?" He asked and I looked up at him curiously.

"Already?" I asked as I looked around for any sign of Shay.

"Yes, it is half past ten. You don't want to miss the train." He said. "Go get Shay and meet me at the front door."

I stood lazily from my seat and did as I was told.

"It's time to go." I said from outside of Shay's bedroom door. He followed me down the stairs and to the front door where our things were resting.

Father opened the door then levitated our luggage out into the fresh summer morning. We stopped just as we reached the gates and I placed my hand on my fathers forearm and inhaled sharply waiting for the unpleasant experience of apparation.

* * *

><p>When I opened my eyes we were in a secluded room at King's Cross Station in London. I put my luggage on a trolley as my brother did the same. The three of us left the room and started on our way to platform 9 and 3 quarters. Once there we gave our luggage to the man who was loading it onto the train then I turned my attention to someone shouting my name.<p>

"Ana, Ana! Over here Ana!" I heard James' excited voice coming through one of the windows of a compartment.

"Ana, hurry up and come sit with us!" Sirius' head poked out the window next to James'.

I smiled and waved at them, then out of the corner of my eye I saw Shay glaring angrily at me. I rolled my eyes and focused on my dad who I would not be seeing until Christmas. I hugged him and said my goodbye before boarding the train to Scotland. I wandered until I found the compartment that Sirius and James were hanging out of. When I opened the sliding door I was greeted with an unexpected hug. Sirius had his arms wrapped tightly around me and I hugged him back as I laughed. He was much bigger than me so he towered over me.

"How was your summer Ana?" He asked as we took our seats across from Remus and James.

"Uneventful, yours?" I asked.

"Same. Glad to be heading back to Hogwarts and away from my family!" He exclaimed and the others cheered excitedly.

"I second that." I said, leaning back against the seat. I looked out the window as the train began to move. Only a few more hours and I would be back at school with my friends, and Sirius.

* * *

><p>AN: Well there it is, the first impression of my story! It's dull compared to upcoming chapters, which I hope you all will enjoy. :)<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

The trip to Hogwarts was pretty boring to say the least. The boys inhaled an enormous amount of sweets then dared each other to try weird looking Bertie Bot's Every Flavored Beans. Needless to say, there was a lot of gagging and fake puking. About half way through the train ride Sirius left with some slutty fifth year Gryffindor girl to get his snog on. Last year they were, according to her, an 'item' but those of us who knew Sirius could confidently say she was just a friend with benefits in his opinion. Sirius had always been like that. I can't remember the last time he actually had a real girlfriend, one that he didn't shag on the first or second date. Instead all the girls he had flings with were usually out of his life within two months but oddly that didn't stop all the rest from continuing to fancy him.

I didn't mind it most of the time, but there were some girls who's jealousy would take over and they would eventually attack. Literally. It seemed that since I was friends with him, girls just assumed that we were shagging which was one hundred and ten percent untrue. Sirius is a nice guy and all, but I don't think I would ever consider dating him. After all, we have been friends since we were wee little kiddies and watching him with all those other girls was a huge turn off for me. I had my own group of followers anyways, not that I usually gave them a chance like Sirius did with his but it was nice to know that guys found me just as attractive as girls found Sirius.

After hours of traveling we finally arrived at the station in Hogsmeade. There was still no sign of Sirius so Remus, James, Peter and I left the train together and hopped on one of the carriages. It was a nice, brisk evening so the long ride up to the castle was not as unpleasant as it had been the previous year when it was pouring rain. When the castle came into view I felt a light butterfly in the pit of my stomach. It was lit up and glowing out of the many different windows which made it look warm and inviting especially since I was only wearing a thin shirt under my robes. I could not wait to walk through the castle doors and march my way up to the great hall where there would be heat and food . Lots of food. My mouth began to water at the thought.

Once the carriages reached the required distance away from the castle we descended and began the short walk up to the school while chatting slightly about what we were most looking forward to eating. Odd subject, I know, but food was the first thing that came the boys mind when they thought about the welcoming ceremony. Strangely, it was the first thought that came to my mind as well...

"I'm looking forward to desert." Peter said happily.

"I'm excited for the turkey. Can you believe it has been since the last feast at Hogwarts that I got a turkey meal." James piped in.

"I'm not really hungry." Remus added ignoring James and earning him a few weird looks from both of them while I laughed pleasantly

"What about you Ana? Excited to fill you belly with delicious food?" James asked.

"The potatoes." I said simply.

"What?" Remus and James said at the same time.

"I'm looking forward to eating potatoes." I laughed at their odd expressions.

"What kind of potatoes are you most looking forward to?" James asked amused.

"Mashed potatoes." I said nodding my head after thinking about it for a moment.

We walked through the doors to the great hall and my heart fluttered as I looked up and saw the hundreds of candles hovering above the room. It was something in which I always thought was so beautiful and unique. The Marauders and I took our seats at the Gryffindor table, across from me was Remus and Peter and next to me sat Lily and James on the other side. I felt a bit awkward sitting between the two of them but I guess it would prevent them from arguing.

"Ana! It's good to see you I've missed you! How was your summer?" Lily asked as soon as I sat down.

"Super boring, I wasn't allowed to leave the house all summer." I drawled. "How was yours?"

"Mine wasn't that bad, my parents and I took a vacation to the cabin at the lake. It was very relaxing I wish you could've come." Lily said sadly.

"So do I." I murmured. Just then Sirius walked up and took a seat across from me looking rather amused about something

"Padfoot, we were wondering when you were going to grace us with your presence." James smiled as he took in his friends appearance. His hair was much messier than it usually was and his clothes were wrinkled and messy.

"Where's the girl that gave you that?" I pointed at the very noticeable bruise forming on his neck and he sighed.

"I broke things off with her." Sirius explained with a shrug.

"On the first day of school? How gentleman like of you." James snorted back a laugh.

"There were not sparks." Sirius said nonchalantly.

"Well it looks like it went well judging on your appearance." Peter said.

"I had to test the sparks first, Peter." Sirius defended while James and I laughed.

"You're a dog Sirius, everyone knows it." I said which earned him a smirk from his three friends for a reason I was not interested in. I was looking at Sirius as he told about his encounter on the train, apparently it was very funny but a pair of eyes behind him caught my attention. I looked around Sirius and saw my brother watching me from the Slytherin table. He along with two of his friend were glaring at the back of Sirius with very angry looks on their faces but I could tell that Shay's was not directed in the same place his friends' were. It was a special look, just for me.

I quickly turned my attention to the front of the hall where headmaster Dumbledore was signaling for everyone to quite down to begin the sorting ceremony. It didn't seem as long as usual so in no time the food appeared before me so I dropped a huge spoonful of mashed potatoes and dug in. I didn't really join in any of the conversations and only nodded in response when something was directed at me. I couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was on the verge of happening. Once Lily was done eating we left the great hall together and made our way up to the seventh floor where the Gryffindor common room was. Once inside we dropped ourselves lazily on the plush couches positioned in front of the large fireplace.

"You seem upset about something Ana." Lily said carefully.

"Why do you say that?" I asked innocently.

"Because usually you are the one talking the loudest when you are with the Marauders and tonight you barely said a word." She said smartly.

"I'm just tired." I defended quietly.

"It's Shay isn't it? Is he still giving you a hard time? You said in your letter that things were getting a lot worse." Lily said concerned.

"I don't know, things with him are just strange. He's told me to stop hanging around Sirius and every time I see him he is giving me horrible looks." I answered.

"Why does he want you to stay away from Sirius. I'm not opposing it or anything, but I'm sure his reasons are different from mine." Lily smirked which caused me to laugh lightly. Sirius and Lily got along fine but she never really liked him, especially his best friend James who was always trying to get conversation out of her.

"Just something to do with his family is all, it seems kind of silly to be honest." I shook it off, truly not wanting to get into it in the middle of the common room. Even though there were not many people there I still felt this was a topic for a more private location.

Lily nodded in understandingly and stood, "Want to go unpack?" She asked with a bit too much enthusiasm.

"Sure Lily." I laughed as I followed her up the stairs to the girls dormitory.

_I was sitting in a vibrant green meadow surrounded by various types of trees and plants while a warm breeze passed through them making the leaves rustle quietly. I took a deep breath in and caught the scent of a brisk summer afternoon. I looked up at the sky to see giant fluffy clouds scattered over a bright blue sky as well as random flocks of delicate birds flying overhead. There was suddenly a slight sound to the left of me and I turned my head to see what it was that made the noise, it was then I saw a the handsome face I would have recognize anywhere. He looked a few years older than he should have been currently but all his prominent features were still the same. His sparkling grey eyes and his lustrous black hair were the two most distinct things about his appearance and they were exactly how I had remembered them. _

_He approached me slowly all the while smiling his large brilliant smile and once he was standing right in front of me, he took a seat. He ran a hand through his thick hair before turning his gaze on me then locked hie eyes with mine. _

"_You look beautiful Ana darling." He said softly while looking into my eyes. My heart fluttered and my cheeks turned pink at his words. He lifted his hand and caressed my cheek gently while observing my physique. I was wearing a white sun dress that ended before my knees without any shoes and my hair cascaded down my back and bosom. I felt somewhat naked at the amount of exposed skin since he was basically fully covered but his touch made me feel at ease, like I didn't have to worry about a thing. _

_I closed my eyes as his hand travelled down my neck and over my collarbone. The gesture made my skin tingle where he last touched and when he pulled his hand away it left me longing for more. _

_He gently pushed me onto my back and leaned himself on top of me, still keeping his eyes locked on mine as he ran his hands up and down both of my arms. I could smell his musky scent as he leaned his face down towards my ear and breathed warm air against the skin on my neck. _

"_I've waited so long for you Ana." He cooed in my ear before placing a light kiss just below it. He dragged his soft lips along the sensitive part of my neck until he reached my jaw line then moved his face and positioned it right above mine. He smiled sweetly at me before closing his eyes and moving his lips slowly nearer to mine. The moment they touched it felt as thought I was hit with a electric shock. His lips moved expertly against mine as he deepened the kiss by bringing one hand up and running it through my hair slowly. _

_It was all to soon when he pulled away. He again looked into my eyes seemingly searching for something and when he found it he smiled warmly at me. _

"_Ana." He whispered._

"_Sirius." I whispered back._

I shot up in bed, my heart beating so hard I thought for a moment it was going to explode out of my chest.

'What the fuck was that?' I shouted mentally.

I couldn't believe I just had a dream about Sirius kissing me... in a meadow. Never have I ever had thoughts like that about _Sirius_. He was my friend and definitely nothing more. I sighed and laid myself back down on my bed and started up at the dark ceiling wondering where this thought had manifested from then the terrible realization hit me. The next time I see Sirius it was inevitable that I was going to think about this stupid dream and I have an aptitude for making things awkward.

'No one shall ever find out about this.' I confirmed in my mind as I groaned and rolled onto my side, attempting to fall back asleep for a few more hours until I had to face the smug company of Sirius.

* * *

><p>Authors Note: I hope everyone enjoys! Tell me what you think. :)<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

I rested my heavy head on my arms while in the great hall during breakfast the next morning. I had not been able to fall back asleep after having that strange dream and I was utterly exhausted. It was the first day of classes and I was not prepared to stay awake the whole day.

"Why is your hair in your scrambled eggs?" Sirius said poking my shoulder. I lifted my head slightly and shot him am angry glare. I was not usually a morning person even when I had a decent amount of sleep but today was much worse than usual and everyone was getting on my nerves. Especially Sirius.

Since I slumped down the stairs from my dormitory and into the common room he had been nattering at me nonstop and it was driving me up the wall. I understand that me missed me but it really wasn't necessary to talk to me, he had other friends that would gladly share conversation in the morning.

"Who pissed in your pumpkin juice this morning? I understand that you are never pleasant in the mornings but this seems sour, even for you." Lily said as she took a seat next to me.

"I didn't get any sleep." I groaned.

"Why not?" Sirius asked with a mouth full of toast.

"Nightmare." I said. It was half true.

"About?" James pressed.

"None of your business Potter." I snapped as he grinned at me.

"Oh Ana, lighten up. It's the first day of term you should be excited. We will probably be getting a ton of homework. I know how much you enjoy that." He said sarcastically and I shot him a fake smirk.

As if on cue, Charlene, one of Sirius' many conquests took a seat next to him. She looked much to cheerful as she greeted everyone and kissed Sirius generously.

"Are you sick Ana?" She asked looking genuinely concerned.

"No." I replied simply, not wanting to engage in conversation.

"Ana had a nightmare." Peter informed which annoyed me. What a little rat.

"Oh no thats no good. Are you alright? Was it terrifying? Did you not get much sleep? Do you need anything? Food maybe?" She went on and on while I stared blankly. I could see Sirius looking amused out of the corner of my eye before I stood.

"I think I just need to get to class." I said and pulled Lily up with me who was confused but obliged. "See you guys in class."

Lily and I walked together out of the great hall and began up the stairs to our first class, Arithmacy.

"That girl is bloody annoying." I huffed as we climbed the stairs.

"I think she is sweet." Lily responded nicely. "You should get to know her."

"Not this early I shouldn't." I retorted. I felt like shit this morning. Not only was I tired but I also had a strange nervous feeling in my stomach from being near Sirius. Also because there was so much going on with that new Dark Lord who was affecting my family. I had way too much time to think this morning and it had nothing but a negative impact on me first morning back at Hogwarts. We were seated in class before most of the students arrived so we took out out books and Lily told me about what she had studied over the summer. Not to my surprise she had basically read over the entire years course and knew exactly what we would be learning about. It was nice to have a book smart friend like Lily because she was always willing to help when I was stumped on something but at the same time it was annoying because she nagged. A lot.

Once everyone had drifted into the class, the marauders being last of course, Professor Vector started the class off with an extremely boring sounding outline for the school year. For most of the class I doodled while partly listening to both the Professor along with James and Sirius' conversation. They sat behind Lily and I and were much easier to hear than Professor Vector. Lily continually turned around to hush them throughout the lesson which caused nothing but snickers on their part.

When the class was dismissed Lily and I headed down towards the dungeons for our double potions lesson with Professor Slughorn. Although I sucked at potions I did enjoy it because of him. He was one of my favorite Professors. He was so unique and interesting to listen to, much unlike Professor Vector. I was much too busy talking to Lily to notice the footsteps coming up the stairs and when I turned the sharp corner I bumped straight into Slytherin boy I did not recognize although he looked absolutely peeved. Both of our books were sent sprawled across the stone floor so I bent down to pick up my own.

"I'm very sorry about that. I didn't see you there." I apologized knowing he did not care.

"You're Ana?" He said to my surprise. He was holding one of my notebooks with my name written across the top.

"Yes I'm her." I said, taking the book as he held it out to me.

"You're brother is Shay." He said and observed me.

"Indeed."

"Nice guy. Say would you care to do something with me tonight?" He said out of the blue and totally catching me off guard.

"Uhm what do you mean by something?" I asked.

"Perhaps something boring, nothing to fancy. Just hang out."

I pondered the idea for a moment before thinking why not? What could possibly go wrong. He seemed nice enough and he knew my brother so he couldn't be all bad.

"Sure." I said finally which made him grin slightly.

"Meet me outside the great hall around nine?" He suggested.

"Sounds good, see you then..."

"Tomas. Tomas Wilkes." He offered and Hannah smiled warmly before watching him carry on up the stairs.

I slowly turned her gaze to where I found Lily, looking quite shocked to say the least.

"You just agreed to go on a date with a random guy you've never met before." She said stating the obvious.

"Yes so? Might as well get to know him. He seemed nice enough." I shrugged as we continued our way into the dungeons.

"He's in Slytherin." She argued quietly, not wanting any one else to hear.

"Lily since when did you discriminate?" I said, faking shock.

"I don't. I mean it's just strange a Slytherin asking out a Gryffindor? That kind of thing doesn't happen."

I ignored her the rest of the way as she rambled on about all the bad things she has heard from other students who had gone on dates with older Slytherin boys. To me she sounded very immature. She used to be best friends with a Slytherin boy anyways so I didn't understand where she was coming from but I decided not to bring it up because she got very angry when anyone mentioned that boy and what happened between them.

I was in my dormitory, shuffling through my clothes after eating in the great hall. I had no idea what I was supposed to wear when meeting Tomas tonight. Was it a date? Was it just two people hanging out? I had no idea so I settled on something not too revealing or fancy but also not too relaxed.

I wore a simple black long sleeved shirt with a deep v-neck that showed off the perfect amount of cleavage and shaped the rest of my bosom nicely along with a pair of very dark blue jeans. I finished my outfit with a pair black ballerina slippers and a short diamond necklace. I let my long hair cascade down my back and shoulders and wore only mascara and a tad bit of pink lipgloss to finish the look. I took one last look at myself in the mirror before deciding I looked alright before I left the room and headed down to the common room.

"Where are you going?" Sirius asked from the couch as he, Remus, James and Peter took in my appearance.

"I am going on a date. Don't wait up boys." I said with a wink while heading to the exit of the common room. I almost made it out without any problems when Sirius came running up behind me telling me to stop. I did as he said and turned around quickly as he bolted up right behind me.

"Do I know this guy?" He asked, breathing heavy.

"I don't know." I said nonchalantly.

"Well how do I know who you are going to be with then?" He asked.

"You don't." I smiled before turning my back on him and continuing to leave.

"Ana-" He began but I was already out the portrait and on my way to the ground floor to meet Tomas. When I arrived I was pleased to see that he was already there leaned up against a wall waiting for me. He smiled in my direction as I approached him and gave me a light hug.

"You look as beautiful as ever tonight Ana." He said sweetly as he grasped one of my hands.

"Thank you, you don't look too bad yourself." I complimented. "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise." He said as he lead me through the hallway and to a closed door I hadn't been through before. When we got through the large wooden door there was a tall spiral staircase waiting on the other side and Tomas began to climb it. I followed him closely, still wondering where we were going, but when we finally reached the top I got my answer.

"It's the astronomy tower. I assume you haven't been up here?" He said as he watched my eyes admire the view.

"No I haven't. It's beautiful up here." I said as I walked towards the railing and looked around at the breathtaking scenery. This was the tallest tower of the castle and it over looked the Black Lake along with the surrounding Scottish hillside. We had a brilliant view of the night sky and the towers interior was lit with the bright glow from the large half moon. I felt Tomas come stand next to me at the edge and follow my gaze to the lake. It was sparkling in the moonlight which brought a smile to face. I could tell he was hesitant but none the less he eventually wrapped an arm around my waist and I leaned into his strong body. We stood there for a few long moments before he spoke up.

"I thought you'd like it up here." He said quietly as to not ruin the relaxing atmosphere.

"You were right." I nodded in delight. He moved his arm away from my waist and grabbed my hand before leading me away from the railing. He pulled out his wand and conjured a soft looking blanket then signaled for me to sit down. He put his wand away and took a seat next to me but kept his eyes focused on mine. Gently, he raised his hand and stroke my cheek softly giving me a head rush. He looked into my eyes then down to my lips as if asking for permission which I gladly presented. I leaned in and felt my lips brush against his as they met in a soft and warm kiss. His lips kissed mine expertly as his tongue ran across my lower lip, waiting for entrance which I granted. He lightly ran his hand through my hair and rested it on the back of my head, keeping our lips from separating.

We leaned back onto the blanket never breaking the kiss and he shifted so that he was laying on top of me while he arms held him up slightly. I wrapped both arms around his neck and kissed him forcibly which he returned. He ran on of his hands down my front, lingering on my breast for a moment before continuing on. His hand rested on my hip and I thrusted it up slightly into him, wanting more. He reacted to my movement by moving his hand along the inside of my thigh, close to my sensitive area. Finally he had enough of a wait and he moved his hand away from my thigh and up to undo the button on my pants. Once they were undone he pulled them down slightly and slid his hand inside them and rubbed through my underwear which caused a quite moan to escape my lips, making him go faster.

I arched my back up and pulled away from his kisses.

"Stop teasing." I purred which caused a grin to spread across his lips. He slowly pulled my underwear down to join my pants and traced his finger along my inner thighs before sliding it into my tight hole. He began moving it in and out slowly and I bent one knee up for him to have better access. After a moment he picked up his pace and curved his finger to insure he hit my most sensitive spots.

"You're so tight." He growled as he dragged his lips along my neck. My breathing increased and my eyes were tightly shut as he kept thrusting his finger in and out of me at a steady pace and when he pulled it out completely I opened my eyes to see why he had stopped. He had opened his pants and pulled them down to reveal his large hard cock that he placed just outside my opening. My heartbeat picked up as I realized what he was about to do.

"No wait." I said, putting my hand on his chest to stop him. His eyes went to mine and he furrowed his brow in confusion.

"What do you mean?" He said, sounding rather annoyed.

"I-I don't want to go all the way." I said quietly.

"I just fingered you, now I deserve something." He said harshly, turning back to guiding his cock into me.

"I said I don't want to have sex." I said a bit more firmly but he ignored me by pressing his weight down on me fully and moving his lips back up to my neck. I pushed against him with all my strength and finally was able to roll away from him. I pulled my pants up quickly and stood, looking down at Tomas.

"What's the matter with you?" I asked shocked as I straightened my shirt.

"You're the one who lead me on to think you'd sleep with me." He said, standing as well and pulled up his pants.

"How so?"

"Most girls that let a guy finger them on a first date are willing to do anything." He retorted as he slowly walked towards me. I backed up, attempting to leave when my back hit against the wall and I was overcome with the worst sinking feeling in my stomach. He took this opportunity to trap me between his large arms and whisper threats at me.

"You're a little slut, everyone knows that. If you tell anyone about this little encounter, I'll deny it. Can't have people thinking I tasted a Gryffindor willingly now can we?" He said darkly before moving one of his arms, allowing me to leave.

I quickly made my way down the long staircase and up to the seventh floor, all the while never looking back. I bursted through the portrait and into the common room and ignored the questioning looks and calls from my friends as I hurried up to the girls dormitory. I grabbed a towel and rushed into the bathroom, locking the door behind me as I started to run the shower.

I sat down in the shower and leaned against the wall as I let the water pour down over me while I thought about the events that occurred only less than fifteen minuted ago. I was foolish to go on a date with someone older than me without even knowing anything about them, especially because they were in Slytherin. I had never been prejudice against people in any of the other three houses because my brother had been in Slytherin and up until this year he was nice enough. I had gone on dates with boys in the other houses and they were usually nothing but polite to me. I hated to admit it but Sirius had been right about them. Tonight proved that Slytherin boys were not the type of boys you want to go on dates with, especially without telling anyone where you are going. I could have been raped. I am amazed I got out of there in the condition I did.

Once the shower ran cold I stepped out and wrapped myself in the towel I had brought with me and carefully opened the door. Thankfully the only person that was in the dorm was Lily, who was sitting on her bed reading a textbook.

"How was your date?" She asked cheerfully before realizing what time it was.

"You're back kind of early aren't you?" She added.

"It didn't go well." I said as I grabbed my night clothes and changed inside the bathroom. When I came back out I sat on the edge of Lily's bed and watched as she put her book down and sat up.

"You want to talk about it?" She asked, knowing that was my intention. I told her all about the horrible date with Tomas and she continued to shake her head throughout the whole story.

"I can't believe someone would do that." She said.

"Do you think I asked for it? You know, by being promiscuous with him?" I asked embarrassed.

"Not at all Ana. There's nothing wrong with that. You chose to go as far as you wanted with him. It was his fault he didn't stop when you asked him to." She advised.

I nodded but I still felt like it was partly my fault. I usually did things like that with guys I went on dates with but I never considered myself a slut. I was after all still a virgin. I headed to my bed and laid down. It was still early and all the girls besides Lily and I were out in the common room but I was still tired from my lack of sleep the previous night. I closed my eyes and thought about what would happen when I told Sirius and James about what Tomas had done. It made me smile because I knew they would have my back and probably pull some sort of prank to get back at him. My memory turned to all the happy times we had when they were pulling pranks and finally I was able to drift off to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

"Tell me about your date!" Sirius urged as we sat in the common room. It was finally the weekend and I was so swamped with homework that I hadn't had any time to talk about my encounter in the Astronomy Tower with Sirius and the more time I had to think about it the more I thought it was a bad idea. I knew that the moment he found out, him and the other marauders would begin plotting revenge and that may be more dangerous for him than Tomas since the Slytherin's were not very fond of him. According to my brother anyways. The only problem was that I sucked at lying to Sirius. Anyone else I have no problem, I could lie my way out of anything with everyone but Sirius was the exception, unfortunately.

"Sirius it's a long story and I'm exhausted." I said, yawning.

"Just tell me Hannah. Please? I don't need intimate details or anything. I'm just curious how this guy was able to woo the utterly bitter Ana." He said with a smirk that earned him a nice punch to the arm.

"That was uncalled for Black."

"I'm sorry Ana, tell me now?" He said with a pleading look in his eyes.

"Okay fine, I'll tell you but you cannot make that big a deal out of it and you have to promise that once it's over with you never speak of it again. It was probably one of the worst dates I have ever been on." I said, putting my book aside and bringing my legs up under me and turning to directly face him.

"I promise." He said, crossing his hand over his heart.

"No I'm serious. Never again." After we both cracked up over the overused pun he agreed and I thought of a way to bring it up without shocking him too much.

"Okay, picture a sixteen year old girl heading up to the Astronomy Tower with a very handsome young man, like amazingly hot. Well we were up in the tower and looking out at the scenery when things started to get heated. Real heated, like so much so that I moaned so loudly that I think people down below could hear me. It was quite embarrassing really, I think he found it funny."

"Oh love I am so sorry-" He began, thinking that was the bad part of the date. Seriously?

"Don't interrupt me. If I pause it's for dramatic affect Sirius." I said widening my eyes at him.

"Sorry, continue." He said amused.

"Well we were just fooling around, nothing too much until he started getting a bit rough and forceful. I told him I didn't want to go any further and he got quite angry with that. He tried to force himself on me but I was able to slip away before he could... do anything... Before I was able to leave though, he threatened me saying I couldn't tell anyone about what happened." I finished and observed him, waiting for a response but all he did was stare at me. Shock evident in his eyes.

"Usually I'm not affected by things like this but this was different. His threat actually scared me. I'm sure if he wanted to he could do whatever he wanted to me and get away with it no matter how hard I tried to fight back and that's what worries me. If I was ever alone with him by accident I don't know what I would do." I added, still waiting for a response but he gave none.

I waited for a moment while he looked at me, opening his mouth as if to say something then closing it before any words escaped. Finally after what seemed like much too long he spoke.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" He asked, his voice quiet and much too solemn for my liking.

"I've been too busy to talk to you, and you've been off with Charlene and who knows who else most times when I'm back in the common room. I told Lily. I just didn't know how to tell you."

"Why didn't you know how to tell me?"

"I just didn't want you to think badly of me for you know, being a whore." I said, looking down in embarrassment.

"A whore? How could I possibly think you're a whore for turning a guy down who wanted to sleep with you. It's not your fault he had anger issues. What was his name anyways?"

"Tomas."

"Tomas who?"

"Wilkes." I said cringing as his eyes immediately sparked with anger.

"You went on a date with a Slytherin? What were you thinking Ana?" He hissed quietly.

"He seemed nice enough. I didn't expect him to do something like that." I defended.

"Of course he would do something like that. It's not bad enough that he's in Slytherin but he's one of Voldemort's supporters." He kept his voice firm but low to not draw the attention from the others in the common room.

"How do you know that?" I felt offended at his accusation. Not all Slytherin's were followers of Voldemort.

"The whole lot of them have tried for years to get me to join them and him being one of them. My brother and Tomas are good friends and they both follow the values of Voldemort."

"I didn't know."

"You would have if you told me who you were going on a date with, this wouldn't have happened to you in the first place if you had." He said harshly.

"I don't have to tell you who I am going out with all the time Sirius, it's not like I expect you to tell me who you're going on dates with every other night." I shot back.

"That's because I can take care of myself."

I scoffed at his insult.

"You're saying I can't take care of myself?"

"Evidently not."

"You're infuriating Sirius. You know all you had to say was, 'Oh Ana I'm so sorry that happened to you, you didn't deserve that type of treatment at all, are you alright is there anything I can do?' But no. Instead you have to be a jerk about it." I said and stood from the couch.

"Ana." He sighed but I was not falling for his whole 'please forgive me I'm honestly sorry' act that most girls fell for when he insulted them.

"No Sirius, I came to you in confidence and expected a shoulder to lean on. I may not act like it affected me that much on the outside but you obviously have no idea what I'm feeling on the inside."

"Yes I do." He started.

"Then you just don't give a damn is that it?"

"You know that's not true."

"Clearly I don't." I said annoyed at his cluelessness. Before I had the chance to react, Sirius wrapped his arms around me and held me so tightly that there was no chance at escaping. I stood there in his embrace, arms against my side and my bottom half far away from his. It was probably the most awkward hug I have ever shared with anyone, not to mention the fury radiating from me making it one thousand times more uncomfortable.

"Oh Ana, I'm so sorry that happened to you, you didn't deserve that type of treatment at all, are you alright is there anything I can do?" He mimicked making me grin, but I quickly hid it before he had the chance to see.

"No nothing at all." I said rudely.

"Are you sure? Because you know I would do anything for you." He whispered in my ear making me crack. I pushed him away from me and smiled lightly.

"I'm sorry Ana. I'm just upset about it that's all. You really don't deserve to be treated like that and Tomas was an idiot for doing that to you. He missed his chance with a wonderful girl." He said sincerely.

"Thanks Black." I smiled at his sentimental compliment. "I'm gonna go finished homework in the dorm." I said and waved lightly but Sirius was not interested in letting me go that easily.

"Ana it is a Friday night and you are going to spend it alone in bed? I don't think so."

"Please." I pleaded slightly. I wasn't in the mood to be around people. I had been holding it in for days and I needed alone time to let it all out. Sirius must've sensed it because he nodded slightly. I turned to begin up the stairs before his voice made me turn my head back to look at him.

"If there is anything you need let me know." He said and held out his arms, waiting for a hug. I shook my head and sighed as I walked towards him and into his arms. He hugged me tightly against him, one of his hands stroking my hair. I held onto him just as firmly and inhaled his scent, it was oddly relaxing. So relaxing that I felt the emotions I was trying desperately to hold in, slip to the surface. A tear ran down my cheek and a quiet uncontrollable sob escaped my lips. Sirius had obviously heard because he wrapped his arms tighter around me and moved his head to allow me access to the crook of his neck. I nuzzled my head into it to stifle the sounds of my hushed whimpers and hide my wet eyes. I didn't know how long we stayed in that position but the mood was quickly ruined by the annoying voice of Charlene.

"Uhm, Sirius what is going on?" She said snottily. I sighed quietly and pulled out of Sirius' grip. I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt before turning around to face Charlene. Her face softened when she saw me and her gaze flickered between the two of us.

"Oh Ana I didn't know it was you. Sorry." She tried. I shot her a fake smirk before turning away and making my way up to the girls dormitory to let the tears fall freely.

That was humiliating. I never cried in front of people. It showed weakness and I was not weak. I dropped myself front first onto my bed and rested my head against my pillow.

What was wrong with me?

Worse things have happened to me before. The thing with Tomas was nothing compared to the things I have been through so why was this effecting me so much. Sirius hasn't seen me cry since that day in second year when I fell out of a tree and broke my wrist, and even then I didn't sob and wail like an emotional six year old.

He's never going to let me forget about this.

There was some reason Tomas frightened me and I just didn't know why. Every time I laid down on my back it was like I could feel the weight of his body pinning me down. I hadn't told anyone, not even Lily, that since that night I had woken up during my sleep each night since with nightmares of him succeeding in what he had intended on doing initially. When I walked through the halls and saw a tall boy with dark hair dressed in Slytherin robes my heart sped up and my palms went all clammy. I think Lily had been getting annoyed that I'd been following her around so closely in the halls which made things worse. I couldn't tell anyone I was frightened of almost getting raped. How silly did that sound? I did not want to be the girl who cried wolf.

It would go away eventually, like every other bad memory I'd ever had. In time things would go back to normal and I would be my old self again, I just hoped the bad feeling's I'd been having didn't mean anything. Now that Sirius knew it was like a huge weight had been lifted. I liked having someone there to talk to, someone who would actually do something to prevent it from happening again instead of just being there to listen. I truly did enjoy Lily's company and support but it just wasn't the same. Even though Sirius hadn't said anything, I know he would think of something to get back at Tomas. He had always been the type of guy who would hurt anyone who hurt those that were closest to him. Sirius was perfect, and I loved him dearly.

* * *

><p>Authors Note: I'm sorry for the shorter chapter but it is very much needed. I hope you enjoy, let me know what you think! :)<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

"Ana I need to talk to you about something." Lily said nervously.

"What is it Lily?" I asked concerned.

"I-I got asked on a date to Hogsmeade and I'm thinking about going." She said slowly.

"Oh! That is so exciting, your first date! Who is it with?" I asked enthusiastically. Lily had been asked on dates before but she never agreed to them no matter how many times I tried to convince her into going.

"James." She said and looked to me. I stared at her, feeling my mouth hang open. Potter? She said yes to a date with James Potter? He had been asking her out since third year and she had never given him the time of day and now suddenly she is saying yes?

"Awe Lily! You finally decided to give James a chance?" I smiled at the thought of my two best friends dating. "That is so cute!"

"Yes well, he's seem to have matured over the summer quite a bit so I decided why not. Is it a good idea?" She asked, chewing on her lips slightly. I laughed at her immature attitude before standing up quickly.

"Of course it's a good idea! We need to pick you out something to wear!" I exclaimed and hurried to the closet. She laughed while following me and stood behind as I knelt down in the closet and searched for the perfect outfit for Lily's first date with James.

Since it was cold I didn't think she would want to wear a dress so I picked out a basic pair of jeans that she agreed would be simple enough then I found a light pink tank top. She put both the pants and top on to see how they looked together and I nodded before going back to finding something to layer the top with. I found a gray cardigan with short sleeves that she put over top of the pink top which looked very cute and classic. I then found a long thin black jacket to wear over top of everything and when she put it on we both smiled at the outfit. It looked classy but not too dressy and it was comfortably Lily. She decided on a pair of black ballerina slippers which matched the outfit perfectly.

I didn't need to pick out a special outfit because I didn't have a date for Hogsmeade. I was just going to go with Remus and Peter since Sirius was going with Charlene and James was going with Lily.

"I feel terrible that I am going on a date and you're not." Lily said as she took off the layers she had on.

"Lily don't feel bad, there have been many times when I've gone with dates while you didn't have one. I'll be fine I have the guys." I reassured her as I sat on my bed watching her. She was red in the face each time she mentioned her date or James. It was quite cute.

We both turned in early that night but we didn't fall asleep right away. Lily kept me up with questions on how she should act during her date which was strange to me. I've never seen Lily so nervous before and what was weirder is that it was James Potter who was making her feel this way. I always had a feeling she would end up giving into his charms but I didn't think she would act like a skittish little school girl. I was happy for her though. She would finally get to go on her first date and I knew James would be on his best behavior. He was probably ecstatic right now just thinking about going on a date with Lily Evans, the girl he had been crushing on since third year.

In contrast to how they were both feeling about Hogsmeade tomorrow, I was not looking forward to it. It wasn't because I didn't have a date, I was perfectly fine going dateless, as a matter of fact I would rather it that way. Much less stressful. No, the reason was I hated spending time with Charlene and Sirius. They were always all over each other and it felt awkward for me since that day he comforted me in the common room and she walked in. Since then, each time I was with Sirius alone and she saw she would intrude herself in the middle of us which was extremely annoying. Before, I disliked her. Now, I really disliked her and I knew that I was going to have to make my way to Hogsmeade with them.

'Maybe she will come up with a contagious disease and she won't be able to come out.' I thought to myself, but I knew it wasn't likely. I changed my train of thought to the quietness the dorm was nice when I was one of the only girls in the dorm, much easier to fall asleep that way. Some girls tended to snore.

I turned onto my side and looked out the window and into the grounds. The stars and moon were bright tonight which briefly reminded me of my evening with Tomas. Before I was able to think about it I shoved those thoughts aside and replaced them with thoughts of tomorrow. It was going to be an interesting trip. Lily's first date. Sirius and Charlene annoying the hell out of me and Remus and Peter who would joke with me about them. It was nice that neither of them liked Charlene either. I was told the only reason Sirius put up with her was because she was good in bed, what a typical guy thing to say.

I shut my eyes, wanting to be asleep when the other girls came up to the room so I cleared my mind and snuggled into my blankets. Before long, I felt my body relax and my mind drift to sleep.

* * *

><p>Morning came too quickly. It was one thing I hated about my bed is that it was situated right next to a window that when the sun rose at a specific height in the sky its rays would blind me after waking me up. I sighed and noticed Lily was not in her bed but all the other girls were still sleeping. I stood and grabbed my towel before heading half asleep to the bathroom for my morning shower.<p>

The warm water woke me up completely as it ran down my body and washed through my hair. The smell of oranges and lemon was overpowering in the bathroom from my body wash and shampoo which lightened my mood slightly. I hated mornings but this one seemed different. I was confident that something good would happen today and I couldn't wait to get started. After drying myself off and changing into a lazy outfit I left the bathroom and hung my towel back up on its hanger then grabbed my school cloak. Once I was downstairs in the almost deserted common room I spotted Lily sitting by a tall window doing her homework. I smiled and made my way over to her and sat down at the table across from where she sat.

"Good morning Ana." She said warmly and began to pack up her things. "Would you like to go to the great hall for some breakfast together before getting ready for Hogsmeade?"

"Yes please, I am starving." I said while I watched her put away her things then waited as she ran them up to our dorm. Once she came back we headed off to the great hall. The corridors were basically empty as we walked through them which seemed odd but I guess most people usually slept late on Hogsmeade days because they didn't have to wake up early to make it in time for breakfast, they could just grab a bite to eat in the village. Lily was a morning person and today I felt like one too. My mood was light and I was excited for the day, even more excited to get food in my rumbling belly.

"How are you feeling Lily? Thrilled for your date?" I asked before shoving a fork full of eggs into my mouth.

"I'm excited yes, but a bit nervous. Obviously I know he likes me but what if once he gets to know me he thinks I am boring." She said, taking a bite from her toast.

"I doubt he will, he's liked you for years. He probably knows you better than you think."

"You think he's stalked me?" She asked, eyes wide.

"No." I laughed. "I'm just saying he's put up with you turning him down constantly over the years and he's practically been around for everything in your life. I would consider him one of your best friends really. And I'm sure he's listened much more intently when I mention you to the boys. Just don't worry about it Lily. He likes you and I don't think there is anything you could do for him to feel otherwise." I advised, continuing to eat my breakfast.

"Okay, I hope you're right. You know I couldn't even focus on my homework this morning because it's been bothering me so much. I'm feeling as though I may have made a mistake in agreeing to this."

"Stop it Lily, you are going to go and you are going to enjoy yourself. James has a way of making people feel comfortable around them so don't be bothered by worrying." I assured and she nodded, taking another bite of her toast.

We continued to eat our food while talking about Lily's favorite. Homework.

"We really should get going, it's almost ten and we're supposed to meet them at quarter to eleven." I said after finishing my breakfast. She agreed and we both stood from the table and walked back to our common room. This time there were people occupying it, the marauders included. I waved at them as we passed and I noticed Lily and James smile at each other.

We got ready in record time. Lily looked beautiful in her outfit we picked out the night before and her long auburn hair flowing down straight. She wore a light amount of make up and made sure her lips were pink and full looking based on my suggestion. I, on the other hand, looked like a goblin next to her. I wore jeans and a blue and green patterned top under a black cardigan while my hair was held up in a mid-high pony tail. I wore less make up than her and my shoes were white, not matching my outfit whatsoever. I shrugged at my appearance while Lily fixed strands of her hair and when she was finally pleased with her hairstyle we descended the stairs into the common room.

"Don't you look pretty Ana, expecting to meet someone in Hogsmeade?" Sirius asked sarcastically.

"Shut up Sirius." I snapped, making him laugh.

"I'm only joking, you know I always think you look breath taking." He said amused.

"Oh Sirius, that means so much to me." I said, holding my heart mockingly.

"Well I think Miss Evans looks breath taking this morning." James complimented, causing Lily's cheeks to brighten ever so slightly.

"Thank you James." She said quietly and smiled at him.

"Let's go!" I exclaimed and began for the door.

"We have to wait for Charlene." Sirius stopped me before I could leave.

"Do we have to?" Peter sighed, making me snort in amusement. Sometimes Peter could be hilarious.

"Yes we do. I promised her I would meet her here." Sirius said firmly.

I sighed dramatically as I dropped myself onto the couch next to Remus and he gave me slight grin. After waiting for a moment Charlene had bounded down the stairs and into Sirius' arms.

"I missed you so much!" She said loudly as she clung to him.

"Even though you were with each other last night for hours." I said quietly enough that only Remus heard, earning me slight jab in the side.

Sirius smiled at her and kissed her cheek gently before grabbing a hold of her hand while she giggled like a five year old. The sight made me want to gag.

"Ready to go?" Sirius asked the others who all nodded and followed him and Charlene out of the portrait hole and down the stairs. Remus, Peter and I hung back a little to allow the couples some space and I couldn't help but smile as Lily laughed with James. She even accepted when he took his hand in hers. During the walk to Hogsmeade Lily and James continued to talk with each other and ignore us all while Sirius and Charlene joined the three of us.

"You know Ana, you should consider yourself lucky for being escorted to Hogsmeade by two guys." Sirius said while winking at me. I turn my head and ignore him as he laughed at Remus and Peter's expressions.

"You could always have asked Tomas." He added and I shot him and angry look.

"Too soon?" He asked quietly.

"Much too soon." I replied, annoyed with his joke.

"I'm sorry Ana." He said and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. The sudden gesture comforted me and without thinking I leaned into him.

"Ahem." The sound of Charlene clearing her throat brought me back to realization and I pulled out of Sirius' grasp and moved away from him as he turned to Charlene.

"Babe, you know you're the only one for me. Why are you being like this every time I talk to Ana." He said in a hushed voice but I was still able to hear.

"You do it a lot Sirius." She shot back, attempting to keep the conversation between the two of them.

"She's my best friend." He defended but she shook her head angrily.

"I don't care who she is, you shouldn't be all over her like that, especially while I'm standing right here."

I turned to Remus and Peter and began talking to them about what stores we were going to hit up in Hogsmeade, not wanting to eavesdrop on their argument. We talked for a bit longer and I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Charlene and Sirius had obviously made up. I rolled my eyes as she giggled once more. They had a similar conversation almost every time she saw Sirius talking to me. I didn't understand why he put up with her jealousy. I'm sure there were other girls willing to shag him every night that weren't jealous over one of his best friends.

We were finally at the gates of Hogsmeade and I was glad to separate from Sirius and Charlene who went off in the opposite direction of all the stores, going to find a deserted place somewhere I presume. I felt bad as we followed Lily and James to Honeydukes so I made Peter and Remus slow their pace to give them more privacy. Once we were in the store we looked around at all the sweets and both the boys grabbed a decent amount while I decided on nothing. I didn't like to eat the candy but I enjoyed looking at it all. They were always so interesting looking with their vibrant colors and unique shapes. I was wandering alone through the store while Peter and Remus were purchasing their goods when I saw Lily and James trying to get my attention. I looked at them oddly then saw James wave his hand, telling me to come over. I made my way through the crowded store to the other side where my friends were waiting for me.

"What do you guys want? You're supposed to be on a date." I smiled at Lily who gave me a happy look.

"I just wanted you to meet someone." James started and turned around, taping the guy behind him on the shoulder. The boy turned to face me and smiled warmly. I returned the smile then looked to James confused.

"This is Andrew Hopkins. He's on the Gryffindor team with me, a chaser as well." James introduced.

"Hello Andrew, I'm Ana." I said holding my hand out for him to shake. He did and kept his smile focused on me.

"You are just as beautiful as James said you were." He complemented, catching me off guard.

"Oh, thank you." I said and looked to James who smiled innocently at me.

"Well I'm glad you two have met, Lily and I will be going now. Have a nice day." James said and led Lily out of the shop. I turned back to Andrew who was still standing there and looking at me.

"So... what else did James tell you about me." I asked.

"Just that you were kind and lovely. He said we would make a great match." He grinned.

"Oh really?" I laughed. Maybe this was the good thing that was supposed to happen to me today.

"Yes really. Would you like to do something?" He asked.

"Well I'm here with my friends now so I can't do anything today." I answered, looking behind me for Peter and Remus.

"That's fine, some other time perhaps?"

"Sounds great." I smiled as he nodded.

"Wonderful, I'll see you around." He said before leaving the shop. I smiled as he walked away towards a group of boys standing in the road. He was very good looking. Tall, handsome, great body. I mentally reminded myself that I had to thank James for mentioning me to him. Just then Remus and Peter came up behind me.

"So where to now?" Peter asked, looking at me.

"Anywhere you two want to go." I said smiling.

"What's up with you?" Remus noticed and I shook my head.

"Nothing."

We spent the day in Hogsmeade and visited many of the shops. While the boys made many purchases I bought nothing. I wasn't in the mood to shop, I was too pre occupied with looking forward to hopefully seeing Andrew in the common room when we got back to Hogwarts. We were walking back up the path to the school and when we were almost there I looked out into the distance at the Black Lake. The sun was still relatively high in the sky and it was reflecting off the lake, making it shimmer. I wanted some alone time so I said goodbye to both Remus and Peter then made my way across the grounds and down to the shore of the lake. The day had gotten warm with the sun being out so I took off my cardigan and laid it on the grass before I sat.

I stayed there for a while, just enjoying the scenery and the fresh air. I was uninterrupted until I heard footsteps in the nearby grass approaching me. I turned my head to see who it was and smiled sweetly at Sirius who was walking towards me. He took a seat on the grass next to me before saying anything.

"What're you doing out here all alone?" He asked.

"I was enjoying the outdoors. What about you, where's Charlene?" I asked, fixing my gaze on the distant hills.

"It's not working out."

"What ever do you mean? She seems like such a sweet girl." I said sarcastically.

"She's just not the one." He said, ignoring my comment.

"I didn't know you were looking for 'the one'" I added.

"I'm not looking, I've already found her." His words turned my attention to him. He already found the one? What does that mean?

"What do you mean?" I voiced my confusion.

"I've already found the girl I want to be with. The rest are just fillers I guess, until I can actually be with the one I want." He shrugged and looked out where I was previously gazing.

"Who is it?" I asked nonchalantly. He smiled while still looking out at the lake.

"The most amazing girl I've ever met."

"Stop joking, what's her name." I pressed.

"I'm being serious." He paused to let me laugh at his joke. "I'm not telling you who she is. I'm sure you'll find out eventually."

"Fine, but I will find out. Whether you want me to or not."

"Looking forward to it." He smiled once more.


	6. Chapter 6

"I think you would really like him. James told me all about him during out date. You should give him a proper chance Ana." Lily told me. She was talking about Andrew. I told her I would be up for fooling around with him instead of actually taking the time to date him. I had just gotten back from sitting by the lake with Sirius and had headed to the hall in search of food and found Lily already sitting with a few other girls from Gryffindor while Sirius went up to the common room to meet up with Peter, Remus and James.

"I dunno Lily, he doesn't seem like the type that would want to date anyways." I shrugged, It's not like I was looking for anything serious so why should I get to know someone I'm eventually never going to talk to again?

I was more in the place where I wanted to be entertained by more than one boy at a time. I didn't want to be tied down this early in life. Lily didn't feel the same way about it at all. She didn't like that I dated or fooled around with a number of guys. She would always tell me I was too good for that and that I needed to find one boy who could make my heart flutter. This was coming from a girl who had her first date only a few hours ago so I didn't take her opinion into consideration. She didn't know what she was missing out on.

"Why don't the four of us go out then? You, me, James, and Andrew. That way it is technically not but is a date. Just to get to know him a bit better. It wouldn't hurt." Lily suggested and watched as I thought through her proposal.

It was a good idea in a way. I would be able to hang out with a decent guy and spy on Lily and James while they were in couple mode at the same time.

"Hang on. Does this mean you and James are continuing to go on dates with one another?" I asked raising my brows and smirking at her.

"Well yes I guess so, the date wasn't that bad you know. It was comfortable in no time and Potter was actually quite charming. He even kissed me on the cheek." She smiled and touched her face on the spot I assumed was where James' lips had kissed her.

"Okay then I will go with you but only if the boys plan something fun." I agreed and Lily squealed in excitement.

"This is going to be so much fun!" She exclaimed, giving me a hug with one of her arms.

Just then the marauders came to the table and sat down to join us. James sat on the other side of Lily and Remus sat next to me. Sirius and Peter took their spots across the table from us and all of them instantly began filling their plates with food.

A light conversation ran throughout us but nothing overly interesting came to topic. Once everyone was done with their meals we sat and continued to talk a while longer. Things were going swell as Sirius as I erupted into a deep conversation concerning the giant squid that resided in the Black Lake until we were greeted with the familiar interruption of Charlene.

"Sirius! I'm so glad I found you." She said, pushing Peter aside to take a seat next to him before planting a kiss on his cheek. I looked at them both, amused by what I saw.

"I thought there was trouble in paradise." I remarked.

"Oh no, Sirius and I made up ages ago." She smiled much too sweetly for my liking. I nodded and grinned as I turned away to listen to James' and Lily's conversation.

"Ana's agreed to go on a double date with him and us." Lily told James who looked passed her and at me.

"You have? That's brilliant! He will be so pleased you've agreed." James said.

"Who's this?" Sirius asked, joining into the conversation.

"Andrew from the team, Ana's going on a date with him." James answered.

"I didn't know he was interested in her." Sirius said plainly.

"Oh yes, fancied her for some time now apparently." James said while grinning at me.

"I've heard he's a dog. Do you really think he's good enough for her?" Sirius asked James.

"I think they would be a cute couple. She seems to be his type and like I've said, he's been interested in her for a while now."

"Yes but I don't think he is Ana's type." Sirius added.

"Guys. I'm right here. Sirius I think I can decide for myself whether he is my type or not. That's why I am going on a date with him, to get to know him. He seems nice enough." I said, annoyed at the conversation they were having about me, without me.

"That's what you said last time and look where you ended up." Sirius said, mostly to himself but everyone heard him.

"What do you mean?" Charlene asked, stroking her hand along Sirius' arm.

Sirius raised his eyes to look at me, and saw the betrayed look my eyes gave off before continuing.

"Nothing, love." Sirius said and changed the topic. "So when is this date?"

"I'm thinking next weekend, maybe saturday?" Lily piped in and James nodded.

"Sounds perfect. I'll see Andrew at practice tomorrow, ask him if he's free." Said James.

"Or you could ask him now." Remus said, nodding his head in the direction of Andrew who was approaching us.

"Hello James, Lily." Andrew said as he stood next to them. "And Ana, nice to see you again."

"You too." I smiled and both Lily and James moved over to allow him space to sit next to me.

"We were just talking, and we were wondering if you're free next Saturday?" James asked from across Lily.

"I think so, why?" Andrew said.

"Because James and I want you and Ana to join us for a double date." Lily said happily.

Andrew smiled and looked over to me.

"Do you want to go on this date?" He asked, looking directly into my eyes which made me feel somewhat uncomfortable, but I shook the feeling and nodded with a smile.

"I would really like to." I responded.

"Well then of course I would be delighted to spend an afternoon with a girl such as you." He complimented and smiled wider making me blush slightly. I could hear Sirius snort next to me and it took all my will power not to slap him right then and there.

"Then it's settled. The four of us will do something together next weekend then. I might need to warn you that the ladies would like us to be the ones that plan something, so we better make it good mate." James said and wrapped his arm around Lily's shoulder. It took a moment for me to get used to the fact that she hadn't shoved his arm off and began yelling at him.

"That's fine, I'm sure we can come up with something. Is there anything in particular you'd like to do?" Andrew asked me.

"Surprise me." I replied with a large smile of my own that was returned by him. He leaned in close to my ear and whispered quietly so that no one else could hear.

"You should wear your hair up more often. I like being able to see your stunning features." He said before standing and waving goodbye.

I sat there and watched as he returned to where he was sitting further down the table with a group of his friends and I could feel my cheeks stained with warmth.

"That's so cute! Sirius we should join them and make it a triple date." Charlene suggested.

"No." James, Sirius and I answered simultaneously, causing her to pout childishly.

"We'll go on a date alone, it'll be much more fun that way anyways." Sirius said and I bit my tongue to hold back a laugh as I watched her upset mood instantly change to a happy one. She was so utterly fake and I couldn't wait for whoever that girl Sirius was interested in to show interest back. Then Charlene would be gone.

* * *

><p>The week passed by surprisingly fast. We were assigned tons of homework which kept me busy and for some reason I was much more focused on getting it done then I was with hanging out with the marauders. I knew it was probably because I was maturing and they were not. They still spent most of their days pulling pranks on the unsuspecting and the only one who showed any sign of growing up was Remus, who helped me with my Charms assignments each night.<p>

The weekend had fast approached and it was saturday afternoon, the day I was supposed to be going on a double date with Lily and James. I normally didn't get nervous before dates but this one was different. Andrew was a year older than me and was extremely handsome. Before today I had heard stories from other girls about how lovely he treats them or how hard he is to please. I was special but I wasn't extraordinary and I really didn't want him going on this date expecting me to be so, then being disappointed when he realized he could do much better than me. Dates were much harder than hooking up with a guy. I hated to put the effort in and spend time hoping we will click when knowing it is highly unlikely. I've never had a connection with a boy before. I've had different types of connections, but never that one that Lily told me I was supposed to find. I was also convinced she had found that with James. They were getting along so well since their date, they were practically inseparable. It was only when Sirius and the others planned on pranks to pull that he hung out with them instead of Lily.

I missed having my best friend around all the time but at the same time I was happy for her. She seemed to be overjoyed while with James which took some getting used to. I was so comfortable seeing them arguing and it made me kind of sad to think I would never get to see that again. Sometimes it would get pretty hilarious.

I sat on my bed for an hour or two finishing up last minute assignments before I started to get ready. I was showered and dried before I picked out my outfit for the date. I decided on a long sleeved gray dress with black leggings and a pink scarf while I let my hair fall straight down. I didn't care what he said about pulling my hair back I was not going to let some boy influence the way I looked.

Lily was dressed similar but she wore a brighter colored outfit. I thought she looked rather summery which was completely inappropriate for this fall month but she didn't care about my opinion.

"So what have they planned?" I asked her as we made our way down to the common room where we were supposed to be meeting the boys.

"I have no idea. James said it was going to be romantic though." Lily answered.

We made it to the common room and after looking around we spotted James and Andrew, standing by the fireplace and talking. We went to join them and when they noticed us both their eyes travelled across our dressed bodies.

"You look incredible Ana." Andrew said as he grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it. I smiled and thanked him before turning to Lily and James who were obviously flirting.

"So what do you boys have planned for us?" I asked excitedly.

"Something interesting, like you wanted." James responded and grabbed Lily's hand and started leading us out of the portrait. Andrew hesitated for a moment before similarly taking my hand and followed James and Lily as they walked down a few flights of stairs. I was too preoccupied with what Andrew was talking to me about to notice what floor we got off at but I knew I didn't recognize the corridor we were in. We walked through the hall and stopped at the dead end.

"We're going to hang out here?" Lily asked confused.

"No, just wait." James said and closed his eyes.

All of a sudden a large door appeared in front of me and Andrew let go of my hand to open it for us. When we entered we were greeted with the beautiful image of white and red candles lit throughout the room and a large plush blanket situated in the center. On the blanket was a large looking picnic basket.

"This is amazing." I breathed as I took in my surroundings. "How did you find this place?"

"James knew of it. It was my idea for the picnic though." Andrew said, puffing out his chest. I smiled at his arrogance and continued into the room. It was truly a spectacular sight, I hadn't seen something this romantic done in ages. James much really like Lily.

The four of us sat on the blanket and began going through the picnic the boys packed for us. It was all mine and Lily's favorite foods and drinks and they even brought a bottle of fire whiskey to lighten the mood.

Once all the food was eaten we started on the alcohol.

"We should play a drinking game." I suggested and looked at them all mischievously.

"What do you have in mind?" Andrew asked.

"Well we could play a game of never have I ever." I added and looked at the three of them and knew Lily was the only one who knew what I was talking about. It was a muggle game we used to play when I would go over to her house in the summer of our fourth year, the summer we discovered the entertainment brought on by alcohol.

"How do you play?" James asked, amused by the look on Lily's excited face.

"We all hold up five fingers and then go in a circle saying things we've never done and if you've done those things you put one finger down. The first person with all their fingers down has to take a shot of alcohol." She explained and the boys both nodded, thinking they understood.

"For example, I would say, never have I ever eaten an ingredient in potions class, something I haven't done, and if you have done that then you have to put a finger down." I add, explaining further and then watched as the nodded in full agreement.

"To get the game going faster we should just have to take a drink if we've done something." Andrew said, winking at me. I laughed and we all agreed to his idea then started the game.

"Ana you start." Lily said and I thought for a moment.

"Never have I ever played Quidditch." I said, grinning at the boys.

"You've never played quidditch?" Andrew asked in disbelief.

"Nope never, I'm not a good flyer."

"She's right." James piped in, earning him a playful shove from Lily. Both the boys took their drinks then it was Lily's turn.

"Never have I ever made out with a boy." She said, blushing slightly. Andrew looked at her with a hint of shock on his face while James grinned widely. I took the bottle from Andrew and took a generous sip and just before I put the lid back on James spoke.

"Pass it over." He said and I looked at him curiously.

"Sirius can get frisky." He shrugged as he took the bottle.

"Bloody hell, not an image I wanted in my head." I said, laughing.

"Never have I ever worn make up." Andrew said and smiled at both Lily and I who were to take a drink. We did, and Lily's face was priceless as the liquid went down her throat.

"Never have I ever put on a dress." James said and smiled broadly.

"This is turning into guys gang up on girls." Lily said after swallowing her second shot.

"Never have I ever slept in the boys dormitory." Lily added, smiling triumphantly. All three of us took a shot and I noticed Andrew look at me interestingly. I winked at him seductively and he laughed, waiting for me to continue with the game.

"Never have I ever had flaming red hair." I said, trying to get Lily to drink as much as possible. I'd only seen her tipsy once before and it was probably the funniest thing I've seen in my life.

"Never have I ever watched a television." Andrew said. Lily sighed and took another drink from the bottle then shook it.

"Theres not much left in here." She said, attempting to look into the bottle. I took it from her and put the bottle to my lips then tilted it up, swallowing a decent amount. Andrew looked at me, impressed as I didn't even flinch at the horrid taste of the fire whiskey. James, Lily and Andrew each did the same before finally the bottle was completely empty.

I was starting to feel the alcohol go to my head and my body began to feel tingly and warm. I couldn't control myself and I bursted out in a fit of giggles as Lily and James attempted to dance drunkenly. Suddenly it felt as though Andrew had gotten much closer to me. I looked at him and smiled as I noticed his attention was fixated towards me. It was both nice, and a bit unsettling. I didn't like when guys stared.

"Feels like we've been here for hours." I said, attempting at small talk.

"We have been." He laughed and wrapped his arm around me nonchalantly. I leaned into him and rested my head against his shoulder as his other hand traced small patterns along my leg.

"Are you getting tired?" He asked quietly. His face was so close to my ear that I could feel the warmth of his breath against my skin.

"A little yes." I responded. "You?"

"Yes, would you like to accompany me to my dorm? I don't think any of my roommates will be up there yet, it's still early." He said in a low, entrancing voice. I wanted to say yes more than anything but I knew it would be wrong. This guy had a reputation with girls and I didn't want to be another one who he just added to his list so I shook my head.

"Don't you think it's too soon for that?" I said. I couldn't believe the words came out of my mouth. Lily was really starting to get to me, amazingly enough.

"Not at all. I think you look beautiful tonight and I want to be with you, closer to you."

"That sounds nice." I sighed, thinking it over once more. I bet he would be a really good kisser. Was it really that wrong to just fool around? That's what I had planned to do in the first place. It's not like I could see myself going anywhere with this guy, relationship wise.

"I want nothing but to make you feel good Ana." He purred in my ear. I could stand it. I was drunk and horny so I gave in to my inappropriate feelings.

"We're going to head back to the common room. Are you coming?" I said as I began to stand, with help from Andrew.

"No I think we're going to stay here a bit longer." Lily giggled as James held onto her waist and swayed them back and forth.

"Okay, see you later tonight then." I said before we left the room. We hurried up the stairs to the seventh floor and towards the common room. When we arrived there were not too many people in the common room but I did see the remaining marauders situated around the room. Peter and Remus were playing with a deck of cards with a few other students while Charlene and Sirius were sitting by the couch, making out.

"Won't people notice me going into the boys dorm with you?" I whispered.

"Not if we're sneaky." He said and grabbed my sides, tickling them. I squealed and giggled at the unpleasant feeling which must've caught Sirius' attention, for her pulled away from Charlene to look at Andrew and I.

"Ana you're back, come sit." Sirius offered but I stumbled over to him, with Andrew close behind.

"Sirius, shh. I'm trying to be sneaky." I whispered and held my finger to his lips. His warm, supple lips. I looked at him longingly for a moment then all of a sudden snapped out of it. These lips were just macking on Charlene. I pulled my hand away and smiled dreamily at him.

"Are you drunk?" He asked, sounding upset.

"No of course I'm not drunk. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a prior commitment." I said before waving and taking Andrew's hand who led me up the stairs to where the dorms were. Instead of turning left into the girls, we turned right and went through the door and into Andrew's dorm.

He was right, there was no one else in the room. The door automatically shut behind us and Andrew began kissing my neck roughly as he edged me back towards his bed. My legs hit the side and buckled, causing me to fall on my back onto the soft mattress. He climbed on top of me and continued to kiss my neck. Light moans escaped my mouth as his lips traveled along the sensitive parts of my skin and soon his lips crashed against mine and we were entranced in a heated and passionate kiss.

* * *

><p>Authors Note: I felt this was the perfect place to end this chapter, it was getting quite long. There will be rated M chapters coming soon! :)<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

I woke up to the twisting feeling in my stomach and immediately threw my blankets off my sweating body and ran to the bathroom. I heaved up all my stomach's contents then queasily made my way back to my bed. The sun shone brightly through the window and directly onto my pillow so I turned to face the opposite direction. I could feel the throbbing in my head as it rested still against the satin fabric of my pillowcase. I closed my eyes and groaned as the pain got worse and worse with every breath I took. I could feel my insides ache and I knew more was coming so again I ran to the bathroom and heaved harshly.

Instead of returning to bed this time I sat on the ground next to the toilet and leaned my pulsing head against the stone wall. I drank way to much last night, I wonder how every one else was feeling. Lily wasn't in the dorm so I assumed she was feeling fine. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply as a wave a nausea passed over me. Thankfully this time nothing came up.

Thoughts of the night previous flooded my mind as I recalled the date and aftermath. I went to Andrew's dorm with him and I was sure people saw. This was going to be fun, I would be called a whore for the next month at least. I pondered what happened in the boys dorm with the handsome quidditch player and touched a sore spot on my neck where I knew he had left a mark. There were aches all over my body from that encounter. Why he had to be so rough, I had no idea. I slightly regretted what I did but all I know is that last night it felt like pure bliss. Sirius wouldn't be happy about this, he hated when I hooked up with guys.

A while passed before I felt safe enough to return to my bed. I sat down and held my still sore head in my hands and wiped my eyes. I obviously hadn't showered before going to bed because my makeup was smudged all over my face. I didn't care enough to wash my face so I swung my school robe over my shoulders and wrapped a scarf around my neck then made my way down to the common room. With a little luck maybe one of the marauders would be willing to fetch me some food, that way I wouldn't have to attempt sitting in a loud, crowded space.

I was overly ecstatic to see Sirius and Remus sitting at a table on one side of the common room and I slowly made my way over to them, not wanting to push myself too far. The marauders and I were close, but puking in front of them took things to a whole new level.

When they noticed me they looked at my appearance with amused expressions on both of their faces. I dropped myself down in a chair at their table and tilted my head back, groaning loudly.

"Have too much to drink last night?" Remus asked, looking at Sirius.

"I feel like my head has been stomped on by a pack of raging hippogriffs." I moaned and they both laughed. "Shhh. Keep it down will you. Some of us are sensitive to sound at the moment."

"I take it your date went well?" Remus added and I shook my head back and forth. The truth was the date went very well, the aftereffects just sucked royally.

"What a gentleman he turned out to be, fills you with alcohol then takes you up to his room. You know how to pick 'em Ana." Sirius remarked but I didn't have the energy to argue with him.

"Actually he was very gentlemanlike, especially in the secluded dorm." I smiled, knowing I had irritated him. Sirius had never been fond of me fooling around with boys, he saw it as his job to protect me from the mean wizards that were only interested in one thing. According to him anyways. He looked at me with a slight bit of annoyance on his face before I stood and left the common room in search of food to fill my now very empty tummy. I knew neither Sirius or Remus would be willing to get food for me so I had to go myself.

I walked through the castle in the direction of the great hall by my lonesome and was surprised to see both Lily and James there eating together. I smiled and sat down across from them and grabbed a slice of toast.

"How are you feeling this morning? Similar to Lily I'd assume since you look like you woke up in the Forbidden Forest." James ginned at me as I shot him a dirty look which was mimicked by Lily.

"I'll take that as my cue to leave then. I'll see you both later." He laughed standing and kissing Lily gently on the lips. I held in my awe as she blushed at him when he pulled away. I waited until he was out of the hall before I engaged Lily in conversation.

"You and James are so cute together, I'm glad you've finally gave him a chance." I said lightly.

"Me too, he's really changed in my opinion. He's actually very sweet."

"I never thought I'd hear those words come out of your mouth about James Potter." I laughed as she smiled sheepishly.

"I do feel awful though, this morning reminds me of why I never drink." She sighed, taking a bite of orange.

"I agree, I don't think I've felt this hung over in all my days of drinking." I nodded and continued to bite into my toast.

"So what did you and Andrew do, when you left I mean?" She looked at me with her brows raised.

"Oh you know, went to sleep." I smiled.

"We both know that's not true Ana, now tell me." She ordered in a non threatening tone.

"We went to his dorm, fooled around a bit." I shrugged.

"Did you guys... you know?" She pressed and I laughed at her immature way of asking if I'd had sex.

"Well-" I began but was cut off by an exploding bowl of grapes in front of a few people down the Gryffindor table. I laughed as Professor McGonagall disciplined a group of second years for the disturbance.

The toast helped cure my hangover amazingly well and Lily and I both made our way to the common room to grab our outstanding assignments and take them to the library. It took us ages but we finally finished the forgotten potions assignment with little to no help from Sirius and James who were busy working on something else entirely.

The rest of the afternoon was spent lounging around the castle and Lily even gave me the password to the prefects bathroom so I was able to have a long luxurious bath before dinner. After the night before it was much needed.

I made my way solo to the bathroom on the fifth floor and when I spoke the password and made my way through the portrait hole I was greeted with the glittering sunlight passing through the stained glass windows, reflecting off the empty white marble bathtub. I turned on the desired taps, wanting extremely warm water with the scent of lavender then began to strip out of my clothes as the tub filled.

I submerged into the perfect water and sank lower while resting the back of my head on the edge of the tub. I stretched myself out completely, still being surrounded by nothing but water. The bathtub was massive, almost pool size. It was almost double the size of the one in my parents bathroom with much more depth. It was soothing as I felt the water surround me so I closed my eyes and thought back to last night once more.

Being with Andrew last night was the most amazing I've ever felt with a boy. He knew exactly what to do and knew expertly what would please me. My body still ached from our act but thinking it over, I didn't regret it. I was told Andrew liked me and I was willing to give him a shot, after all why push something that felt so right away?

I thought about the way his muscular body felt against mine as we moved under his soft bed sheets and the way his hands touched every right spot while pleasuring me. He seemed to enjoy it just as much as I had and I couldn't seem to get the sound of his masculine growls of satisfaction out of my head. My reminiscing of being with him started to effect the rest of my soaked body as I could feel myself tingling with warmth and arousal so I ran my hands gently up and down my stomach, moaning quietly at my own touch.

I sighed as I caressed between my legs. I was still much to tender to pleasure myself so I pushed myself up and out of the tub to grab my towel. I wrapped it around my body and stepped carefully down the stairs and onto the floor next to the large filled tub. I turned the tap to drain the water and proceeded to dry myself off completely before putting my clothes back on. I couldn't shake the lustful feeling that filled me as I disappointedly made my way to the great hall for dinner. Maybe Andrew would be there and he would be willing to please me with his gentle touch.

I sat down next to Lily and Remus with James, Peter and Sirius across from us and stared at the food in front of me.

"What's on your mind Ana?" Sirius asked as he bumped his shoulder with mine.

"Nothing Sirius." I said and attempted a smile but I know he could tell something was on my mind. There was no way I was going to tell my best friend that I was horny but too sensitive from my date the night before to touch myself. That wouldn't go over well.

"Ana had a late night." James smirked at the boys and Lily who looked at him curiously. "Andrew and her left Lily and I to have a little alone time in the dorm. How was it Ana?"

I glared at him as he smiled in amusement.

"What did you guys do?" Peter asked stupidly.

"What do you think they did Peter." Remus shook his head and looked down at his plate, not wanting to get involved in the others pressing me for information on my personal life.

"Did you sleep with him Ana?" Sirius asked, looking slightly discouraged.

"It's none of your business." I answered and busied myself with a mouthful of potatoes.

"She so did." Peter answered and both Sirius and I looked at him with wide eyes. Did Peter just say that?

"Peter." Remus scolded.

"What? Look at how she's avoiding the question, it means she obviously did but she just doesn't know how to answer it without us all thinking she's a dirty whore or something." He replied.

Why do I even hang out with him?

Andrew approached the table where we were seated and scooted Lily over so he could take a seat next to me. I smiled at him with my lips tightly pressed together, my mouth still full of mashed potatoes and he laughed at me lightly before planting a peck on my lips.

Did he really just do that?

"How are you feeling today Ana? I haven't seen you since last night." Andrew said and put his arm around my shoulders. It was annoying, I liked my space when I was eating, did he not understand that? I didn't want to be rude so I just shrugged and tilted my head.

"Feeling a bit run down." I answered before slipping a carrot into my mouth.

"I'll bet." He smirked at me and I swear I heard Sirius growl.

"Maybe you'd be willing to spend tonight doing something similar?" I whispered seductively in his ear while running my hand stealthily up his thigh. He laughed slightly and smiled as he leaned into my my ear.

"I'd be willing to do anything for you, beautiful." He whispered back and I could feel myself growing warm with anticipation.

I was brought out of my trance by a loud commotion coming from the Slytherin table.

"BLOODY HELL!" I heard a boy shout. I turned my head to look at who the boy was and froze when I saw a green looking Tomas. His face was covered with lime sludge and his hair sticking straight up on his head. It looked as if his food exploded on him in a green goo and I could tell by the laughter around me it had been what Sirius and James were planing in the library.

Not one of their best, I though to myself as I cringed.

Tomas was standing at the table and looking down at his goo covered robes before looking up and directing his gaze straight at the marauders, who were killing themselves laughing. Suddenly I felt his eyes land on me, and I could see the danger flash in his dark orbs. His stare burned holes through me and I abruptly felt cold and shaky. I knew the anger he held inside was not going to stay there for long. He knew I told the marauders about what happened, there was no other reason for them to directly attack him.

I thought back to what he said about not telling anyone and I knew there were going to be consequences. At first I was looking forward to whatever the marauders cooked up to embarrass Tomas but now that I've seen how angry it made him I regretted ever telling Sirius in hopes of revenge. I sank down in my seat and shrugged Andrews arm off my shoulders.

"What's the matter?" He asked, still amused with the scene at the Slytherin table.

"Nothing I'm just not feeling well, claustrophobic or something." I answered.

I looked back to my food but couldn't find it in me to finish it. Not after seeing the sludge all over Tomas and the threatening look he gave me. My blissful feeling I had when coming into the great hall had been completely replaced with fear. I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat as I thought about what he would do.

I would just have to stay with someone at all times, that's all.

Andrew stayed for the rest of the dinner and we were the first to leave from everyone else. He walked with me up to the common room, coping a feel every so often. I was far from being in the mood now and I couldn't wait to get back to the dorm and get away from him. He was sweet and everything but all I could think about what Tomas and how it felt to have him attempt to force himself on me. I didn't want to be in the presence of a male, trying to get in my pants no matter how different Andrew was from Tomas. I felt somewhat guilty for brushing him off like this but I couldn't help it. There was something wrong with me, something telling me that I shouldn't trust this guy because in the end it would end up the same as all the others I let into my life. There was a reason I only fooled around with guys and didn't get to know them. The first boy I ever truly gave my heart to treated me horribly. He messed my life up since the day I'd met him and I was beyond surprised I was ever able to trust a boy again.

When we were back in the common room Andrew wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him while we stood in the hallway that lead to the large circular room.

"So what exactly did you have in mind?" Andrew's voice was husky as he looked down at me.

"I'm feeling a bit woozy now. Do you think I could get a raincheck?" I asked, looking up at him with a puppy dog gaze that always seemed to work for Sirius. He sighed and pulled away from me and I looked down, knowing he was upset. I would be too if someone lead me to believe they'd hook up with me then turned me down a moment later.

"That's fine, some time soon though. Did you want me to take you upstairs?" He asked and I shook my head.

"No thats okay I think I'm just going to lay down, read a bit." I said.

"Okay, well I'm just going to go back to meet some friends. I'll see you." He kissed my cheek goodbye then left through the portrait. I continued into the common room and was pleased to find it nearly empty. There were a few younger students studying at one of the tables and a few others at a separate one. I smiled at the opening of my favorite couch that stood in front of the fireplace and laid down, stretching and turning to face the fire. The flames warmed my pale face as I watched the fire flicker. Time seemed to pass by quickly since I was soon greeted with the loudness of the marauders, and Lily who was holding James' hand.

James and Lily shared a large plush chair and Remus and Peter sat on the love seat next to the couch I was on. Sirius lifted my legs and sat near my feet. I turned onto my back and leaned my head against the arm of the couch to look at him.

"Sirius?" I asked as I placed my feet in his lap. He laughed and pulled my shoes and socks off before beginning to massage both my feet. Sirius gave the most amazing foot rubs, most times when we were up late alone in the common room I would fall asleep to the sensation it gave me.

"Did you like our little experiment with Wilkes?" James smiled widely while Lily shook her head.

"I think you guys are losing your touch, that wasn't nearly what I'd expected from you." I said to humor them.

"What does that mean?" James asked, faking offend.

"Just wasn't your best." I disregarded and James scoffed.

"So what happened to Andrew?" Sirius questioned, seeming to ignore everything that was just said as he looked at his hands running over my exposed skin.

"He left to find some friends. I told him I wanted to be alone." I admitted.

"Why'd you want to be alone?" Lily asked from the chair she shared with James.

"I just wasn't feeling well after dinner. I don't know why because I'm feeling fine now." I shrugged. It was partly the truth. I did feel better now that I was surrounded by friends but I still couldn't get over the look on Tomas' face.

"Good that you're feeling better. Are you and Andrew dating now?" Remus asked nonchalantly. Everyone turned their attention to me, waiting for an answer. I don't know how they could think I would date a boy after one outing.

"We're not together exclusively or anything." I said, looking at Sirius who seemed to be the most interested.

"Good, I don't like him." He said and turned back to my feet.

"Why don't you like him Padfoot? You seem to get along pretty well on the pitch." James responded to Sirius.

"He's a decent guy, I just don't think he's good enough for Ana."

"Awe Sirius." I smiled at him and wiggled my feet.

"I think I know why." Peter began but was silenced by Sirius' gaze.

Strange.

"I still can't believe you gave yourself to him, after all this time that you've been saving it? He must be pretty spectacular." Lily added. I didn't respond, I had no response to this accusation. It was true, I had been saving myself for the perfect guy and I knew Andrew was not the one who deserved it.

Lily yawned and James hugged her tightly as she sat on his lap.

"Tired, Lil?" He asked gently and she nodded her head. She began to stand and James followed her actions.

"I'm going to sleep Ana, I'll see you in the dorm soon?" She asked before leaving the couch area.

"Yeah I'll be up soon." I nodded

"Night guys." James added.

"I think I'm going to turn in too, all this studying has got me exhausted." Remus said and stood to follow James. Peter stood as well and said goodnight to Sirius and I who were the only two not getting up to go to bed.

Once they were all gone I leaned my head back and closed my eyes as I felt Sirius' hands expertly stroke my feet. I moaned lightly at his touch and I could feel him slow his pace. After a few moments I realized he hadn't said anything so I opened my eyes to look at him. He looked upset.

"What's the matter Sirius?" I asked.

"I just don't understand you." He admitted.

"What do you mean?"

"You say you were waiting for the perfect guy to give your virtue to, you said you were waiting for the one guy you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with because you thought it wasn't right for more than one guy to share that experience with you. Then you just give it to Andrew in a spur of the moment? What makes him so worthy of you Ana?" He asked, keeping his gaze on the fire.

I looked at him curiously as I realized this really bothered him, for a reason I didn't understand. I sat up and pulled my feet away and crawled to sit next to him. I leaned my head on his shoulder and I felt him rest the side of his head against mine.

"Can I tell you something?" I said quietly.

"Of course." He whispered.

"I did a lot with Andrew last night, he did make me feel special and wanted, something I don't usually feel with the guys I show interest in."

"Why are you telling me this?" He sighed.

"I just want you to know I didn't sleep with Andrew. I'm still a virgin and I plan to stay that way until I find the guy I'm willing to share that intimate part of my life with." I admitted. Sirius lifted his head and looked at me, relief shown on his pristine facial features.

"I know there is a guy out there just waiting for you to figure out that he's worth every second of your time and he's going to make you sure that you made the right choice in waiting." Sirius grinned at me.

"How do you know that Sirius?" I questioned playfully.

"I just do." He said and wrapped his arms around me. We sat in front of the fire a while longer before I could feel my eyelids getting heavy. We both decided it was time to turn in and I laid in my bed while looking out into the night and up at the moon that shone brightly through my window. I played that moment with Sirius over and over in my head while I thought about how sweet and gentle he was with me. I knew nothing would come of him and I, we were best friends and that's it. Besides, he already knew who he wanted to be with and I knew it couldn't be me.

* * *

><p>Authors Note: Finally some more Sirius action in this chapter! I hope you enjoy, reviews would be much appreciated! :)<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

It was only wednesday and I was already absolutely exhausted. I was swamped with homework in each subject and although I spent the past three nights in the library I was still falling behind. Lily finished her last assignment over an hour ago and I was still working on my next three. It was getting late and I could barely keep my head upright so I packed up my books and left the already empty library. The halls were dimly lit by the flickering lanterns that lined the walls and the castle felt somewhat eerie as I could hear my footsteps echo in the corridor. As I turned the corner I saw a black figure moving towards me. I was suspicious to see someone else roaming the hallways this late at night without any books in hand but I shook it off. I was paranoid. There were hundreds of reasons someone would be wandering around the hallways.

As I got closer to the other person I could see their outline much better. It was a boy, a tall boy with short hair and a muscular frame. I couldn't help but notice his arms were held tightly against his sides and both his fists were clenched. We continued to proceed closer to each other and when he passed a flickering candle my insides tightened. The light reflected off his hard, handsome face and even in the dark I could see the furry in his eyes.

I stopped walking and stood frozen in the middle of the hallway. I briefly thought of turning around and quickly running in the opposite direction but I knew he was faster than me and would catch me without a problem.

"I didn't appreciate the little stunt your friends pulled Ana." Tomas said as he continued to get closer to me.

"I-I..." I struggled but no words would form.

"I thought I told you not to tell anyone about what happened that night. Did you forget?" His voice was calm with anger and he was now only a few feet away from me.

"You really need to learn to keep your mouth shut." He said harshly, he was now within arms reach.

"I did-didn't think anything would hap-pen." I stuttered as I felt him observing me with angry eyes.

"That's not the point you stupid girl." He said and grabbed my wrists roughly. I stiffened at the contact and could see a sadistic smirk form on his mouth at my fear of him.

"I didn't want to have to hurt you Ana, but it's like you're begging for it." He said as he slowly moved me backwards. I cringed as I felt my back touch the wall and his hands roam over my cold arms. I held my books tightly to my stomach to keep his body from pressing to mine but he seemed to have been annoyed by their presence so he slapped them out of my arms and they loudly hit the floor.

"I'm sorry." I managed to choke out but all he did was laugh.

"You think sorry is going to make up for your pathetic friends humiliating me in front of the entire school body? No, I need something more to even consider forgiveness."

"Please." I whispered but he ignored my voice. His face moved towards mine and I turned my head away from him.

"It's too bad you're not more like your brother. A sexy pureblood like you belongs in Slytherin." He growled in my ear. "Then I wouldn't have to do this."

"You don't have to Tomas, please." I cried quietly.

"It's going to feel so much better to take you forcefully. I heard your an innocent little virgin Ana. Do you enjoy playing with guys? Making them hard for you then walking away, leaving them congested? You're a tease, you should have known one day someone wouldn't put up with it." His voice was rough and the words he spoke made me sob harder.

He instantly put his hand up to my mouth and covered it roughly.

"Don't want to draw attention to yourself now do you? I remember how loud you can get." He bit my earlobe gently after he spoke and his other hand moved to my chest. He slid it into my blouse and pulled down to undo the buttons holding it together quickly then grabbed my breast through my bra aggressively. I groaned in pain at his touch which caused him to press the hand over my mouth harder.

He stopped grabbing at my chest long enough to move his hand down to the zipper on his trousers and fumbled to undo them. He was just about to undo mine when he stopped. There was the sound of footsteps coming from a close by hallway.

"Shh." He whispered harshly in my ear and we both stood still and listened to the heavy footfalls. They started getting louder which meant they would soon round the corner and see the act in play so Tomas quickly zipped his pants back up and grabbed my hair.

"You better get out of here now, we'll finish this later." He whispered cruelly in my ear and pushed me away towards the opposite end of the hall from where the footsteps were heard. I picked up my scattered books quickly and took my chance to began down the hallway, not looking back at Tomas.

I was running throughout the corridors and I found myself at the grand staircases when my breath was fully gone. I stood on the platform before stepping onto the stairs trying to catch my breath but I felt weak at the knees and unable to calm myself down. I set my books gently on the ground, not having the strength to hold them anymore as sobs escaped my quivering lips while I held tightly to the railing, attempting to stay standing.

After a few moments of standing and crying I slowly bent down to pick up my books and carefully made my way up to the Gryffindor common room. Along the way I took deep breaths to calm myself and when I reached the seventh floor my breathing was back to normal but tears threatened to escape my eyes. I knew it showed on my face that I had been crying but there was nothing I could do. I would just tell them I was tired from all the studying.

I recited the password and began through the portrait hole and into the common room. It was so late that there were not many people occupying it. I was upset to see that the one person I wanted to talk to wasn't in the room so I went over to where Remus, Peter and James sat near the opposite wall.

"Hey Ana." James said, glancing at me for a moment before turning back to his own homework.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked concerned as he noticed my blotchy skin and red, puffy eyes.

"Just too much studying." I shrugged and looked around the room. "Have you guys seen Sirius?"

"Yeah he's in the dorm." James said, grinning slightly. I nodded and set my books down on the table and started up the stairs to the boys dorm where Sirius apparently was.

I stood outside the door and took a deep breath in, attempting to bury my emotions because I knew Sirius didn't like when I cried. I pushed open the door and began to speak when I realized what I had just walking in on.

Moans came from the girl that laid under Sirius as the bed rocked at a steady pace but stopped abruptly when I had opened the door. I stood in the doorway, shocked at the sight in front of me. I was much more embarrassed than I thought I would ever be from walking in on someone having sex.

"Oh..." I said dumbfounded as Sirius' head whipped around to see who had intruded.

"Ana?" He said, breathing heavily.

"I'm so sorry." I said and shook my head. I backed out of the room and shut the door loudly behind me. After the door was closed I leaned my back against its wooden frame and stared into the empty space in front of me.

I just walked in on my best friend having sex with some random girl. All thoughts of Tomas left my head as the image of Sirius on top of that blonde student flooded my head. It took me a moment before I realized that the other marauders knew what was going on up in their dorm and they didn't stop me from going to see him. I narrowed my eyes and stormed down the stairs and back into the common room where all three of them were sitting, already laughing.

"Did you see Sirius?" James managed through his fit of laughter.

"A bit too much of him thanks very much. You three are assholes why didn't you tell me he was up there shagging some girl?" I said angrily while they continued to laugh.

"You didn't give us a chance to say anything Ana." Remus tried. I took my bundle of parchment and whacked him over the head with it before sitting down at the empty chair.

"That was so awkward." I said to myself but loud enough for them to hear.

"Did you see his tush?" James asked, still having trouble controlling his laughter.

"No, thank Merlin that was covered." I sighed and leaned my head down on the table. I listened as the continued to laugh and could feel myself smile slightly. I loved these boys. They may be jerks sometimes but they always were able to make me feel better.

We sat at talked at the table for a while and I helped James with his potions assignment that he left to the last moment. I was so caught up with the assignment that I didn't notice Sirius come down out of the dorm until he dragged a chair over to the table and sat down.

"Hey." He said to the table. His hair was messy and his face was relaxed but his eyes looked regretful.

"Good to see you mate." Remus said and looked at him with a grin forming on his face.

"You look tired." Peter said, holding in his laughs.

"Sirius was working out, right?" I said, biting my lip to hold back amusement at his stunned look.

"Right..." He said slowly.

"Well it's getting late, I'm going to turn in, night guys." I said and raised out of my chair. I was on the first step of the stairs when I heard Sirius call out from behind me.

"Ana wait." He said and I turned to see him get out of his chair and follow me.

"Yes?" I said, folding my arms across my chest. I winced slightly at the tender skin but hid it before he noticed.

"I'm sorry you saw that. I wish you would've knocked." He said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

"I wish I had too." I smiled lightly at him. "It's fine Sirius, I know you have sex. It's not like its a big secret or anything."

"I don't do stuff like that often." He said and I laughed quietly.

"Goodnight Sirius." I said before continuing up the stairs.

* * *

><p>Authors Note: I'm sorry for the short chapter, the next one is going to be much longer and I will try to have it posted tomorrow. Thanks to those who have reviewed and added it to your lists, it means a lot. :)<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

I woke up feeling excited and overwhelmed as I laid in bed, struggling to contain my eagerness. Today was the day I had been looking forward to for an entire year. It was my seventeenth birthday. I jumped out of bed and quickly made my way into the washroom, not caring how loud I was. All the girls should be getting up soon anyways to come celebrate with me, even if half of them didn't even talk to me. I scrubbed my face and combed my hair before going back into the room and looked through my clothing. I found a comfortable pair of sweats and a sweater that I put on then went to Lily's bed to wake her.

"Lily wake up!" I whispered excitedly, shaking her to consciousness.

"Yes yes, happy Birthday Ana, now leave me alone please." She groaned, making me smile.

"No Lily get up out of bed!" I said a bit louder.

"Ana I'm sleeping." She whined.

"Fine, then I'll sit here and watch you sleep until you get up." I said and crossed my arms across my chest and widened my eyes as I looked at her. She laid there, keeping her eyes closed for a moment before opening one eye slightly and looking at me, continuing to stare at her.

Finally she moaned loudly and sat up in bed, wiping the sleep from her eyes before they looked at me. I didn't see the excitement I was hoping for but they were open, what more could I ask for?

I bounded from the room and into the common room where I didn't exactly find what I was looking for. In fact, there was no one in the room except for a ground of students a few years younger than me. This annoyed me. How dare the marauders sleep in on my birthday. I ran back up to the dorms but turned up the stairs opposite to where I had just come from. I creaked open the door to their room slowly and listened for any sound of movement but heard none so I entered, I didn't want a repeat of what happened last time I barged into the boys dorm. I stood in the middle of the room, looking around at all four boys, astounded. Each of them were snoring at a different pitch yet they continued to sleep.

_Amazing. _

I looked to Sirius who looked the most comfortable and decided I would start with him. I soundlessly crept over to his bedside and leaned down in front of his relaxed face.

"Mmm Sirius." I whispered seductively in his ear which made him adjust his position and smile slightly.

"Merlin Sirius, you feel so good." I continued and brought my hand up to lightly graze it along his exposed chest. I stifled my giggles as he moaned pleasurably and bit his lip.

"Sirius." I cooed his name once more in his ear and listened as he moaned louder. I couldn't hold it in any longer so I stood up and jumped on top of him.

"SIRIUS WAKE UP!" I exclaimed. My loudness woke all the boys up at once but alarmed Sirius the most.

"What the-" He flew his head up from the pillow and went to push me off before realizing who it was then sighed and looked at me annoyed.

"It's my birthday." I said calmly with a smile on my face. Remus, James and Peter all laughed while Sirius panted, still startled from his awakening.

"That was horrible of you Ana, I was having a good dream." Sirius said as his tone returned to its normal pace.

"Oh yeah? What was it about?" I questioned, smirking at him.

"You don't get to know."

"But I'm the birthday girl." I pouted, knowing it wouldn't work. Instead he grabbed me by the sides and tickled me. I screamed and laughed as his hands grabbed my waist while the feeling spread throughout my entire body instantly.

"Stop Sirius!" I barely made out through my fit of giggles. He finally stop squeezing but his hands remained on my waist as I gasped for air.

"Happy seventeenth birthday Ana." He grinned his handsome grin at me. It seemed our eyes were locked for hours and my gaze was finally pulled away by Remus speaking.

"Happy birthday Ana!" He said excitedly.

"Yes, happy birthday to my favorite girl in Hogwarts." James added and I looked at him curiously.

"Favorite girl?"

"Okay... second favorite girl." He corrected.

"Thank you James."

"Happy birthday." Peter added shyly and I smiled at him.

"So where are my presents!" I asked, jumping off Sirius' bed and stood back in the middle of the room, surrounded by four half naked boys who all sat lazily in their beds.

"You weren't good this year so you don't get anything. Sorry Ana." Sirius said, faking sympathy.

"It's my birthday you dunderhead, not Christmas." I replied.

I didn't expect any presents from my friends anyways, since the only thing I asked for was a huge party to be thrown in my honor and I'm sure the marauders were more than happy to oblige.

"You'll get your presents tonight." James smiled and I clapped gleefully.

"Well boys, get up out of bed, I'm feeling french toast this morning." I said before heading out of the boys dorm. I walked down the stairs and back into the common room to see Lily sitting on one of the couches, her head tilted and leaned back on the top of the couch with her eyes closed and her mouth slightly open.

"Good morning beautiful." I greeted as I plopped down next to her.

"Morning Ana. How are you? Feeling older?" She grinned at my pleasant mood. She was much too used to having to avoid me in the mornings, afraid I would attack or something I suppose.

"I don't feel any different." I shrugged.

"You're sure acting different." She laughed.

"Well I'm excited, I have a feeling this is going to be my best birthday yet." I smiled to myself and leaned back against the couch, going over possible scenarios for this evening, most of them included Andrew.

Lily and I got bored with waiting for the boys so we headed to the great hall together for breakfast. We were sitting and were half way through our french toast by the time they finally arrived. They joined us and all had french toast as well while James and Sirius had a whispered conversation I could only assume was about tonight. I smiled, knowing nothing could possibly go wrong today. I was feeling great, reassured with everything and it seemed like Tomas' threat was indeed empty. It had been days since he warned me to watch my back and still nothing happened.

I felt a light tap on my shoulder and heard a boy clear his throat. Sirius and James pulled out of the conversation and turned to look at the person standing behind me. I tilted my head back to see who it was and notice Shay standing over me. I turned around to look at him fully.

"I just wanted to say happy birthday Ana." He said, scratching the back of his neck. I smiled at his uncomfortable posture and stood to embrace him in a hug. He hugged back just as tightly as I held my arms around him. The hug lasted for a moment before I pulled away and looked back up at him. "Here, I got this for you." He said, pulling out a package from his pocket and handing it to me. I looked at it then turned back to him, before he urged me to open it. I ripped the paper and observed the green box that was uncovered. I opened the top of it and was blown away by what was inside.

It was an small oval shaped diamond that sparkled when the light hit it on a delicate silver chain. I stared at it, words lost at its magnificence. Shay had never gotten me something so beautiful and I couldn't believe my eyes.

"Do you like it?" He asked after a few moments of silence. I quickly lifted my gaze back to my brother and nodded.

"It's beautiful Shay. Thank you so much." I said, not knowing what else to possibly say.

"Here, I'll put it on, see how it looks." He offered and took the box from my hands. I turned around and lifted my hair to give him better access and before long the stone fell against my collarbone.

"Perfect." He said, smiling.

"I'm never taking it off." I promised as I pulled it away from my skin to admire it more.

"I love you Ana, I hope you have a great day." He said sincerely.

"Thank you, I love you too." I smiled and watched as he walked away back to the Slytherin table.

"You have such a wonderful brother. That was so cute." Lily gushed as she fingered the jewel that hung around my neck.

"That was overly nice of him." Sirius said and watched Shay curiously. Neither one of them liked each other for obvious reasons so I could tell that Sirius didn't trust Shay's intentions but there was nothing hidden in his gesture. He had always been kind to me, I was his little sister after all. He babied me our entire lives, just no one was around to see how sweet our relationship was.

The day went on like every other, no one really treated me any better than usual, especially the marauders who made fun of me constantly for accidentally tripping and falling on Professor Slughorn and knocking him completely over. Even when I asked someone to join me for a walk in the grounds they all declined, saying it was too cold. Instead they said they would be too busy setting things up for my party at that I was to me them in the Room of Requirements, which was where James and Andrew had taken Lily and I on our double date, around eight.

_This better be a good party. _

Lily and I were in the dormitory changing into our party outfits after dinner. The other girls were changing and getting ready as well but ignored Lily and I completely. I didn't even think they knew what the party was for. Lily decided on a short pink dress that flowed down nicely around her curves and pushed on her chest to shape it perfectly. I chose to wear a blue dress with one shoulder covered which showed off most of my toned back. We both wore short heels and had our hair down casually and I made sure to keep the necklace Shay had given me uncovered. It looked perfect with the outfit I was wearing and matched me greatly. I never usually wore shiny looking jewelry but this necklace was small and simple. I could see myself wearing it every day, like I promised I would. I wore more makeup than usual, feeling like tonight was supposed to be a dressy occasion. I wore copper and brown eyeshadow along with thick mascara making my eyelashes look practically fake. It was once characteristic that my entire family shared. We all had deep brown and gold eyes that were surrounded by luxuriant, dark eyelashes. My high cheekbones were highlighted with a soft brush of bronzer and my lips were plump and stained red.

We made our way down to the common room and went through the halls of the castle to our destination. The party was to take place in the Room of Requirement so Lily and I continued to the large stone wall and stood, thinking about the party. We were pleased to see the door appear before us so we entered the room and noticed it already held many people.

There were students from all four houses, some I recognized but most I didn't. We wandered through the room in search of one of the boys until we were bombarded with all four.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to Ana, happy birthday to you!" James sang in his un-pitched high sing song voice. I laughed and hugged him as he wrapped his arms around me in a comfortable bear hug.

"Hey now, stop hogging the birthday girl." Sirius chimed in and James let me go.

"Do you want a hug too Sirius?" I asked, batting my eyelashes at him.

"As a matter of fact I do." He said firmly and puffed out his chest. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly.

"We have a present for you." Peter said after I pulled out of Sirius' grip.

"Really?" I asked, looking at all of them for any sign of a wrapped box.

"Here, we thought it would be the perfect gift to go along with your party." Remus said and brought his hand out from behind his back and handed me a bottle with a red bow tied around the neck. I smiled and looked at them quizzically as I took the bottle. I read the label and my smile widened as I saw it was my favorite brand of fire whiskey.

"You have to finish the whole thing tonight Ana or there will be consequences." Sirius said and smiled at me.

"Okay you have my word. But first, can we all take a shot for the birthday girl?" I said excitedly and they all cheered in approval, even Lily to my amazement agreed.

We took our shots and I could instantly feel my insides warming from the alcohol. I parted ways from them and wandered throughout the room, conversing with people while seemingly getting drunker. It wasn't long until the room was crowded and the music was playing loud. There were people dancing on the dance floor on one side of the room and on the other were groups of people drinking and talking.

I was slightly disappointed that I hadn't run into Andrew yet. I went all day without seeing him which seemed odd because we had spent the evening together last night and he told me he was looking forward to spending my birthday with me. I looked around the room and still there was no sign of him so I continued along, in search of one of my closer friends.

I was half way done the bottle the marauders had given me and I knew I could no longer stand up straight. I swayed through the crowd in search of Lily but I was unsuccessful so when I found Remus talking with a boy I didn't know I decided to intrude.

I was talking with Remus and we were laughing as we watched Peter attempt to flirt with a very drunk Hufflpuff girl who seemed to be rather interested in him to our surprise. I noticed Lily approach us and I threw my arm around her shoulders.

"Cheers to my very best friend!" I exclaimed before taking a swig from my bottle. I could feel myself sway as Lily looked at me, amused at my intoxicated state.

"Ana you're going to regret drinking so much." Lily warned.

"I'm prepared this time actually, I had that potions nerd, whats his name brew me a hangover cure. You can share it with me if you want because I want you to be a drunk crazy woman with me." I pouted at her but the look on her face told me it didn't work.

"Well you're not going to get that for your birthday, I'm sorry. And I'm also sorry to hear about you and Andrew. I wish it would've worked out you two seemed so cute together. What happened anyways?" Lily said.

"What do you mean?" I asked, truly confused.

"Well I mean, I just saw him all over some girl in the corner. I thought... oh never mind I probably saw wrong." She said realizing there was no reason for him to have been with another girl.

"Oh Ana..." She said sadly, realization hitting her.

I walked away from Remus and Lily but knew she was following me to the corner of the room. Once there, I stood and saw for myself what Lily had begun to explain to me. Andrew had some girl I didn't recognize pinned against the stone wall and was kissing her neck, the same way he kissed me the day before. His hand held onto her raised thigh tightly as she moaned at the sensation of his mouth traveling across her sensitive skin. I felt my heart drop at the sight before my eyes. I was just beginning to actually like Andrew as more than just a fling and now I realized he never felt the way same for me.

I cleared my throat loudly which caught the girls attention while Andrew remained oblivious to my presence. It wasn't until the girl stopped him and when he looked at her questionably she nodded in Lily and my direction that he finally noticed we were there.

"Ana..." He began, looking slightly regretful.

"Care to explain what you're doing with another girl at my birthday party?" I said, slurring my words slightly.

"I didn't think we were exclusive." He tried, sounding annoyed. He had no reason to be annoyed. He wasn't the one having to see someone he was beginning to care about all over some one else at his own party.

"Oh really? Well I didn't get that from all the time we spend together and all the times you told me how much you cared for me and all. My apologies." I said rudely and took a shaky step toward him, the contents sloshing against the side of my bottle.

"You're drunk Ana. I understand it's your birthday and you want to let loose and all but you really should leave before you make a fool of yourself." He said gently, only angering me further.

"You're pathetic Andrew." I said and turned away, not wanting to engage in an argument on my birthday.

"Just forget about him Ana, he's a jerk. He has no idea what he's giving up." Lily said gently as I hung onto her arm for support while we continued away.

"Thanks lily. You're completely right." I said confidently although I felt crushed on the inside. I really thought Andrew and I were starting to build some sort of connection. By the way he was acting and treating me it really seemed he was interested in me the way I was interested in him, but of course I was wrong. I was always wrong. I was obviously a horrible judge of character. I knew something like this would happen when I let a boy get close to me. I was so good at keeping my heart and feelings safe but for some reason I lowered my guard to Andrew.

"I'm thirsty, I think I'm going to go grab something to drink." Lily said once we were far away from where Andrew had been.

"Here, just have some of this. I don't mind sharing." I said, holding the bottle of fire whiskey up to her.

"No thanks, I'm going for something a little less strong." She cringed at the brownish liquid I offered her. I shrugged and lifted the bottle to my lips and took a long sip.

"Slow down on that stuff Ana, I'll be right back." She laughed as she left to find a non-alcoholic beverage.

I ignored her suggestion and raised the bottle to my mouth once more and moaned happily as I felt the drink burn as it travelled down my throat. I was just about to take another drink when a pair of strong arms wrapped around my waist from behind.

"How's the birthday girl?" Sirius' intoxicated voice asked. He didn't slur his words, but his tone was much huskier than usual.

"Well." I answered simply, turning my head to face him while leaning my back against his front.

"Just well? Are you not enjoying the wonderful party we threw for you?" Sirius asked, looking much more concerned than normal which made me laugh.

"Not the party, it's great! Just some people here bringing me down a bit." I admitted to him.

"What? Who? I'll kick them out for you." He offered but I shook my head.

"Don't worry about it. I just want to forget about all of it." I said and turned to face him. He removed his hands from my waist and took the half empty bottle from my hand.

"When I told you to finish the whole thing I was joking." He said as he observed my progress. Just as James walked by with two drinks in hand Sirius grabbed his shoulder.

"Put this somewhere safe will you? Don't want Ana dying from alcohol poisoning."

James laughed as he took the bottle and continued on his way, probably to find Lily.

"I wasn't done with that." I wined but he ignored me.

"I think you've had enough darling." He said as he brushed a strand of hair out of my face. The simple touch was enough to send an electric surge throughout my body and I stared deeply into Sirius' eyes. I sighed and leaned against his chest and smiled slightly as I felt him wrap his strong arms around me.

"What is it that's bothering you, love?" He asked quietly.

"Andrew's off with some other girl." I told him and slid my arms around his waist.

"I told you he didn't deserve you Ana." Sirius said, sounding sympathetic.

"I'm starting to think I'm never going to find a decent enough guy. Both guys I've gone out with this year have turned into complete jerks. I don't want to be a lonesome virgin till the day I die Sirius. That would be so pathetic." I said as I rested my cheek against his warm chest.

"I highly doubt that'll happen." He laughed lightly. "You're beautiful, intelligent, confident and sweet. Any guy would be lucky to have you. Andrew is an idiot for for doing that to you, but I'm glad he did. I don't want to see you with someone like that, you can do much better and I'm glad he's made room for someone worth your time to come along."

"You really think that Sirius?" I asked.

"Yes I do. You're the perfect girl and you deserve the perfect guy." He whispered as he held me tighter. I turned my head and tilted my face up to look at him. I admired his features, his caring gray eyes and his elegant bone structure, but my eyes kept falling to his full, pink lips. They looked so perfect as they tilted up in a grin and parted as he spoke.

"What are you thinking?" He asked slowly.

"What it would be like if you kissed me." I said without thinking.

"Do you want to find out?" He whispered and I grinned while nodding slightly.

I watched his face move closer to mine and closed my eyes as I felt his lips touch my own in a tender kiss. I felt tingles in my fingertips as his mouth pressed against mine and I brought my arms up to his neck and wrapped them around, pulling him closer. His tongue waited for entrance which I gladly allowed and moaned quietly as our they collided. I could feel his hands running up and down my back gently as the kiss continued to deepen.

I now understood how Sirius was able to get so many girls. He was an amazing kisser. I never thought kissing him would feel this blissful.

The kiss continued and I could feel myself wanting more so I pushed Sirius against a nearby wall and pressed my body against his. I could fee his hands slide down to caress my arse while I moved my lips to kiss the sensitive skin along the side of his neck. A low groan escaped his mouth as I lightly sucked on his neck before kissing it gently.

"Let's go somewhere." He whispered huskily and I followed as he took my hand and led me through the crowd.

We made our way swiftly through the deserted castle and up to the Gryffindor common room, stopping every so often to engage in another passionate kiss. We were through the portrait hole and at the top of the stairs leading to the dormitories when he finally pulled away from my lips long enough to look in my eyes. His were dark and lustful as he looked through me. I could see something else lingering but I didn't have time to figure out what it was when he opened the door to his dorm and pulled me in.

I wrapped my arms around his neck while he kissed me roughly and held his body close to mine, the heat from his body turned me on even more. He stepped us back until picking me up and dropping me carefully onto his bed. He then climbed on top of me and straddled my waist as he ran his warm lips along my collarbone. I moaned at the pleasurable feeling I had as he touched me gently and the pressure of his body on top of mine. I could feel the excitement in his pants growing and pressing against my thigh as his hands roamed over my body. I arched my back to give him better access and threaded my fingers through his soft, luxurious black hair.

His lips found the spot under my jawline that drove me wild, and I reached my hands down to fumble with his belt buckle. After a moment I unbuckled his pants and pulled them down slightly to release his strained erection. I moved my hands up to lift the hem of his shirt, and I pulled it up and over his head to reveal his toned stomach and chest. I admired his body as he looked down at me curiously and when I noticed him gazing at me I looked up and smiled at him. He returned my smile and leaned down to kiss me on the lips gently.

"You're beautiful." He breathed against my craving lips and I held onto his firm shoulders.

"I want you Sirius." I whispered longingly and he looked into my eyes once more.

"Ana, I don't think now is the best time. I want it to be special." He said as he watched my face.

_Was Sirius Black turning down sex?_

"Please." I looked up at him innocently before pecking his lips. He returned the gesture but with a much more desirable kiss. He moved his rough hands down to my thighs and slid my dress up slightly while continuing to kiss me.

In one swift motion my dress was off and I was laying beneath Sirius in only my underwear. He reached behind me and undid my bra and slowly slid the straps down my shoulders, giving me goosebumps. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back as he breathed warmth on my breasts while his mouth hovered over them. He planted gentle kisses along the tops of them both while he ran his hands along my stomach.

"I've always wanted to be the one you gave yourself to." He whispered, lifting his mouth from my chest and back to my neck. He nibbled on my earlobe causing me to whimper slightly. I could feel myself warm and ready for him and his teasing was driving me crazy.

"Sirius." I breathed as I bucked my hips up to him. I could feel him smile against my skin and his hands immediately travelled down to the top of my panties. He dragged them down my thighs slowly and lifted himself long enough to get them passed and off me completely. He dragged his fingers along my inner thigh slowly, drawing random patterns before he moved closer between my legs. He rubbed the bundle of nerves at my center gently and the sensation caused me to moan loudly while he continued.

I closed my eyes and sighed as he inserted a finger inside me. He slowly thrusted his hand and brought his face back to mine and kissed my lips softly before our tongues met once more. It was pure ecstasy as Sirius carried on pleasuring me and I was unable to hold myself back from raising my hips to allow him better access. My submissive moans were driving Sirius insane with insatiable desire so he removed his finger from inside of me and sat up, bringing both hands to his own pants. He then removed the rest of his clothing before looking down and admiring my naked form.

"Are you sure? It's not to late to change your mind." He said sweetly as he stroked my cheek with his fingers.

"I'm sure Sirius." I assured him and he sighed and leaned down once more.

"It's going to hurt." He said. "But I'll be gentle, I promise."

"I know you will." I whispered as I grabbed onto his shoulders once more, bracing myself for what was about to come next. Sirius reached his hand down and I could feel him pressing the tip of his hardened cock to my wet opening. Slowly, he slid himself into me and the pain I felt was almost unbearable.

I closed my eyes and held onto him stiffly as I waited for him to continue going in.

"It'll hurt less if you relax." He cooed. I did as he suggested and relaxed my tensed body. He was right, the pain was not nearly as bad this way but it still stung as he pressed in further. Once I felt he was all the way in, he brought his hand up and placed both his forearms on each side of my head, leaning his weight onto them as he began to pull out slowly.

He thrusted back in and I winced at the sudden pain it caused.

"Tell me to stop." He mumbled in my ear and I shook my head.

I wanted this.

He continued to thrust in and out at a slow and steady pace while kissing my shoulder. I dug my fingernails into his back while he moved and kept my eyes shut firmly. After a few moments the pain began to subside and the pleasure surfaced. I moaned each time he filled me completely and I listened as both of our breathing quickened.

"Oh Ana." He moaned in my ear. "Are you close?"

I shook my head no. I knew it wasn't going to happen this time. Although the pain was now minimal it was still there and I wouldn't have an orgasm while it remained. I felt his body tense and he buried his head in the crook of my neck as he groaned loudly. Suddenly, I felt a warmth fill the inside of me as he reached climax. His body shook slightly before he collapsed on top of me.

I wrapped my arms around his sweating body and hugged him against me. He soon lifted himself up off me and hovered once more, gazing into my eyes.

"I'm sorry I didn't give you one." He said, looking rather disappointed. " I couldn't hold it anymore, you just felt so amazing."

"It's alright Sirius, maybe next time." I smiled reassuringly at him and he grinned. I grimaced as he pulled myself out and fell on the bed beside me. I turned to look at him, not knowing if I should stay or leave.

I got my answer as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest. I rested my cheek against him and listened as his heart slowed to a normal pace. I felt him touch my chin, raising my face up towards his. He planted a smooth and caring kiss on my lips and when he pulled away he examined my features.

"Is this what you expected your first time would be like?" He asked quietly.

I thought back to what we had just done. I knew it was going to hurt no matter who it was with. I was relieved Sirius was patient and gentle with me, I probably wouldn't have gotten through it if he had acted the same way he did when I walked in on him in the dorm the other day. The boy I saw there was a completely different person than what I experienced tonight. I was glad Sirius was able to be my first, although I slightly regretted it. I always planned on saving myself for the person I wanted to be with and Sirius was my best friend. Nothing would happen between us, I knew that but I couldn't help but wish something could blossom after what I experienced with him tonight.

"It was better." I sighed and draped an arm around his waist. I closed my eyes and snuggled closer to him, the warm blankets surrounding my cold, exposed form. Sirius held onto me and I listened as his breathing deepened and slowed.

I knew the only reason tonight happened was because we were both intoxicated and I was feeling upset about Andrew. Tomorrow would be the most awkward day of my life but instead of dwelling on the future I decided to relax. Sirius was sweet and it felt sensational to be laying in his arms after losing my virginity. Regret or not, he was probably the only person I knew now that I would feel comfortable sharing this part of me with and I only hoped that he would understand how much it meant and not treat me like another conquest.

"Goodnight Sirius." I whispered before letting myself drift off into a well rested slumber.

* * *

><p>Authors Note: A long chapter like I promised! I hope all of you who are following enjoyed the chapter and thank you again to all those who have added it to your lists and have reviewed! Happy Valentines Day everyone!<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

I laid comfortably on the warm, plush bed I woke up in. I saw Sirius who was still sleeping soundly with his arms wrapped possessively around me and sighed quietly. I wanted to leave, but I didn't know how to get up without waking him so I waited a while longer until finally he stirred slightly. I watched as his eyes fluttered and his grip tightened. He squinted his eyes open and looked at me before closing them again and smiling. I bit my lip and tapped him lightly on his chest which caused him to open his eyes wider, still sleep filled.

"Morning lovely." He whispered to me and kissed my nose lightly.

"Good morning Sirius." I replied.

"Why don't we just stay here all day?" He grinned as he looked into my eyes. I could have gladly stayed in this position all day since my body ached horribly. My stomach and head hurt from the alcohol and I had lost my potion sometime last night while the inside of my legs ached at even the slightest movement. I tried to turn onto my back but the pain was so bad that I groaned and tensed my body.

"Are you sore?" He cooed as he lifted his head onto his hand and played with my hair.

"Very. Have you seen a vial with a bluish liquid in it by any chance?"

"No I haven't, why?" He asked, still rubbing my hair.

"It was supposed to cure my hangover." I groaned as I shut my eyes tightly.

"I'm sure it's somewhere on the ground." He smirked as he looked at the closed curtains that surrounded his bed. I was extremely relieved that he had closed them, not wanting the other marauders to see me laying naked in Sirius' bed.

"So, maybe I should get going. Lily's going to wonder where I am." I said awkwardly, looking down at his exposed chest to avoid his gaze.

"You don't need to leave Ana." He said, running his fingertips along my bare shoulder. "I would love it if you stayed for a while."

"I don't think that's such a good idea." I began, looking up at him now. His face changed in curiosity at my words.

"We shouldn't have done what we did last night Sirius." I answered and he sighed, his gaze softening.

"It was nice, don't regret it." He said.

"I just didn't expect it to happen like that... I feel sort of... stupid." I mumbled embarrassedly.

"What do you mean, love?"

"I just, I don't know. Maybe I led you on or something? I mean, I'm not really interested in you that way you know? We're friends." I stumbled over my words as I kept my eyes away from his.

"Ana," He sighed before I continued.

"I know you do this with a lot of girls. Charlene is not going to be happy about this. Where was she last night anyways?" I asked, changing the subject to a more distant topic.

"Stop." He said, sounding tired.

"No really, she's your girlfriend isn't she? We've been friends for so long and I didn't want to ruin things by sleeping together."

"I didn't mean for it to happen this way, believe me." He reassured.

"Am I going to be added to your list of conquests Sirius?" I asked, looking up into his eyes, searching for the truth.

"Of course not Ana."

"Then what is this? I mean we've never even kissed each other before last night. We don't think of each other romantically at all. I know you do this with every girl, you sleep with them then just disregard them. I don't want our friendship to be ruined over this so maybe you could just forget this happened?" I questioned hopefully.

"I don't want to forget this happened." He said and now it was my turn to be confused.

I looked at him intently, waiting for an answer and he sighed before continuing.

"You know that day after Hogsmeade? When we were sitting by the lake and I told you I was waiting for a chance with the one girl I actually wanted to be with?" He paused, looking at me nervously.

_Oh no._

"Well, I guess you found out sooner than we both expected." He finished, biting his lip and averting his eyes.

All I could do was stare blankly. No words were forming at his confession.

"What?" I was finally able to breath.

"Yeah I mean, I've kinda liked you for a while Ana but like you said we were just friends and I didn't want to ruin anything by acting on it." He elaborated.

"Sirius." I sighed, knowing full well our friendship was never going to be the same.

"Do you... do you feel the same?" He asked in a pleading tone.

"I don't know." I confessed.

Sirius looked downright defeated. I tried to raise my hand and run it along his disappointed face but he grabbed my wrist, preventing my touch.

"I guess I should go." I said and looked at him, waiting for response. When I got none I braced myself for movement and sat up in bed, covering myself with the blanket. I looked on the ground around his bed and saw all of my articles of clothing littering the floor.

"Could you-" I began before he sat up as well.

"Yeah." He said simply as he bent over and picked up my clothes.

I fastened my bra and slipped my dress over my head, not worrying about my panties and flattened my hair slightly.

"Here's your potion." Sirius said, sounding much more harsh than he had moments ago. I took the vial and thanked him before swinging my legs over and sliding the curtains aside as quietly as I could. When I stood for the first time I felt the pain between my legs shoot up into my stomach and it took all my self control not to cry out in pain. I bit the inside of my cheek so hard that tears trickled down my face as I took a step towards the door.

"Hey Ana." Sirius voice sounded. I turned my head around to look at him as he laid on his back, resting his head on both his hands.

"Mhmm?" I muttered, holding in whimpers.

"Don't tell Charlene about this." He said and closed his eyes.

I couldn't believe the words that just left his mouth. Did he actually want to keep seeing her after all he's told me? After all he's done? I breathed shakily as I slowly crept through the room, each step hurting more than the last. I was almost at the door when I stepped down wrong and my ankle bent awkwardly. I stuck my hands out to brace my fall and they pushed down hard on James' arm.

"Bloody hell- oh, Ana? What are you doing here?" He said looking up at me, concern etched on his face as he noticed my pained expression and the tears that soaked my blushing cheeks.

"Sorry for waking you, I was just leaving." I mumbled as I continued for the door. I heard him ask if I was alright before I was out but decided to ignore it and continue through. I walked across the platform and into the girls dorm where only Lily and Susan, a girl who shared the dorm with Lily and I were sleeping. It was no surprise that none of the other girls were here, they never made it back to the dorm when there was a party that involved drinking and boys.

_Merlin, I'm one of them._

I passed through the room and stumbled into the bathroom and shut the door quietly behind me. I turned on the tap to the decent sized bath tub and sat on the edge while I unstoppered the vial and downed the substance in one gulp. As I sat and waited for the tub to fill I could feel the potion slowly take effect as my headache subsided and the nauseated feeling disappeared completely. The only real pain remaining was that of my lower stomach and groin which I hoped a warm bath would ease.

I lifted my dress over my head and threw it, along with my bra and panties to the floor and slid into the warm water. Its heat soothed my tensed body as I soaked in the bubbled water and closed my eyes to relax further. I sighed as images of last night flooded my mind and I couldn't help but shake my head. I had acted so stupid last night, it was like I was a whole different person. I would never had just slept with someone like that, no matter who it was. What the bloody hell was wrong with me. I probably had ruined my relationship with Sirius because of it, and what was he thinking telling me he felt something more for me.

He was probably just saying that because he felt bad about taking my virginity when he knew how much it meant to me, although it was partly my fault. I had coaxed him into shagging me last night, he would have never suggested it if I hadn't, I knew that much for sure. I needed to think of a way to talk to him, understand what he meant by saying he had feelings for me. I knew it wasn't true so perhaps by talking we can work some way out to forget this whole thing happened and go back to normal. After all, he obviously still wanted Charlene in his life or he wouldn't have asked I keep it a secret.

I cringed at the thought of her. Didn't she realize he was the farthest thing from faithful to her? Was she really that naive to think that she was something special to him? I knew differently since I was the second girl to my knowledge he had slept with in the past month and he had on and off dated her since the end of the last school year. Not to mention all the rumors other girls spread about him being with them. Maybe she just turned a blind eye to the things he did. She was crazy in fact, it was common knowledge. I wouldn't put it past her to say she was alright with his infidelity as long as she could say she was Sirius Black's girlfriend.

Maybe I did feel something for Sirius. This probably wouldn't be effecting me so much if I didn't, and I remember last night before falling to sleep how comfortable I was and how nice it felt to be in his arms. We just took things too far too soon, I wouldn't mind actually dating him and taking things slow.

_That could never happen._

I reminded myself that Sirius was far from someone who would ever take things slow. Every girl he has ever dated he shagged within a weeks time and I was definitely not that type of girl, or I never used to be.

Realization suddenly hit me.

I hadn't been on a single date with Sirius, yet we still slept together. I was now one of those girls that jumped into bed with him drunkenly and let him do whatever he wanted. I almost started crying as I thought about it more. I was always a bit more promiscuous with guys, most people knew that, but I had never gone all the way with any of them. My virginity was important to me, and last night I just threw it away like it meant nothing and I was sure that Sirius could care less.

I soaked in the tub an hour longer, thinking further of the consequences last nights actions caused and when I stood out of the water I was somewhat pleased to notice the pain between my legs had subsided fully. I wrapped a large towel around myself and slowly made my way to my closet, trying not to wake Lily who would most definitely bombard me with questions. I pulled on some loose clothes and tiptoed to my bed when I heard Lily stir. I froze where I stood and hoped that she wouldn't wake up but I realized quickly that this day was not going my way whatsoever.

Lily turned to look at me, her eyes partly shut, shielding them from the bright rays that flooded the room.

"Where were you?" She asked, sleepily.

"I-I slept in the boys' dorm last night." I answered, knowing James would mention it anyways.

"Why?" She asked, slowly and suspiciously.

"Sirius and I were just talking and I guess I fell asleep." I lied.

"I see. Well I guess I should get up. Do you want to go get some breakfast then head to the library? We have that Charms assignment that's due tomorrow." She said, sounding fully awake now.

"Yeah sure, I'll wait while you get dressed." I said and sat down on the edge of my bed.

We ate breakfast in relative silence on that gloomy Sunday morning. The great hall had been much quieter than usual since most of the students were not awake yet, even though it had been past ten in the morning. I was grateful that the marauders hadn't joined us for breakfast and when we were done we brought our books to the library and sat down, immediately getting to work. Once we finished, we headed back to the great hall for a light lunch then roamed the castle and its grounds while talking about the party.

Lily told me all about how her and James spent the whole night together, dancing and talking. She blushed when she told me they had a steamy make out session before going to bed and I was excited for her when she confirmed they were now officially in a relationship. We walked to the quidditch pitch, since James had invited her to watch the Gryffindor's first practice. I reluctantly joined her because she didn't want to go alone so I attempted to keep my thoughts away from Sirius.

We sat and waited in the stands for the team to emerge from the dressing rooms and when the finally did we looked down at the ground at the new team, dressed in crimson and gold robes that swayed in the fall breeze. I noticed Sirius straight away and couldn't help but smile at his appearance. His hair was a mess like he had just rolled out of bed and he slumped lazily against the top of his broomstick while yawning largely. I watched as they took flight as a team and hovered in the middle of the pitch while James gave off instructions. I kept my eyes on Sirius as he was looking around absentmindedly and when his eyes found mine I waved at him slightly. He ignored my gesture and turned back to listening to James with a frown on his tired face.

"What was that about?" Lily asked, obviously noticing Sirius brushing me off.

"Dunno." I shrugged and changed the subject. "James must really enjoy being selected for captain this year."

"Yeah he's really excited about it. Says they have a strong team this year." She said smiling as she watched James.

I listened as she commented throughout the practice while I said mute, still upset over Sirius' actions. I didn't understand why he was ignoring me like this, I felt it was worse for me.

When the practice was over my heart tightened in my chest as Lily left to walk with James and I was stuck walking awkwardly behind them and in front of Sirius. I inhaled deeply, and mustered up the courage to talk to him.

"You were really good." I said, slowing my pace slightly to walk with him.

"Thanks." Was all he said. He held his head high and dragged his broom behind him while looking straight forward the entire time.

"Can you talk to me, about what happened?" I asked quietly.

"What's there to talk about?"

"Last night, this morning." I suggested and he smirked.

"There's nothing to say Ana, I told you how I felt and you told me how you felt. Let's just drop it." He said harshly.

"I don't know why you're being so brassy with me." I said, slightly annoyed.

"I just think differently about you now, that's all." He said nonchalantly.

"Differently how?" I asked slowly.

"That maybe you weren't as innocent as you said you were." He shrugged.

"What?" I practically hissed.

"I'm just saying, you end up drunk and shagging me then acting like it meant nothing while you always said how important it was that you give it to the right person. If I wasn't the right person then why'd you waste it on me." He answered.

"I don't know Sirius." I said, defeated and looking down at my feet as I walked.

"It's fine Ana, I get it. At least I can say I was the first one to finally go all the way with the pietist Ana Travers." He smirked egotistically.

"Sirius, please don't." I pleaded.

"Why not? It obviously didn't mean that much to you if you were willing to give it away after a drunk party." He shrugged and I could feel tears threatening to fall.

We were almost back at the castle so I hurried through the doors and took a seat between Lily and Peter and across from Remus once we reached the great hall. I piled various food items onto my plate but after looking at them for a moment time I realized I wasn't in the mood for food.

"What's the matter Ana?" Remus asked, noticing I hadn't eaten anything.

"I'm just not feeling well." I said, looking down at my full plate.

"Are you still sick from this morning?" James asked before sticking a carrot into his mouth.

"What do you mean?" I asked quickly and everyone turned their attention to me.

"I just mean it didn't look like you were feeling very well this morning when you were leaving the dorm." James answered. "What were you in there for anyway?"

"Oh, yeah. Sirius and I were just talking late last night and I feel asleep, sorry about that." I said, blushing at my lie and hoping Sirius would go along with it.

"You don't have to apologize Ana, you're welcome in our dorm any time." Peter said and I looked to Sirius who had snorted loudly.

"Why aren't you telling them the truth Ana? They are your friends, don't they deserve to know?" Sirius said, tilting his head to the side.

"What are you talking about?" Lily asked, looking between Sirius and I.

"I don't-" I began but Sirius cut me off.

"Sure you do, if you don't want to tell them I guess I could if you wanted." He shrugged and took a bite of his pork chop.

I stared at him in shock, praying he wouldn't say anything.

"Ana and I left the party early and went up to the dorm for a nice shag." Sirius laughed slightly as he continued to eat. "Didn't you wonder why the curtains were closed?"

_Why is he doing this?_

"What?" Lily whispered.

"That's not funny man." James replied.

"I'm not trying to be funny, it's true. Isn't it Ana?" He said, raising his eyebrows at me.

I looked down at my lap and nodded in humiliation.

"He's not serious is he Ana?" Lily asked as she touched my arm.

"I am Sirius. Jeez Potter, I thought you were into her because she's smart." Sirius said arrogantly.

"Shut up man." James shot and looked at me in concern.

"I guess I had it coming, her wanting to deny it that is. She's kind of a whore." Sirius added.

"Stop being a jerk Sirius." Remus warned.

I couldn't take it anymore, I needed to get out of here and away from him. I stood abruptly and stormed out of the great hall, not looking back as I heard Sirius' laughter ringing in my ears as I walked. I walked up the stairs to the seventh floor and was about to round the corner to where the Gryffindor common room was when I was pulled back and pushed front first into the hard wall.

"Don't make a sound, love."


	11. Chapter 11

Authors Note: WARNING: This chapter is quite violent so continue with caution!

* * *

><p>"Don't make a sound, love." I heard the frightening voice of Tomas whisper in my ear. Tears instantly leaked from my eyes and I gasped as he pulled my hair and dragged me over to a small door. He pushed me inside then stepped in and locked it behind him.<p>

"Muffliato" He said, waving his wand over the room before turning back to me.

"What's wrong beautiful? Scared?" He smirked at me as I sat against the wall, sobbing uncontrollably. He knelt down next to me and thumbed the tears off my cheeks while he looked at my appearance.

"Saw you leave the great hall in a huff, I just thought you needed some company." He said in a fake sweetness while he looked into my fear filled eyes. All I could see in his was lust and danger so I struggled to get passed him.

"Where do you think you're off to?" He grabbed my shoulders roughly and pushed me back against the wall.

"Please let me go." I begged but all he did was laugh in response.

"You must wonder why I look at you this way dear Ana. I've wanted this for so long." He moved his mouth close to mine and kissed me harshly. I tried to turn my head away but he raised both hands and held my face in place while he pressed his lips to mine. His tongue ran along my bottom lip before he bit down gently. I whimpered at the force which only seemed to encourage him, as he moved one hand down to cup my covered breast.

He let go of my face entirely and trailed kisses along my neck while he fumbled to undo the buttons of my shirt. Getting annoyed, he pulled down roughly and ripped the front of my shirt while buttons bounced off the ground. He pushed my top off, exposing my stomach and chest.

" I'm not wasting any time today, you got off easy last time. Don't want that happening again." He said huskily as he nipped against my collarbone.

"Tomas stop." I cried but he didn't listen. Instead he brought his hands down to his belt and began undoing it. Once it was off he tossed it aside and moved to his pants which were off in a matter of seconds.

"Relax baby." He breathed against my ear, his breath warm.

"I'll do whatever you want, just don't do this." I pleaded.

"Ana darling, this is the only thing I want from you." He smiled at her before his eyes found the necklace that hung around her neck.

"Shay gave this to you." He stated, rather than questioned.

"H-how do you know that?" I closed my eyes and thought about the beautiful piece of jewelry than was around my neck.

"Asked me if I thought it would look good on you." He smirked arrogantly and pushed my hair behind my shoulder and placed his lips where my neck and shoulder curved. "You smell heavenly."

I tried with all my might to push him away from me but it seemed no matter how hard I pushed he wasn't affected at all. He had taken off my pants and was beginning to pull down my panties when he pulled me up off the floor to a standing position. He pushed them down to my ankles and pulled his boxers down immediately after and I cringed as his hard cock brushed against my leg.

"How do you want your first time to go Ana?" He licked his lips as he inspected each inch of my exposed body.

I cried harder as he ran his hands between my legs and stroked lightly. I slapped him hard across the face and attempted to get away before he caught me and slammed me back against the cold wall.

"You filthy whore." He seethed with a venomous glare. He lifted his wand from the ground and pointed it at my wrists. A rope flew out of the tip and tied itself tightly around my wrists, holding them together. He dropped his wand once more and turned me around before slapping my arse powerfully. I screamed out at the sudden pain and began to hyperventilate as he pushed me back down on the ground.

He soon joined me and flipped me onto my stomach then climbed on top of me. I could feel his hardness on my backside as he leaned down, pressing his stomach to my back.

"Scream all you want darling, no ones going to hear you." He hissed in my ear before I felt him thrust into me forcefully.

I screamed at the top of my lungs and struggled beneath him, kicking and flailing my arms together, trying to break free but he was too strong. He laid on top of me, pinning me to the ground and I could hear his grunts in my ear.

"Tomas stop, you're hurting me." I cried, tears blurring my vision.

"I'm a little disappointed love. I was looking forward to taking you for the first time." He muttered against my shoulder. "Those rumors of you being a virgin were obviously a lie."

I cried out for help but it was useless, no one could hear me. His thrusts were harder with each movement and I could feel myself falling numb under him. My legs ached from kicking so forcefully and I could barely move my arms anymore.

It seemed to go on forever, my voice was hoarse from shouting so loudly and my neck was sore from his biting and sucking. He continued his pace, groaning my name loudly.

"That's a good girl." He purred against my ear.

"Please, stop." I breathed quietly. He moved his face to mine and kissed my cheek softly before lifting his body up off my back and sitting on the back of my thighs. Suddenly his pace picked up and he called out my name loudly and I felt the same sensation I had the night before with Sirius. His seed filled my pain tinged body before he pulled out harshly. I stayed on the floor, face down crying helplessly as he stood an dressed himself.

"That was really good Ana, I'd be up for it again sometime." He said and I could barely hold in the bile I could taste in my mouth at his calm tone. I could feel him kneeling down next to me and looked up to see his cruel eyes staring into mine once more.

"Don't you even think about telling your little friends about this. If they pull another prank in your honor, the next time I see you, you're going to wish this was the only thing done to you." He threatened and stood.

"You might want to dress yourself, you look pathetic laying there like that." He said waving his wand which removed the charm over the room and the ropes from my wrists, then he opened the door. "Oh and Ana, I was right about that necklace, it looks perfect on you."

With that he left the closet and shut the door behind himself, leaving me laying broken and bloody on the cold castle floor.

* * *

><p>"Hey Evans, have you seen Ana?" Sirius asked as he dropped down beside Lily at one of the tables in the common room. He hadn't seen Hannah since dinner and he was looking to apologize for what he said. She didn't deserve that.<p>

"No." She answered and turned back to her books.

Sirius sighed. It was bad enough that she was ignoring him after their encounter but now Lily was covering for her. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to talk to her, make sure she was alright but he didn't know how. It didn't help that he was still furious about her completely brushing him off.

"She isn't up in the girls dorm?" He pressed, hoping he would get something out of Lily.

"No Sirius she isn't, even if I knew where she was I wouldn't tell you. You were horrible to her at dinner." She huffed as she kept focus on her books.

"And I wanted to apologize to her for it." He said calmly.

"Whatever Black, if you don't mind I'm trying to study." She said in an irritated voice.

Sirius sighed and stood from the table and walked back to the couch in front of the fire. It was hard for him to control his frustration when it came to this. He had it planned that he wouldn't tell Ana how he felt until he was sure she felt something back and last night after they got together he couldn't stop thinking about how perfect it felt to finally have her laying in his arms as more than just a friend. He felt awful about her first time being a drunken one night stand sort of thing and when he told her he didn't intend it that way, she didn't believe him. The way she acted made him certain she had lied about everything. About being innocent and chaste. It drove him mad to know she disregarded him like that.

The more he thought about it the more he realized what a waste it would be to fight for Ana's affection. He could be out with dozens of other girls who were more than willing to allow him endearment, and holding out for Ana to finally come around was pointless. What worried him the most was their friendship. He wasn't lying when he told her he had always wanted to be with her. He loved her and living without her in his life would be the hardest thing he would have to do but he was much to proud to admit it.

* * *

><p>After Tomas left I curled up in the fetal position and cried until my eyes ran dry. My body shook from both the cold and the force inflicted upon me. All I could think about was how stupid I was to roam the halls alone after his first threat. My worst nightmare had come true and I had no where to go. No one knew where I was and I could barely move.<p>

I sobbed loudly as I heard a firm knock on the closet door and attempted to cover myself with my scattered clothes.

"Ana? I saw you on the map and... oh bloody hell." Remus' scared voice said as he looked at me laying on the ground.

"Ana what happened to you, Merlin. Are you okay? Can you stand?" He rambled but my whimpers were my only response. He stepped into the closet and leaned down next to me.

"I can take you to the hospital wing if you want." He said soothingly but I shook my head violently.

The last thing I wanted was for the whole school to know about my attack.

"The dorm then? You can get cleaned up." He suggested. I sobbed loudly as I thought about entering the Gryffindor common room looking like this. Everyone would know something happened.

"I have a better idea, I'll take you to the prefects bathroom. I know a shortcut." I nodded and attempted to push myself off the ground as the pain shot through my body. I winced as I continued to lift up and gathered my clothes to shield my naked body from Remus.

"Here, put this on." He said, handing me his cloak. I gladly took it from him and wrapped it around my shoulders. He turned his back so I could slip on my panties and I balled up the rest of my clothes and held my wand tightly in my hand as he helped me out of the closet.

I followed him to the end of the hallway and we stood in front of a large tapestry which swung out of the way when he quietly said some sort of password. My ears were still ringing from the sound of my own screams as he helped me descend a flight of stairs which lead to another tapestry, one I recognized hung in the prefects bathroom on the fifth floor. I sighed when we saw that no one was using it and Remus took my hand to lead me over to the side of the large tub.

He ran the water and turned the green tap that streamed healing potions into the water. I slid off Remus' cloak and slid out of my underwear and winced as I walked into the water. When it reached my center I bit my lip at the sting the water caused as it entered my cuts. I sat down and rubbed my inner thighs to remove the blood that had stained them and then washed the rest of my skin with the bubbly water.

I looked over to see Remus who had sat down on the edge of the tub and looked at me sadly. I felt awful for him, that couldn't have been a pleasant sight to walk in on.

"How'd you find me?" I whispered.

"I left dinner early to study in the library and I was looking for someone else on the marauders map when saw you in the broom closet. Then I looked at saw Tomas walking along the seventh floor and thought it was odd so I went to see if you were alright." He said sadly.

"Oh." Was all I managed to say.

"I'm so sorry I didn't find you in time Ana." Remus said, shaking his head. "I could've stopped him if I only looked sooner."

"It's not your fault Remus." I said quietly.

"You didn't deserve that." He said, sounding angry. "When Sirius find out-"

"Remus you can't tell Sirius, or James. I don't want them pulling another prank or something, it'll only make it worse." I interrupted, my breathing beginning to catch in my throat.

"I'll wait for you to tell them, it's not my place. But Ana you're going to have to tell them, especially Sirius. He'll be furious if you don't."

"Let him." I sighed, "It's not like he cares anyways. Didn't you see the way he acted at dinner?"

"He's just upset..." Remus tried.

"What could he possibly be upset about? He sleeps with tons of girls, it's not like it was his first time." I shoot back, angry that Remus would defend Sirius.

"It's a different situation with you." Remus said nervously.

"Oh please, don't tell me you believe him when he says he actually cares for me." I rolled my eyes.

"Actually I do, he's been telling us for over a year now." Remus said and I looked at him curiously.

_He seemed to be telling the truth. _

"Oh." I said again and turning away to look out one of the large windows. Never did I think he was actually serious when he said he had feelings for me. I sighed and looked down at my shaking hands. I felt so utterly stupid.

"Can you help me back to the common room?" I asked Remus and he nodded before standing and facing away to allow me some privacy.

Unlike this morning, the warmth of the bath hadn't healed my pain. If anything it made it worse. I struggled to get out of the tub and into my underwear so much that I didn't even bother attempting to put on the rest of my clothes. I wrapped Remus' cloak around me once more and grasped onto his arm as we made our way back up through the hidden passage behind the tapestry.

Never in my entire life had I felt so weak. Climbing the stairs to the seventh floor was almost impossible and I had to stop ever so often to catch my breath and balance while feeling as though I was about to pass out. Remus was extremely patient as he helped me up the stairs and through the corridors to the Fat Lady. I inhaled deeply and prayed silently that the room was not too crowded and when we entered I was blessed to have had my wish come true.

There were only ten or so students littering the room and none of them even looked up to see who had entered. We made our way further into the room before a voice stopped me dead in my tracks.

"What's that on your neck Ana?" Sirius voice sounded angry as he approached Remus and I.

"I'm assuming it's from dear Lupin since you're not wearing any clothing other than his cloak." He sneered, looking at my barely covered body before he looked up at my face. His expression softened for only a moment before the anger filled his eyes once more, reminding me slightly of Tomas.

"Sirius, please. Not now." I whispered and lowered my gaze to the floor.

"Make yourself useful Padfoot, and help me bring her upstairs." Remus ordered in a much firmer voice than usual. Sirius groaned and let me hold onto his other arm as they practically carried me up the steep steps to the dormitory.

Remus knocked and when he heard a voice call on the other side of the girls dorm door he opened it and peered in before turning back to me.

"Everyones in there, do you want to just come to ours instead?" He asked and I looked to Sirius who nodded in somewhat understanding at the situation and turned around to the boys dorm. He pushed open the door and it flung against the wall loudly as they helped me into the room.

"What happened?" James said and stood from his bed and looked at the three of us with concern.

Remus looked at me after he let me sit down on Sirius' bed, since his was covered with homework and pleaded with his eyes. I thought for a moment before nodding my head once and Remus turned to James, Sirius and Peter who were all looking extremely confused and worried.

"I found Ana in a broom closet so I took her to the prefects washroom to clean herself up." Remus said, not giving away too much. I think he was expecting me to tell the rest.

"Why were you in a broom closet, and why did you need to clean up?" Sirius asked slowly.

I didn't answer, instead I looked down at my shaking hands, wishing I could sink away where no one could look at me.

"Ana tell us." Peters soft voice came from the other side of the room.

"She was probably just shagging some guy who got to rough with her." Sirius voice was harsh as he plopped down on his bed. His words stung and the sudden movement on the bed made my body ache. I was so numb from crying I hadn't realized I even started again before I heard myself let out a loud sob. I buried my face in my hands, not wanting all the marauders to see my crying pathetically.

"I'm sorry Ana, I didn't mean that." Sirius said, sitting up now and rubbing my back gently. "I'm s-so s-sore." I said shakily.

"From last night?" Sirius whispered, now concerned.

"No." I cried.

_How could he think that? How could he possibly think that?_

"What happened to you?" James asked quietly, moving over and kneeling in front of me, looking at me with sad eyes.

"H-he ra-raped me-e." I stuttered quietly and I could feel Sirius tense beside me and could see James cover his mouth.

"Shit." Peter replied and Remus sat down next to me on my other side.

"Who was it Ana?" Sirius said firmly and I could tell he was trying not to show his anger.

"Tomas." I whispered and wiped the fresh tears that trickled out of my eyes away.

"I'm going to kill him." James said and stood.

"Calm down James." Remus warned.

"How can I calm down? That monster raped her Remus, he can't get away with it!" James exclaimed.

"I think our actions before is what caused this." Remus said sadly and looked at me.

"He told me, if-if you prank him again, it'll be worse n-next time." I managed to say through whimpers.

"This is all my fault." Sirius said quietly.

"No." I looked at him sadly.

"How is it not? If we hadn't have pranked him so publicly he wouldn't have been after you in the first place. And then tonight, if I hadn't acted like such a jerk you wouldn't have been off on your own like an open target." He said loudly.

"No one could have known Sirius." Remus said.

"I should've know, I should've been there to protect her!" Sirius exclaimed. The anger in his voice terrified me and a whole new wave of sobs started.

"I think you're scaring her." Peter said quietly and Sirius turned to look at me, all anger in his eyes disappearing. All that was left was sympathy and despair.

"Do you want to stay in here tonight Ana? I'll sleep on the floor." James said but before I could answer Sirius cut in.

"Don't be silly Prongs, she can take my bed." He said and wrapped his arms around me. The other boys stood, deciding it was time to give me space and they all left the dorm completely, leaving Sirius and I alone once again.

"I'm so sorry Ana." He whispered soothingly into my ear. "For everything, for treating you horribly all day, for not being there to protect you. I promise, I won't let him lay another finger on you."

"Sirius," I whispered as I leaned my shivering body against his strong, comforting chest.

"Yes?" He cooed as he ran his fingers through my hair.

"I just want you to know I don't regret last night." I said quietly and I could feel his embrace tighten around me.

"And I meant what I said this morning. You mean everything to me. I love you Ana." He whispered and touched my face gently. I looked up into his concern filled eyes. I knew he was telling the truth but I couldn't bring myself to respond. I still wasn't sure I felt the same way for him and the last thing I wanted was to hurt this perfect boy I cared so much about. In time I was sure I could say it back, but I just wasn't ready.

Sirius moved and helped me to lay down on his bed.

"I need to get out of these." I said, feeling disgusting while still wearing the same underwear.

"Will you be okay alone while I go get you something to change into?" He asked softly. I nodded and he looked at me for a long moment before standing and leaving the room. Once I was alone I pulled my knees against my chest and nuzzled my head into Sirius' pillow, inhaling it's sweet scent. I struggled to get the thought of Tomas on top of me out of my head but his fury filled eyes kept flooding my memory.

When Sirius came back he was followed by the other marauders who spoke quietly to one another but left me alone. I stood from the bed, my legs shaking, and weakly made my way to the washroom where I changed into new underwear and a long, soft t-shirt that Lily must've told Sirius I would like the most. He helped me back to his bed and tucked me under the blankets before sitting down beside me, playing with my hair until my eyes closed.

He must've thought I fell asleep, but I wasn't even close to sleep. I heard him sigh and felt the bed lighten as he stood.

"I want to hurt him, I want him to feel the pain she's feeling." I heard him say angrily.

"I know Sirius, we all feel the same but we can't make it worse." James said calmly.

"How am I supposed to just watch her cry and sob like that? How am I supposed to see her in pain and not do anything about it. He deserves to suffer, not her. She didn't do anything wrong." Sirius said, his voice getting louder.

"He stole her innocence Sirius, and I can only imagine what she's feeling right now but she needs someone to be there for her. She needs us to comfort her when she cries. All we can give her now is our attentiveness and we will find a way to bring him to justice later." Remus said solemnly.

"I want to help her, I want to take all the pain she's feeling away." Sirius said, sounding frustrated.

I didn't want to listen to them talking anymore, it was breaking my heart even more so I stretched and turned my head to look at them while I fluttered my eyes to make it look like I was sleeping.

"Sirius." I rasped.

"I'm here Ana." He said, coming to the bed quickly.

"I'm cold." I said, looking up at him.

"I can go get you more blankets if you want." He offered but I shook my head.

"Can you just hold me?" I whispered.

"Oh, of course." He said. He took off his shoes and crawled under the blankets behind me. I felt him press his stomach to my back and I flinched slightly, remembering Tomas' form on me merely hours ago.

"No not like that." I whimpered quickly.

"What? What's wrong Ana, please don't cry. Did I hurt you?" He quickly stopped touching me and looked down at me as I shook violently.

"It-it-it's j-just... that's h-how he..." I whimpered, not able to finish my sentence but I knew he understood. He got off the bed then walked around to the other side and laid down facing me.

He slid one arm under my side and wrapped the other around my waist and moved himself close to me. He laid on his back so I lifted my head and rested it on his chest while I listened to the thumping of his heart. He ran his hand gently along my side which relaxed me only slightly.

"Try and get some sleep." He whispered and placed a gentle kiss on the top of my head.

As I laid in Sirius' arms, my crying slowly coming to a stop, I realized that I had never felt safer in my entire life and I never wanted to be without this comforting touch.

* * *

><p>AN: This chapter was extremely hard for me to write, but I hope you enjoy it and continue with the feedback. Thank you for the reviews and adds!


	12. Chapter 12

I didn't get any sleep that night. I laid awake in Sirius' bed, feeling him toss and turn all night long. I listened to the cold rain patter against the window outside and listened to the different sounds of each of the boys breathing. Each time I felt my eyes closed all I could see was him so I would quickly open my eyes which didn't allow me any rest. It seemed like time passed by slowly until I could see the sun in the horizon and heard James get out of bed. I listened as the shower ran, while it was a surprisingly soothing sound.

I laid and thought about yesterday and everything that had happened. I didn't understand how one day can be just right and then the very next day be so horrible. I thought about how glad I was to have given myself to Sirius. Not because of the way he was treating me now, but because I wouldn't be able to live with myself if Tomas had taken that away from me. It was nice that Sirius was being so nice to me, but I still knew I was going to have to break his heart eventually and that thought weighed on my mind heavily. I wasn't ready to be with someone who wanted such commitment, especially not now.

Sirius shifted next me and stretched his arms above his head before whispering.

"Ana?"

"Mhmm?" I said quietly.

"How'd you sleep?" He asked, moving my hair behind my shoulder. I didn't reply, I couldn't find the strength to speak.

"Do you want to get dressed and go for an early breakfast in the great hall?" He asked as he sat up.

I laid still, not wanting to move. I knew Tomas would be in the great hall and I knew I would see him. I didn't want to be anywhere near him ever again and if that meant not eating then that's what I would do.

"Ana please answer me." He sighed.

"No." I whispered, not even sure he heard my voice.

"You have to eat." He said but I ignored him once more.

_I guess he heard me._

Once he was off the bed completely I pulled the covers up over my head, trying my best to escape from everything. I wanted to hide, I wanted to be alone.

It seemed Sirius got the message because instead of insisting I come out I heard him tell Remus he was going to take a quick shower, which Remus argued about for a moment saying that Sirius' showers were never quick but eventually let it go.

"Did Ana go back to her dorm?" I heard James say once the bathroom door opened.

"No, I think she just wants to be left alone." I heard Remus answer quietly.

I felt my eyes stinging, about to leak for the thousandth time. I wanted to stop crying, I really did but I just didn't know how. It hurt to cry. My sore stomach clenched and my body shook with each whimper and all my muscles ached greatly. Both my mind and body felt numb from the pain and the lack of sleep but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get the image of his twisted face away from my closed eyes.

I didn't know how long Sirius was in the shower, whether it was short or not but I did feel him pull the covers off my face gently. I turned my head and looked up at him, my vision blurred. All I could make out was his pale face and shaggy black hair. When I adjusted my body I suddenly felt something sticky near my thighs. I pushed the blankets off me and looked down, seeing my once gray panties turned red while surrounded by a pool of deep crimson. I let out a loud scream and sat up quickly, pulling my legs to my chest. The sight of my blood terrified me for the first time in my life.

"That doesn't look good." Sirius said, scratching the back of his neck.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to. I'll clean it." I rushed and tried getting out off the bed but a wave of dizziness hit me hard, and I stumbled on my feet and grabbed onto the pillar of James' bed which was next to Sirius'.

"Relax Ana, it's okay you don't need to clean it but we should get you to the hospital wing." Sirius said as he helped sturdy me.

"I'm not going to the hospital wing I don't want people to know." I whispered, crying more while trying desperately to stop. My sides ached terribly.

"No one has to know what happened, only Madame Pomfrey will know and she's not going to tell anyone. Please, you need to be seen." James said sadly but I still refused.

I was not going to have everyone bombard me with questions on who did this to me, and to tell me how stupid I was. I already knew how stupid I was for letting this happen and I didn't need to hear it from everyone else.

"I'm not going." I said, surprising myself with how firm I sounded. James sighed and I watched as Sirius pulled out his wand and waved it. The blood that stained the mattress was instantly cleaned.

"You should clean yourself up." Sirius said, eyeing my blood soaked underwear. I attempted to cover myself with my hands, not wanting anyone to stare but it didn't work. Sirius looked at me with what looked like hurt before knocking on the bathroom door to tell Remus to hurry with his shower.

A few moments later after standing awkwardly, leaned against the wooden bed post the bathroom door opened and Remus emerged. I took this chance to quickly make my way to the washroom while ignoring the intense pain. I shut the door behind me and leaned my back against it, breathing heavily. Once regaining my composure I leaned into the shower and turned the nobs, wanting the hottest temperature possible without scalding myself, then stripped and stepped in. I felt the heat disinfecting my dirty skin as I stood under the falling water. I could only stand for a few minutes before I felt my knees start to shake so I sat down on the hard ground, leaning against the shower wall and letting the water soak me. I watched the door intently, hoping no one would come in to bother me while I let my tears flow freely. I didn't know it was possible to cry this much.

I didn't know why I was acting so pathetic. It's my fault all this happened and no one else deserved to suffer because of my stupid mistake. All the boys had been so great about it, so considerate but they didn't need to be. Instead they should all be focusing on their school, on what they planned on doing for the rest of the day. Not on trying to get me to go to the hospital wing, and not sharing their dorm with me. Peter was probably upset that I cut in on his shower time, Merlin knows he needed it.

I could feel my head getting heavy and it slowly started leaning down to rest my forehead on my knees. I closed my eyes and focused on the warm water soaking my body and took deep breaths.

_I was sitting in the Astronomy Tower, looking out at the starry sky. The moon was full and the sky was cloudless, allowing its glow to reflect down on the calm grounds and distant hillside. Everything was calm, the breeze was warm like it had been summer and I could smell green, as though it had just rained. My mind was clear and my thoughts were of nothing but contentment. I closed my eyes and inhaled the smooth scent deeply before I heard footsteps approaching me, clanking loudly against the stone floor. For some reason I couldn't make myself look to who it was that was coming closer. Instead I kept my eyes shut, bathing in my serene surroundings._

_The footsteps came to a halt and I could feel someone place a gentle hand on my shoulder. I leaned against the warm hand, pressing my cheek to their skin and smiling slightly. I heard them sit down next to me, not moving their hand away from my shoulder. For a moment, we sat like this. Not speaking, not moving, until I opened my eyes to look at them. _

_It was Sirius. His composure was relaxed and comforting. After looking at his face I looked down to the arm that was outstretched, placing the hand on me. He whispered my name ever so gently, coaxing me to look up at him, so I did but when I looked into his eyes I didn't see Sirius anymore. _

_Tomas' eyes appeared, glaring daggers at me. They were filled with arrogance mixed with hatred and when I was finally able to pull my gaze away from them and look back to Sirius' soft features I saw that they had been replaced with Tomas' harsh ones. The smirk across his lips made my heart pound and I lifted my cheek away from his skin and stood. I backed away from the man sitting on the stone floor while keeping my eyes on him the entire time, only tearing them away when I made my move and bolted to the door that lead out of the tower. _

_I pulled on the handle but the door had not budged. I heard a sickening laugh coming from him before the sound of his footsteps came once again. I felt my breath catch in my throat as he grabbed my wrists forcefully and held them behind my back. He shushed me quietly and moved me away from the door. For some reason I did what he lead me to do without an ounce of fight. He pressed me against the wall and pulled my pants down, exposing my bare arse to the air that had suddenly gone from being warm and inviting, to cold and piercing. I could feel him touching me, his hard hand exploring every inch of my naked skin. _

_There was suddenly a loud bang, and I screamed loudly. _

My head shot up off my knees and I realized that I wasn't the only one in the room anymore. Sirius had opened the door and was looking at me, panic evident on his features.

"I've been calling your name for ten minutes Ana, why didn't you answer me?" He asked loudly.

"I-I didn't hear you." I said quietly.

"Don't do that again, you had me worried." He said, lowering his voice slightly. I nodded and looked away from him, waiting for him to stop looking at my naked body.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude on you like that." He said before he left the bathroom and shut the door.

I sighed and touched my face, which was slippery with not water, but sweat. I stood and shook the dream from my head while I washed my face and the rest of my body with a mint smelling cleaner that I recognized to be James'. Once done with my shower I turned off the taps and wrapped myself with a towel. I was about to put my clothes back on when I looked down and saw the stained bottoms. I sighed and rubbed my eyes which were extremely itchy then slowly creeped open the bathroom door.

"James?" I said quietly, sticking my head out of the opening.

"Yeah?" He asked, turning all attention to me.

"Could I maybe borrow some bottoms?" I asked, looking around for Sirius who wasn't there.

"Of course." He said and quickly dug around his trunk. I guess boys didn't see the need to unpack their clothing.

He handed me a loose pair of plaid boxers and I thanked him pleasantly before locking myself back into the bathroom and changing. It took a while because my body was still in such pain but once they were on I felt so much better, so much cleaner. I hung the towel and threw my underwear into the garbage before leaving the bathroom, and walking past Peter who finally had his turn.

I sat down on the edge of Sirius' now made bed and looked at James who was looking back at me.

"Where did the other two go?" I asked, referring to Sirius and Remus.

"Uhm, they went for breakfast I guess." James said, not looking directly into my eyes.

"What is it?" I asked slowly, knowing he was hiding something. I just hoped Sirius wasn't going to do something stupid about Tomas.

"Well, I guess Charlene kind of showed up. She wasn't too happy about you staying the night so she dragged Sirius away for some _alone time_." He said cautiously.

"Oh." I said, ignoring the sudden pain in my heart.

"I'm sorry." He said, looking at me mournfully.

"There's nothing to be sorry about." I shrugged. "I told him I didn't feel the same way, I don't expect him to just hang out and wait for me to come around."

"Yeah I know but, after everything you've been through-" He started.

"James please. I'll be fine, I don't want any more sympathy." I interrupted and he looked at me, his eyes sad.

"Ana, it's a bigger deal than you're making it out to be. He raped you. He violated you physically and emotionally. It's okay for you to upset." He sat down on the bed next to me.

"I know, and I will get through it, but I don't need you guys to suffer with me."

"We love you, we don't care if we're suffering with you because all we want it to help you get through this." James placed a friendly arm around my shoulders and squeezed.

"Just don't worry about me too much James." I sighed and closed my eyes.

I didn't go to classes all day. I stayed in the boys dorm resting my body but not my mind. I thought about everything. All the things I could have done differently to avoid Tomas, all the things I could have said to him that would've made him happy and not want to hurt me. I even thought about regretting not sleeping with him that night in the Astronomy Tower. Everything was going so well until I had turned him down, that's when it all fell apart.

My stomach rumbled constantly throughout the day and I could feel my eyes struggling to stay open but I knew if I gave in, I would have to relive everything over again and I just wasn't strong enough. My body ached now from being held up in the same position for so long so I decided to cautiously enter the common room. I slowly walked down the stairs and to the vacant couch, dragging Sirius' comforter behind me before I wrapped it around myself and sat down. I stared into the flickering flames and watched as the coals glowed and the wood burned. Although I was wrapped in a thick blanket and sitting only a few feet away from the warm fire I still felt cold.

Classes must've ended because every so often a group of Gryffindors would flood into the room, some giving me weird looks and some not bothering to acknowledge me at all.

I soon heard laughter coming from the hallway that entered the common room and the

voices coming into the room were clearly recognizable so I shrunk down in the couch hoping that no one noticed I was there.

"Did you see the look on McGonagalls face when the cup blew up? She was livid!" I heard James exclaims then Sirius' barking laugh followed. I didn't think they noticed me until I felt the couch sink down near my feet. I peered over the top of the blanket that was covering my face and saw Sirius watching me with a slight smile formed on his lips. I managed to smile back but we both know it wasn't sincere.

"Are you feeling better?" He asked.

"Yes." I lied, blushing slightly.

"I'm glad. Maybe you'd want to join us for dinner?" He asked, raising his brow. My mind was telling me no way in bloody hell was I going to the great hall where my rapist was definitely going to be but my stomach complained. I hadn't eaten since yesterday around lunch time and I could practically feel my body eating its self. I nodded in agreement which made the smile on Sirius' face grow.

"I'll rub your feet if you want." He offered and I gladly accepted, while I stretched out my legs and placed my feet in his lap.

"Don't you have homework?" I asked as he began to massage both feet.

"Yes I have way too much, but I'm just not in the homework mood right now." He sighed and leaned his head back against the couch and closed both eyes. I watched as his hands caressed each foot gently. It was mesmerizing to watch his hands move so delicately across my skin and the simple gesture made my who body tingle with warmth.

"How's Charlene?" I asked curiously, stupidly.

"Ana about that, I didn't mean to say that to you I was just upset that you blew me off. You know I don't even like her."

"I wasn't talking about that." I said slowly. He opened one eye and looked at me through it.

"What were you talking about then?" He asked.

"James said you left this morning to spend time with her." I shrugged.

"Oh, right." Was all he said.

"So, are you guys back together or were you ever even separated?" I questioned, ignoring the pained feeling in my chest.

"I guess we were never really separated." He said softly.

"I see."

"If you don't want me to see her I guess I could end things." He said quickly.

"Don't be silly Sirius. I told you I don't think of you that way, I wouldn't expect you to break up with your girlfriend just because you say you have feelings for me."

"I thought you said you didn't regret what happened between us." He said, sounding a tad bit angry.

"I don't regret it, but not because I like you that way." I tried, not wanting to fight with him again. I still wasn't completely over everything he said to me the day before.

"Right." He said. "Then I guess I should stop touching you, it's probably too intimate for you to handle."

"That's not what I meant and you know it." I defended.

"I feel so bad for you Ana." He said raising to his feet. "The worst happens to you and you have a perfectly nice guy sitting in front of you, willing to do anything for you yet you're still to proud to admit that maybe he's worth it."

"Of course you're worth it Sirius, but I just don't think right now's the best time." I tried.

"What the bloody hell does that mean?" He said, voice loud.

"Relax Padfoot." I heard James say from a table by the window where he was sitting with Remus and Peter.

"It just means that I'm not ready to be with anyone right now, no matter who it is."

"I don't understand what you're saying Ana." He said, frustrated while sitting back down on the couch.

"I just mean that I like you, a lot. Maybe I can see us going somewhere in the future since I know there's no way we can go back to being the friends we used to be. I just don't want to get together now, and find out we weren't meant to be together." I said, looking down and away from his piercing gaze.

"Ana," He said softly. "I know we're meant to be together."

"If two people are meant for each other they don't have to be together right now, but they eventually will be." I looked at his now gentle eyes and smiled lightly.

Sirius sighed and nodded his head.

"Does this mean I have to coax you into wanting to be with me?" He asked, grinning.

"It wouldn't hurt." I smiled. "But you need to work on that anger issue you have Mr. Black."

"What anger issue?" He said, pretending to be hurt.

"You can be a dick some times, yesterday was a perfect example." I explain and he nodded.

"I am really sorry about that, you do believe me?"

"I believe you, but I don't forgive you completely."

"Ana that's not fair." Sirius wined.

"It's perfectly fair." I shot back, and he huffed before grabbing my feet once more.

Talking with Sirius was easier now, even though I didn't fully believe what I said I knew that maybe things would change and if I gave Sirius a chance to be there for me and make me happy then what harm could possibly come out of it? He had always been a complete gentleman to me, other than his random outbursts which I, along with all the other marauders managed to live with. He couldn't help that he had the temper of a Black, but other than that was always there for me when I needed him most like right now.

I didn't want him to see that I was still hurting inside from what happened because I didn't want him to worry and I didn't want him to think I was weak. Maybe it was my sleep deprivation that told me this was a good idea, but hiding it seemed the best way to go. It seemed like the best way to continue with my life as it was, as if nothing even happened. If I kept pretending I was alright maybe even I would start to believe it and I would be able to get over it


	13. Chapter 13

Over a month had gone by and everything seemed to go back to normal. The marauders were off my back a while ago and my life seemed the same as it always used to be. Things were only slightly different of course. I was often approached by Slytherin boys who knew about Tomas' triumph and wanted to take me for a test drive themselves. Usually my answer would be an obvious no and I would walk away quickly, not wanting to put myself in the same situation I was in a month ago, but when I had alcohol in me, which seemed to be more often than normal, my inhibitions seemed to be greatly influenced. It was logical thinking in my opinion, that instead of fighting it and getting hurt again I agreed. It was far less painful that way and sometimes they were even gentle.

Needless to say, I was known as a whore with the Slytherin boys but one positive was that they were too ashamed to let people know they were shagging a Gryffindor so my secret stayed relatively private with everyone other than those who regularly wanted something from me. Sometimes I would wonder whether my brother knew or if he was pretending he didn't. I would see him, sitting with them, with Tomas like nothing was happening. Despite everything, his lack of protection and sympathy as well as Tomas' condescending attitude about it, I wore the necklace Shay had given me every day. Sirius didn't understand why. I would always catch him sending glares at my brother while he was conversing with my attacker but like always, Shay was never affected.

It was hard keeping things from the marauders. Even though they stopped feeling sorry for me they still treated me like I was some fragile piece of glass that would shatter if something wrong was said or done. There were times when Sirius would go out of his way to make me smile only to shut me down when I attempted to show him the slightest bit of affection. It confused me since only a month ago he was angry with me for not returning his feelings of attraction.

It was the evening of Halloween and I was very much excited since this weekend was extended, starting on thursday night, tonight. A girl in Ravenclaw had planned a huge party that almost everyone in our year and up would be attending. After many arguments and counter suggestions, Sirius finally agreed to accompany me at the party. Since Lily and James began dating I hadn't seen much of her. I asked her to go with me to the party but she, along with all the others, seemed to think it was a bad idea for a reason I didn't know. Anyways, she already planned on going with James. I didn't mind that they were dating, but sometimes I missed having girl time without the boyfriend hanging around constantly.

"Are you sure you still want to go tonight? It's not too late to change your mind you know, we can stay in and just hang out if you want." Sirius suggested for the dozenth time. We were sitting in the common room after dinner, playing a game of wizards chess which I was losing, again.

"I'm quite sure Sirius. You're not going to be able to talk me out of it." I said, irritated.

"You're not drinking tonight, right?"

"Of course I am. What fun would it be if I was sober?" I laughed but Sirius only looked at me with concern.

I'll admit, I had been drinking much more than usual lately, but that was the only way I could gain the strength for what I knew was inevitable. I wasn't safe when I was alone anymore and I had to learn to live with it. I didn't want to tell Sirius or the others because things would go back to how they were just after the rape and they would be much too overprotecting. It wasn't that bad most times if I was intoxicated. I rarely would feel anything and when I gave myself to them willingly they wouldn't be as harsh with me. I didn't mind it, it was better than being raped repeatedly by various guys that were much stronger than I was.

"I'm not going to drink." Sirius said.

"Why?" I asked him quizzically. Sirius was usually the one who initiated the drinking at parties.

"Because I want to be able to look after you." He said and smiled.

"Oh Sirius, you don't have to do that, I'll be fine."

"I want to."

"Okay, well it's up to you. I guess I'm going to go get ready. I'll meet you in the common room in half an hour?" I asked after the game ended with Sirius absolutely destroying me.

"Yeah sounds good." He said. I was just about to go up the stairs to the dorm when I heard Lily call my name.

"Ana wait up! Let's get ready together." Her and James just entered the common room and she quickly met up with me before we went up to get changed and ready for the party.

Since being attacked people could say my style had changed. I used to wear colors and a variety of clothing with no make up and plain hair but now I wore mostly dark shades and dark eye make up while spending more time on my hair. It seemed that most people liked the new look but of course there was one exception. Sirius didn't like it at all. He would occasionally refer my style to his deranged cousin Bellatrix, only slutier. I usually ignored him and it was especially easy when I was getting so much attention from other guys, even if they were mostly Slytherins.

Tonight I wore a pair of black leather pants and a see-thru black lace top that had different spiral designs all over it with only a black bra underneath. I wore black and silver eyeshadow with dark eyeliner, shaping my already cat eye look. I applied a decent amount of mascara to highlight my already thick eyelashes. I curled my long hair, letting it fall wavy around my shoulders and down my back and wore two inch black heels. Lily on the other hand wore a bright blue long sleeved top with plain blue jeans. Her hair was long and naturally wavy while she wore little to no make up. She wore flats, and even with my heels on I still wasn't as tall as her.

Lily eyed my appearance cautiously before looking up at my face and smiling.

"You look good Ana. Don't listen to Sirius." She said sweetly. I smiled and thanked her, knowing she probably didn't mean it. Instead of saying anything though, we just left the common room, ten minutes later than I had told Sirius but he was not there. I sighed and sat down on the couch next to Lily, since James was no where to be seen either.

"Looking hot tonight Ana." I heard the familiar voice of Andrew say. He smiled down at me before sitting in the chair next to the couch Lily and I were on.

"Thank you Andrew." I said. I still hadn't really talked to him since what happened between us at my birthday.

"Want to start drinking before the party starts?" He smirked and held up a bottle. I smiled at him and nodded. He opened the sealed bottle and handed it to me. I took a long drink and closed my eyes as the liquid warmed my throat while I swallowed. I handed back the bottle to Andrew and he offered it to Lily who shook her head. Andrew just shrugged and took a sip for himself before handing it back to me.

"I'm impressed." He grinned as I took two more drinks.

"Impressed with what?" I asked, handing him the bottle.

"How hot you look when you drink out of a bottle." He laughed. "Most girls look dirty."

"I'm not like most girls." I said, winking at him.

"Oh Ana, I know you're not." He said and I could tell by the lust that glazed his eyes that he was thinking about all the times we had steamy make out sessions in his bed.

"Trying to get Ana drunk before the party even starts?" Came James' voice from behind me. Lily turned to greet her boyfriend and Sirius who was with him.

I stood from my spot, feeling the alcohol hit me instantly. I smiled and closed my eyes, feeling the effects from the few drinks I had. I felt Sirius come up from behind me and wrap his arms around my waist.

"Last chance to change your mind." He whispered in my ear.

"We're going. I haven't been out since my birthday, I think I deserve to go have some fun with everyone." I said, and smiled.

"What happens when he shows up?" He said. I knew exactly to whom he was referring.

"I have you don't I?" I smirked and pulled out of his grasp. "Let's go."

We walked through the castle and to the Room of Requirements. Since the marauders through my birthday party there it seemed like the place all parties happened to be. There had been one every weekend since, I just didn't attend. Both because I didn't feel completely up to going out, and mostly because Sirius was against me going since he was worried what would happen if Tomas showed up.

I knew Tomas was going to be there. Lily, who had gone to most of the parties with either James or her friend Alice said that he was always there with a group of his friends. I wasn't too worried about it. I hadn't told anyone else this, but I had been with Tomas since the rape. We hadn't slept together, but he seemed to be longing for my affection. It disgusted me, and terrified me but I gave in, not wanting a repeat of what happened before. It seemed odd that I was so willing to let any guy do what ever he wanted to me after what happened. I didn't understand it, and I knew no one else would either but it just seemed easier. After all the difficult things that had happened, I needed easy, so I made myself just that.

We showed up later than most people. The room was already filled with students from all houses, dancing and talking. There were already some girls falling over from the amount of alcohol they consumed and there were guys who were taking full advantage of that. Sirius grabbed hold of my waist as we continued into the room. We met up with the other two marauders who were talking with some people from our Transfiguration class. One of the girls, who was in Ravenclaw and seemingly very interested in Remus offered me some of alcohol and I gladly accepted.

"I'm Rosie." The girl said.

"Ana." I smiled and took another drink from her bottle.

"You're really good friends with Sirius right?" She asked, taking a sip after me.

"Yeah, why?"

"My friend went on a date with him a couple nights ago, said he was very gentleman like but then he hasn't spoken to her since." She answered.

"Oh, I didn't know he went out with anyone." I answered, feeling slightly hurt.

"You're not dating him are you?" She asked cautiously.

"No definitely not." I replied, looking around the room to avoid her stare. I noticed Remus looking at me with a sad smile before I said I was going to look for Lily.

I left the two of them wondering what Rosie was talking about, and if it was even true. Sirius didn't say anything about going on a date with someone like he usually did and even then he hadn't gone out with anyone since telling me he had feelings for me. At least none that I knew about.

I found Andrew who was talking to a few other guys I recognized from his group of friends so I went over to them, giving up on my search for Lily.

"Hey Ana." Andrew greeted and draped his arm around my shoulders. The other boys said hello and smiled kindly at me, which I returned. When Andrew and I had a thing going I never hung out with any of his friends, I didn't know for sure they even knew about me.

"How come you're not with Sirius?" Andrew asked, drinking his almost empty bottle.

"I lost him a while ago." I said. He offered me more alcohol and I accepted, taking three long drinks I stood there and listened to them talk, rarely speaking while I leaned against Andrew's side. I was looking around the room when I spotted a pair of eyes leering at me. I recognized the arrogant smirk as Tomas' instantly and felt my stomach tighten. He was eyeing my body hungrily and bitting his bottom lip. I turned my face away from his direction and tried to busy myself with listening to Andrew and his friends talking but I could feel his eyes watching me intently.

"Hey Ana." A deep voice said and I looked up into the face of Rabastan Lestrange. He was one of the first boys I shagged after being taken advantage of by Tomas. I mostly gave into him because he absolutely terrified me. Something about him told me that he wasn't someone to be messed with and if he wanted something it was best to give it to him without a fuss.

"Hi Rabastan." I greeted and smiled up at him.

"Mind if I steal her away?" He said to Andrew, who looked at him skeptically for a moment before taking his arm off my shoulder and nodding. I walked next to Rabastan and he wrapped an arm around my waist before leading me away.

"Want more to drink?" He said, offering me his glass. I thanked him and downed the remainder of his drink in one gulp. He smirked at me when I handed him the empty glass.

"Having fun?" He asked.

"It's alright." I shrugged. Truth be told I wasn't having as much fun as I expected. Everyone was drunk and loud and much to close for comfort.

"Lets dance." He said, leading me over to the dance floor which was packed with couples and friends grinding on each other.

We made our way into the middle of the dance floor just as the beat picked up. I started swaying my hips to the music and could feel Rabastan press himself against my back, holding my hips firmly. The feeling made me want to scream, to run but I knew that would be foolish. Even surrounded by all these people I wouldn't put it passed him to do something out of anger at my resistance. I leaned back against him and grinded my backside into him, sliding down every once in a while. His hands moved from my hips to my thighs, grabbing and stroking them as his pressed his groin against me. I could feel the hardness in his pants grow at the movement and knew what I was doing was pleasing him which meant I was safe. I tilted my head as his lips traced along my neck and grinded faster.

"Fuck Ana, I want to take you right now on his dance floor." I barely heard Rabastan say in my ear over the music. I slid down his body slightly then back up and pressed my arse against him hard and I could hear a groan escape his mouth. Suddenly he spun me around and pulled me close to him while resting his hands on top of my backside. I placed an arm on his shoulder and raised my other in the air, waving it to the music while I danced against him. I leaned my head back slightly and ran my waved arm through my hair and down my body, completely lost in the music. I could feel his rough lips on my neck again as slid a hand up the back of my shirt.

We danced for a while longer before Rabastan couldn't take it any longer. He pulled me off the dance floor and into the hallway that lead from the main party and out the doors into the corridor. He pinned me against the wall with his body and kissed me deeply. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me. I didn't realize what I was doing, but it felt amazing. My vision was vivid and every touch felt like a fiery explosion. The music sounded sensational, and when Rabastan pulled away from the kiss I let my body move to the enticing beat. I looked up at him lustfully as he grinned and watched me move my body against his.

"Feels good doesn't it?" He said to me. I didn't understand what he meant but I decided not to ask. I didn't want to ruin the blissful feeling that had overtaken me.

Everything seemed to glow, even though it was dark, the colors in the room seemed bright and vibrant. The most amazing feeling was when Rabastan ran his hand through my hair and down my shoulder and arm. I grabbed his waist and pulled it against mine, wanting to feel the excitement I had caused.

"Tell me what you want baby." Rabastan whispered before sucking on the skin just below my ear. I moaned and closed my eyes at the feeling, while lights flashed in front my closed lids.

"I think you know what I want." I responded.

"I want to hear you say it."

"I want you to fuck me Rabastan." I purred.

"Mmm I bet you do."

"You've already had a turn Lestrange." A voice sounded from my left. I kept my eyes closed, while hearing Rabastan groan in annoyance.

"What do you want Antonin." Rabastan said, pulling away from me slightly. I opened my eyes slightly and turned to see who he was talking to. Standing there was Tomas, smirking along with another one of their friends I didn't recognize.

"I want the whore." He said, eyeing me. "I've heard great things about her."

"I don't think so." Lestrange laughed.

"Why don't we take this somewhere else and share her, boys." Tomas said. For some reason I wasn't scared of him. Instead I was turned on by his authority.

The boy named Antonin approached me and Rabastan, who moved out of the way while smirking at me. Antonin placed his hands on my hips and looked down, eyes hovering on my now exposed chest from the dancing for a moment before continuing along.

"The abandoned classroom on the fifth floor?" He said deeply, never taking his eyes off mine.

"Sounds perfect." Rabastan said.

"What's going on here?" I heard another voice interrupt.

"Oh, Shay..." Tomas said slowly.

"Get off my sister." He warned threateningly at Antonin who immediately backed away from me.

"Hi Shay." I said sweetly and bit my lip, starting to dance once more before he pulled me away from the three of them.

"What's the matter with you?" He said angrily.

"Is it so wrong to be in a cuddly mood?" I pouted.

"What did you take Ana?" He said firmly but I just giggled and played with my hair.

"I had a few sips of fire whiskey. Shh, don't tell mum and dad." I giggled.

"Your pupils are huge and you're acting like you're high on shit." He shook his head and look accusingly to his friends.

He sighed and pulled me away, hurting my wrist slightly. He dragged me through the crowd, not wanting to dance with me when I tried.

"Hey Black," Shay said, interrupting a conversation between Sirius and a pretty blonde girl.

"What the-" He began to say before Shay cut him off by throwing me against Sirius.

"Take better care of your so called friends." He said before walking away.

"Well don't you look lavishing tonight." I complimented but Sirius didn't look the least bit flattered.

"What happened?" He asked.

"I was innocently dancing and Shay ruined my fun. Do you want to dance with me Sirius?" I asked sweetly.

"What's wrong with you?" He said slowly.

"Sirius, are you coming back? I'm getting kind of lonely." He girl he was previously talking to said, looking at him with pouty eyes.

"Sorry, I'm busy." He said, turning his attention to me.

"Busy are you?" I looked at him seductively while running my hands up his chest, feeling the firm skin through his shirt.

"Yeah, busy taking my pissed friend back to the common room before she gets herself into trouble again." He said, grabbing my hand much more gently than Shay had. He lead me back through the crowed and out the doors. The halls were quiet compared to the room we just left and I felt somewhat depressed at the lack of music and colorful lights.

"Are you sure you don't want to go somewhere more adventurous? The prefects bathroom is always a nice place." I tried but Sirius ignored me. He pulled me up the seventh floor and lead me through the portrait and into the common room.

"Who'd you get the drugs from?" He asked once we were in the common room.

"What are you talking about?" I said closing my eyes and leaning my head back. I stood near the fire and the warmth felt even more sensational than usual.

"Just alcohol wouldn't make you act like this Ana." He responded.

"I didn't take anything Sirius." I said more seriously.

"Then someone gave it to you without knowing, and I bet I can guess who that was." He sighed. He walked over to me and wrapped me in an embrace. Not fully understanding why, I hugged him back, bathing in the warmth his body radiated. Despite being in an overly crowded room with alcohol spilling and sweaty bodies rubbing together he still smelt amazing.

"I love you Ana, I just want you to be safe." He said, pushing the hair away from my blushing face. "Let's get you upstairs and into bed."

"I'm not tired, at all." I argued and sat down on the couch in protest.

"Want to stay down here then?" He offered and I nodded. He sat down next to me. We sat and talked for a while before switching our positions. He laid on his back, resting his head against the arm of the couch and I laid next to him, sideways and resting my head against his chest. He had both arms wrapped around me and with one hand slowly traced patterns along my side. I didn't know whether it was whatever was in my system or not that made me feel this way, but just laying relaxed and alone with him felt like ecstasy.


	14. Chapter 14

"Morning, gorgeous."

I woke up, warm and comfortable in the arms of Sirius Black. Recently things had been going real well between us, it was almost as if we were beginning to be a couple. Of course, if that was the case then I was cheating on him. Lately Rabastan has taken a keen liking to me, always stopping me in the halls, inviting me into abandoned classrooms and such. I didn't mind it. He treated me decently, meaning he didn't force me to do things I didn't want to do and he wasn't cruel about any of it. He was very aggressive on the other hand. Either I, or Rabastan had managed to get all the others away from me which was a relief. All I had to do was hide my side activities from the boys, mainly Sirius. They would lose all respect for me if they found out.

"Mmm, let me go back to sleep." I whined and covered my face with the blanket that covered the both of us.

"I need to eat then get to quidditch practice." Sirius said but not making a move to get up.

"Well, have fun while I sleep." I smiled, my eyes still closed and covered with the blanket.

"You told Lily you'd come watch with her." Sirius said and I could sense the amusement in his voice. He just adored ruining my relaxed moods, especially when he couldn't join in.

"It's freezing outside Sirius. There is practically snow on the ground." I argued, not wanting to leave the warmth of Sirius' bed.

"How do you think I feel? I have to practice in it." Sirius wrapped his arms around me tightly. "I'd much rather stay warm and relaxed here with you, but James would kill us both if I missed practice."

It was true, James was the most strict person I had ever seen when it came to the quidditch team. They had already played Ravenclaw and won but their upcoming match against Slytherin was apparently going to be much more difficult. I was never all that good at the sport and nor did I really care. It was fun to watch and all but it didn't matter to me whether the team won or not. James would kick me out of gryffindor if he knew that.

I sighed and agreed to get out of bed finally, still not wanting to. Sirius hugged me close to him and placed a gentle kiss on my lips before smiling at me.

"I'll make it up to you." He promised and I laughed slightly.

I stepped out of bed, with only my underwear on and bent over to pick up the clothing I had been wearing the previous night. This was a frequent weekend activity. The marauders and Lily, Alice and I would hang out after dinner and usually Sirius and I would end up going somewhere to make out. He never pressured me to go any further which I was grateful for. It wasn't that I didn't want to have sex, it was that Sirius and I actually had something special. When I was with him I felt nervous and excited at the same time, while on the other hand with Rabastan I usually felt annoyed and nervous. Never did he want to do anything with my outside of sealed off rooms because he didn't want his reputation to be ruined. To him, and almost all of his friend, having casual sex with a Gryffindor was taboo.

I never argued this, both because I didn't want my friends to find out that I was shagging one of the most brutal guys at Hogwarts and also because I didn't feel anything other than lust and fear while around him. It seemed that my encounter over two months ago with Tomas had changed me more than I thought. I was no longer the girl who enjoyed flirting and hanging around with boys. Now I never hung out with any guy alone other than Rabastan, my brother or any of the marauders and despite telling everyone I was over it and back to normal, I still had reoccurring nightmares and rarely walked the halls alone.

I think the only one who noticed my change in behavior was Remus. He always was very observant. Thankfully he never said anything. It was hard enough keeping a secret from everyone, but I knew it would be harder if everyone knew. Besides, I was slowly getting happier and less twitchy. I began trusting guys again, even if one of them was someone who constantly used me for a random shag once in a while. It was nice to feel wanted and not just something that was disposable like Tomas had treated me. Rabastan at least treated me like he wanted to keep me around.

Even Tomas had left me alone, somewhat. There were times when he would try talking to me and try to lure me away from the crowds. It was usually during parties that we were both attending. We would dance, when Sirius was off chatting up other girls, but it never went further than that. I didn't forgive him and I most certainly didn't forget what he did to me, but I knew there was nothing I could do to change the past so I decided to live in the present and not make him angry with me again. No one terrified me as much as he did. I never worried for my safety around anyone other than him, not even Rabastan scared me that much. It was a strange relationship I had with Rabastan. By the way people have talked about him I would've thought he would be much more intimidating than he was with me. I was beginning to think that maybe he was starting to actually like me. We would laugh, and talk with each other during our 'dates' and he was always somewhat kind. I wasn't stupid though, I knew he was nice to me because he enjoyed my easy company. Deep down he was just as cruel and violent as Tomas, he just controlled it better.

I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help but start to like him. I would never feel for him how I felt for Sirius, that was something completely different, something I couldn't even explain, but I was starting to feel for him nevertheless.

"You haven't talked much." Sirius commented on our walk down to the great hall.

"I'm tired Sirius, you woke me up when I was perfectly comfortable." I answered, yawning in the process.

"Darling, you don't want to miss out on a beautiful day like this do you?" He said, draping his arm over my shoulders as we walked into the great hall, earning me a few dirty looks from Sirius' admirers.

"Yes I do." I said annoyed which caused him to laugh. We took a seat next to James who was already there with the other two marauders as well as with Lily.

"Good morning Ana!" Lily said excitedly. I knew she hadn't actually expected me to be awake and willing to go to the practice with her.

"I hate mornings." I complained as I reached for a piece of toast.

"Don't we all?" Remus commented. I looked up at him, happy that someone else knew how I was feeling when I noticed how sick he looked.

"Are you feeling alright?" I asked concerned. His face was extremely pale and his eyes were tired while his body shook slightly.

"I think I'm coming down with something." He said, averting his eyes.

"I hope it's not contagious." James said, leaning away from Remus who laughed.

"I assure you it's not Prongs." He said, giving him a look I couldn't quite figure out.

I smiled and turned my attention back to breakfast. The only way I was going to make it through the practice and the rest of the day was if my belly was full. Food always made me happy in the mornings.

We finished our breakfast with random conversations between all of us, most revolving around James' excitement for the upcoming game. Remus and Peter left to the library to finish their homework while James and Sirius made for the quidditch pitch. Lily and I went back to the dorm to change into more weather appropriate attire. I wore a long black jacket with my Gryffindor scarf and mittens. Lily was dressed similar to me, though her jacket was gray and longer than mine. We walked together to the pitch, her admiring the frost covered grounds while I hugged my jacket close to me, trying to keep warm. My theory was that it was too cold to be sitting outside when you could see your breath in front of you.

We sat high in the stands and watched as the team practiced. James was yelling orders and getting mad with Sirius and Andrew who were fooling around on their brooms.

"So what's going on with Sirius and you?" Lily asked as the team started a scrimmage.

"What do you mean?" I asked, not wanting to talk about it. I really had no idea what was going on with him and I anyways.

"You two spend a lot of time together. James and I have been dating for over a month and we haven't slept in each others dorms, but you and Sirius sleep with each other almost every weekend since well, you know, that thing happened." She said carefully.

"We enjoy each other's company I guess."

"There's nothing more going on?" She asked, turning to me.

"Not that I know of." I looked at her questionably. "Why the sudden interest?"

"I just think it would be good for you. I mean I know Sirius was kind of a... well, whore in the past but it seems that he really likes you. He's told James, you know, how he feels about you."

"I know how he feels about me." I said and she looked at me, eyes wide.

"You do? And? Do you feel the same?" She asked, almost too excitedly.

"I don't know Lily. It's complicated." I said honestly.

"What's complicated about it? You two are perfect for each other."

"We've known each other since our first year Lily. It would be weird to date him. It was weird doing what we did, and it's just now starting to go back to normal and I don't want things to fall apart if something goes wrong." I said casually.

Lily looked at me, curiously for a moment before turning her attention back to the players.

"I don't understand you." She said, after a few minutes.

I ignored her, not really wanting to hear her reasoning behind her words but instead of taking my silence as a cue to stop, she continued.

"Sirius is a great guy. He was there for you in your hardest times Ana, and I know he's been a jerk in the past but all guys are like that. Even James is like that from time to time, they all get moody. I just think you should give him a chance. Obviously you like him or you wouldn't be spending nights cuddling him in his bed."

"I do like him Lily, trust me, I do. I'm just not ready to dedicate myself to someone." I answered.

"You don't have to dedicate your life to him Ana, all you have to do is go out, get to know him in a different way. What's so hard about that?" She asked.

"It's not just that..." I began, but the look on her face forced me to continue.

"He told me, that I was the one person he wanted to be with, as in always wanted to be with. If we get together now, he's hoping that our relationship will continue out of school and that we'll end up being married and together and stuff."

"Ana, that's cute." Lily smiled.

"It is I guess, but I'm not ready for that. One day I'd be happy to be with Sirius. He's the perfect guy, and someone I've always been able to picture myself with but we're both young. Sirius can hardly keep it in his pants at the best of times, and I want to get to know other people, date other people before settling down."

"Ana you know we're in the middle of a war right? That kind of stuff won't be possible to do once we leave school." She said sadly.

"I know, which is why I want to get it over with now."

"Well, I hope you're making the right choice." She sighed, obviously disappointed she had gotten no where.

The practice was over, and the team was now making their way to the change rooms so Lily and I left the stands and waited at the front of the pitch to greet them. It took them a while, but when they finally came out of the change rooms they all smiled and greeted us. All their faces were pink, both from working hard during practice, as well as from the cold weather. It seemed the longer we stood and talked outside the pitch the colder it got so I pulled on Sirius' arm, signaling him to head back to the castle. To my surprise he actually listened and took my hand, leading me through the grounds.

"You must be freezing." He said as we walked swiftly towards the warm awaiting castle.

"Me? You must be, you had to fly around in the cold air."

"It's not that bad after a while. Adrenaline starts to kick in and warms you." He shrugged.

We were back at the castle before anyone else and I looked behind me to see where Lily and James were. I saw them so far away from us that they looked like specs in the distance and decided not to wait for them, instead we went back up to the common room.

"What do you say we get back into bed and get cozy?" Sirius asked, smirking as he grabbed hold of my waist and pulled me close to him.

"I have way too much homework Sirius." I whined and wrapped my arms around his neck. I wished that I could get back into bed. I was still freezing from being outside so long and the unmade bed looked incredibly inviting.

"It's only saturday, you have a whole day to finish." He complained, pouting slightly which made me laugh.

"I want to get it done, I'm not like you I can't leave things to the last minute and put together a perfect essay."

"Fine." He said, letting me go. I smiled at him and turned to walk up the stairs to grab my books from the dorm when I heard him say my name softly.

"Ana?"

"Yeah?" I answered.

"Can we talk, before you go work on homework?" He asked.

"Sure." I nodded and followed him to a vacant couch.

"Things between us, have been going well." He started and I nodded, not fully understanding where he was going with this.

"Is there any chance of it going further Ana? I really want to know if I'm wasting my time."

I sat there, silent, not knowing how to answer. I was already so conflicted about this inside and now Sirius wanted a straight answer?

"I really like you Sirius, you know I do. I just don't think it's a good time." I answered as honestly as I could.

"See I don't understand what you mean by that. You said that a month ago Ana, I've waited patiently and you seem to be more interested in me."

"I am interested in you Sirius." I said.

"Then what's the problem? Is it because of what happened to you? Because you know I would never force you into doing something you didn't want to do." He said, his eyes wide and sincere.

I felt awful. I cared so much for him and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him, but I just couldn't give in. Not yet.

"It has nothing to do with that." I lied.

"Then please, tell me what it is." He said, almost pleadingly.

"I don't know what it is. I just can't do this now, I'm not ready." I said. I didn't know what else to say. I know it didn't make sense, what I told him, what my reason was but it was the best I could come up with.

I knew part of it had something to do with Rabastan, and part of it had to do with Tomas. It was ridiculous that two horrible people could influence the way I thought about one amazing person. He treated me so well, why was it so hard to just give in. I wanted to, so badly but I knew I would just end up hurting him and it would end up hurting me.

Sirius sighed and looked down.

"Sometimes I wish I could read your mind Ana, but then I wonder if I could handle the truth." He said before getting up and leaving the common room and going up to the boys dorm.

_Good going Ana. You're so good at screwing things up._

I groaned loudly before standing and grabbing my books from the dorm. I knew it was stupid but I left the common room and made my way to the library.

* * *

><p>Authors Note: I know it's a shorter chapter but the next one will be much more interesting. I'm a bit upset with the lack of feedback with the last chapter. I'm hoping it has to do with the site's issues and not with people losing interest in my story! I hope you all are still enjoying and still reading, I'll do my best to update sooner! I love to get reviews so let me know what you think. :)<p> 


	15. Chapter 15

I sat in the library for hours trying to figure out my transfiguration homework. I always had either James' or Sirius' help with this subject because I was basically pitiful at it. Of course I wasn't going to ask Sirius for help and I hadn't seen James since this morning since he was probably either off with the boys pulling a prank or with Lily. I was slightly jealous of their relationship. James had liked her for years and all along Lily had ignored him and shut down every proposal. I think it had to do more with Lily's friendship with Snape that held her back from ever accepting. I never once thought that they would actually end up getting together, but I had always hoped differently. Finally now that they did I was surprised that it took so long. They were perfect for each other, it's like they completed one another. They were so lucky to have found each other. I knew how hard it was to find the other person you were truly meant to be with and I was convinced that I would never find that person. I thought I did, in fourth year but of course it turned out I just wasn't good enough. Since then I hadn't opened up to anyone, I hadn't let myself get close because I didn't want to feel the pain that was caused when the boy I loved hurt me. Maybe I missed out on finding that one person because I was too scared to open up.

My thoughts were interrupted by the seat next to me being pulled out.

"Hola Hannah, how are you?" Andrew said as he sat down next to me.

"I'm fine, trying to figure out this stupid transfiguration homework. What are you doing here? I've never seen you in the library before." I asked, raising my brow at him.

"Is that an insult?" He asked, pretending to be upset which caused me to laugh.

"I was studying with a few friends for Charms when I saw you sitting alone. What're you having trouble with, maybe I could help." He answered.

"Just an essay on switching spells." I said, looking down at my homework.

"Well it just so happens that yours truly is a master at switching spells." He said smiling at me.

For about an hour Andrew helped me with my essay and when I was finally writing and he was done reviewing it I began to pack up my books.

"I've missed you Ana." He said out of the blue. I stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out if I heard right and when he noticed me not speaking he continued.

"I regret what I did and I know it's a lot to ask, but I just hope that you could forgive me?" He was looking at me intently.

"It was a long time ago Andrew, I forgive you." I smiled kindly at him as he sighed with relief.

"I'm so glad." He said and before I knew what was happening he leaned in and placed his lips on mine. I was frozen for a moment before I pulled my head back and looked at him with shock.

"What are you doing?" I whispered.

"I just thought that we could try this again?" He said looking embarrassed.

"When I said I forgave you it didn't mean I wanted to work it out." I said annoyed at his assumption.

_How un-gentleman like. _

"I'm confused, you don't want to be with me?" He asked sounding angry.

"It obviously didn't work out, I mean we weren't even together and it didn't work out. We haven't talked properly since it happened." I said.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to kiss you like that. If you change your mind, you know where to find me." He said, grabbing his books and leaving the library.

I leaned back in my chair and sighed. What was it with boys these days? It seemed that all they wanted to do was play head games. First there was Andrew, who basically said sod off by making out with a random girl at my own birthday in front of me and now he want's everything to go back to how it was practically a month ago. Then there was Rabastan who treated me decently when we were together, but never acknowledged me when we were around other people. All he wanted was my body, I knew that much but yet he played with me by telling me how beautiful and wonderful I was. Lastly there was Sirius, who said he cared about me but then went frolicking off with all the other girls he could find then got angry with me when I said I didn't want a relationship with him.

Thinking about it all made my head ache. I don't know how I ended up in this position. I hated making decisions, especially when it came down to this. None of them were what I really wanted. I didn't want a guy who would be an ass to me when he had a bit of alcohol in him with a pretty girl around, I didn't want a guy who only wanted me for physical pleasure and I didn't want a guy who told me he loved me then shagged other girls. There was obviously something wrong with me. I was attracting the wrong type of guys.

I groaned and picked up my books before heading out of the library. I was on my way back to the Gryffindor tower to put them away and head down to the great hall for lunch when I saw Rabastan walking towards me, alone.

"Good afternoon Ana." He said politely. I knew what he wanted. Whenever he made contact with me it only lead to one thing.

"Hello Rabastan." I greeted and smiled at him.

"Where are you off to?" He asked as he stopped in front of me, blocking my way to continue down the hall.

"I was going to drop this stuff off and go for lunch." I replied as sweetly as I could.

"I have a better idea." He smirked dangerously at me and took my hand before leading me down a side corridor and into a room that I'd never been in. It always amazed me that these boys knew exactly where all the abandoned classrooms were.

"What do you have in mind?" I asked naively as I placed my books down on one desk and sat on another.

"Do you really have to ask Ana?" He eyed me hungrily as he placed both hands on either side of me. I leaned in and kissed him gently while he kissed back with more force. He brought one hand up and cupped my cheek with his palm while his tongue ran along my bottom lip. I placed my hands on his chest as he stood between my parted legs and moved his hands down to rest on my thighs.

Rabastan's lips trailed down my jawline and along my neck, causing a quiet moan to escape my lips.

"You like that baby?" He groaned against my neck giving me shivers. I nodded in response and wrapped my hands around his neck, bringing him closer.

"Thought I might find you here, Lestrange." Came a voice from behind me. Rabastan quickly pulled away from me and look over my shoulder and whoever the voice belonged to made him smirk.

"What brings you here, Tomas?" Rabastan said smugly as I froze in my spot, not waiting to turn around to see him standing there.

"Didn't want you to have too much fun now." He said and I could hear his footsteps coming closer. "It's not all that fair you see, you getting Travers all to yourself."

"What can I say, I don't like to share." Rabastan grinned as he looked down at my emotionless face.

_Surly Rabastan wouldn't let Tomas do anything, right?_

"I don't think you have a choice." Came Tomas' voice next to me. I held my breath as I felt his cold fingers trace a line down my exposed shoulder.

I suddenly became aware of how naive I had been. Thinking that Rabastan would choose me over his fellow housemate, his friend was absurd. They were both so similar and I hand't realized it. They were both cruel and both only showed any interest in me because of my body. I tensed as Tomas continued running his hands over my body while smirking evilly. I looked up to see Rabastans expression only to find that he was looking at me, amused.

"I think we should give dear Ana a treat, don't you?" Rabastan said cooly. I shook my head, pleading with my eyes for him to do something but instead of stoping his friend from touching me, he laughed arrogantly.

"She's afraid of you." Rabastan stated as he stroked my cheek lightly.

"She should be." He grinned, taking it my appearance.

"She's also right here." I said, regretting the words as soon as they left my mouth.

Tomas looked at me with so much hatred that I could practically feel it burning the flesh his hand rested on. I looked up at him, into his eyes and that night flashed in my memory. The why he took all of my strength and will away, how he changed my life from being normal and safe into corrupt and fearful. I hated this wizard with everything in me and I was not willing to let him have the satisfaction of manipulating me again.

"If I were you, I wouldn't show so much attitude." He whispered harshly in my ear as he grabbed hold of my arm, squeezing it tightly. "You're nothing but a pathetic little girl, a bloodtraitor. You should be glad men like us are willing to let something so filthy like you even be near us."

"You're not men. You're pitiful little boys that can only feel powerful by hurting someone who you know can't defend themselves." I spat angrily.

Both Tomas and Rabastan laughed, it was a grim sound that filled the room.

"Ana, darling do you really thing this is the worst thing we've done, that we could do? I've tortured people, even killed them. You are a mere plaything to me." Tomas' voice was so calm that it sent shivers down my spine.

"You wouldn't kill me." The strength in my voice surprised me.

"You're right, I wouldn't. Although I don't have a problem making you hurt." He smirked at me and I could sense what he wanted. He was much more dangerous than I had anticipated while Rabastan stood, leaning against a desk letting him carry on with it.

He brought his mouth to my neck and bit down hard on my sensitive skin. I could feel the blood trickling down to my collarbone before he ran his tongue along the stream.

"How could someone that tastes this good be so filthy." He growled.

I knew better than to fight. It would get me nowhere and would make them both angrier, therefore more dangerous. Instead I closed my eyes, and stayed still and silent. I could feel my wand inside my robes pressing against my body, teasing me.

"Rabastan." I breathed. "I thought you cared for me."

"You're so weak Ana. So insufficient to my needs. Did you actually think someone like me would ever be interested in someone like you?" He said cruelly.

His words stung. I knew it was foolish but I had begun to like Rabastan. When we were together, the two of us he was sweet and gentle most of the time. He never intentionally hurt me and he was always complementing me. I pushed the feelings aside, not wanting to let the tears I could feel coming fall. I would not let them win, I would not let Tomas see me cry from him again. He had turned me weak, he had poisoned my mind into making me think I was some powerless whore. The hurt I felt was flushed with anger and I could feel myself shaking. I promised myself I would never let another guy do this to me again yet here I was, helpless to them both. Feeling sorry for myself because of what he had done to me.

Without having time to think I kicked my legs forward so fast that it pushed him off me and sent him into Rabastan. They both fumbled sightly and I took this as my chance to get away. I reached in and pulled out my wand.

"Stupify!" I shouted at Tomas and Rabastan who were both hit with the spell. They flew backwards into the stone wall opposite the door. I quickly grabbed my books and maneuvered through the desks and out the door that they had stupidly forgotten to lock.

I fell out of the room and turned down the corridor and ran. I ran as fast as I could through the corridors. I didn't know where I was going, my eyes were blurred with unshed tears. I couldn't think straight. I didn't know what do to. I trusted Rabastan. I knew he was dangerous but I didn't think he would ever try and hurt me. I thought he was beginning to feel something for me like I was with him. How could he let this happen? How could he stand by and watch someone else take advantage of me, and laugh about it. How could I have been so stupid into thinking someone like him was any different from the rest. Why did I always let the wrong guys in?

I made up my mind. I knew what I had to do. I changed directions and ran down the hall, bumping into several students. I ran up a number of flights of stairs and continued in the direction I knew I'd find him. I opened the door and was relieved to find he was the only one occupying the room.

"Ana what's wrong?" He asked, closing his book abruptly and standing up.

"I'm so sorry." I said as I stood in the doorway.

"Sorry for what?" His asked, his voice full of concern.

"For everything! For lying, for being so distant, for making you think I wanted to be with you then telling you other wise." I cried, my tears falling freely.

"Ana please don't cry." He said as he came towards me.

"I can't, I can't stop. I feel so horrible all the time. I've let people do things to me, things I never thought I would do. I feel dirty I feel used and disgusting. How can you even like me when I don't even like myself. I'm a horrible person." I sobbed as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Shh Ana it's okay, please stop crying." He cooed as he stroked my hair.

"I'm so sorry." I breathed.

"Stop saying you're sorry darling. You did nothing wrong." He said kindly as he held me in a tight embrace.

I could feel myself shaking as I thought of everything. I couldn't believe how stupid I had been to let myself be used by someone so horrible. I knew something bad was going to happen if I continued the relationship, it was inevitable, and maybe that's exactly what I wanted. Maybe in some twisted way I liked getting hurt and treated like dirt.

"You have no idea how awful I feel. I should've listened to you, to Lily." I whispered.

"Ana what happened?" He asked softly.

"You'll hate me if I tell you." I said.

"I could never hate you." He sighed, squeezing me tighter.

Just as I was about to tell him what happened when the door opened.

"What is going on in here?" A shrill voice asked. I turned my head to see a very angry looking Charlene standing in the doorway, glaring at me as Sirius held me in his arms. I quickly wiped the tears that stained my face away, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

"Now's not a good time Charlene." Sirius said while sounding slightly annoyed.

"What is_ she_ doing in here? And what are you doing holding her like that?" She asked angrily.

"Can't you see that she's upset?" Sirius asked, raising his voice slightly.

"I don't care if she's upset or not. Your not her boyfriend you're mine, let someone else take care of that pathetic girl. It's not like this is the first time she's been crying and you've comforted her." She screeched. "What's your plan Travers? Trying to steal Sirius away by acting like a woeful little girl?" She said, turning her anger on me.

My voice was too croaky to even begin to answer, and even if I could I had nothing to say. This girl was clearly insane if she still thought her and Sirius were together.

"You need to leave." Sirius said, a sense of finality in his voice.

"Are you choosing her over me?" She shouted.

"I think that's obvious. Now leave."

"How can you choose someone like that? She's disgusting! Don't you know what she's done?" Charlene said angrily.

I tensed at her words.

_Did she really know something or was she just being typical over dramatic Charlene?_

"Don't you dare insult her." Sirius growled, much like Tomas had.

"She'll never be like me Sirius, I hope you know that." She said, her voice filled with rage.

"That's the point." He was clearly annoyed with her interruption and sighed as she yelled out in frustration and slammed the door shut.

I let out another sob, one that I had been holding in since she arrived.

"Ana, It breaks my heart to see you so upset." He whispered in my ear.

"I've tried to be strong Sirius, but I just can't anymore. I can't." I sobbed quietly against his chest.

"What do you mean you've tried?" He asked softly.

"I lied, I lied about everything. I'm not okay. I haven't gotten a full nights sleep since it happened, I've been so stressed out trying to avoid confrontation, I've pretended that everything was okay and back to normal. I let them take advantage of me, I let them use me." I confessed.

"Let who take advantage of you?" I could sense the anger in his question.

"Mulciber, Rosier, Selwyn, Rookwood, Rabastan. They've all had a turn." I said quietly, embarrassed with how many of them I had willingly slept with.

"They've all raped you? Why didn't you say anything?" He was shocked.

"Because they didn't rape me, I let them." I whimpered.

"You let each one of them touch you?" He asked, anger clearly visible now.

I nodded, terrified of his next reaction but instead of blowing up at me like I expected he just stood still, holding me.

"They're all done for." He said in a deathly calm voice.

"Sirius-" I began before he stopped me.

"No Ana. Do not defend them. I don't care if you let them touch you, be with you. They took advantage of you. If you really wanted it you wouldn't be having nightmares every night, you wouldn't be scared to walk the halls alone and you wouldn't be crying and sobbing constantly. I hate what they've done to you Ana. You used to be the happiest, up spirited girl I'd ever met and they've reduced you to terrified and miserable . You deserve to be happy again, you deserve to laugh and smile and live carelessly. They're not going to get away with this and I promise you Ana I'll keep you safe, no matter what, you will always be safe with me." He said as he looked into my eyes.

There was so much going on within his gray orbs. I knew he was sincere and I knew he was concerned but he was also hurt. Whether he was hurt by the fact that I had let all those Slytherin's touch me or that they had done this to me unwillingly I didn't know. I didn't care. All I wanted was him, to be safe again and I knew that if I was with him I would be.


	16. Chapter 16

Authors Note: I'm so sorry for the delay with this chapter! I have been busy this week with midterms and couldn't find the time to finish it. The next update shouldn't take this long. Anyways, I hope you all forgive me and enjoy the chapter! Thank you for all the reviews and adds and I hope this chapter gets the same response :)

* * *

><p>"Why don't you want to tell them?" Sirius asked as we sat in the Gryffindor common room playing a game of exploding snap.<p>

"It's not a big deal." I shrugged, placing a card on top of the pile.

"Of course it's a big deal Ana how can you say that?" He said firmly as he took his turn.

"I just don't see the point in worrying them." I said as I looked carefully at the pile.

"They're your friends, they should know about it. They're not going to judge you if that's what you're worried about." He said. When he placed his card down on the pile the whole thing erupted as we both leaned back to avoid losing our eyebrows.

"How do you know they won't judge me?" I asked, "It's not like I was forced to do any of it, I did it because I wanted to."

"Don't pretend with me Ana, the only reason you did those things was because you were scared. They terrified you into giving them what they wanted." He said coldly as he mentioned them.

"That still doesn't make what I did any better, I could've told someone then what was going on and maybe things would have been different but now that they know I didn't tell them they're going to be even more upset."

"Better late than never love, and if it is any consultation, I'm not upset that you took so long to tell me." His voice was soft.

"How are you not upset?" I asked in disbelief. It was so unlike Sirius, the boy who always overreacted and would get angry about almost everything that happened like this.

"I can't even begin to understand exactly what Tomas put you through but I've been abused too Ana, you know that. And it took me years to finally muster up the courage to tell people about it. It still happens, and there is nothing I can do about it. The marauders have made many suggestions, but like you, I've been to scared to do anything about it." He said and I could hear the sadness in his voice.

It was no secret to Sirius' friends that he was abused at home. He had never agreed with his family beliefs and therefore they punished him for it. Everyone has tried talking him out of going back but he has always refused in giving his family the satisfaction of running away.

"Thank you Sirius." I reached across the table and placed my hand on his clenched fist which he relaxed at my touch.

As if on cue, all the marauders, including Alice and Lily walked into the common room at once.

"Hey Ana, Sirius, nice to see you two are finally awake." James said, grinning at the both of us. Sirius gave him a look that I couldn't quite figure out but whatever it meant caused James to burst out into laughs.

"You slept through breakfast." Lily said sitting down in the chair next to me.

"I know, I'm not hungry though." I said smiling at her and Alice, who was standing near the table. I talked to Remus for a bit before Alice disappeared off to the girls dormitory.

"Why do you keep sleeping in there dorm?" Lily asked, keeping her voice low so no one else in the common room could hear.

"Sirius and I were talking and I fell asleep." I didn't want to get into it in the middle of the crowded common room. I knew she didn't believe me but she didn't push it any further for which I was greatful. I didn't exactly know what was going on between Sirius and I and I had no idea how to describe it to Lily. I especially didn't want to tell her that he was comforting me after Rabastan and Tomas cornered me in an abandoned classroom that I had willingly gone into with one of them in the first place.

I was convinced that I was off the hook from telling everyone everything until Sirius suggested we all crowd into the marauders dorm. I knew exactly what he was doing.

"It'll be fine Ana, better to say something now then having them find out through someone else." He whispered as we walked up the stone steps to the dorms.

Once inside, Lily and James sat on his bed while Lily rested against him in a cuddly manner. Remus and Peter each sat on their own beds and I sat next to Sirius on his bed. We all sat quietly for a moment before James spoke up.

"What should we do?" He asked no on in particular. I looked around the room to see if anyone was coming up with an idea, but my stomach flipped when I heard Sirius speak.

"Well, Ana has something she's been wanting to tell everyone, she's just been to nervous to say it."

"Oh I think I know what she's going to say, tell us Ana!" Lily said excitedly. I had no idea what she thought I was going to say but I knew she wouldn't have that expression on her face if she did.

"Well I, It's nothing important." I said quietly.

_I really don't want to do this right now. _

"I'm sure it is, what is it?" Remus urged and I looked to Sirius who nodded.

"I've kind of been, sleeping around with a few different guys." I said nervously.

"And why is this important for us to know?" James asked, looking from me to Sirius.

"Because each one of them are in Slytherin, and friends with Tomas." I admitted.

For a moment no one spoke, instead they just all looked at me with both shock and disgust on their faces so I decided to continue.

"I was with Rabastan Lestrange yesterday and Tomas walked in and insisted on... being with me. I resisted and so they kind of got mad at me."

"What did they do to you Ana?" Lily asked quietly and I could tell what she was thinking.

"They didn't do anything, I managed to get away before something happened. I'm just scared because I know Rabastan is going to be angry with me for running away." I said. At this point, saying it didn't make any sense and I had no idea why I needed to tell them anyways.

"Why would you do that to yourself?" James asked, his voice filled with disgust.

"I don't know." I admitted. I'd already been through the same confrontation with Sirius the night before and was really not in the mood to do it again.

"Don't you understand how disgusting that is Ana? You're like a whore, but not even a sane whore, you're a whore for Slytherins." He said harshly.

"Prongs, that's not necessary." Remus came to my defense.

"And you kept it from us? You told us everything was fine, how was everything fine if you were out sleeping with a bunch of guys who are friends with the guy that attacked you? Do you have any common sense?" James said more loudly.

"James stop, Ana's been through a lot." Lily said, placing her hand on his arm to calm him down, but it didn't work.

"That's no excuse. She had no reason to not tell us." He said to Lily.

"We're your friends Ana if something was going on we would've been there for you. You could've talked to us instead of finding company with those snakes." He said, speaking to me again.

"I know." I said quietly. I had nothing to say. James never got angry with me, and the things he said were really hurtful. Deep in my mind I knew he was right, I was a whore for doing all those stupid things and I would never be able to take them back but it hurt to hear if from someone I cared about.

"She had every right to keep it to herself James, it's none of your business what Ana does with herself. Just be glad she's telling you now." Lily said firmly.

"How can you defend what she's done? They're Slytherin's, the worst in that house. Rabastan Lestrange is a lunatic." James returned.

"I'm not saying it was a good idea, but she was probably scared. Like you said, he's crazy and probably terrifying if he wants something." She said, lowering her voice but it was still clear what she had said.

"You shouldn't have kept it a secret. Don't you realize how dangerous he is?" James said, his attention on me once more.

"I didn't know how to tell you." I said, looking down.

"Who else?" I looked up to see James staring at me intently.

"What?" I asked, not believing he actually asked me that.

"You heard me Ana, who else were you with?" He said and I knew by the tone in his voice I wouldn't get away with not answering.

"Evan Rosier, Mulciber, Selwyn, Augustus Roockwood and Rabastan." I answered, feeling worse than ever as I looked into his disappointed eyes.

"They're all insane." He said. "You're lucky to be alive Ana, fraternizing with them is incredibly dangerous."

"Did any of them hurt you?" Remus asked from my left and I just shook my head.

They had all been overly rough with me, but I just assumed that was the way they liked it and didn't put much thought into it but now hearing James talk about them being dangerous I realized that I put myself in the worst situations possible. I didn't think they would actually do something like kill me while we were at school but they could do things just as bad, I had a first had experience of what they could do. I could recall most of them hurting me, holding me too hard, thrusting to fast or pulling on my hair. Only Evan, Mulciber and Rabastan spent time making me feel good while the others were selfish. I didn't care because I was usually drunk and my body was numb by the time they got to me.

I realized that Sirius hadn't said a word the entire time and it wasn't until James asked him a question that his voice was heard.

"And how do you feel about this?" James said angrily to Sirius who sighed.

"I think Ana has been through Hell and this was her way of coping with the traumatic experience she was put through a few months back. It was a stupid way to make herself feel better, but there's no way to change anything now. She needs us Prongs," He wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "You're one of her best friends, we need to be there for her."

"I agree." Remus said and Peter nodded, he too hadn't said a word the entire time, but then again he never did.

"You're right, I'm sorry Ana." James sighed as he looked down.

"We'll always be here for you.'Lily said, smiling warmly at me.

"They're going to regret hurting you darling." Sirius said, squeezing my shoulders.

"I'm sorry for lying to you guys about everything being alright. I just didn't know how to deal with everything, I still don't. And I'm sorry for being an emotional wreck lately." I said looking around the room at each one of my friends.

"We forgive you." Remus said, grinning at me. "If there's anything you need don't be afraid to ask. You know we love you, you're one of us and no one hurts anyone without consequences."

I laughed at his comment. I never thought of Remus as the retaliation type.

"Exactly. They aren't going to get away with it." James said, his tone much lighter now.

"Yeah." Peter said, smiling kindly at me.

"Well enough of that, we need to think of something to do for the rest of our day." Sirius said, changing the topic.

"Well we could always do homework, I know I have a ton." Lily suggested.

"No lilyflower, no homework." James said patting her head which caused us all to laugh while Lily glared at him in annoyance.

* * *

><p>The next morning I awoke earlier than usual so I was the first to have a shower and get changed for classes. By the time I was ready to go to the great hall for breakfast Lily and I made our way through the castle and down to the main floor. The castle was dark because the sun still hadn't risen outside. The days were getting shorter and colder making it evident that winter was on the way. We arrived in the great hall when most people from each house were already there and we took our seats with the marauders who were indulging in various breakfast meals.<p>

"Good morning lovely." James greeted Lily who took a seat next to him while I sat across from her next to Remus. She replied to him with a peck on the lips before picking up a piece of toast and biting in.

I on the other hand sat quietly and watched as everyone else ate since I did not have an appetite.

"Why aren't you eating anything?" Sirius asked with a mouthful of apple.

_I knew he was going to mention it. _

"Not hungry Sirius." I sighed as he looked at me curiously. I wasn't usually one to skip a meal but my nerves had gotten to me.

Our first class of the day would be with the Slytherins which meant Rabastan and Evan would be in class with us. I wasn't usually bothered by the idea that we had class together since we usually ignored each other. They would never want to be seen talking to a Gryffindor and I didn't want to lead my friends to think I was involved with them. Besides, usually after class was when Rabastan would pull me aside and make plans for a meeting later that same day. Since cursing them I hadn't seen Rabastan and I was horribly nervous to be in the same room with him, especially now that all my friends know what happened between us.

I stayed with Lily and the marauders while they ate breakfast and when it was time to head to class we all stood and made our way to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom together.

"Are you going to be okay in class?" It seemed that Remus knew what was bothering me since he asked as we walked side by side through the corridors.

"Yeah, I'll just ignore them as usual." I said, quickly brushing the subject off. I knew it wouldn't be that easy to ignore them but I had to try.

We arrived at the classroom which was already open. I took my usual seat at the table Lily and I shared but was surprised to see her sit in Sirius' spot next to James. Even though they were dating, Lily and James never sat together in class because although she liked him, she was easily annoyed with his immaturity in class, something that had improved slightly but not completely.

"Why are you and Lily switching spots?" I asked as Sirius sat down next to me.

"I don't want those Slytherins giving you a hard time." He said as he opened his books.

"I'm sure Lily is perfectly capable to defend me if needed." I laughed. Lily was one of the scariest people when she was mad other than Sirius which is one reason I never understood James' determination for her. He was one of the only people who actually made her angry and when that happened I wanted no part of it.

"Change is never a bad thing darling." Sirius grinned at me as I shook my head. I opened my books to the last lesson and waited for the professor to start her lesson on Giants and the threats they posed.

I looked over to the table next to me and saw Rabastan and Evan asking their fellow housemates to switch spots with them. Rabastan sat closest to me, the only thing separating us being the thin walkway between tables. He turned his head to look at me, giving me a arrogant smirk. Sirius noticed and glared at him from across our table. My face went pale and my hands began to shake at the tension between the two of them and me being placed directly in the middle of it all. I could feel the anger radiating off of Sirius as he moved his chair closer to mine and gently touched my arm, signaling for me to look at him.

"Do you want to switch spots?" He asked quietly and I shook my head, not wanting to cause a scene. I didn't mind sitting next to him, there was nothing he could do to me while we were in the middle of class.

"Open your books to page 345. The beginning of the lesson we will get into a brief background of the giants and the second part of the class will revolve around the threats they potentially could be." Professor Draster said from the front of the classroom.

Pages of textbooks rustled throughout the class as everyone opened their books to the right page. I pulled out a piece of parchment to copy down notes and Sirius did the same next to me. I looked over and saw Rabastan staring at me and when we linked eyes he gave me a suspiciously genuine looking smile.

"Now Giants are much less intelligent than witches and wizards but they do have their own language and culture. They are capable of learning other languages but many don't because really they do not have much interest in communicating with us-"

She started her lesson and I could already feel myself loosing attention. I wasn't interested in sitting through a long lecture today, especially not in the position I was in. I could see Sirius taking sideways glances every minute or so at Rabastan and Evan to make sure they weren't doing anything, and then he would tense up when they made eye contact. It was clear that Rabastan was enjoying making Sirius angry because instead of glaring back, he would give him an arrogant smirk.

Half way through the lesson I could hear Rabastan and Evan whispering about something and I found it increasingly distracting as the lesson got even more dull. I couldn't make out what they were saying but I could hear them snickering slightly during their conversation.

I looked up at the front of the class where the professor was showing us the anatomy of a Giant on the front bored but wasn't bothered to pay attention. Instead I turned to Sirius who had his head propped up on both his fists but his eyes were closed. I smiled to myself thinking about how Professor Draster couldn't notice that he was clearly sleeping in her classroom. Either that or she just didn't care because James and Sirius never payed attention anyways. I looked over to see him actually listening to what was being said as he sat next to Lily who was furiously scribbling notes on her parchment like always. It seemed that sitting with Lily actually had a positive effect on James, although dating her is probably what's doing it. Ever since they had gotten together he had been much less focused on pulling pranks which he knew Lily frowned upon, and more time on her and his friends although I had been very distant lately, I hadn't had most of the benefits the others have had.

I think Sirius missed pulling pranks daily with James since it was something they had been doing since they arrived at Hogwarts for the first time. I hadn't noticed that much of a change in Sirius other than he didn't spend a lot of his evenings in his bed with a different girl which was nice. They still pulled pranks occasionally and I could tell Lily turned a blind eye to it. She was a prefect and was always warning James that even though they were dating she would still take points off for bad behavior. James of course just laughed it off, knowing whatever charm he had would work on her.

I heard the class start to pack up so I did the same and closed my books. I pushed Sirius' shoulder and his head dropped off of his hands and almost hit the desk before his eyes snapped open and he lifted his head. He blinked a few times before taking in his surrounding and turned to me.

"Did I snore?" He asked with a sleepy grin on his face.

"Not today." I laughed as he closed his own books.

The bell rang, signaling for class to be over so we stood and headed out of the room quickly with Remus and Peter. James stayed back with Lily as she asked Professor Draster some after class questions. We tried to get out of class before Rabastan and Evan had a chance to catch up but of course, nothing ever went right for me.

"Enjoy class Travers?" I heard Evan say from behind me. I turned around to see him standing with Rabastan and a few other Slytherins. Not wanting to engage in conversation with them I turned around and continued walking before Rabastan stopped me by grabbing my wrist firmly.

"It's not very polite to walk away from someone who's talking to you, Ana. Surly you know that by now." He said calmly with the same arrogant smirk on his face.

"Don't touch her." Sirius said and I could tell he was trying hard to contain his anger. Rabastan raised his eyebrows and tilted his head to look at Sirius who continued to glare at him.

"I have no desire to talk to either of you, Rabastan." I said angrily. Suddenly he pulled me close to him and brought his mouth to my ear.

"You know, I will forgive you for what happened in the classroom simply because I understand you don't enjoy Tomas' company, but if you choose to talk to me like that again he'll seem like a kitten compared to me." He threatened deeply.

Before I had a chance to do anything Rabastan was being pulled off of me. I looked to see who it was and I saw Sirius who had his wand raised in the direction of Rabastan who still looked arrogant and smug.

"I told you not to touch her Lestrange." Sirius was no longer hiding his anger.

I backed up next to Remus and Peter, not wanting to get in the middle of anything. I had no intentions of stopping Sirius, if he wanted to curse Rabastan all the power to him.

"I don't believe it's your place to tell me what I can and can't do, Black. What are you going to do, curse me?" Rabastan said calmly.

"Don't tempt me." Sirius said cooly.

"So what, you go through all the Slytherins and now Blackie here is upset? I don't blame you, we're much more... lavish than anyone you'd be able to find in Gryffindor" Rabastan said to me, causing his housemates to laugh. I could feel my face turning red as every one around us heard what he had said and looked at me with varying looks.

"Leave Ana out of this." Sirius growled, gripping his wand tighter.

"Leave her out of it? She's the reason your wand is pointed at me is it not? A blood traitor like you would never stand a chance if I was willing to duel with you." He said lazily.

That was enough for Sirius who waved his wand, causing a jet of red light to spurt out the end of it and hit Rabastan in the center of his chest, throwing him backwards into the group of Slytherins, all of whom paid more attention to their housemate than actually fighting against Sirius, who now put his wand away and walked over to me before dragging us away from the scene.

"You shouldn't have done that." Remus said as we hurried throughout the halls. "It's just going to make him more angry."

"Let him be angry." Sirius was gripping my arm so hard I could practically feel the bruises forming.

"Ouch, Sirius let me go." I said firmly. He quickly released his grip and apologized. We stopped in the middle of the third floor corridor, well away from the scene in front of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.

"You guys go on, I want to talk to Sirius alone." I said to Remus and Peter. Remus looked at me for a moment before nodded and heading down the hall with Peter.

"I know you're just trying to protect me and all Sirius, but I don't want to cause a war between everyone. I'm sure everything will just blow over if we ignore it." I looked at him, trying to get him to see the reason behind my words but knowing it was highly unlikely.

"Those guys don't just let things go Ana, trust me." He argued.

"Things are just going to get worse." I said.

"I don't care Ana, I'm not going to let them talk to you like that, or touch you like that. I don't want to see you get hurt again." He said, his eyes full of concern.

"I can take care of myself."

"You can yes, but just let me help you. I care about you a lot Ana." He said quietly, moving a step towards me. He placed a gentle hand on my cheek as he looked down into my eyes.

We didn't waste any more time talking before I felt his lips pressing against mine. They were warm and soft as they moved slightly with my own and I could feel him placed his other hand on the small of my back and pulled me closer. I wrapped both arms around his neck and elevated myself on my tiptoes. The kiss was short, but passionate and when he pulled away we stood in the embrace for a moment longer.

"I really care about you." He said again, his breath tickling my face.

"I know." I smiled and hugged him as we stood in the middle of the hallways.

* * *

><p>Dinner finally came and I was more hungry than usual. Everyone talked and ate casually until someone tapped harshly on my shoulder and I turned around to Shay standing there looking very aggravated.<p>

"I need to talk to you, now." He said. I could tell he was angry so I stood quickly and waved to the others before I followed Shay out of the great hall and up a few flights of stairs.

"What do you think you're doing?" He finally said when we were out of earshot from anyone.

"What are you talking about?" I said, crossing my arms across my chest and glaring back at him.

"I told you to stay away from Black Ana." He said quietly.

"And I told you I'm not going to stop hanging out with my best friend."

"It's bad enough that you're friends with him but now you're shagging him?" His voice was filled with hatred and disgust at the idea.

"What?" I asked, not fully understanding.

"I saw you two in the hall today snogging. Ana why are you wasting your time with someone like him."

"Oh and I supposed you'd want me with someone you'd approve of? Someone like Tomas?" I shouted angrily.

"He's better than Black." Shay shrugged.

"He raped me!" I yelled, not caring if anyone else was around listening.

"What?" Shay asked, changing from angry to concerned in a second. For a moment I believed he truly had no idea what had happened until I remembered how good of friends they were.

"Don't act like you don't know what he did Shay, you two are friends he's obviously told you what happened." I answered, furious that he would even try to act sympathetic after he has been spending time with Tomas right in front of me.

"I swear Ana, I had no idea." He said sadly. He reached out, attempting to wrap his arms around me in a hug but I backed up out of his reach.

"Just like you had no idea about Rabastan and Evan? Or Mulicber, Selwyn and Rookwood?"

I couldn't believe him.

"What did they do to you?" He asked desperately.

"Just give it up Shay I don't care anymore. You're not the brother I used to have, the brother I used to have would have done something and not acted like he didn't know what was going on. I hate you Shay!" I yelled, ripping the necklace he had given me from my neck and throwing it at him before I turned and walked away quickly


	17. Chapter 17

Authors Note: So I am a little discouraged with the amount of feedback with the previous chapter. Did no one like it? Because if that is the case I would love to know why! I do thank everyone for the adds though, they encourage me to keep up with this story since I know that even though I'm not getting reviews I'm still getting adds! I do hope everyone likes this chapter more :)

* * *

><p>I laid on his bed, cuddled under the warm thick blankets and couldn't help but notice that they smelled like him. The musky spice scent was subtle but to me was obvious as it filled my nostrils each time I inhaled. I listened as the water streamed from the shower, every so often falling more heavily as I could only assume when it ran down his body. I closed my eyes and imagined him standing naked as the hot water drenched his toned body. I pictured his fingers working soap through his thick, black hair then washing it clean as the white foam ran down his shoulders and back. I was only pulled out of my lewd thoughts when I heard the water stop running. I waited until the door opened and he stepped out, silhouetted by the bright lanterns that lit the bathroom. He walked through the room, stopping at the closet and peered in. I took in his fresh appearance, his chest and back glistening with droplets of water as a towel wrapped loosely around his waist. He ran his hand through his wet hair as he stood, looking for clothing in the closet.<p>

When he found his desired clothes and went back into the bathroom to change I couldn't help but think what was wrong with me. I had known him for so long, been closer with him than anyone else and only now, in our sixth year was I figuring out just how attracted to him I was. Everything about him caught my interest when I started noticing it. The way he walked with a sense of confidence surrounding him, his vibrant personality, his god-like appearance, even his background intrigued me. I knew he had spent nights with girls much more attractive and much more experienced than me which sent some sort of tightening sensation through my stomach. I was not what he had always gone for and there for I knew I would be getting my hopes up if I actually acted on my attraction.

He on the other hand, had no problem with being forward. He told me constantly how beautiful I was, how much he enjoyed my company and all of it made it harder for me to keep my intentions hidden.

Then again, why even bother keeping it in. It was obvious he was attracted to me enough to let me sleep with him when he could be shagging some other girl. He made it clear to his friends that he was interested in me, at least that is what I was told. He's also been acting much more flirty with me than he ever had.

_It wouldn't hurt to give it a try. _

"Hey Ana, get up we have a potions assignment this morning remember? Slughorn won't be impressed if we show up late." Sirius said from the bathroom. He was drying his hair with the towel that was previously wrapped around his waist and to my dismay he was now fully clothed.

I groaned and pulled myself out of the warmth of the bed I was just occupying. I stood up shakily and yawned before I started for the door but was stopped by a pair of strong arms wrapping around my waist and pulling me back against the firm body that stood behind me.

"After class I want to take you somewhere." He said softly as he moved my hair off my shoulder to expose my neck and ear.

"Where are you thinking?" I asked, smiling as he kissed my ear gently.

"It's a surprise, love. Just don't make any plans." He breathed against my exposed skin. I nodded and grinned as he let me go before I walked out of the boys dorm and headed for my own.

_It definitely wouldn't hurt to try. _

Potions was nothing short of a disaster. Slughorn had prepared an assignment that was to be done in class today during our double block which involved partners and the brewing of a complicated potion, an elixir to induce euphoria. Lily, who was always my partner, and I were moving along swiftly through the directions for a good part of the class. Lily was always naturally spectacular at potions, while I was the complete contrast. It's not that I was not skilled in the area, I just got bored easily and sometimes brewing certain potions took up a lot of my time. Todays potion was no different. It required patience and persistence which was something that wasn't particularly my strong suit.

Lily was helping James and Sirius who had managed to turn their supposed-to-be bright yellow potion into a mucky brown color which started steaming green smoke. I was left to tend to our potion which in my opinion was taking much too long. The only thing left was to add the final ingredient, shrivelfig when it turned a pale yellow color. Since the classroom was so dark I could not confidently decide whether it had reached that pale tinge or if it was still the whitish murky color. Instead of second guessing myself I dropped in the shrivelfig and stirred the potion gently. It seemed that my actions had finished the potion and just as I pulled the stir stick out of the cauldron it started bubbling.

"Lily, can you come over here for a minute? I think their is something wrong with our potion." I called as I watched the liquid bubble.

"Ana what did you do? It was perfect when I left." Lily said as she observed the sunshine yellow potion slowly turn orange.

"I just added the shrivelfig like I was supposed to and this happened." I said pointing at the cauldron.

"Did you wait until it was a pale yellow?" She looked at me suspiciously.

"Yes. I think so." I shrugged.

"You think so?" She exclaimed as she looked back down at the instructions the book gave.

"Well in my defense this classroom is quite dark and it is hard to see the exact color of things." I looked back down at the concoction which looked an angry redish orange color now.

"Ah Miss Evans, Miss Travers how is your potion making going... ooh." Professor Slughorn had come over and taken a look at our prepared potion.

"It seems you two haven't quite payed attention to the instructions." He said as he observed the potion. Just then the liquid bursted out of the cauldron up at Slughorn's face.

"Professor!" Lily yelped as he jumped back just in time for it to miss half of his face but unfortunately he wasn't quick enough to get his forehead and front of his hair out of the potions way.

His skin and hair were dyed a bright red color when he patted the potion off his face with a handkerchief and I had to bite the inside of my cheek hard to keep myself from laughing. Lily on the other hand looked as though she was about to burst into tears.

"Professor I am so sorry!" She said repeatedly.

"Not to worry Evans it is not toxic, but I don't think you will be getting top marks with this concoction." He said as he patted his face gently with his fingertips.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see the group of Slytherins which included Rabastan and Evan along with Lily's ex friend and potions partner Snape snickering to themselves at our mistake.

"Oi Professor, you got a little something in your hair." James said as he approached our table to observe what had happened.

"Yes James, a remarkable observation." Lily snapped at him while Sirius laughed next to him.

"Get back to work boys, and ladies clean up your mess." Slughorn instructed as he turned away from our table and continued around the room, inspecting everyones potions while leaving the red dye on his skin and hair.

"I'm really sorry Lily." I said as we scrubbed the table with cloths. "I didn't expect it to explode like that."

"Next time just pay attention to the instructions." She huffed as she wiped down our accessories.

"I just assumed that it was ready." I defended.

"You can't assume in potions Ana, if you want my help you're going to have to listen to me and pay more attention." She muttered.

I felt slightly awful. Lily had been one of the top students in potions since we started here at Hogwarts and ever since she stopped her friendship with Snape and became my partner she was getting lower grades because of my lack of attention in the class. I offered to tell Slughorn that it was my fault but she refused and shook it off rather quickly.

The rest of the day went by rather quickly as I went from class to class. To my relief Rabastan his friends that I was not acquainted with left me alone for the majority of the day, things had died down since our last encounter after Defense Against the Dark Arts but I could tell it wasn't completely over. I still felt him watching me and when I would look over he would cast me smug looks. I avoided him and all the others at all costs in the halls. I usually if not always travelled with someone else to steer clear of any trouble.

I was lounging in the common room with my cat Fang, who had completely disappeared on me the moment we arrived at Hogwarts but today had decided to show her face and cuddle with me. We sat near the fire as Lily whizzed through her homework that wasn't due until Monday. I was grateful for the weekend because of my exhaustion. For some reason when the late fall months arrived I felt myself tired all the time.

"Hey Ana, ready to go?" Sirius said as he plopped down next to me and looked at the cat on my lap who suddenly opened her eyes. He smiled at Fang and went to pet her before she sat up and hissed loudly at him then jumping off my lap and running away.

"Why did you do that Sirius?" I complained as I fell back against the couch.

"It's not my fault your cat hates me." He said sadly.

"You know, since I've been sitting here several people have sat down and she didn't hiss at a single one of them." I looked at him curiously but instead of responding to me he grabbed my hand and pulled me up with him into a standing position.

"We need to go before it gets too dark out." He said as he grasped my hand tightly and lead me out of the common room.

"Where are we going?" I whined as we walked through the crowds and out the main doors of the castle.

"You'll see Ana." He said with a smirk on his face.

The late afternoon air was cool and relaxing as it blew gently across my face. It's contact with my bare skin gave me goose bumps and sent shivers throughout my body. The sun was slowly going down, casting a red-orange color across the grounds. Any day now it would start to snow, I could feel it in the air and far away in the sky were dark gray clouds hovering over distant mountains.

I breathed in the fresh air as we continued to walk and instantly felt more awake than I had all week. The castle was always warm and stuffy with everyone filling it and being outside was different, it was less crowded and more freeing. We walked through the grounds towards the edge near the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Sirius let go of my hand and walked a bit further until he was standing in front of the Whomping Willow that stood tall.

"Sirius what are you doing?" I called out as I stopped a safe distance away from the destructive tree and watched, shocked as Sirius approached it. He bent down and picked up something and threw it at the tree which suddenly stopped moving.

"Come on before it starts moving again." He turned to me and held out his hand. I ran towards him and grabbed his outstretched hand as he led me to a passage near the bottom of the trees trunk.

I slid down the dirt tunnel with Sirius behind me before hitting the bottom and falling over. I groaned at the impact of my body hitting the hard ground.

"Are you alright?" Sirius bent down next to me and looked at with his want raised and illuminated.

"I'm fine, but can you please tell me where we are?" I asked as I let him pull me up off the ground.

"We're not there yet." He said as he began walking through the tunnel that connected to the one we slid down.

The attmosphere was dark and dingy as we continued through for about five minutes. I sighed and followed him through the passage until we reached the very end of tunnel. He pushed open a trapped door on the roof and pulled himself through before leaning back down to help me through. When he pulled me up I looked at my odd surroundings. We were in a house, that much I could tell. It had wooden floor and tattered walls that looked like some animal lived here and went lunatic on the walls. There were scratch marks and patches of fur all around the room we were in.

"Are you sure this is safe Sirius?" I looked to him who nodded and smiled. We walked through the house and up a flight of stairs before going into a room that held, to my astonishment a bed with blankets.

"This is my room." He said as he pulled me into the room.

"What are you talking about?" I looked around the room, it had just as many scratch marks on the walls as all the other rooms but the majority of the fur in this room was black.

"We're in the Shrieking Shack." He answered and I turned my attention to him.

"So you just come here to sleep with wild animals?" I said gesturing to the condition of the room.

"Technically yes." He grinned as he admired the room.

"Can you tell me what's going on?" I asked as I watching him nervously.

_Maybe there was a reason I was never interested in him, he might be mental._

"Come sit." He gestured towards the bed that stood in the middle of the destroyed room. We sat down across from each other and I looked at him intently, waiting for an answer.

"You know all those nights I said that you can't sleep in my dorm with me?" He asked and I nodded.

"Well it's because I come here." He added.

"You come here?" I questioned, still not understanding.

"I didn't want to be the one who told you this but he gave me permission. Remus is a Werewolf." He said, waiting for my reaction.

I sat still, looking at him as he looked at me. I couldn't think of anything to say. I kind of figured something was going on because at first when Sirius told me I wasn't allowed to stay in his dorm I thought it was because he was bedding some other girl. But when the same thing occurred usually once a month around the same time I realized something more was going on.

"So he comes here during the full moon?" I asked, intending to get more information.

"Yes, every month he comes here for the transformation and with him James, Peter and I come with him to support him during it. We're animagus."

"You're what?" I breathed with my jaw visibly dropped.

"Animagus. James is a Stag, Peter is a rat and I'm a dog." He answered.

"No wonder Fang hates you." I grinned. "How long has this been going on?"

"A few years." Sirius said as he looked at me as if trying to understand what I was thinking.

"How come you didn't tell me?" I was slightly hurt by the secrecy involving both Remus and the others.

"No one else is supposed to know according to Dumbledore but Remus wanted you to know since you're one of his closer friends. He wanted to tell you but when I told him of my idea to take you here he granted me permission to tell you myself." He explained.

I looked around the room and pictured what possibly went on here. Although I couldn't imagine what it was like beyond any imagination the room explained part of it.

"It must be hard, having to transform into something that does that." I said, nodding towards the deep gashes in the walls.

"Yes, it's dangerous but the three of us give him company while he's in his other form and by being animals we can control him better."

"How did you find this place?" I asked curiously.

"Dumbledore. He said it would be the perfect place for Remus since he could cause damage and no one would go into the Shrieking Shack, because of the shrieking." He laughed at his words.

I nodded and looked down at my clasped hands that laid in my lap. Remus was the nicest, most caring guy I had ever met and in no way did he deserve this. He was the complete opposite of destructive and dangerous and I would have never expected it to be him that suffered this cruel fate.

"I feel awful for him." I admitted, looking back up at Sirius.

"He's much better off now that he has friends that share it with him Ana. It could be worse, don't worry about him. He doesn't like it." He said quietly and I nodded.

I twisted and laid myself back on the bed as I looked up at the dark ceiling. For a moment I laid in silence before I felt Sirius shift his weight and fall down next to me. I turned over on my side and looked at him as he laid on his back with his face turned to look back at mine.

"A dog suits you." I thought out loud which caused him to scoff in amusement.

"Excuse me Miss Travers but in dog form I am very much a lovely, gentle creature with no bad intentions.

"Mhmm." I smiled and closed my eyes. Sirius leaned up and pointed his wand at the dark fireplace. Light shot out of it's end and ignited flames which instantly warmed the room.

"Sirius." I said quietly.

"Hmm?" He answered just as softly. I opened my eyes to see him watching me.

"Can I ask you something?" I didn't know if I really wanted to know, but I couldn't help myself from asking.

"Anything darling." He murmured as he brought his hand up to my cheek and pushed my hair back behind my ear.

"Since this whole thing started, between you and me, have you..." I trailed off, not knowing how to finish my question.

"Have I what?" He whispered.

"Have you been with anyone." I blurted out.

He looked at me for a moment without saying anything while he continued to stroke my hair. I didn't know if his silence was a good or bad thing but finally a small smile was brought to his lips.

"I have not, Ana." He smiled warmly at me.

"Not even Charlene?" I pried.

"Does snogging count?" He asked carefully and I shook my head, trying to ignore the tightening in my chest.

"Then no, not even Charlene."

"But you've kissed her?" I asked again, trying not to sound to immature.

"You said that didn't count." He defended but I nodded slowly.

"It doesn't. Forget I asked." I turned my head away from him, not wanting to show the hurt in my eyes. I wasn't sure why I was upset about him snogging someone. I had slept with countless guys, Slytherins, since him and I were together for the first time.

I was looking down at his chest, watching it rise and fall as he breathed before his fingers lifted my chin, forcing my gaze back up at his eyes.

"Ana, do you think that if we were together I would still see other people?" He asked, sounding slightly hurt.

"I'd hope not." I answered truthfully. "Sirius, you keep telling me, telling me that you'll be sweet and you never want to leave my side.* How can I trust that?"

"Can you give me a chance to show you?" He asked, his eyes soft and familiar. I thought about it for a moment. Since things had ended with Rabastan I felt myself constantly growing more attracted to Sirius. I knew that we had a friendship that would be at stake but if this was to last and turn into something real I would never forgive myself for turning it down.

Coming to my decision I finally nodded and watched as Sirius' face shone with happiness. He leaned forward and claimed my lips with his in a fiery kiss filled with passion and warmth. He slid one arm under my side and wrapped the other around me and pulled me close to him so that our chests were touching. I placed my hand on his side and grabbed at the fabric of his shirt as he ran his hands over my back gently, sending tingles over each spot he touched. I pushed one of my legs through both of his, putting us closer together and I could feel the semi hardness pressing against my thigh.

Without warning Sirius rolled us over so that he was on top of me, his knees resting on either side of my hips while his hands ran along the sides of my torso. He continued to deepen the kiss as he snaked his tongue into my mouth and massaged mine with his. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and ran my hands over the his hard back as he slowly grinded into me. A moan escaped my mouth just as Sirius pulled his lips away and dragged them down to my neck. He sucked lightly while kissing the sensitive spot just below my ear as he hands travelled across the front of my body, stopping at my breasts.

His hands expertly undid the buttons holding my shirt together then massaged them gently through my bra. His mouth continued down my neck then my collarbone before kissing the top of my now exposed bosom. He pulled down the fabric of my bra with his finger and slowly continued to kiss down before reaching my nipple. He played with it in between his teeth and lips softly, causing my breathing to quicken and my back to arch. I could feel the anticipation between my legs as he switched breasts and caressed the other with one of his large hands.

While the hardness in his pants rubbed against the sensitive spot between my legs I closed my eyes to enjoy the blissful feeling Sirius was giving me and then it happened. Behind my lids I could see the face of Tomas, of Rabastan, of every guy I let touch me after the attack. My breathing quickened and my heart started to race and before I knew what I was doing I pushed Sirius off me and opened my eyes.

"Ana what's wrong?" He asked with concern.

"I just... I can't do this. Not yet." I looked down in embarrassment as his eyes observed me.

"Darling it's fine, we can go as slow as you want." He said softly as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. I nodded and hid my face in his chest, ashamed of myself. I had let all these other guys touch me, be with me and when it came to the one person who actually seemed to care the most I couldn't bare to let him in.

_What is wrong with me?_

We stayed there for a while longer in each others embrace before we finally headed back up to the castle for dinner. We were walking into the castle, Sirius' arm around my shoulders when we came face to face with Shay who looked worse than angry.

* * *

><p>AN: *Direct lyrics from the song **Promises by Nero** which somewhat inspired me in this chapter.


	18. Chapter 18

Authors Note: So sorry for the delay, this week has been crazy. Anyways I hope you enjoy the chapter and please let me know what you think!

PS. A special thank you to my reviewers and all the adds!

* * *

><p>"Hello Ana, Black." Shay said angrily as he observed us. Sirius' arm was still wrapped around my shoulders comfortingly which caused Shay to scowl at him then turn to me with a a look that could only say he was disappointed in me and he was ready to let me hear it.<p>

"Good evening Shay." I sighed. I really did not want to get into things with him right now and I knew exactly what that look on his face meant.

"Mind if I borrow my sister for a moment? We have a few things that need discussing." Shay said rudely.

"Actually, yes I do mind." Sirius' voice was calm but frightening as he glared at Shay.

"Let me rephrase that then. Take your filthy arm off of my sister and leave us, now." He shot back, matching Sirius' dangerous look with one of his own.

I groaned in annoyance at Shay's controlling attitude but I knew he wasn't going to leave without getting what he want so I turned to Sirius to ask him to meet me in the Great Hall.

"Are you sure Ana? I won't leave if you don't want me to." He said quietly as his eyes stared into mine.

"I'm sure, I'll be in in a few minutes." I reassured him with a gentle peck on his lips which caused Shay to snort with disgust. I watched as Sirius slowly walked towards the Hall, looking back at me once before he was through the doors and when he was finally gone I turned to my brother with a look of pure annoyance flickering across my features.

"Now, what do you want Shayden?" He arched his brow at the use of his full name before he spoke.

"I can't even begin to describe how disgusted I am with you." He said calmly as if not to cause a scene in front of the Great Hall.

"I already know you disapprove with Sirius and I communicating so if that is all you needed to say I am quite upset with you wasting my time." I snarked at him but nothing on his face changed.

"I talked to Tomas." He stated simply.

I curiously looked at him and still there was anger written all over his face and I couldn't figure out why. Shay and I argued and had different opinions but we were still very close and surly he was willing to stand up for me to that vile beast.

"And?"

"You lied to me." He said, his answers still cryptic.

"About what exactly?" I asked, anger now starting to show in my voice.

"You told me Tomas raped you. Are you that desperate for attention that you would make up something like that? I actually felt guilty about hanging around him when you told me that and now I can barely even look at _you_." He said coldly.

I looked at my brothers aggravated face with shock on my own after he finished speaking.

_Did he really think I was the one who lied? My own brother?_

"I didn't lie." Was the only response I could come up with.

"Sure you did Ana, you were just covering up weren't you. I know about you coming on to him and sleeping with him on your first date. I know about all the other guys you've spread your legs for. Of course I should have realized what a whore you were when I saw you dancing with Antonin at that party, surrounded by a few others you so willingly shagged. Tell me Ana, when did my oh-so-innocent baby sister turn into such a disgusting whore?" Shay's eyes were burning into mine and I felt nothing but revulsion radiating from him.

I couldn't bring myself to speak at what he was saying. He believed Tomas over me, his sister and came to me with his anger. My insides felt cold as his voice and appearance. Never had he sounded his angry with me. This was not the Shay I knew and loved so dearly, this was not the Shay that had given me such a beautiful birthday present that I deeply regretted tossing back up until this moment.

"You shouldn't be releasing your fury upon me Shaydan. I'm not the vile and disgusting one but if you choose to believe that then fine by me, I just never want to talk to you again." My voice was so low and quiet that I didn't know if he heard me or not. My eyes were filled with unshed tears of anger. Tomas had managed to take so much more than I thought away from me. First my innocence, then my reason and dignity, and now even my brother.

"You're pathetic Ana. Why would anyone have to force you into sleeping with them? From what I've heard even before this you were somewhat of a player. Tomas shared with me that you weren't a virgin when he fucked you." He growled.

"I pity you Shay. One day maybe you'll realize that the path you are taking is the destructive one and not the powerful one you think it is. When you find out I was telling you the truth and the wizard you claim to be your friend admits to his wrong doings good luck getting my affection back." I said quietly before turning my back on Shay and walking into the Great Hall to join my friends for a much needed meal.

I quickly walked to the spot at the Gryffindor table where my friends sat and took a seat in between Remus and Peter and without saying a word I began to pile food onto my plate. I was beyond furious with the conversation that had just occurred between my brother and I and I knew that everyone around me could sense that so they didn't try to engage me in conversation. Once I had eaten all my food I felt tremendously better than I had before so I tuned into the conversation that blew around me. James and Lily were arguing about a prank he and Sirius had played on a couple of fourth year Slytherins as Remus talked to Sirius about a Transfiguration assignment that was due the next week. Peter sat quietly, laughing at the argument between Lily and James. Wanting to stay out of it I turned to Remus and Sirius' conversation and interrupted.

"I want to do something fun tonight." I said to the both of them who stopped talking and turned to me. Remus looked at me oddly while Sirius grinned mischievously.

"What do you have in mind darling?" Sirius asked, placing his elbows on the table and resting his chin on his hands as he waited for my suggestion.

"I don't know, something that does not include the common room and sitting around doing homework." I shrugged, not knowing exactly what I had in mind.

"It's too chilly outside to leave the castle." Remus said as he thought of ideas.

"We could go to the Room of Requirement?" I offered looking at the two of them.

"I heard about a birthday party there tonight." Sirius said.

"Well then why don't we go to that!" I exclaimed as I clapped my hands excitedly.

"I don't think that's such a good idea." Remus said cautiously. I knew he was worried about there being alcohol and given how much I had been drinking lately it wasn't the best environment.

"Oh don't be such a bugger Moony, a party sounds like it would be fun, as long as everyone else is up for it." Sirius said as he looked beside him to where James and Lily were still talking, not hearing anything we were saying.

"I'm in." Peter said and smiled.

"Oi Prongs, you and red here want to go to a party?" Sirius interrupted and both of them looked over at him.

"Sure, it's not like we do much else on weekends anymore." James looked at Lily for a moment before smiling and nodding his head.

Since James and Lily had officially gotten together James had slowed right down on his pranking since he knew she was strictly against it. She was also a prefect and often threatened him that if he continued to pull pranks every hour of every day she would take points off of him and the others. It had never stopped him before they had gotten together but it was obvious to me, as well as everyone else that he was maturing so that he would be able to keep Lily happy, which was always a good thing. I would miss pulling pranks with them but now that we only had a year and a half left at Hogwarts it seemed that the time for messing around was slowly fading.

I was pulled from my thoughts when Sirius nudged me lightly.

"Hmm?"

"What happened with you and Shay? He's been glaring daggers at you since he came in." Sirius said quietly so that only I would hear.

"It's nothing." I said. I didn't want to tell Sirius about our fight. I had always defended Shay to my friends, saying that he wasn't as bad as all the other Slytherins and the only reason he was put in that house was because of his determination and leadership skills but now I wasn't so sure and I definitely didn't want Sirius to have another reason to hate him.

"Obviously it is something Ana, why won't you tell me?" He pressed.

"I don't want to talk about it." I whispered as I looked over at where Shay sat at the Slytherin table. Sirius was right about the glares, but he hadn't mentioned the fury that radiated off him as he sat next to a smiling and laughing Tomas. Instead of letting it bother me I shook it off and turned back to the discussion of tonights activities not wanting it to ruin my entire night.

About and hour of getting ready and a few shots of alcohol we were set to head out. Lily and I wore simple but enticing outfits as we left the girls dorm and headed down to the common room where we met only three boys.

"Where's Peter?" I asked as we approached them.

"He has a detention with McGonagall." I nodded as Remus answered and tried to think of something Peter could have done to earn himself a detention so late on a friday night. I didn't dwell on the thought for long as I was pulled into a tight embrace by Sirius who, when I inhaled noticed smelt a lot like pine.

"You look lovely this evening love." He whispered in my ear and his hot breath sent a surge of tingles throughout my body.

I smiled at him as he pulled away from the hug and looked into my eyes. We shared our look until James interrupted by pulling Sirius away.

"Time to get our party on mate." James said causing me to laugh at his excited tone. James, like Sirius loved going to parties and anything with a large group of people. They were both very social and loved to be the center of attention and a party was the best place to do it for those two.

I walked next to Lily through the castle as she swayed slightly as she strode with short steps. It was apparent that the little amount of alcohol we drank before leaving the dorm had already taken an effect on her which made me giggle. Lily was so pristine and innocent and I felt like I was corrupting her. Either me or James anyways. We arrived at the party later than most and when we walked through the appeared door the room was already packed with people. Sirius and James led us over to a table that was covered with different types of alcohol and a stack of glasses. Sirius picked up one of the unopened bottles and two glasses.

"How do you want it?" He asked as he poured a generous amount in both glasses.

"Straight." I smiled at his raised eyebrows but instead of arguing he poured more alcohol into my own glass and poured a mix into his.

"Take your time on that Ana." He said as he took a sip of his own. Sirius never said anything about me drinking but I could tell by his actions that it was starting to bug him. It was one thing I wasn't able to shake off since everything happened, the drinking. It was starting to become a habit to drink almost every weekend even if we were just sitting in the common room playing games.

"Of course Sirius." I said a little more seductively than I had meant which caused the already smile on his face to grow. We walked through the crowd to a vacant couch and sat down next to one another.

"Are you going home for the holidays?" He asked me.

"Yeah, I usually do and I kind of miss my parents." I shrugged. I hadn't realized how close the holidays were approaching. It was only a month until we were to leave and I didn't think about how different it would be with everything that's happened. I didn't know how I was going to tell my parents about what happened to me with Tomas, especially because he is friends with my brother who doesn't believe me. I also didn't think about the annoyance Sirius was to Shay, and usually when he came over Shay would stay out of the way but now I wouldn't put it passed him to do something inappropriate.

"I figured." He said before taking another sip.

"Are you?"

"Yeah, I have to or my parents would be more than angry." He looked away from me for a moment. I vaguely knew what things were like at the Black house for Sirius but something told me that I didn't know the extent of it. When he would come back from holidays with them I would see the bruises he tried to hide and when I asked him about it he would tell me they were quidditch wounds. It wasn't until last year that he finally told me his father and mother were rough with him. It both confused and saddened me that he went through that. For one I couldn't imagine Sirius vulnerable to someone to allow them the time to lay an unloving hand upon him and at the same time I knew there was nothing he could do to avoid it.

"You're going to come visit though?" I said, attempting to lighten the suddenly tense conversation.

"Of course I am visiting you darling, when have I not." He smiled and I was glad to see the happiness reflected in his eyes.

We sat on the couch a while longer, just talking and finishing our drinks and having more when Lily pulled me away.

"Ana." She said as she led me to the corner of the room where it was less crowded.

"What is it Lily?" I asked as she looked at me with wide eyes.

"Something's happened." She whispered and the look on her face had me confused.

"What happened?" I pressed.

"I think..." She trailed off as she looked around us to see if anyone was listening. "I think I'm drunk."

A smile immediately came to my face as I laughed at my intoxicated friend.

"I think so too." I whispered back which made her look at me for a moment before bursting out in laughter. "Go find James, I'm sure he'll enjoy hanging around a drunk Lily."

"He told me to come find you and tell you." She said seriously.

"I bet he did." I laughed and pulled her away from the corner and through the room in search of James. I do love Lily very much but I just wasn't in the mood to take care of a drunk friend, not while I was having a surprisingly good time just sitting and talking with Sirius.

I left James and Lily and made my way back to the couch to see someone taking my previous spot next to Sirius. Charlene sat with a grin on her face as Sirius talked to her with a smile on his own. I felt my heart tighten slightly at the sight in front of me.

_I have no reason to be jealous. I don't get jealous._

I put a smile on my face and began to stride forward when I saw her lean in towards his ear and a large smile come to his face as he closed his eyes and listened to whatever she was saying. The tightening feeling increased along with a flip in my stomach so I changed my path and began walking the other way in search of someone I could converse with until I regained my common sense. I could feel tears threatening to spill but I had no desire to let all these people see me weak so I fought them back.

I continued to walk passed unfamiliar faces until my eyes landed on one that I knew all too well. Rabastan looked directly at me with a grin plastered on his handsome face. I sighed and stopped walking, contemplating which way I should go to avoid him but my brain was taking too long to process the thought because within a second he was standing in front of me.

"You look upset Ana, what's wrong?" He said, boldly raising his hand and running his fingers softly along my jaw line. For a moment I felt myself lost in the gentleness of his touch but soon came to my senses and pushed his hand away from me.

"It doesn't concern you." I said darkly, causing him to chuckle.

"So there is something wrong. I have no desire to hurt you Ana, you do not need to be afraid to talk to me." He said as he examined the glare on my face.

"Just leave me alone Rabastan." I said before turning around to notice I was in plain sight of Sirius and Charlene who were still engaged in a conversation, much like him and I had been in before I left with Lily.

"It's him that has your heart aching is it?" Rabastan said and I could feel him press up against my back and move his lips to my ear.

I stood still and sighed at the predicament I had gotten myself into. I knew I couldn't cause a scene, that wasn't my style but I also knew I couldn't walk away from Rabastan who was providing me with something Sirius obviously wasn't.

"You know love, you should never assume someone likes you by their sweetness. Sometimes, you're just a lovely option when they are bored." His words stabbed my in the heart and I turned around, now angry.

"You're not any different than what you just said." I said coldly as I looked directly into his eyes.

"That's where you're wrong. I truly cared for you." He defended, placing his hands on my hips.

"You had a funny way of showing it."

"Forgive me for my nature Ana." He breathed against my neck as he pulled me close to him. I felt utterly disgusted being pressed against him and immediately pushed away before he had the chance to press his lips against my skin.

"I said leave me alone." I growled before walking away towards Charlene and Sirius.

"Hey." I said as politely as I could manage.

"Oh hi Ana!" Charlene sounded much to happy for my liking.

"You and Lily have fun?" Sirius asked, slurring slightly.

"Yeah." I replied shortly.

"Sirius was just telling me about how you two were hitting it off and I just want to say, no hard feelings. I always knew you two would whined up together." She said and smiled at me.

"Okay." I said, not knowing what to say. Every time I was with Sirius and he was together with Charlene she would fight with him about spending so much time with me. That night in the dorm she had gotten so angry with me and him that he was choosing me over her. I didn't trust her intentions, not one bit.

"I'll go now, see you soon Sirius." She said and hopped up off the couch and strode off into the crowd.

"Come, sit." He ushered me to sit down but I shook my head, suddenly not feeling so good.

"I think I'm going to head to bed, I'm not feeling so well." I told him as he stood from the couch, falling back the first time.

"I'll come with you." He offered but I sighed.

"No it's fine, it's not a far walk. Enjoy the party." I smiled to him before placing a chaste kiss on his cheek and turning around.

I walked through the silence halls back to the common room and was almost there when I heard a voice causing me to stop.

_Why can I never walk through these hallways alone without one of them following me?_

"Is he the new Rabastan?" Tomas said from behind me and I turned around to see him coming closer quickly.

"What are you talking about?" I asked smugly.

"You and Black, occasional sex without any admiration?" He answered with an ugly grin formed on his lips.

"It isn't any of your business what I do or who I do." I say, looking at him arrogantly.

"Silly girl. Why do you think Black is any different that Lestrange?" The question set me back slightly, I had no idea what he was talking about.

"They are completely different from one another."

"Are they really? Both come from similar families, both have shagged too many witches to count, both exceedingly charming. I don't know about Ana, you seem to go for the guys that are bound to hurt you. Did the little taste I gave you intrigue you? Because like I said before, I would be up for it any time. You have a damn nice body." He said eyeing me up and down while bitting on his lip.

"You're pathetic." I spat and turned to walk away before I felt his strong grasp on my arm.

"Pathetic?" He raised a brow.

"Yes, pathetic. Can't you get a girl without scaring them into it or taking advantage of them?"

"I could. But I like this way much better." The smirk on his face terrified me but I didn't let it show on my physique. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. "You ought to be more respectful with me, I can sense you are still frightened by me which you should be. One wrong move and I could have you lying lifeless upon these stone floors."

"I'm really tired Tomas, can you please let me leave?" I asked softly, ignoring his comment as best I could and watched as his smirk grew.

"But you see, I'm not tired and to be honest that party wasn't the greatest so I'm still up for some fun."

"Maybe another time." I forced a smile. I could feel my heart racing and my stomach twisting in the fear that filled me.

"Sweet Ana, how much you've changed. I miss the girl who trembled at my touch those months ago." He said as his grasp on my arm tightened. Instead of letting me go he grabbed my other arm and directed my back towards the stone wall and pushed me against it roughly.

"Scream for me." He whispered in a gruff voice. When I stayed silent I was hit with a stinging blow to my face. My head ricocheted off the wall and I started to see spots.

"I said scream." He said more firmly as he pressed me against the wall with his strength.

"Ana? ANA!" I heard the voice of Remus yell from down the hall. "SIRIUS QUICKLY.!"

Tomas sighed and looked at me.

"Your friends have awful timing. I'll see you later beautiful." He said as he let me go and I slid to the ground, my head starting to spin. I finally let my emotion out and began to tremble at the thought of Tomas hurting me again. My head lolled to the side when I felt yet another pair of arms resting on my shoulders.

"Ana? Are you okay, what did he do to you?" Sirius soft, yet angry voice now filled my ears. My head started to pound and I could see my vision fading.

"Please, please Sirius." I said softly.

"Ana what are you trying to say?" He answered calmly.

"Please don't let him kill me." I whispered before everything went black.


	19. Chapter 19

Authors Note: Yay a faster update! I hope everyone enjoys :)

* * *

><p>I could feel my head pounding, the thumping was loud in my ears as I kept my eyes shut for both that I didn't think they would open as well as I had no desire wake up. My body was sore from obviously laying in the same spot for too long. I didn't know where I was, the covers did not feel like the cotton ones from my bed in the girls dorm room and they did not feel like the smooth silk ones that laid on my bed at home. Over the pounding I could hear a door creak open to my left then shut quietly which was followed by slow footsteps. I sighed as I heard the footsteps stop next to where I laid. I took as deep a breath as my lungs would allow before I heard the soothing sound of Sirius' whispering voice close to my ear.<p>

"Ana?" The way he breathed my name flattered me. It sounded so perfect coming from his luscious lips and I could just picture the way they parted when he spoke so softly. I felt him place his cold hand upon my own and whisper my name once more before I responded.

"Sirius." I tried to make out but I knew it came out as a choked and unflattering sound which contrasted deeply to his flawless voice.

"Open your eyes." He whispered again and with all the strength I thought I had, I felt my eyelids lift. My vision was blurry so I blinked repeatedly until I could clearly see my surroundings. I was in the hospital wing, in a hospital wing bed which was the last thing I expected.

I attempted to turn my head to look at the lovely face that watched me but the moment I moved my head a searing pain shot down my neck and into my entire body causing a loud wail to escape my mouth.

"Shh it's okay, just lay still." Sirius cooed as he moved his head to hover above my own. I looked up into his entrancing gray eyes and smiled slightly.

"Why am I here?" I whispered, not trusting my voice at that moment.

"You hit your head, don't you remember?" He asked as he gently stroked the hair off my face and behind my ear.

"No." I said softly as I closed my suddenly heavy eyelids once more.

"Tomas attacked you in the hall." He answered and I sighed. The more I pushed my mind the more I remembered. It didn't help that I had a lot to drink and the aftereffects of the alcohol were partly contributing to how lousy I felt.

"Why won't he leave me alone?" I whispered sadly at the thought of him.

"I don't know Ana. I don't know." He whispered back.

Never did I think agreeing to a harmless date would cause so much trouble. He had done what he wanted to yet he still followed me around, trying to get what little more he could possibly get out of me and I didn't understand why. He loathed me, it's evident in the way he looks at me, the way he speaks to me. All I wanted was to be free of him, for him to move on to someone else. At that point I didn't care about another girls well being, I was too tired from everything and I felt it was physically impossible to care. I hate what he has done, never had I been in the hospital wing from someone wanting to harm me. Sure the marauders had sent me here occasionally with some of their pranks going wrong and me being in the wrong place at the wrong time, but this was different. This made me feel weak and helpless. I loved and hated Sirius sitting here by my side. I cared for him deeply and it was so kind of him to see me to consciousness but at the same time I knew he should be out having fun and not worrying about me.

_I just want everything to stop. _

I heard Sirius call over to Madame Pomfrey who forced an insipid potion down my throat. Instantly my headache lightened and the sound sensitivity was gone. I reached up to touch my head and felt bandages wrapped around my forehead.

"What time is it?" I asked Sirius as I slowly sat up, relieving the tingling in my legs from laying too long.

"Almost noon." Sirius answered and I nodded.

"You should go, it's almost lunch."

"I'm not hungry, besides now that you're awake I'm not planning on leaving you." He said as he grasped my hand and held it in his own.

"You don't have to stay, I'll be fine." I responded, feeling guilty that he was missing a meal for me.

"I want to stay. Stop trying to talk me out of it Ana, you should know by now it's never going to work."

I smiled at him lightly before chewing on my lip nervously. They knew it was Tomas who had sent me here, and knowing Sirius he had very little control over his anger.

"What is it?" He questioned.

"Did you do anything to him?" I asked quietly as I looked down to my lap which was covered in white sheets.

"Does it matter?" He said and I could hear his voice laced with pique.

"Yes." I answered.

"James took you to the hospital wing, and I found him with your brother, talking and laughing. Of course I had to wipe that smug look off his face."

"What did you do?" I asked softly, curious rather than upset.

"Cursed him, and your brother too. How come you haven't told him about what Tomas did to you? It can't be nice for you too see Shay hanging around him like that, as if he did nothing." Sirius asked, stroking my hand.

"I don't know." I lied. I couldn't tell Sirius that my brother didn't believe me. It would start a huge quarrel between the two and if I wanted to spend time with him over the holidays it would be best if he didn't have every desire to curse him.

"It's okay if you don't want to Ana. You don't have to do anything you don't want to." He whispered, pressing his lips to my shoulder lightly. I smiled at the kind gesture and looked at him appreciatively.

I was just about to press my lips to his when the door opened suddenly and four figures emerged into the hospital wing. Lily was the first to my bed side and hugged me as gently as she could.

"Oh Ana I was so worried about you, I didn't know where you had gone, you weren't at the party so I told Remus and Sirius to go make sure you were okay. Sirius insisted he knew you were going back to the common room but I didn't believe him." She rushed as she looked at me with teary eyes.

I felt Sirius squeeze my hand and turned my attention to him. He looked guilty beyond belief and I knew he was thinking if it wasn't for Lily's persistence I would have suffered a much worse fate than I had.

"How are you feeling?" James asked softly as he looked to the bandages that wrapped around my head.

"Much better than when I first woke up." I smiled weakly at him and watched as he returned the gesture.

"I'm glad." He said as he grabbed my other hand and squeezed it in a friendly gesture.

"You scared us Ana, you were so pale." Remus voiced as he stood between James and Peter. He looked down at me sadly.

"Well I promise you all that I'm fine." I said and Lily sighed in relief. "You should all head down to the great hall." I added as I heard Peters stomach growl.

"We're staying with you." Sirius said firmly but I shook my head.

"No, please go and bring me back something?" I said trying to not sound harsh.

Sirius stayed quiet for a moment before sighing and standing from the chair he sat in next to me.

"What would you like?" He asked, still holding onto my hand.

"Surprise me, you know what I like." I smiled up at him before he nodded and slowly walked away from my bed and was followed by almost all the others.

"Coming Moony?" James asked over his shoulder once he realized Remus hadn't followed.

"No thanks, I had a big breakfast. I'll stay with Ana." He answered and James shrugged before turning around and following the others out the door.

Once they were gone I sighed and leaned back in my now inclined bed and looked at Remus who stood at the foot of my bed. He stood uncomfortably before reaching over and pulling the chair Sirius had previously occupied over to the corner of my bed and sat down.

"It always seems to be you." I said quietly and smiled at him.

"What do you mean?" He asked just as softly.

"You're always the one that finds me, saves me."

"You're right. I'm glad I do though." He said. "No matter how horrible it is at least I can tell myself I saved you from something worse."

"I'm sorry you end up seeing me like this." I looked down, slightly ashamed at the damsel in distress I have turned into.

"It's not your fault Ana, none of it is. I do hope you don't think that way." He looked at me with those piercing eyes as he spoke.

"Sometimes I do." I admitted.

"Why?" He whispered.

"There has got to be some reason I keep ending up hurting at his hand. I still dream about that night Remus, almost every time I close my eyes. They don't scare me as much as they used to but I don't think I'm ever going to be able to escape it. Sometimes I ask myself what the point is of even dreaming anymore. They're rarely happy. Do you think I'll ever dream of happiness again?" I asked quietly, not knowing why I was revealing so much to him. He was my friend, my dear friend but I couldn't even tell Sirius the things I was telling him.

"It's going to take time Ana but I know one day you will be free of this. You'll be happy again." He assured me as he patted my foot gently.

"Can I ask you something?" I said after a moment of thinking.

"Of course."

"When Tomas was talking to me, he told me that... that Sirius and Rabastan were similar, that I fall for guys that are going to hurt me. Do you think Sirius is going to hurt me if I let myself fall for him?" I asked.

"He's right." Remus said and I just sat, staring at him. "They are similar in more ways than one, but they are also different and you know that."

"I know him well enough to say he is kinder than Rabastan but I also have seen what Sirius does to girls. He does play with them, I just don't want to end up being one of them." My stomach tightened at the thought of Sirius using me like he did all the others.

"I do know a different part of him than you. He doesn't talk to you about different girls and how he feels for them but he does tell James, Peter and I. I can honestly say he has never spoken about anyone else the way he has spoken about you. He may not have told you, but he's told us he loves you. He wants you Ana, he doesn't want anyone else. That's why he's been the way he has with everyone else, he knows he isn't going to find a relationship with them because his heart has always been set on you." Remus said with a reassuring smile.

Slowly a grin came to my face and I felt my heart flutter at Remus' words.

"He's really said that?"

"I speak nothing but the truth. Don't be afraid to give your heart to him because of all the bad that has happened. I don't want to see two of my best friends lose out on love because of those slimy Slytherins."

"Thank you Remus." I said with relief rushing through me.

"Now I have a question for you." He said and I nodded to signal him to continue.

"Why haven't you told your brother about what Tomas did to you?" He asked quietly.

I looked at him, then down at my hands that were clasped together on my lap.

"I did." I confessed, still looking down.

"Does he not believe you?" His voice was gentle.

"He doesn't."

"I'm sorry, I truly thought he was different." Remus said cautiously.

"As did I." I gave a slight laugh at the thought.

"I'm sure he'll realize how stupid he's being and when he does he's going to kick himself in the ass." Remus said, attempting to lighten the mood.

"I hope so." I sighed just before the door opened and everyone had returned.

"Sirius made us eat then run. I think I'm going to die." James said holding his stomach, hunched over in an exaggerated agony.

"Seriously James, you're so dramatic." Lily said from beside him which caused me to laugh. They were such a sweet couple.

Sirius brought a covered plate to my side and pulled up another chair next to me. He placed the dish down on my lap and lifted the lid to reveal a two slices of cooked ham, a pile of mashed potatoes next to cooked peas and carrots. I smiled down at the food in front of me and suddenly realized how hungry I was.

As I ate everyone talked around me and before dinner that evening I was finally allowed to leave the hospital wing. I still felt overly tired so I decided on skipping dinner and heading back to the common room. Both James and Sirius escorted me to the portrait and lead me to the boys dorm where Sirius insisted I rest. I did without argument since I had liked laying in Sirius' bed much more than my own anyways. I slept as everyone else was at dinner and was only woken when I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around my midsection.

"Go back to sleep darling." Sirius's soft voice met my ears as he pressed his lips to my shoulder.

"I think I've had a long enough nap." I smiled at the warmth his body provided me.

We laid there for a while without speaking, just enjoying the relaxation of our embrace as we were alone in the dorm then Sirius pulled away. I turned my head with great difficulty to see why he had moved only to be greeted with a gentle kiss placed upon my lips. He leaned back up and brought a hand to my back and began rubbing in circles. I relaxed again into the bed at his comforting touch.

"I'm sorry I let everything happen to you." He said quietly as he continued his hand motions against my clothed back.

"It's not your fault Sirius." I whispered, closing my eyes.

"I told you I wouldn't let anyone hurt you, and I failed."

"There was nothing you could have done." I sighed.

"I shouldn't have been talking to Charlene. It upset you and made you leave." He said quietly.

"That's not the only reason I was upset Sirius." I answered, feeling embarrassed with myself. I never got jealous but for some reason seeing them on the couch talking intimately effected me.

"What was the other reason?" He ran his hand along my shoulder and down my arm, making my heart race.

"Rabastan put me in a bad mood." I admitted as I recalled the conversation I had had with him the previous night.

"When were you talking with him?" Sirius said and I could hear the annoyance in his voice.

"When you were with Charlene."

"Oh." Was all he responded with.

I turned over off my side and onto my back and looked up at him as he hovered over me slightly with his head propped up on his hand.

"I've never fallen so hard for someone before you Ana. And when I'm with you, just laying here in the peaceful darkness it makes everything feel so perfect." He whispered as he tenderly ran his finger down my cheek.

"Sirius." I breathed.

"I want to reconcile the violence in your heart, I want to exorcise the demons from your recent past and I want to satisfy every undisclosed desire of your heart.*" He said softly as he watched me with gentle eyes.

"I don't know what I'm doing." I admitted softly which caused a slight chuckle to escape his perfect mouth.

"I know it's not going to be easy, and I have every intention of making you feel comfortable with me and helping you open up. I don't expect you to do anything you're not ready for but I'm not willing to let you go because it. You mean so much to me and I want you to be able to feel the same. I'm here for you, through everything. You'll always be one of my best friends Ana even if this doesn't work the way I want it to but I assure you I am going to put all the effort I have into making you happy. I want to show you that not all guys are selfish and dishonorable." His voice was filled with passion as he spoke to me. "Do you trust me?"

"With everything in me." I whispered before leaning up and claiming his lips.

* * *

><p>AN: * Lyrics from Undisclosed Desires - Muse


	20. Chapter 20

Authors Note: Sorry for the wait! I meant to have this chapter done last week but school got in the way and this weekend was busy because it's my birthday weekend! Anyways, I hope everyone enjoys and I would love if you readers would give me some feedback :)

* * *

><p>"Are you excited for the holidays?" James asked as we played through a game of wizards chess.<p>

"Somewhat, I do miss my parents but its going to suck being stuck with Shay." I replied as I made my move, not noticing he easily had a way of taking out my piece.

"Understandable. Your brother is a foul git." James laughed at my annoyed expression at the taking out of my pawn as he continued his lead in our game.

"Well said"

Tonight was our last night at Hogwarts before we were to board the train and leave for Christmas break. I had been looking forward to getting away because it meant I had a whole two weeks without Rabastan and Tomas harassing me. It seemed to be their new favorite hobby to stare at and intimidate me lately but I was set on not letting it phase me, instead I spent all my spare time around my friends. Of course there was a downside to going home for the holidays and that was my brother. I hadn't spoken to him since our argument outside of the great hall and each time we passed one another, neither one of us made any attempt at communicating with the other. It was like we didn't know each other anymore.

It had been hard cutting him out of my life. Him and I used to be almost inseparable until this year and it broke my heart to think that this is what our relationship had turned into for good. I hoped he would realize his mistakes and come around but he hadn't now, which meant he never would.

"Are you going to visit Sirius?" James asked, breaking my train of thought.

"I don't think so, his parents and all." I shrugged, "He's probably coming to stay at my place for a few days though."

"That's good." James smiled.

"What about you and Lily?" I smirked with a cocked eyebrow.

"What do you mean what about Lily and I?" He asked.

"Are you two planning on spending quality time together over the holidays?" I sighed at his lack of cooperation.

"Yeah we decided on going to each others houses to meet each others family and all." He shrugged but I could see the slight discomfort in his words.

"Are you worried her parents aren't going to like you." I asked gently.

"Slightly." He admitted.

"Why would you think that?"

"Well it took Lily six years to finally accept me, what if her parents don't like me at first either." He said, destroying my queen with one of his own players.

"James you're being ridiculous. Once her parents see how happy you make her they'll like you just as much as she does." I smile and scoff as he wins our third game of chess.

"You think?" He grinned goofily.

"I do, although I think they're going to be quite surprised when they find out she's dating the guy she has been telling them about all this time. They know how much you irked her in the past." I smiled innocently before quickly leaving the table.

"Do they actually know? Ana? ANA!" I heard James exclaim as I ran up the stairs and into the girls dorm.

I opened the door to see Lily packing up a bundle of books into her already stuffed full suitcase and grinned as I sat down across the dorm from her on my bed.

"What do you need all those books for Lil?" I asked, laying down on my stomach and watching her.

"We have tones to review and study Ana, aren't you bringing home everything?" She looked at me with sincere shock on her face which caused me to laugh.

"Only in the subjects we have homework. I plan on doing more this holiday then study my brains out." She shook her head at me as she continued to place things in an organized manner in her trunk. I leaned my head down on my crossed arms and lost myself in thought once more.

I was looking forward to going home to my parents whom I haven't seen or heard from since school started. I never usually sent letters back and fourth with my parents unless it was urgent so it wasn't unusual to go that long without speaking but this time around I was missing them more than usual. I think it was because of all the things that had happened in the past few months. I still hadn't decided if I was going to tell them about Tomas or not but I didn't let my mind linger on it too long until thoughts of Sirius popped into my head. My parents would be so happy to find out we were more than friends. My mom used to tell me how wonderful she found him and how she would wager on us getting together eventually.

Things between Sirius and I had been going better than I would have thought. After I finally opened up and let him in I was amazed to see how sweet and caring he could be. the Sirius I used to know always had his guard up, pretending he was much less effected by things than he actually was. I always knew he had a soft side but getting to know him so much better these past couple of weeks showed me much more. He was gentle and caring but at the same time he was still the goofy guy with not a care in the world that had always attracted me to him.

He took things slow with me when it was just the two of us, not wanting to cross the border we had set back when we first got together officially. Although I wanted nothing more than to give myself to him fully, every time we were almost there I froze and couldn't continue with what my heart was telling me. I knew it must've frustrated him since he had always been the guy who had no problem in having a physical relationships with girls and him not getting any must be a change but he didn't show it bothered him which I was thankful for.

I closed my eyes and sighed at the thought of his perfect body laying next to mine and feeling his gentle touch. It was safe to say I could feel myself falling in love with the boy but I knew it would be foolish to confess such a thing so early on in a relationship.

"Are you going to Fiji with your family again this year?" Lily asked after she closed her trunk with great difficulty.

"I don't know. Usually my parents tell us when we arrive off the train if we are or not." I answered and smiled at the thought. My family always took annual winter vacations to Fiji and thinking about the warm sun and soft beaches compared to the snowy and cold environment of north Ireland made me hope we were going. It would do my mind some good to be in a relaxing environment such as that.

"I wish I could go there, the farthest I've ever been was Greece." Lily sighed.

"You and I will take a trip there next summer, how about that?" I said which instantly brought a smile to her face.

"That sounds wonderful Perhaps we can invite the guys!" She said excitedly while I laughed. If I had suggested that four months ago she would have exploded my head with a menacing glare.

"Of course Lily." I replied and smiled. I wish I could take Lily with me if we went anywhere, that way I wouldn't have to share a room with my mental brother.

Once I had all my things packed I left the dorm in search of Fang. I looked around the common room and couldn't find her anywhere do I went up to the boys dorm, hoping to find her there instead of needing to look around the rest of the castle. A part of me had decided that if she wasn't there I would just leave her here during the break but the other part of me told me that wasn't a very nice thing to do, even if she rarely wanted to spend any time with me.

I knocked on the door and heard a muffled voice telling me to come in so I opened the door and peered in to see all the boys lounging on their own beds.

"Ana my lovely come in." Sirius said with a grin and I rolled my eyes while I walked in.

"Has anyone of you seen Fang?" I asked peering, around the room.

"Yeah she's under Peter's bed, she's been stalking him for hours." Remus laughed and pointed to Peter who was sitting in the middle of his bed to prevent any spontaneous attacks from Fang.

"What did you do to her to make her hate you?" I laughed as I knelt down and looked under the bed to see Fang curled up in a ball, sleeping peacefully. I slowly reached under and wrapped my arms around my sleeping kitten and lifted her out.

"I didn't do anything to your cat she just doesn't like me." Peter said defensively.

"She doesn't like me either." Sirius added. "I think there is something wrong with your cat."

"There is nothing wrong with my cat, see." I placed Fang down gently on the edge of James' bed and watched as she twisted around and made herself comfortable before laying down and closing her eyes.

"She's fine with James, and Remus. I wonder what it is about you two." I said, raising my eyebrow at Sirius.

"I bet I know what it is." Remus muttered which earned him a grin from each of the other boys.

"Is there something I don't know?" I asked suspiciously.

"Of course not darling." Sirius said as he stood and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "Are you finished packing?"

"Yes, are you?" I grinned as his gray eyes looked into mine.

"That doesn't matter, do you want to take a walk down to the kitchens?" He whispered.

I nodded and he pulled away from me so I could pick up Fang. We left the dorm and I told him to wait for me in the common room while I put Fang in the girls dorm.

"Don't let her out, no matter what Lily." I said as I placed my cat down on Lily's bed. She nodded and instantly attacked my kitten with pats and cuddles.

I left the dorm and slowly made my way down the stairs and looked around the common room for Sirius. I spotted him over by the portrait talking to someone I couldn't place since I only had a view of the back of her head. As I got closer I realized who it was.

"Ready to go?" I asked, making my presence known.

"Oh hi Ana, didn't see you there." Charlene said in a phony sweet voice. "Sirius and I were just talking about what we had planned over the winter break."

"How nice." I said with a fake smile.

"Yes, well actually she was telling me what _she_ had planned without letting me get a word in. Anyways we're going now." Sirius said as he took my hand in his.

"Where are you going? You know it's passed curfew Sirius." She said as she playfully hit his arm.

"I realize that." He said, his voice hinting at annoyance. "Let's go." He pulled on my hand and began dragging me out of the portrait hole.

"Have a good break Sirius, maybe I'll see you!" I heard Charlene say as we cleared the passageway and began down the hall.

"That girl is enough to drive a person mad." Sirius said shaking his head.

"It's your fault you know." I laughed.

"Oh really?" He cocked his brow as he looked at me amused. "Do elaborate."

"You gave her attention, you should never give someone like her attention Sirius. I thought you would've known that." I shrugged.

"Believe me, I had no idea what I was getting into when I sha-" He stopped when he turned to look at me. "You know what, never mind."

He squeezed my hand as we continued through the deserted halls. We peaked around each corner before continuing and before no time we were down each flight of stairs and standing in front of the portrait that led to the kitchens. He ticked the pear and the painting flew open, revealing the passage and when we stepped through we were instantly greeted with a number of house elves asking what we would like to order. Sirius asked for a bowl of chocolate mousse and two spoons and we sat down next to each other as we waited for our desert to be prepared.

"I'm going to miss you." Sirius said quietly.

"I'll miss you too." I smiled at him but he didn't return it. "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing you need to worry about." He replied just as an elf handed Sirius our food.

"Sirius, tell me what is the matter." I said softly as I took a small mouthful of the chocolatey desert and had to muffle a moan at it's deliciousness.

"I just don't like going home, you know that." He smiled but I could tell it was forced.

"You could always come home with me." I suggested and smiled reassuringly.

"You have no idea how much I would adore that, but I can't. My parents would never allow it." He sighed and continued to eat out of the bowl and I couldn't help but notice the way he licked his lips when a bit of the mousse was left there.

"I know," I looked down sadly. "But you are going to come visit for a few days right? They will allow that won't they?"

"I'm sure that won't be a problem." He smiled a genuine smile.

"Okay." I grinned

"I'll be sure to write you as often as I can." He said.

Instead of replying I leaned in against him and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. He kissed back instantly and placed one hand on the back of my head and entwined his fingers in my hair. I moaned quietly into the kiss which I felt caused him to smile. When we pulled away I looked into his eyes and practically melted. No one had ever made me feel this way before and I knew now how it was supposed to feel. It wasn't supposed to be about being your very best and pleasing the other constantly like I had thought, like my only other previous relationship had taught me. Instead it was about being who you were and letting the other care for you just as you are. This is exactly what every searched for, and it had a complete hold over me.

We finished our desert and slowly made our way back up to the common room, taking the long way around the corridors. Before we went in opposite directions we kissed one more time. It was filled with passion and tenderness and left me never wanting it to end. I laid down on my bed and sighed as I felt Fang slowly crawling up the bed and nesting against my stomach. I draped a light arm over her soft body and let myself drift off to sleep.

The morning came too soon. I was woken by Lily shaking me violently with an annoyed expression on her face.

"Ana get up, we don't want to miss the train!" She said louder than necessary. Instead of arguing I reluctantly got out of bed and dressed for the long train ride to King's Cross Station.

We met the Marauders in the common room and made our way through the grounds and down to the station where the Hogwarts express awaited our arrival.

We boarded the train and the four Marauders, Lily and I sat in a compartment together. Once the train began to move James suggested we play a game of exploding snaps which everyone excitedly agreed to. We played for hours and when Sirius and I were both out for the fifth time he stood and pulled me up with him.

"We'll be right back." Sirius said and winked at James who laughed in response.

"Were are we going?" I asked and he led me through the train and into a different car of the train.

"Just wait, we're almost there."

We walked a bit further then stopped abruptly in front of a door and before going in Sirius looked both direction and when no one was in sight opened the door and pushed me in. It was a tiny bathroom but bigger than any of the other that I had ever been in strangely enough. Without giving me longer to take in my surroundings Sirius lifted me off my feet and placed me on the counter then spread my legs and positioned himself in between. He kissed me deeply and wrapped his arms around my waist and I did the same around his neck, pulling him closer. I felt him slide his hands under my shirt and touch the bare skin of my back, making me shiver.

I pulled away from the kiss once out of breath and looked at him, his eyes both lustful and caring.

"What has gotten into you." I said breathlessly which caused him to laugh lightly.

"I realized I'm going to be without you for at least a week and I just wanted some alone time before we arrive in London." He answered with a sly smirk on his face.

I placed both my hands on his chest and felt his heart racing which brought a smile to my face before leaning in and kissing him much softer than before but instead of staying that way Sirius deepened the kiss by placing both hands on either side of my face. I could feel his body pressed against mine which made my desire for him increase but I knew now was not the place or time so instead I focused on his kiss and how sensational it felt. His lips moved expertly against mine as his tongue dragged lightly against my bottom lip, waiting for entrance. I gladly allowed it and moaned when I felt his tongue collide with my own. He ran his hands down my shoulders and my arms and when he reached my hands he grasped them tightly.

He pulled his lips away from mine and traced my jawline with kisses then slowly moved down to my neck, lingering on the sensitive spot below my ear. I tilted my head to the side to allow him better access which he took advantage of, placing soft kisses on every exposed spot of my neck. After long he pulled away and turned his gaze back to me and kissed me softly while wrapping his hands around my waist and lifting me off the counter and placing me back down on my feet.

I pulled away and smiled at him while he did the same and for a moment we stood there, lost in each others eyes before Sirius broke the silence.

"We should get back, I'm sure we are almost there." He whispered and I nodded in agreement.

We walked back to the compartment to be greeted by everyone, Lily giving me a sly smile.

"Where were you gone to?" Lily asked, smirking.

"Oh shut it." I grinned, leaning against her with my shoulder causing her to laugh quietly.

A few minutes later I could feel the train slow and finally come to a stop. We waited for a while longer before we were allowed to get off the train and onto the platform. I walked through the crowds with James, Sirius and Lily after Remus and Peter met up with their families.

"Hey Mum, Dad." James said as we approached his parents who were standing together smiling.

"Hello James, Sirius and Ana of course." They greeted happily then looked to Lily, whom they weren't exactly introduced with.

"This is my girlfriend Lily." James said, beaming and both his parents looked at each other with raised brows.

"We've heard much about you Lily dear." James' mom said kindly.

"Oh really?" Lily blushed and looked over to James who shrugged.

"Well it was nice seeing you but we've really got to go." Sirius said and we all bid our goodbyes and continued through the crowd.

We walked a bit further until my parents came into view and I saw that Shay was already standing with them, talking animatedly which caused me to sigh.

"Ana!" My mother said excitedly and wrapped her arms around me. "We've missed you."

"I missed you too mum." I smiled and looked to Sirius.

"Hello Mrs. Travers." Sirius said politely.

"Sirius, always nice to see you. Tell me you're planning a visit?" My mother said happily.

"Of course, I love staying at your place." Sirius smiled at my mom and placed an arm around my shoulders which caused my mother to look at me with a grin and a look that meant we would be discussing this later.

"Sirius my boy, how are you?" My father chimed in after noticing we were there.

"Not to bad, you sir?"

"Very good, very good." He nodded as he spoke and beside him I saw Shay send both of us a look of hatred.

"I see your father." I said softly to Sirius who turned his head and looked in the direction of my gaze. I could feel him stiffen next to me as he saw him which frightened me slightly.

"Well I guess I should be going, wouldn't want to keep him waiting." Sirius said, sarcasm evident in his voice.

"Do you want me to come say hi?" I asked, looking at him with curious eyes.

"Yeah sure." He smiled before we excused ourselves and went to his father.

"Hello father," Sirius said quietly. "You remember Ana?"

Orion Black was a tall, intimidating man. Sirius resembled him greatly with the dark locks and the piercing gray eyes along with his aristocratic facial structure. He had broad shoulders and a fit body that was clothed with expensive looking robes.

"Of course." His voice sent a chill through my spine as he looked down at me. I noticed him looking over my body and instantly felt overly uncomfortable when I noticed a smirk come to his lips and his eyes fill with a lustful gaze.

"Hello sir." I forced myself to smile at him which he seemed to enjoy.

"Good afternoon darling. It's nice to see you again." His voice deep and extremely terrifying.

"I should get going, my parents and brother are waiting for me. I just wanted to say hello." I said looking between him and Sirius and then to Regulus who had shown up some time.

"I hope you have a wonder winter break." He said and nodded his head slightly and I smiled in response before turning to Sirius who looked extremely uncomfortable.

"I'll see you soon Sirius." I smiled to him, unsure of what to do while being under the gaze of his father. He seemed to sense that so he came up and pulled me into an embrace.

"I'll write." He whispered before letting me go and watching as I turned away and walked back to my family.

Once we were out of the station we took a car to Diagon Ally and apparated from there to out home in Ireland. When the spinning had stopped I looked up and gazed at my families large home. I missed being here dearly and I couldn't wait to get inside and lay in my heavenly bed. I levitated my trunk and cat carrier to the front door and waited for my father to open it and once we were inside I placed my storage down on the ground in the main entrance, opened the carrier to let Fang out then ran up to my room and threw myself onto my bed, smelling my pillow in the process. I laid there for a while with my eyes closed and feeling the sun coming in through my window shinning down on me. I was only pulled out of my trance when I heard a knock on my already open door.

I lifted myself up and saw my mother standing in the doorway with two cups of tea in her hand which made me smile.

"Made you something to drink dear." My mother said as she entered my room and sat on the edge of my bed. She handed me one cup and I took a small sip, closing my eyes at the amazing minty taste.

"Thank you mum." I smiled as I placed the cup on a stand beside my bed.

"So, is there anything you want to tell me?" She asked as she looked at me before taking a sip, still staring at me above the edge of her cup.

"What do you know?" I asked suspiciously which made her laugh.

"Shay told us you're dating Sirius."

"Well, yeah kinda. I mean yes, we are. Dating." I stumbled over my words. "Shay's not too happy about it though." I added.

"Oh don't let your brother get to you, he's just in a weird place right now. I'm glad for you, he seems like a very nice young man." My mom said, squeezing my knee.

"He is mum, he's amazing." I sighed and fell back on my bed, smiling at the thought of him.

"Did you want to bring him with us this year to Fiji?" My mom asked happily which caused me to sit up abruptly again.

"We're going?" I exclaimed excitedly and she laughed and nodded then I thought about Sirius coming with us.

"I don't think his parents would let him come, you know how they are. Besides, it's a family vacation." I shrugged.

"Your brother is bringing a friend so I don't see why it would be a problem on our end." My mother shrugged and continued to drink her tea.

I froze. I didn't know what to do or say. Shay couldn't bring a friend, all his friends were mental.

"Do you know who he's bringing?" I managed to say.

_Please don't say Tomas, not Tomas. _

"I don't know." She answered.

"Oh." Was all I replied with.

"Well anyways we are leaving tomorrow and going for a week until the day before Christmas eve so if you find someone you want to bring let me know. Get packing." She said before standing and leaving me to my thoughts.

For the rest of the afternoon I packed up clothes and items I was meant to take with me for our trip the following day while my mind filled with hundreds of thoughts. I couldn't stop wondering who my brother was bringing with us and each time I thought back to school and who he seemed close with my mind kept finding Tomas, who seemed to be Shays new best friend but then I also had a glimmer of hope saying Shay wouldn't do that to me. Even if he said he didn't believe me, he must somewhere deep down know I'm being honest. The more I thought about it the sillier it seemed for me to being worrying so much about it so instead I thought to Sirius. He would love to get away from his parents for an entire week, I was sure of that, but at the same time I had a sinking feeling that I knew was right and that there was no way his parents would allow him to leave the country with me and my family. Then I thought about asking Lily who I knew would want to come but I felt that giving her only a days notice wouldn't suffice, especially since I didn't know when her and James were spending time together.

Instead of thinking of who to bring I decided I would go without a friend. That way I could relax and spend some alone time with myself while my brother and his friend were off doing what ever they wanted to do and my mum and dad would pay all their attention to me, besides I've always gone without a friend and it was still always fun despite that. That thought brightened my mood so once I was done packing I skipped down the stairs and into the kitchen in search of something light to eat. I was in the middle of cutting a slice of bread when Shay walked into the room.

"Hi Shay." I said ask I kept my focus on slicing the bread.

"I have something I've been meaning to talk to you about." He said as he picked up and apple from the basket.

"Okay?" I put down the knife and looked at him expectantly.

"The Malfoy family is hosting a Christmas eve ball and I'm expecting you to show up." Shay said harshly as he looked at the kitchen ceiling as if bored with the conversation.

"Why would I go to a ball where I don't know a single person?" I returned his snarky tone which made him glare directly at me.

"That's not true, unfortunately your best mate, Black will be attending."

"How do you know?" I asked, not believing him. Sirius would never go to something like that.

"If his parents have any say, and I'm sure they do, he will be going." He answered.

I stood tall staring at him for a moment while tapping my foot on the dark tile floor before sighing.

"Fine I'll go, but I'm not happy about it."

"Good." He said while standing and beginning for the hall before turning around again. "Oh and wear something nice, it's is a formal ball."

"Shay?" I asked quietly and was surprised to see him turn around.

"Yes?" He asked with raised brows.

"Who are you bringing to Fiji?" I looked at him with wide eyes.

Instead of answering he shook his head and turned away. With that he left me alone in the kitchen with a half cut piece of bread and I put my head in my hands and groaned loudly. I had no desire showing up to some house that would be full of stuck up Slytherin family's who's beliefs contrasted deeply with my own. I had no idea why Shay had invited me to go, I would've thought he would be embarrassed to let people know we were related. The one and only reason I agreed to go was to see Sirius and if he didn't show up I would be extremely disappointed. As well as it was, despite what I had told myself, still driving me crazy to know who was coming with us. I sighed and left the kitchen and started up the stairs, leaving my bread sitting on the counter.

I laid myself down on my bed and pulled the covers over my body and snuggled into them for warmth.


	21. Chapter 21

Authors Note: I'm so sorry for the long wait, I went to both Cali and Mexico within the last month and have had a serious case of writers block, as well as the lack of encouragement from the absence of reviews. It's slightly upsetting to go from having several reviews per chapter down to one from a very loyal reader (whom I am very fond of). I do hope it doesn't have to do with a loss of interest in the story, and if so I would like to hear feedback on what I could improve on, or what you would like to see. I am always open to suggestions. :) I hope you enjoy the chapter and if not, let me know so I can make the next even better!

* * *

><p>I was awoken from a dreamless sleep by a light but constant taping noise coming from my window. I quickly threw my warm covers from my body and walked through my dark room to see what was causing the interruption. I pulled my curtains open to find a large, black owl waiting impatiently on my windowsill. I opened my window and allowed the bird access to my room before noticing the letter tied to its foot. I gently pulled the letter off and sat down at my desk before opening it. I recognized the handwriting immediately which brought a smile to my face.<p>

_Ana,_

_I know it's only been a day but, I miss you and hope everything is going well. I would invite you to stay with me but you know how it is here and besides, I didn't like the way my father was looking at you when we arrived. I wish you the best of luck with Shay and I look forward to hearing from you soon. Keep safe, love._

_Sirius._

I frowned slightly at the lack of emotion in the letter but shook it off as I began to write a reply. I told him about the trip I was taking with my family and that I wouldn't be able to keep in touch until we returned home. I decided to leave the part about Shay bringing someone along out, not wanting to worry him over something that may or may not be an issue. Instead, I reminded him that he was to come and spend a few days with my family and I after Christmas which I hoped would make him happy.

After finishing my letter I tied it to the large birds leg and opened the window then watched it fly off into the dimly lit winter night. I made my way carefully back to my bed and pulled the covers up over me and snuggled into them trying to warm myself. I looked at my ceiling and laid quietly while listening to the wind howling outside through my still open window. I thought about laying on a warm beach with water droplets littering my body as the sun evaporated them, leaving me with a darker complexion than my current one. I rolled onto my side, closed my eyes and allowed sleep take over me for a few more hours before my mother would come into my room telling me it was time to get ready to leave the country.

* * *

><p>As I predicted my mother woke me up with the loud bang of my spare trunk falling onto it's side.<p>

"Oh sorry dear did I wake you?" My mother asked sarcastically with a smile on her face which caused me to sigh and pull the covers over my head.

"We have to get going soon, you don't want to miss out on a whole day in the sun now do you?" She said before leaving the room.

That was one of the many benefits of being of a magical family. Instead of taking muggle transportation, which would take hours upon hours to reach our destination, we had the option of apparating to the resort. Since the place we were staying at was a magical family run resort we didn't have to be particularly careful about using magic, but my parents would always tell us to use a minimal amount of magic anyways, in fact, they usually kept our wands at home. This year however, since the threats and disappearances that have been going on throughout the magical world my father believes it would be safest to bring the wands with us as a form of protection.

I groggily stood from my bed, wobbling on my legs slightly before taking my first step to grab my silk black robe that hung on the back of my desk chair and wrapped it around myself. The fabric was cold on my skin initially, giving me a slight case of goose bumps. I stretched on my feet then stumbled out of my room and down the stairs, heading for the kitchen in search of some food that would aid in waking me up. I walked through the hallways and tripped over Fang who was much too energetic in the mornings, but caught myself on the wall before I completely fell flat on my face.

I turned the corner and the kitchen came into view as well as an extremely unwanted face.

_Bloody hell._

I lowered my eyes and continued into the kitchen, not wanting to look either of them in the face but also not wanting to cower out of the room like a pathetic little girl. I would not let him get to me.

"Morning Ana." Shay said, not sounding one bit interested in my presence.

"Good morning." I mumbled, passing by them to where we kept our fruit and grabbing a bowl from the top shelf.

"It's nice to see you again." Tomas said smugly and I could feel him staring at me with that ugly smirk plastered on his face. I began much more aware that the only thing I was wearing was a black silk robe.

"The feeling's not mutual." I grumbled as I poured blueberries into my bowl and walked back past them.

"Someone's grumpy in the mornings." I heard Tomas say to Shay who laughed in agreement.

I sat down at the kitchen table, my back facing them and began to eat my food, knowing that if I didn't I would have a horrid headache and apparating would be far more awful than usual. Since my parents didn't allow food in other places of the house I was stuck staying in the same proximity of them, listening to them talk cheerily about this or that.

At least with Shay in the room, and my parents in the same house I knew I was safe from whatever he could do to me which lessened the tension in my shoulders slightly. If Shay believed him over me then fine, but Tomas knew that if Shay witnessed anything unusual between him and I then he wasn't going to be on his side which made me grateful.

We arrived just outside the main lobby and I was instantly hit with an abundance of feelings. My head was spinning from the apparation, something I still wasn't used to, as well as the blissful feeling of the warm sun beaming down on my exposed arms and shoulders. My first inhale was filled with the scent of the thick jungle that surrounded us, making me shiver in anticipation. I loved coming here. It was always so refreshing. Not being able to dwell long, I followed my parents along with Shay and Tomas through the lobby and up to the front desk with my trunk levitating beside me.

"Good morning Mr. Travers! It's such a pleasure to see you and your family again." The middle aged man, John I think, said in a thick Australian accent.

"It's nice to be here." My father responded kindly. My father met the owners of the resort years ago when they were visiting Britain on a vacation and stumbled upon a slight miscommunication in the rules regarding exposure of magic. Apparently the rules down here were different from ours, so my dad helped them out at the scene of the crime which he was appointed to. Ever since, they have kept somewhat constant communication.

While my parents exchanged conversation with John I turned my attention towards the large open entrance that was opposite the lobby of where we came in. The wide open space led towards the middle of the complex which was not in sight. Instead there was a large courtyard with tropical vegetation scattered within it, making pathways and a shaded seating area. The first path that lead to the left from what I remember is the way to the infinity pool. Each time my family vacationed here that was the spot I spent most of my evenings, since it had the perfect view of the sun setting over the crystal blue Koro Sea. Down the path straight through the courtyard is the path that lead to the beach as well as the main pool and bar, and to the right is the direction of the two large buildings where the visitors stay. Usually when we come here the resort is less than full but this year it seemed much quieter than ever. When I turned my attention back to my parents I saw them receiving the keys to our rooms.

"Why isn't there anyone here?" I asked the familiar man behind the desk who looked at me strangely before answering.

"This is the time of year when families from Britain come to visit since it is the time of your holidays. It seems many witches and wizards are concerned with traveling lately, every since these seemingly dark times have come. Very slow year. I've heard many from your country have gone missing." He said quietly and looked to my father who merely nodded.

I knew he must've been talking about the same thing Shay always had arguments with my parents about. It sent a slight chill throughout me to know that the news was now known world wide, meaning it was much more sever than I thought it was. I looked to my parents who avoided Shay's gaze, but couldn't bring myself to look at him or Tomas. I couldn't help but think they knew more about this new rising power than anyone else but I shoved those thoughts aside. Surely Shay had more sense then to be getting mixed up in something that sounded so dangerous.

"But no need to worry. This is a very safe resort, far away from all that is happening in your part of the world. I guarantee you will enjoy your stay as always. I assume you remember the way to your rooms?" He said smiling.

"Of course we do John, thank you so much. We will see you soon." My mother answered as she began to levitate her bag and walk towards the vibrant courtyard.

We walked through the winding paths to the building we always stayed in. It overlooked the shore and lead directly to the soft sandy beach. Unlike most beaches in Fiji, this particular one was soft and silky, which I knew had something to do with the special abilities of the resorts owners.

When we reached the fourth floor and headed down the wide, sunlit hallway to where our rooms were my mother stopped and pulled a key out of her pocket.

"This is the key to your room. You're sharing with Shay and Tomas, room 487." She said and handed me the key.

"But mom, why do I have to stay with them? I thought I would be getting my own room." I complained. I didn't normally argue with my parents but did they really expect me to share a room with my rapist?

_Of course, they had no idea what I've been through with that monster. _

"It's a big room Ana, you'll be fine." She said in her stern mother voice that meant just be happy you are on vacation and stop whining .

I looked down the hall to where the room was and caught Tomas' grin which caused my heart rate to quicken.

"Fine." I mumbled and continued down the hall. Our rooms were separated by three in between which basically led to the end of the hall since they were so large. I put the key in the lock and turned before pushing the door open and levitating my bag along with me into the cool room. The hallways held a misty warmth but on the other side of the door, the bedroom wasn't damp, but chilly.

I walked through the entrance and picked the bed next to the sliding balcony door which was adorned with thin white curtains. I sat down on my bed and looked around the room. There were two king sized beds next to each other, separated by an expensive looking night table. Across from each bed hung a rusty gold framed mirror with bronzed lanterns on each side. There was a plush, dark gray couch in the center of the wall below. Outside of the large balcony was a hot tub built into the floor which looked extremely inviting. I sighed and fell back on the soft bed and looked up at the white ceiling. I listened as Shay and Tomas came into the room and placed their things on the couch while my eyes were closed. Then I suddenly thought about the two of them sharing a bed.

I let out a small giggle which I quickly regretted when I realized they had heard me.

"What are you laughing at?" Shay asked, not sounding very pleasant, but then again. He was never pleasant anymore.

"Just the thought of you two sharing a bed in a romantic beachside resort." I shrugged.

"I could always share a bed with you darling, if that's what you really want." Tomas said jokingly, only I knew that wasn't the case at all.

"You wish Wilkes." My tone annoyed which caused Shay to snort. I pushed myself up off the bed and rummaged thought my trunk before finding what I was looking for. I passed them on my way to the bathroom and shut the door firmly. Taking calming breaths, I leaned against the bathroom door and tossed the bathing suit I grabbed onto the counter and watched as it slid into one of the sinks. The bathroom was always my favorite part of the rooms at this resort. It was lit by antique lanterns that were scattered around the dark gray walls and a large mirror behind the black marble counter. There were a his and her sink with plenty of counter space. The shower took up half the room and had a large shower tap on the roof. The floor had marble tiles that were the color of brown and gray mixed within each other and the door was made of thick oak.

I sighed and picked up my bathing suit which was a basic dark blue bikini and put it on. I pushed my hair to one side and bit my lip nervously while looking at myself in the mirror. I didn't want Tomas to see my so exposed, but I also didn't want him to ruin my vacation. I looked at my white and mostly toned body. I looked good, and this bathing suit made me look better, but I couldn't seem to find the confidence I once held in myself. Before I would have never been held up in the bathroom wondering if I looked good enough or not. I would go run around in the same outfit after stuffing my face with all the buffet food I could possibly eat.

I ran my fingers through my soft hair, took a deep breath, turned and opened the door. When I turned the corner, Shay was sitting on the couch and Tomas was sprawled on the bed, laughing about something.

"I'm going to the beach." I announced. Shay turned to me and nodded his head before getting up and opening his trunk while Tomas eyed me perversely. "Do you want me to wait?"

"Nah we'll be down soon, I'll bring the key." Shay said without looking at me so I nodded my head awkwardly before turning around and grabbing one of the green beach towels and wrapping it around myself. I walked through the hall and stopped at my parent's room door.

After knocking I heard footsteps approaching so I stood back and waited for my dad to open.

"I'm going to the beach, do you and mom want to come?" I asked.

"Maybe later, your mom and I want some alone time first." He answered with a slight grin on his face.

"Ew dad, it's only noon and we just arrived." I looked at him in disbelief.

"Yes, well..." He trailed off.

"Bye dad." I shook my head and walked away quickly.

I made my way down the few flights of stairs and came out of the entrance and stepped down onto the warm sand. I looked out at the calm water and continued down towards it, not seeing anyone else laying on the picture perfect beach. I grabbed one of the white lounge chairs that rested under a thatched umbrella and dragged it over to the edge of the water. I laid my towel along the length of the chair and laid on my back. I closed my eyes and took in the strong sun rays and when I went to open my eyes again I suddenly wished I had brought a pair of sunglasses with me. It was too bright to see so I lifted an arm and held it over my eyes, blocking the sun.

The sound of waves crashing against a nearby cliff soothed me. I always loved the water and coming to beaches, whether they were private unexplored ones or ones like these. I looked out to the horizon and saw a sailing ship far off in the clear distance. I laid on the chair for a while longer, looking around at the breath taking scenery until I heard voices approaching me. I turned to look and saw both Shay and Tomas in their swim bottoms.

"You're sweating." Shay stated.

"It's hot." I responded with the same lack of emotion.

"I brought these, I thought you'd want them," He said, tossing my favorite sunglasses onto my stomach. I turned over onto my side and looked at them while they walked towards the umbrellas and other lounge chairs. They each choose a spot and began talking animatedly about something I couldn't hear.

Looking around the practically deserted beach I felt a rush of loneliness. When we came here, Shay and I usually spent most of our time together. Whether it be exploring the long beach or having a contest of who could find the best seashell or even just laying on the beach and tanning. Our parents were usually off alone when we vacationed, which didn't bother me most times but now it really did. I wanted to have at least one person who I could hang out with and talk to.

_I should have brought Fang. _

"Hey Ana, come here for a sec." Shay shouted.

I was hesitant for a moment before standing and walking quickly over to them, the sand was so hot it was burning the bottom of my feet.

"What do you want?" I placed my hands on my hips and stood directly in between him and the sun.

"I forgot how hot it is here." He said as he stood from his chair.

I looked at him suspiciously.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I just can't believe how hot it is." He repeated. "Are you feeling the same?" He spoke as he walked closer towards me. I backed away from him slowly, wondering what in Merlin's name he was talking about.

"Yeah sure, it's pretty warm." I said cautiously.

"Maybe you need to cool off." He said and all of a sudden he dove towards me and grabbed me, swung me over his shoulder and began running.

"SHAY PUT ME DOWN!" I shouted, flailing my legs. Instead of stopping he laughed louder and kept running.

"I'M SERIOUS, STOP IT!"

I saw the wet sand where the tide washed along the shore below me and started shouting louder. He trudged through the water and once my head was practically underwater he flung me over his shoulder and dropped me into the freezing sea.

When I emerged from the water I saw him with his head thrown back and howling with laughter. I took this opportunity and launched myself at him, knocking him off balance and pushing him fully under the water. Once his head popped back to the surface I splashed him and begun one of our many water fights which went on for a long ten minutes.

We were finally both calmed down so I decided now that I was already in, I would stay a little longer while he went back to the dry beach. I treaded in the water since I was now out too far to touch bottom.

I smiled to myself.

This was the first time since my birthday that things had seemed normal between the two of us, and I liked it. I swam for a while longer, enjoying the feeling of the cool water surrounding my body and the warm sun shinning down on my face and shoulders. I swam back to shore and instead of laying on the chair I moved for myself, I laid down on the warm sand. I closed my eyes and embraced the scratchy feeling of the hot sand on the back of my body before a shadow came across my face. I opened one eye and saw Tomas sitting down next to me.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Sitting, you seem to be enjoying it so I thought I would try." He answered before he laid back on the sand next to me.

"Where's Shay?" I said, suddenly panicking inside.

"He went to get something to eat."

"And you didn't go with him?" I tried desperately to hide the nervousness I couldn't help but feel.

"No, didn't want to leave you here alone."

I froze, not knowing what to do or say.

"It's easy to drown Ana." He sighed. I couldn't help but think he knew exactly what I was thinking.

"Well you can go now, I'm out of the water for a while." I responded quietly.

"Are you going to come?"

I laid for a moment without saying anything. It was like he wanted to pretend nothing happened, but how can he even try. That one moment may not have done him any harm but it will effect me for the rest of my life.

"I guess." I nodded. I stood quickly and went back in the water to wash the sand off my body before wrapping myself in a towel. We walked up the steps that led away from the beach and towards the buffet, all the while I walked behind him, and not saying a word.

We found Shay sitting at one of the tables and I was surprised to see three other tables being used. My interest dropped when I saw all of them wearing employee outfits.

"Hey." He greeted as we sat down. Shay had a pile of food in front of him and looked overly happy. I grabbed my plate and stood, making my way over to where the food was. I loaded my plate with a variety of fruits and nuts along with some mixed rice then headed back to the table.

I ate in silence next to them while they chatted away about their NEWTs. I drank four glasses of water and once I was done my second plate of fruit I stood from the table and left without saying anything. I walked through the cobblestone pathways towards the pool, hoping Shay and Tomas wouldn't follow.

I had way to many conflicting thoughts going on inside me and I didn't want to be around anyone, especially not them. I couldn't figure out if Tomas was being decent to me because he was here with my family or if he was just waiting for a moment to strike. It seemed like a stupid idea for him to try anything while here but then again, he did rape me in Hogwarts, and tried plenty after that. I felt my stomach tighten and my throat constrict at the thought of it and hoped silently that he wasn't going to try it again, even thought I knew it was a ridiculous thing to hope for.

I floated on my back in the pool, looking up at the cloudless sky while enjoying the quiet, peacefulness. The rest of the day was spent at the pool. I ordered several drinks from the bartender who's name was Eduardo and during the sunset I leaned over the edge and looked out at the spectacular vision in front of me. The island was beautiful in each way and I felt so blessed to be able to come here repeatedly.

I was walking back to the buffet for dinner to meet up with hopefully my parents along with my brother and Tomas and luckily they were all there. My parents were drinking wine while Shay and Tomas had a bottle of mead next to them. Again I ate quietly while everyone got drunker.

"Want a drink?" Shay asked as he pour himself another glass.

"I don't think I should." I looked down.

"Why darling? You love the drinks here." My mom piped in.

I shrugged.

It wasn't that I didn't want it, I just felt nervous drinking while I was sharing a room with Tomas, but of course I couldn't tell my parents that was the reason. They would probably have the same reaction as Shay, and now it was even worse because they seemed to like Tomas just as much as my brother did.

"Come on Ana, enjoy your vacation." My father said as he waved over a waiter.

About ten bloody mary's later I couldn't stop giggling at the stories my parents were sharing with the table and each time I went to scratch the itch on my nose, I couldn't feel it. When we were all leaving the table and going back to our rooms, Shay helped me up the steps and towards the room. When we arrived I collapsed on my bed and ran my hands through my hair.

"Coconut is a very delicious fruit. It's delicious." I moaned and hugged my body. The towel had fallen off me and I was suddenly freezing.

Quickly I sat up.

"I have an idea." I said excitedly.

"What's that?" Tomas asked as he tossed his towel onto the side of the couch, exposing his well toned upper body.

"I want to go in the hot tub. Shay can you turn it on?" I asked as I stood up and stumbled towards the balcony.

"Yeah of course." He said and opened the door for me. I plopped down in the water and waited for him to turn the bubbles on and when he did I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. The sensation of the warm water and the constant massaging jets felt amazing against my stressed body. I listened as he slid the balcony door open and then a few moments later the water level rose as he joined me in the tub. I opened my eyes and smiled, but it quickly faded when I realized it was Tomas and not Shay who had joined me.

"Is Shay coming?" I asked quietly, hugging my knees to my chest. My vision was slightly clouded and I could feel my words melting into each other.

"He's in the shower." Tomas' icy voice sounded with slight triumph.

"Oh."

"At least we get some time alone." He said as he slid closer to me.

"I'm just going to go." I said nervously and began to find my way out of the water when I felt his tight grip wrap around my wrist.

"Let me go." I said forcefully.

He smiled at me and pushed my hair off my shoulder. His touch made me shiver although my forehead was beaded with sweat.

"You are a beautiful girl Ana. I don't think I would have a problem being with you. Other than the fact that you are a Gryffindor, you're a very good catch. Pureblood, intelligent, sexy..." He said cooly.

"Leave me alone!" I said loudly and tried to push him off me, tears coming to my eyes which blurred my vision madly.

"Now now Ana no need to cause a ruckus." Tomas' velvety voice said into my ear and I screamed out at the feeling of his rough breath against my skin but he quickly covered my mouth with his large hand, muffling my voice.

"I'll move my hand if you promise to be a good girl."

I nodded my head, tears falling freely down my reddened cheeks.

"What do you want?" Despite my efforts my voice came out shakily which I knew pleased him.

"There's something I need of you darling." I could hear the smirk in his voice and gulped loudly

"What?"

"I keep seeing you talking and spending time with Sirius Black and it is beginning to aggravate me Ana, I don't like you spending time with a blood traitor like him, he's starting to rub off on you." He said quietly as he pushed my hair aside again, fully exposing the skin on my neck.

"I want you to tell him you can no longer see him, and when he asks why you tell him it is because you'd prefer me." His words were louder and filled with amusement.

"I won't do that." I said firmly.

"Oh but I think you will darling." He said, clearly not effected by my refusal even slightly.

"Or what Tomas, it's not like you have anything else you could possibly do to me. Nothing could be any worse that what you've already done." I argued.

I felt his hand move down his side and pull something out of his short pocket. It wasn't until I felt a sting of heat against my shoulder that I realized what it was and in a moment he had pressed a sharp knife to my neck.

"I think you will find there are a lot of worse things I could do to you, love." He said dangerously causing me to tremble slightly.

"Please don't make me do this." I whispered, terror spreading within me.

"You don't have a choice." He whispered back. He pulled the knife away from my neck and fingered it slowly while admiring it with his gaze.

"You'd be amazed at the damage this small piece of metal can cause.


	22. Chapter 22

Authors Note: Thanks so much for the reviews and views as well as the adds. Enjoy!

* * *

><p>I laid on the thick mattress of the large king sized bed in the room I shared with Shay and Tomas. Tomorrow was our last day in Fiji and I couldn't wait to be out of this place and back in the safety of my own home. Ever since Tomas threatened me on our first night I had been shaken and distant, avoiding him at all costs. Thankfully, no one else noticed the change in my behavior other than Tomas who sent me arrogant smirks each time he caught my eye.<p>

His words filled my head and I couldn't get the look of the triumph he held while that sharp blade was pressed to my neck. I turned to look at him, who laid on the bed he shared with Shay. The only time avoiding him was impossible was at night when we were sleeping in the same room. He had the spot closest to me and I could see him turned, facing me with his eyes closed and his mouth parted slightly. He looked so delicate and peaceful while he slept, something I didn't think possible. He looked now like he was a sweet, handsome boy, but I knew exactly what he was.

_He's probably dreaming of torturing owls. _

I twisted around to face the open doors of the balcony. I could see stars glittering in the black sky and could hear the subtle sound of waves crashing onto shore. It was my last night here, so I got out of bed and quietly grabbed the white bathing suit that laid messily on the couch across from my bed. Instead of risking waking the other two up I brought the bathing suit with me and quietly opened the balcony door and quickly changed into it. I placed my clothes in a ball on one of the chairs outside and lowered myself into the warm tub that was built into the balcony.

I had spent every evening in the tub, usually after Shay and Tomas went to sleep. I had found it was hard to get alone time with Tomas around. The first day he seemed to be keeping everything between us hidden and I had hoped it would stay that way. Although it wouldn't solve anything, it would've been easier. Instead, he decided to wait until he had me alone, then attack. Ever since I could feel his eyes on me. I made it my mission to never be alone. I kept to my parents side, which I could tell annoyed them, whenever I could and when they weren't around I stayed near Shay.

I changed thoughts in my head to one that I had been looking forward to. I would be seeing Sirius soon. He hadn't written the entire time we had been here, but I assumed he was simply not writing because he didn't want to intrude on my vacation.

_Balderdash. Sirius didn't care about intruding. _

Things at Sirius' home were weird, I never quite understood them but I couldn't help but feel something was wrong. His first and only letter seemed so distant, then not receiving another one made my stomach tighten. Hopefully it wasn't his way of saying his parents were not allowing him to visit over the break.

"Why are you up so late?" A voice from behind shook my attention and sat up in the water.

I knew the voice and relaxed back into the warm water of the tub.

"Can't sleep." I whispered, gazing out into the dark horizon.

I could tell he was still there even though he hadn't spoken for a while. Finally he sighed and walked towards the tub. I looked over my shoulder to see what he was doing and watched as he stripped out of his plaid pajama pants which left him in a pair of black boxers. He slid into the tub on the opposite side of me. Instead of engaging in conversation, I looked back to the sea and breathed in the salty air, hoping he would catch on that I just wanted to be alone.

After a few long silent moments, he spoke.

"What's bothering you?"

I turned my head and watched him with my tired eyes. He wasn't looking at me, instead he was looking out in the distance like I had been a moment ago.

"What makes you think something is bothering me?" I said quietly, fondling the string of my bathing suit under the water.

"I know you well Ana, I can tell when something is bothering you."

I sat, not knowing how to respond, something that seemed to take over me a lot lately. I was never usually one to hide my thoughts with Shay but ever since his change in personality I was almost afraid of talking to him. I was afraid of opening up to him because I didn't want Tomas to find out, I didn't want him finding out that he was getting inside my head. It killed me to know that he was achieving exactly what he wanted. I tried desperately to not be afraid of him but no matter how hard I tried it just didn't seem possible.

I sighed quietly to myself and looked down at my hands before speaking, attempting to hide the pained expression my face had contorted into.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah." He said quietly and I could feel his gaze resting on me.

"If you cared about someone, would you let them go because of something threatening the relationship or would you stay and tell them the truth, no matter how difficult it may be for everything to be normal?"

Shay stayed quiet. I felt his eyes leave me and focus on something else. I knew he was thinking about his answer. He always had to say the right thing and place it perfectly which was usually helpful but right now my heart was pounding. I didn't know whether he was going to ask me what I was talking about or if he was trying to figure it out inside his head. All I wanted was advice and I couldn't help but think he was going to chew me out again.

After what seemed like ages, I heard the water around him move while he shifted his position.

"What is this about?" He asked the question I had begged him in my head not to.

"It doesn't matter." I tried.

"Well things could go either way, depending on the situation." He answered softly.

I turned my head to look at him again and was relieved to see kindness etched on his face instead of annoyance or vexation.

"It's just about something that is meant to ruin a relationship. If it was ended the point would be to keep that other person happy and carefree." I struggled to put my thoughts into words without giving away anything.

"Sometimes it's best to say nothing." He said quietly.

"If I do that, and let the good thing go, I feel like I'm giving up on everything I've worked for since he-" Shay looked at me, waiting for me to continue. "I mean since something happened."

"Letting go isn't about giving up Ana. It is about accepting the fact that maybe things just weren't meant to be. Maybe the thing that happened was supposed to and it was supposed to effect a certain relationship. Maybe the relationship was never meant to succeed." He said carefully. "I wish I knew what situation you were talking about, I'd be much more helpful that way."

I looked down once more before getting up the energy to stand. I stepped out of the tub and wrapped a towel around myself and opened one of the doors to the balcony. Before going back inside I turned to Shay, who was still siting there in the warm water and peering out at the sea.

"You wouldn't believe me even if you knew."

* * *

><p>I sat on my bed and looked around my room. Tonight was the ball at Malfoy Manor that my brother invited me to go to. I didn't know why I was even considering going, it's not like I talked to anyone normally of the pureblood society. The only thing that drew me in was dressing up in a fancy gown and doing elegant hair and makeup. I always enjoyed dressing up. I had half a closet filled with dress robes and fancy ball gowns and most of them hadn't even been used. I sighed and stood, walked to my closet and looked through all the outfit choices I had. I pulled out one that hung near the back and held it up in front of me.<p>

It was long black silk dress with an elegant beaded v-neck. I remember seeing it one day in a store in London and bought it without an occasion. It was between this and a pale pink halter, with a corsage top. I held up both dresses and examined them each for a while before finally choosing the black one. I laid the dress down on my bed and sat down at my vanity. I decided on pulling my long hair to one side and curling it while leaving it hanging down over my shoulder.

The make up I applied was simple. I gave myself a gold and black smokey eye with thick lashes and a pinkish red lipstick, not wanting to over do it too much. I've been to these things before and I've seen girls who apply too much make up. I didn't want to be that girl. I grabbed the dress and put it on, then rummaged through my closet in search of a pair of shoes.

I finally settled on a pair of gold high heels, then exited my room. I found Shay in the kitchen talking with my parents. He looked handsome in his expensive black dress robes with his hair done slightly messily. I cleared my throat to make my presence known and all my family members turned and looked. My mother smiled as she took in my appearance, she knew the dress I was wearing was my favorite and that I was waiting for a chance to put it on. My father looked at me with the same twinkle in his eye but I could tell he didn't like how revealing the top was. Shay looked at me with a smirk which confused me but instead of letting it show I spun around.

"Do you like it?"

"Ana darling you look beautiful." My mother said as she walked up to me. She played with the waves of my hair, fixing them around her finger before I lightly pushed her hand away.

"We should go." Shay announced, interrupting my mother and my interaction.

I followed him to the front door, kissed both my parents on the cheek before taking Shay's arm. I braced myself for the pull behind my bellybutton and when the world stopped spinning I opened my eyes and looked up at the massive building in front of me.

Malfoy Manor was huge.

I had thought my own house was a decent size before looking upon this mansion that stood in front of me. It was almost castle like with it's many towers and wings stretching across the sizable grounds which were covered in a bright litter of snow which sparkled under the moonlight. As we walked up to the front doors of the house, I noticed music and chatting sound from the inside which suddenly made me nervous.

I knew many things about the Malfoy family and how they were complete nutters about blood purity. I was considered a pure blood but that didn't help my case when it came to who I hung out with. Lily was a muggle born, almost everyone knew, and therefore I was considered a blood traitor for even speaking to her. It didn't matter to me, but being surrounded in this type of environment was surly not the place where I would want to be casted as one. Lucius Malfoy went to Hogwarts a couple years ago and I had the pleasure of knowing him quite well, although no one else knew about it.

Instead of worrying about it I held my head high and handed the wizard at the front door my invitation. When he took it he nodded us in to the right and I took Shay's arm once more, following him into the palace. The inside was much more lavish than the outside, although I guess that is to be expected.

The front halls were loaded with expensive looking antiques and old decor including paintings and family heirlooms, which littered the dark colored walls. As we continued through the house in the direction of what I would assume to be the ball room more and more people were seen wandering the hallways but sadly none of them I recognized. I was beginning to feel more out of place then ever when we almost reached the ballroom . My palms were sweaty and I knew my cheeks were crimson. We turned the last corner and walked through the huge double doors to where the party took place.

It was unexplainably beautiful.

There were several crystal chandeliers floating above the crowded room framed in gold. Every second tall glass window was stained with emerald green and silver figures that twinkled from the candle light, and the walls were painted with an off white and emerald color. There were people in clusters all throughout the floor who were chatting with each other. Everyone was dressed with great opulence, mostly in blacks and grays but the odd woman was dressed in a dark green or blue. I was relieved I hadn't chosen to wear the pale pink gown I had thought about wearing.

"I'll be right back." Shay said, dropping his arm and walking swiftly across the long dark wood floor.

I watched his retreating figure with my mouth agape. He left me standing alone in the middle of a bunch of people I couldn't stand. I clenched my fists and walked over to the side of the room, where the bar was and ordered a glass of fire whiskey on the rocks. I knew a party like this gave out the best tasting liquor.

After taking a sip, I turned around and leaned my back against the bar and looked out at the crowed. Every one was acting so civil and classy it made the room full of people look boring. Couples were in the center, dancing to a small symphony that played at the front of the room while others stood around, drinking, laughing and talking animatedly. I was so entranced at the beauty and perfection of the place that I barely reacted when I felt an arm snake around my shoulders.

"Fancy seeing you here." Rabastan Lestrange whispered seductively into my ear.

"Get away from me Rabastan." I said with a small smile, not wanting to draw attention. Instead of listening, he squeezed my shoulder and ran his hand down the length of my arm. I tried to control the emotion that filled me but I couldn't help but shiver under his soft touch.

"I know you've missed me Ana." He said quietly.

"It doesn't matter does it? I mean, how can someone like me ever interest you?" I asked smugly, remembering his exact words from the day him and Tomas cornered me in the abandoned classroom at Hogwarts.

My remark caused him to chuckle lightly, which only infuriated me.

"Well clearly, you've cleaned up your act, or you wouldn't be here. Unless of course you accompanied Black, and in that case you must not be having a very good time. "

"And why not?" My heart tightened at the mention of Sirius. I hadn't thought about him actually being here. I knew his family fit in perfectly at these sorts of things but I could never picture Sirius tagging along.

"You and I had a lot of fun. I gave you something Black never could. A blood traitor like him would never be able to satisfy you the way I can." He whispered his arrogant words slowly in my ear.

"Dance with me Ana." He held out the free hand to me, which I pushed away.

"Sirius is a better man than you will ever be." I growled. "Now if you will please excuse me, I must get going."

I pushed myself away from the counter and began through the crowd. I didn't know where I was going but I knew I had to get away from Rabastan. Things between him and I had been so heated since he betrayed me, I even considered myself liking him as more than just some guy I snogged. Seeing him again, hearing his husky voice sent me back to the foolish days when I thought something could blossom between us.

I turned my head around to see if he was following me and as soon as I turned back I slammed into a hard body, almost losing my balance. I looked up with embarrassment on my face at the person I had run into and recognized him straight away.

"Mind where you are going Miss. Travers." Orion Black said harshly as he looked at me condescendingly.

"I'm sorry Mr. Black, I wasn't paying attention." My voice more confident than I had expected.

"Obviously." He said coldly. I looked down to avoid his gaze which had settled on me. Although I had met him plenty of times, I never had a real conversation with Sirius' father, and I was told only unsettling things about him. I was now beginning to believe they were true.

It never ceased to amaze me how much alike Orion Black looked like his son, yet he held such a different persona. His eyes, the same color as Sirius were filled with annoyance and loathing with a hint of lust while Sirius' were normally filled with mischief and excitement. Being in Orion's presence was intimidating and I felt myself feeling awkward around him, not knowing what to say and wondering what he was thinking.

"You clean up good, Travers." I heard him say, making me look up.

"Uhm, thank you." I said quietly. It was slightly insulting and subdue thing for him to say but I would be foolish to retort. Orion was nothing like Sirius, he wouldn't take my sarcasm lightly.

"Are you enjoying your evening?" He asked, eyeing me over his glass as he took a drink. I could feel his eyes wandering down my face to my chest which made me feel uncomfortable. Perhaps my dress was too revealing like my fathers expression had suggested.

"Yes, very much." I lied. "And you?"

He shrugged and looked around the room.

"I've been to better." His voice was again cold and deep which sent shivers up my spine.

"Orion Black, pleasure to see you." A man came up beside us and placed his hand on Orion's shoulder, a man who looked familiar. Arrogance and peril radiated off of him. He was tall and built well with an even harsher looking face than Orion's.

"You as well Lestrange." He greeted and my throat constricted.

_Rabastan's father?_

"If you will excuse us Ana, perhaps I will be seeing you later." He said as he took my hand and kissed the back of it. He looked directly at me and I saw a glimmer of danger flash behind his gray eyes before he dropped my hand and strode off with Lestrange.

I took a deep gasp in, not realizing I had been holding my breath and walked away from the spot I was standing. I needed to get out of here. I worked my way through the crowd in search of Shay but wasn't in luck. He was no where to be found. I clenched my fists and headed for the bar. If I wasn't able to leave, I would drink to pass the time. I ordered a double of fire whiskey and stood alone as I downed it in one go. I closed my eyes as I felt the warm liquid pass down my throat and into my stomach, creating what felt like a little ball of fire, making me feel much lighter.

"It is lovely to see you again Ana."

Lucius Malfoy's smooth voice sounded from behind me. I turned my head to look at him while he let his own eyes roam over my figure. I was suddenly beginning to feel quite naked. I had been getting the same look from each person I had talked to since arriving. The cocked brow an unsubtle perverse look that ran down from my neck, hovered at my chest and continued down my stomach and thighs. I bit my tongue, not wanting to speak what was over crowding my mind, knowing it would be improper.

"How are you Lucius?" Was all I came up with in an attempt to pull his wandering eyes away from my silk cloaked body.

"Just fine, and you?" He answered with an arrogant tone that matched the look on his face.

"Swell." I said, knowing he caught the sarcasm dripping from my voice.

"I'm curious as to why you are here." He said before taking a sip from his crystal glass which he held in his left hand.

"I don't know what you mean. Why shouldn't I be here?" I raised my chin slightly and watched him with curious eyes.

He grinned smugly before replying.

"The last time we spoke ended on harsh terms. I'm merely wondering why you chose to come to a ball held at my home after making it quite clear you never wanted to speak to me again."

"I didn't expect to see you, let alone speak to you." I answered lamely.

Truth was, I knew exactly what would happen if I came tonight. I knew I would see Lucius again and I knew it would turn out the exact way it was. Things hadn't changed with him. The only thing different about him was his looks, which had improved drastically. He had been attractive enough before with his long blonde hair and elegant features but now he had age. He was no longer an immature jerk, now he was a man, a handsome man. If he hadn't treated me so bloody horrible in the past I would be able to look at him and see a beautiful, aristocratic wizard. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

"You must've known you'd see me Ana. Is that why you came? You missed me?"

_The nerve of this git. So self centered he is._

"It has been over two years since I've spoken to you Lucius. Believe me, I'm far over it." I said quietly, just realizing someone could be listening to our conversation. I wouldn't put it past people like this, they loved gossip.

"I see." He said simply before taking another sip. "I'm married you know." He added, sounding bored.

"Interesting." I grinned at him.

_Why would he tell me that?_

We stood quietly next to one another, watching the room without speaking. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence. When I had known Lucius we spent most of our time not speaking to one another. Instead we read separate books or worked on homework.

"Your brother brought you." He said suddenly, which startled me. When I looked at him, waiting for him to continue, I couldn't quite tell if he had meant to say what he had out loud or not.

"Yes, he did." I answered his rhetorical statement, still watching him and waiting for some sort of response.

The only one I received however was a glint of what I could only assume to be guilt mixed with amusement. How I decided upon those two conflicting emotions was a mystery but the confusing part was why they were running through his mind.

"You shouldn't have come Ana." He said flatly, now downing his entire drink.

"I'm beginning to think the same thing." I muttered.

It was like he had tuned into my inner thoughts. I didn't belong at a place like this. Sure I fit in physically, perhaps a bit too well but mentally I was an outcast. It was like I was surrounded by dogs, and I was the cat. They could sniff out the difference and even though I attempted to blend in, they would always know I didn't belong. Those who did want me there only felt that way for selfish reasons of their own.

"I think I'm going to just-" I began to turn around and walk away from Lucius when I crashed into someone for the second time that evening. When I turned to look at who my latest victim was I found myself staring up at Orion Black, only younger with much kinder eyes.

"Ana?" He asked quietly, looking at me so intently I could feel his eyes burning holes through my face.

"Sirius?" I whispered, not sure he heard me and not truly believing my eyes.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. I couldn't help but notice his eyes faltering to my dress and greedily taking in my appearance. Instead of wanting to cover myself up, his gaze flattered me and made me want to show it off, so I stood tall and confident, with a bright smile plastered on my face for the first time all evening.

"Shay invited me to go. I didn't expect you here, I haven't heard from you since beginning of term."

"Yeah, I haven't had much of a chance to write." He said, averting his eyes. "My parents kind of force me to come to these things. Say it would look bad if I didn't show up."

Sirius sounded much milder and more reserved than I had ever seen him. Usually he was outgoing and free spirited, but here he was quiet and formal. It didn't feel right.

"Well I was about to leave, did you want to join me? Or would you get into trouble?" I took his hands in mine and pulled him closer, which brought a grin to his face.

"I don't mind getting into a bit of trouble if it means spending time with my beautiful girlfriend."

_There's the Sirius I know. _

My stomach fluttered at his use of the word girlfriend and I could feel a blush of excitement creep onto my face.

"Let me grab my coat and tell Regulus I'm leaving. I'll meet you in the hall." He said before placing a soft kiss on my cheek and walking away through the crowd.

I smiled to myself as I walked in the direction of the exit. The night started out awful, as I ran into almost everyone I didn't want to see. The only thing that would have made it worse would have been to see Tomas. Now everything had turned around and I was getting to spend the evening with Sirius, whom I hadn't seen in a week. I thought about all the possibilities we could do but my mind was set on one in particular. That of bringing him back to my place. My parents had always loved Sirius and I knew he would be welcome, even on Christmas. We would sit by the fire with Fang sleeping by our feet while watching the snow fall outside.

My daydream was interrupted by someone grabbing my wrist and pulling me through the exit. I looked around with a glare on my face at the person who had the nerve to so boldly handle me.

"Oh Shay, what are you doing?" I asked once realizing it was my brother who had disappeared on me all night.

"You need to come with me." He said without laying attention to me and focusing down the hallway.

"I was just about to leave-" I started before he cut me off.

"You can't leave. It's just about to start." He said quickly.

"What's about to start?" I looked at him, wondering why he had such a strange look plastered on his face. It was similar to the one Lucius wore, with only a bit more fear.

Instead of answering me, he continued to pull me down the dark hall until we reached the end and stood in front of a large closed door. Shay knocked twice and waited, as if someone on the other side would come open it.

"Shay what's going on?"

"I'm sorry Ana." He said before dragging me through the now open door.


	23. Chapter 23

****Authors Note: Warning, this chapter is rated M for violence.

I hope you enjoy this chapter, and thank you so much to the large amount of adds! Also thank you to my loyal reviewers, I appreciate you taking the time tell me what you think. (:

* * *

><p><strong>Sirius' POV:<strong>

I was wandering the halls in Malfoy Manor looking for Ana. It annoyed me greatly since I had told her to stay and wait for me while I went to grab my coat and talk with my brother but when I returned she was no where to be found. Now I had to look around in search of her. I was at the end of the hallway leading into the house when I saw a door open and a man come out. I looked closer and noticed the man was Tomas Wilkes. A slight tingle of anxiety sparked through me as I looked at Tomas' ruffled appearance. He looked as though he'd just been with a woman, yet no woman came out of the room.

I cleared my throat loudly, catching Tomas' attention. He turned to face me and smirked. As I got closer I saw a grin beginning to form on his ugly face.

"You haven't seen Ana, have you Wilkes?" I asked angrily as I continued down the hall towards the man.

"Oh I've seen her alright. A whole lot of her." Tomas winked at me while keeping that sickening smug look on his face.

"Tell me where she is." I ordered, raising my voice slightly.

"Take a look. She got exactly what she wanted, don't you worry." Tomas replied, gesturing towards the room he had just exited.

I lost control of my anger and grabbed Tomas, who was considerably taller than me but not as well built, and slammed him hard against the wall.

"What did you do to her." I growled while Tomas smirked in satisfaction.

"I told you, I gave her exactly what she wanted. I had her practically begging for me. What a sight it was. I understand what you're doing with her. That was exhilarating." Tomas said smiling innocently at me.

Disgusted, I threw Tomas hard onto the ground and swiftly pulled out my wand before kneeling down in front of him. I glared into his dark satisfied eyes and felt anger rush throughout my body.

"I should kill you." I said quietly and focused on keeping my anger in control. Tomas' face twisted into a smile.

"You wouldn't kill me, you're too soft." He said casually.

I pressed my wand against the skin of his neck.

"You've done enough to deserve death, but I am no murderer." I growled. "I can cause you pain. As much pain as you put Ana through."

"You're going to have to do better than that Black. Pain isn't going to take away the satisfaction of fucking your beloved Ana." Tomas sneered amusedly.

He was infuriating me, and I could feel myself shaking with rage.

"Incarcerous." I said the spell and watched a rope fly out of my wand and wrap itself around Tomas' neck. I watched as Tomas struggled for breath and gauged at the ropes, attempting to loosen them. I watched with a smirk on my face as the man twitched under the rope and continued the spell until Tomas' eyes slowly blinked.

When I pulled my wand away and freed the force of the rope, Tomas pulled it away with ease and slumped on the ground. I got a sick satisfaction out of the bruising and scraping that was already visible on his neck.

"If you ever lay a hand on Ana again, whether it be wanted or not I will kill you. Mark my words. I promise you it will not be a clean kill, I will make you suffer and I will inflict the most horrific amounts of pain you can imagine until you can no longer take it. Understood?" I said in a deep growl.

"You're so naive Black." Tomas choked.

I stood and waited for him to continue.

"It's not me you should be worried about. My intentions were purely to satisfy selfish needs, they weren't murderous."

"You raped her, I can hardly think of anything worse." I spat feeling the fury building inside me.

"She should be glad that's all I did to her. Her brother is the one who betrayed her, I would never have brought her here." He said in a raspy voice with a smirk still visible.

I thought about what he said for a moment but shook it. He wasn't going to weasel his way out of this. I ignored his pathetic ramble and before turning away from him I pointed my wand at his face and made a slicing motion which acted like a knife cutting across Tomas' face. A deep gash was cut across one of his cheeks and Tomas called out at the sudden slice. He covered the gash with his hand but blood leaked through his fingers, dripping onto the floor.

"I better not see you when I get back. I can't guarantee I'll be in such a merciful mood as this once I see what you've done to Ana." I shot down at the whimpering man.

I turned away from Tomas and opened the door to where he had come out of. The sound of quiet cries and whimpers met my ear as I entered the room. I looked to see Ana sitting on the floor, curled up in a ball with her arms around herself. Her head was in her hands and I could hear the muffling sound of her cries. She shook her head back and forth while whispering 'no' over and over again. The sight broke my heart. I had never seen her this distraught before.

"Ana?" I called out quietly but she had either not heard me or chose to ignore my voice. I slowly made my way to where she was sitting on the floor and knelt down next to her. I hesitated before stretching my arms out and wrapping them around her frail body.

"I'm so sorry." She sobbed. "They made me Sirius I promise I didn't want to."

"Please don't worry love. I'm not upset. Shh. It's alright he's gone now." I cooed as softly as I could, attempting to calm her which didn't work.

"Why does this keep happening to me? I don't understand what I did to deserve this."

"You did nothing to deserve this Ana. Its not your fault." I tried once more.

"I hate him. I HATE HIM!" She shouted, causing her to sob harder.

I pulled her close to me and rubbed her back in small circles. I could feel the sting of tears coming to my eyes but quickly blinked them back. It wouldn't be appropriate for me to show weakness when Ana clearly needed my strength right now.

"Shhh love, it's alright. I'm here. I won't let anything happen to you, I promise." I said knowing full well I meant it although I didn't know if I could keep it.

"It was horrible." She whimpered.

"I know beautiful. I'm so sorry you had to go through that." I brought my other hand up to push her hair out of her face.

"Sirius." She whispered and leaned her shaking body against my chest. "I'm scared."

"I'm right here Ana, I'll always be right here." I said gently while holding her close.

"I don't ever want to see them again. I don't want to go back to Hogwarts, they'll all be there." She said softly as tears continued to fall and whimpers escaped her bruised lips.

"What are you talking about Ana? What happened?" I asked, slightly confused. I had thought Tomas had violated her again but now I wasn't so sure that was all that happened. Who were 'they'?

"Don't make me relive it." She pleaded quietly, sobbing again.

"Take all the time you need." I said gently, stroking her hair in soothing motions as I breathed deeply. I didn't want to scare her with the anger I was holding inside.

"I love you." She whispered so quietly I barely heard her.

I couldn't bring myself to say it back. I didn't know how she could say it in a time like this, a time where I had abandoned her and left her open pray to a beast who inflicted an unmentionable attack on her. I wasn't there to protect her like I should have been, like I said I would. This was the second time this had happened to her and I couldn't help but feel responsible for both. Instead of speaking, I leaned in and kissed the top of her head before rocking her in my arms.

Eventually her sobs and whimpers subsided and her breathing was almost back to normal. When she looked up at me for the first time I saw both her eyes were puffy an blood shot with black smudges all around them while one had a large bruise forming around it. Her cheeks were red and tear stained and her lips were shaky and swollen. I could see bite marks and bruises littered across her neck and jaw line while scratches and bruises continued down her collarbone and chest.

I let her out of my arms and stood before pulling her to her feet. I looked at her dress and saw that it was covered with various patches of blood that matched the scrapes on her body. I found a pair of underwear and handed them to her but she covered her mouth and shook her head rapidly.

"Ana what's wrong?" I asked concerned.

"I don't want to wear those." She said quietly.

"What?"

"They liked them, Tomas touched them, played with them. I don't ever want to wear them again." She said shakily.

I bit the inside of my cheek hard enough to taste blood.

"That sick bastard!" I shouted and whipped the underwear across the room. My sudden outburst caused fresh tears to flow down Ana's cheeks.

She let out a quiet sob which drew my attention again. As if instantly, my rage was replaced with sympathy and I quickly took off my cloak. I wrapped it around her shoulders and helped her get to her feet.

"I'm sorry Ana." I whispered as I pulled her against my chest. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and closed them tightly.

"Take me away from here. Now." She said firmly. I nodded and held onto her as I apparated us to my own house, hoping desperately that my parents were still at the party.

Ana passed out in my arms just as we arrived at my house. I picked her up bridal style and carried her up the flight of stairs in the direction of my room. There was no evidence of anyone else being in the house which eased my mind slightly. I didn't know what my parents would think if they saw me with Ana in this condition. Once I reached the hallway outside of my room I kicked open the door fully and placed her gently on my un-made bed. I watched her sadly as she laid motionless, the parts of her body showing covered in smudges of blood as well as cuts and bruises.

I sighed and walked over to the drawers where I kept my clothes and pulled out a large, soft black shirt and a pair of too small boxers. I placed the clothing on the edge of the bed before looking at her once more. Trying to figure out how I was going to get her out of that tattered dress without causing her more pain, I ran my hand through my hair and pulled on it slightly. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't seem to avoid such destruction. It seemed that once Tomas had a taste he couldn't get enough which disgusted me. Ana wasn't perfect, but even with all her flaws nothing she did was bad enough to deserve this. I pulled my wand out of my robes and set it down on the bed side table then remembered. The bottom drawer of my night table was filled with various healing potions, for personal use, so I quickly knelt down and rummaged through it.

I pulled our three vials and leaned onto the side of the bed. The first vial was filled with a thick bluish liquid which I dropped onto each one of her cuts. It was meant to heal them and as soon as the potion touched them, the redness faded slightly. The next was an orange serum which I lightly rubbed into the bruises that littered her tanned skin which also helped fade them. Also it would make them much less painful when she woke up. The last was a green liquid, which was to reduce any pain and restore a slight amount of energy. I placed that vial on the bedside table, for her to drink when she finally awoke. Then I conjured a glass of water and set that next to the vial.

Slowly, I pulled up the bottom of her dress and cringed at what was underneath. The bruising and scratches were much more visible on this part of her body. I applied more of the potions then gently, I unzipped the side of her dress and pulled it off of her. Last, I replaced her damaged, naked body with the clothing that I pulled out.

Once I was finished tending to her, as if on cue I heard a loud crack echo throughout the house. It came from downstairs, where I heard the loud voices of both my parents. I slowly left the room and shut the door quietly behind me to leave Ana a small time of peace. Carefully I walked through the hall but was stopped by my brother, Regulus.

"Mum and Dad are pissed." He said quietly.

"What else is new?" I said angrily.

Regulus and I didn't get along. Unlike me, he seemed determined to make our parents happy and that meant going along with all their ridiculous ideas and beliefs. He made the Slytherin house which made both my parents much more proud. When I was sorted into Gryffindor they practically disowned me.

I pushed passed Regulus and stormed down the stairs and into the lounge where I heard their loud voices coming from, knowing the moment they laid eyes on me all hell would break loose.

**Ana's POV:**

When I woke I felt myself laying on a very soft mattress and covered with a thick, warm comforter which I had my fists clenched around. Then I became quiet aware with the pain that radiated throughout my entire body. I opened my eyes slowly, the dim lighting seeming much brighter than it was. Blinking rapidly to adjust my eyes sensitivity to the light in the room, I pulled the blanket down slightly, feeling as though I was on fire. I felt my forehead, which was drenched in sweat and found it to be hot to the touch. I cringed as I tilted my head to take in my new surroundings.

There were posters hung all over the walls, most of Quidditch teams and players. The posters were accompanied by flags and other memorabilia with the colors belonging to Gryffindor. There was a table to one side of the room and scattered on top were various books and parchment. The top of the dresser was un-tidy and clothes hung out of some of the half opened drawers. I looked next to the bed and saw the bed side table was also littered with various items. A wand, which I recognized immediately lay next to a tall glass of what looked like water and next to it a small vial with a clear greenish liquid.

I sat up and leaned my back against the headboard, flinching at my aching muscles. I seized the glass and chugged its contents but left the vial alone, not entirely sure it was for me to use. It seemed like I was alone so I took this time to memorize every detail of the room. I had never seen the inside of Sirius' house, let alone his bedroom. It was exactly what I expected it to look like. Sirius wasn't an organized person and that showed in his room which was quite messy, something my parents would never let me get away with. The bed was amazingly comfortable and the blankets were smooth to touch. A brisk but calming breeze fluttered through the half open window. It brushed against my exposed skin, instantly cooling me and making me shiver so I pulled the blanket up to my chin.

I closed my eyes and thought back to the evening, the memory of it all flashed so vibrantly before my eyes as if it was happening all over again.

"_I'm sorry Ana." Shay said before we walked into the room. _

_I looked away from his face, with confusion on my own until I noticed there were many people in the room. About fifteen stood tall, with black cloaks and masks covering there faces. They were spread out along the room which formed a large circle but there was one who wore no mask. _

"_What a pleasant surprise you have brought for us Shayden." The man said as he eyed me. _

_He stood tall and had a brush of arrogance which was overly evident from the way he held his face. He was dressed like the others, wearing a long black flowing cloak, minus the mask. His hair was dark and fell onto his deathly pale forehead which looked slightly waxy, like snakes skin. His eyes were dark and catlike. In most cases he would be quite handsome, but the feeling he gave off was much more than dangerous._

"_Who is this lovely vixen you have brought for us?" His voice was icily calm._

"_My lord, this is my sister, Ana." Shay spoke awfully formal._

"_Ana..." He said, considering my name. "How... simple." _

_The look he gave me sent a jolt of fear down my spine. His look was even more wicked than that of Orion Black. He slowly began to walk forward towards Shay and I. Shay let go of me and walked to a spot among the rest of the observers. I looked to him, then back to the man who was watching me with a slight interest. _

"_Do you know who I am, Ana?" He said in his frightening voice which I decided I did not like. _

"_No." I said rudely. I had an idea of who this man was, but I hoped dearly that I was wrong._

"_I've heard some about you." _

_I stayed quiet, not knowing if it was wise to speak. He took my silence as a cue to continue. _

"_They have not been satisfying things unfortunately." He said, amused._

"_Oh no?"_

_He paused to look at me thoroughly, then turned his back on me and walked away slowly while speaking once more. _

"_Quite disturbing actually. I've heard you're a pureblood, is that true?" _

"_Yes." I said boldly._

"_Yet you fraternize with mudbloods, those lesser of you?" _

"_I don't think any less of them." I said with disgust. _

Who was this guy?

"_That is the disturbing part." He said with as much disgust as I just had._

_I looked to Shay, to see his reaction to this man's way of thinking but could not read what his face was showing. His eyes were focused on the tops of his shoes and his arms were stiff to his sides. Then I looked around the room at all the others who stood motionless. I noticed on one figure platinum blonde hair showing from under their large hood and pondered the thought of it being Lucius. His family was known for being arrogant their blood purity, but I never thought he would join a cult supporting it._

"_You have all the physical characteristics of a pureblood and yet you dishonor your inheritance with your personality. Such a shame." He said, facing me once more. _

_I could feel my cheeks reddening at his accusation. It was true what he was saying, I had heard Shay tell me something similar during the summer when I would owl Lily. It never bothered me though, what he said, because I didn't believe I was any better than her. Especially since she always got higher marks than me in every class. My parents didn't agree with Shay's views either no matter how heated the debate got, but now standing alone in the center of this room, surrounded by people who believed in blood purity felt awful. I felt like I was being ridiculed by each of one of their eyes. _

"_You must be so ashamed, to have a a blood traitor for a sister." The man said to Shay who nodded. _

"_I am, my lord." He responded shamelessly._

_My jaw dropped. How could he say something like that about me._

_The man laughed, a sickening sound. He looked around the room with an unpleasant smile on his thin lips._

"_My friends, take off your masks. Let this disgusting witch see who you are." _

_I looked around nervously as each person brought their wands to their face and evaporated the masks that covered them. My shock increased as I saw several familiar faces. The blonde hair did in fact belong to Lucius Malfoy and to the immediate right of him stood Rabastan, while next to him was someone who could only be his older brother. On the other side of the circle I found Tomas, who smirked at me. There were others I recognized from school, including Sirius' cousin Bellatrix Black who seemed to be the only witch among the large group of wizards. I didn't have the time to look at those who stood behind me before the man spoke again. _

"_I am Lord Voldomort, Ana and these are my loyal followers. You know a number of them?" _

_I ignored his question and focused on his introduction. Before I could stop myself I turned to Shay._

"_You can't really believe in all this rubbish!" I practically shouted. _

_Before answering me he took hold of his left sleeve then pulled it up, exposing his recently untouched forearm. Now it bore the mark of a large black snake._

"_It's not rubbish Ana. I've given complete faith to this cause, you are foolish for not doing the same." He said angrily. _

"_But Shay-" _

"_Enough Ana." He cut me off with a strong voice. _

"_How could you?" I said, my voice pleading. _

"_You should listen to your brother, after all, he isn't a revolting traitor like you are." Voldomort said and I turned to him with a glare. _

_I looked to Lucius. He had an unreadable expression on his face. I knew I was in trouble. _

"_On the contrary to popular belief, I am a merciful lord. I am willing to allow you to change your mind." Voldomort said, pulling my attention from Lucius. "After all, you come from a prominent blood line. It would be a shame to see that blood spilt."_

"_I'm not going to join you." I spat. "I would never join you." _

"_Such a shame." He said before raising his wand. My eyes widened as he pointed it in my direction. _

This was it, I was going to die and my brother was going to stand there and watch.

_I felt the spell hit me before I fell to the ground in agony. I could hear myself screaming as the pain consumed my entire being. It felt as though I was being ripped apart and set on fire. _

"_You feel that Ana? That is the price of your nobility. Hurts, doesn't it?" I heard a close voice say before the intensity of the pain subsided but did not disappear. _

_I realized my eyes were closed and when I managed the strength to open them I looked up into the satisfied face of Lord Voldomort. I felt a tear trickle down my cheek as the pain pulsed through my limbs but turned my head so he wouldn't see. _

"_You are as good a mudblood." He muttered. "Malfoy, Wilkes, Lestrange. Come here." _

_I heard each one of their footsteps approaching where I was laying but was in too much pain to keep my eyes open so I shut them lightly. _

"_This witch needs to be put in her place. She wants to act like she is worthless then she will be treated like she is worthless." I heard his sadistic words and inhaled deeply. "Malfoy, since you allowed us the honor of using your home, you may start." _

"_Thank you, my lord." I heard Lucius' cool voice speak from above me then heard footsteps walking away from where I lay. _

_Cold hands grasped my arms and rolled me onto my back, then I felt them pushing up the skirt of my dress. I opened my eyes to see Lucius hovering over me and my mind filled with fear. We had a relationship long ago and it ended on such poor terms and now the worst was happening. Again. _

_He swung one leg over me and straddled my waist as he began to unbutton his pants. Then he leaned down and put his lips close to my ear. _

"_It'll be much easier if you try to enjoy it." He whispered so only I could hear. _

"_How can I possibly do that?" I whimpered and began to shake violently when he placed his hands on my now exposed thighs. _

_I tried with all my energy to keep my legs closed but he was much stronger than I was. It didn't tear as horribly as when Tomas preformed the same act once before but it still stung painfully. I bit down on my tongue hard to keep from screaming as I heard many voices laughing and cheering. Shame washed over me as I realized everyone in the room was watching me being violated. Although he was hovered over me he was not looking at me, instead he was focused on the fabric of my dress, or so it seemed. I tried to kick him off me, and roll over but it was useless. I was trapped. _

_Tears ran down my face and blurred my vision horribly but my hearing was still bright and I could hear every person in the room encouraging Lucius to increase the roughness, which he did. I could hear him groaning as he violated me which was sickening. He was married, yet he was willing to do something like this? I knew Lucius was considered to be a horrible person, but I knew a different side of him, a side that was sweet and loving. That part of him vanished in that moment._

_Finally after what seemed like hours I felt warmth fill me and he stopped thrusting. He pulled out of me, gentler than I would have expected and fastened his pants, then moved to stand near a few others. I quickly pushed my dress down and sat up, knowing the worst was over. I wouldn't cry now, not in front of everyone. _

_I brushed the stray tears off my face and looked at Voldomort who was smiling cruelly. _

"_Lestrange." He said and I looked up, wondering what he meant. _

_Suddenly I was being thrown down again on the ground. I let out a loud yell as someone yanked up my dress once more. Looking up, I expected to see Rabastan but instead I came eye to eye with his brother. Rodolpholus was much more sadistic than Rabastan, or so I have heard from those who knew him. _

"_What are you doing!" I shouted, trying to push him off me. _

"_We're not finished with you yet princess." He said darkly and lifted my dress before pulling off the underwear Lucius had simply moved aside. "Look at these, even covers like a slut." He said as he held up my black lace underwear for the entire room to see, most of which laughed. Rodolphus pinned me down under his heavy body and pressed his lips to mine in a forceful kiss. He bit my bottom lip hard enough to draw blood then trailed his lips down my jaw and neck, sucking and biting along the way. _

_He suddenly pulled me up by my hair and I was thrown to the ground again, this time on my stomach. I felt his hard body on my back before the pain started again. His hand entwined in my hair and as he thrusted more violently than Lucius had. _

_He pulled on my hair violently with each forceful thrust and I couldn't take it. I let out a blood curdling scream. My body was on fire and it felt as though my hair was being ripped out in chunks. The force he was inflicting was unbearable. The more I screamed the more people cheered and the louder people laughed. I was facing someone but all I could see were their shoes. I looked up to see who was standing in front of me with a plead on my face and sobbed loudly. It was Sirius' father who stood there, with a sickening grin. _

_The familiar jet of warmth filled me once more before Rodolphus ripped himself out of me. I curled myself up, covering each inch of my exposed lower body with my now tattered dress. I cried as everyone laughed at me. As I laid on the dirty ground, I felt vulnerable as the thought of everyone witnessing something such as this with humor ripped at me inside. _

_Shay. _

_My brother was standing somewhere around here. He was here watching me being tortured by these people and he said nothing. _

"_Shay." I sobbed as I looked around for him. He was standing next to Voldomort with an illegible look on his face. _

"_Please, help." My voice was nothing above a whisper. He looked at me for a brief moment before turning his gaze to the ground. I cried harder, my chest felt tight and I could barely breathe. _

"_Let this be a lesson to you. You chose a side, and this is what happens to someone like you, a blood traitor. You know you deserve it." Voldomort said cruelly as he looked down at me. He had a twisted smile on his face. Everyone in the room laughed and agreed with him, including Shay. _

"_Enough of the show, we have business that needs attending to. Wilkes, stay behind and finish her off." He said and everyone enchanted their faces to make the masks they were initially wearing appear once more. I watched as they slowly filled out of the room through a side door into another and once they were all out and the door was shut I covered my face and began to weep loudly. _

"_Now now Ana, no need to cry." I heard Tomas say as he approached me. He pulled my hands away from my face. Looking up at him I noticed the smirk was gone and was replaced with a thick sense of lust and longing. _

"_Please, don't." I whispered. My voice was raspy. _

_He studied me for a moment before speaking. _

"_You heard his orders. I cannot defy him Ana, nor do I wish to." _

_His words frightened me. It was like that night was happening all over again. That night I had tried so hard to forget, only this time it was three times worse. _

"_You looked beautiful tonight." He said as he pulled up my dress up for the third time. I cried and attempted to pull it down but he simply laughed. "They were right, these are nice panties." _

"_No, don't." My voice was loud but shaky. _

_He ignored my plea and unfastened his trousers and before I knew it I was taken once more by his throbbing member. He was rougher than Lucius but tame compared to Rodolphus. I looked up into his elegant face and only wished he didn't act this way. Why he couldn't be sweet and caring, I didn't know. And why did he seemed so fascinated by me, I truly didn't know. _

"_Do I fuck you better than Black?" He growled huskily._

"_Stop, please." I mumbled. _

"_I asked you a question." He said, raising his voice slightly. _

_I cried loudly as he picked up his pace. _

"_Answer me." He said viciously. _

"_NO YOU DON'T! YOU COULD NEVER BE LIKE SIRIUS YOU PATHETIC ARROGANT LUNATIC!" I shouted and punched him hard in the chest over and over, trying to get him away from me. His breath stunk like alcohol and his body heat was making me claustrophobic. The roughness of his hands hurt my skin and the disgust of him taking advantage of me infuriated me. _

"_GET OFF OF ME!" _

_He stopped thrusting long enough to grab my wrists so strongly I felt as though they would snap under his grasp. Instead of being finished, he started up again and adjusted his position, which made it more painful than the last, if that was possible. _

"_Watch your tongue." He said angrily. _

_I kicked and screamed, making it almost impossible for him to continue and I thought he was ready to give up when I watched his fist aiming for my face. It collided with my eye which sent a shooting pain through my head as it bounced off the ground. I watched as my vision became fuzzy and tried to continue to push him away but found that I had lost my energy. Thankfully though, the all too familiar feeling inside shot up into me and once again I was left feeling empty and violated. I slumped to my side and looked down at my knees which were bruised from the force Rodolphus pushed down on me into the hardwood floor. There was also blood smeared over the dark colored wood and I had a feeling the blood belonged to me. _

"_I do hope you remember our little chat." Tomas said from above me. _

_I didn't have the energy to speak. _

"_You don't do what I tell you, your precious little Sirius will be in much more danger than you could imagine." He sneered before fastening his trousers and getting off of me. I listened as his loud foot falls echoed throughout the otherwise silent room. When I heard the door open and close with a quiet slam, I closed my eyes and sobbed uncontrollably. _

I quickly opened my eyes and wiped the tears that had begun once more away from my face. Thinking back to everything I had been put through this evening tugged at my heart. The thought of Shay betraying my trust so easily hurt terribly. Even though we didn't get along, I would have never expected him to do something this cruel. I didn't know how I would ever be able to face him again. And then there was Lucius. Long ago I considered him to be the one person I trusted with my life, and now I would never be able to look at him the same way again. As for Tomas, my stomach tightened at the thought of him touching me. He was so disgusting, he was the reason my life was so fucked up.

I exhaled deeply, and looked out the large window as I tried to push all my dark thoughts out of my head.

It was still dark outside and the only source of light was a lantern that sat on the messy desk top. I stood from the bed and wrapped the blanket around me before approaching the desk on wobbly legs. I smiled when I saw the letter I had written before going to Fiji sitting there on top of all the other parchment but my eyes were suddenly drawn to one thing in particular. It was a photo in a brassy colored frame. In the photo were fourth year Peter, Remus, James and Sirius all smiling goofily and laughing. Then there was Lily, who was on the opposite side of the group from James, and myself between her and Sirius. We both had innocent smiles on our faces compared to those of the boys and while the picture moved it showed Lily rolling her eyes at them and me snickering at their contagious laughing. The picture was taken two years ago, back when we were all innocent and naive. Back when we didn't have to worry about all the evil in our world.

So much had changed in the last two years.

All of a sudden I heard loud footsteps coming from somewhere else in the house followed by the clicking of heels. I walked carefully towards the door and pressed my ear to the cold wood, trying to hear what was going on but not quite convinced I should leave the room.

"You ungrateful child, leaving the ball and coming back here. Where are your manners boy?" I heard the unforgettably deep, chilling voice sounding from the other side, seemingly down the hall.

"I told Regulus I was leaving. I don't know why you bothered bringing me anyways, I don't agree with any of it." I heard Sirius who sounded just as angry as his father.

"It is not your decision to make whether you support it or not. You will not disgrace the name of Black. You will start acting like one if you know what is good for you."

"If acting like an arrogant twat with a stick up my arse is how a Black should act then no thanks, I don't think I could pull it off as well as you and mother."

There was a loud slap, the sound of skin hitting skin which was followed by the horrendous screeching of a woman who's words were too muffled by the other two shouting. The voices got closer and I began to panic. I wasn't supposed to be here, Sirius would be in trouble.

"Get this filthy scum out of my sight, I don't want to be around this abomination any longer!" The shrill voice screamed. The footsteps grew louder and I stepped back from the door. I stood nervously, looking for somewhere to hide but it was too late. The door bursted open and Orion Black stood tall with an enraged look on his face while holding Sirius by the neck of his robes. He tossed him on the ground with a sickening thud then his dangerous eyes turned to me. His mouth formed an evil smirk as he eyed me holding Sirius' blanket. Instantly, memories from only hours ago flooded my mind.

"So this is why you came back. Wanted alone time with the little whore did you?" Orion's voice was tinted with amusement.

"She is not a whore." Sirius voiced as he stood from the floor and stared up at his father.

"Oh no? She looked like one tonight, didn't you." He looked at me with his menacing eyes for a moment before beginning to approach me. Sirius stood between him and I, glaring up at his father but Orion simply laughed at him.

"You are worse than I thought boy, defending a piece of filth like her. I had higher hopes for you." He said sarcastically.

Orion grabbed Sirius by the neck and pushed him against a nearby wall and without realizing I let out a loud scream. I was horrified at what was happening in front of me. I knew things with Sirius and his parents were bad, but I never realized he was abused at home like this.

Sirius punched at his father, but he was kept there. Soon his punches were less forceful and his eyes began to roll.

"LET HIM GO!" I shouted, noticing tears falling again. "STOP IT, YOU'RE KILLING HIM!"

"Good riddance." Orion growled and he pressed harder. I looked around the room for something to help Sirius, when I remembered the wand. I grabbed Sirius' wand from the bedside table and pointed it at his father.

"EVERTE STATUM!" I watched as Sirius' father was tossed off of him and against another wall.

I watched him lay motionlessly before approaching Sirius quickly who had slid down the wall and gasped for breath.

"Sirius are you alright?" I whispered, lifting him up to allow a better position for breathing. I didn't get an answer. Instead I felt a pain on the back of my head as my hair was being pulled, forcing me to stand.

"How dare you?" Orion's voice was steady which frightened me more. He had his wand pressed to my neck as he stood behind me, pressing his chest to my back.

"Let me go." I said firmly, closing my eyes.

"Did you learn nothing tonight?" He was so close I could feel his hot breath against my neck as he spoke.

"I learned plenty." I answered, thinking back to the nights events.

"Obviously not enough. Perhaps I'll have to teach you on my own where your place is."

"Leave me alone." My voice cracked slightly.

"You must love the punishment. Why else would you turn from your perfectly acceptable heritage. Your family has done a poor job in raising you." He said darkly.

I felt his wandless hand move to my shoulder and pull down on the blanket I had wrapped around me. It fell to the ground, revealing my much more exposed body. I was clothed in a baggy black shirt and plaid boxers, both of which must've belonged to Sirius. His hands trailed down my sides and rested on my hips. I tried to move forward and out of his grasp but his grip tightened on my skin, pulling me back.

I abruptly felt the wand I was holding being ripped out of my hand, then a bright flash of light blinded me for a moment. I stumbled backwards as Orion's hands left my body and rubbed my eyes before opening them. I looked up to see Sirius standing above me, glaring at his father with a frightening look. I looked around my shoulder and saw him pined against the wall, similar to how he had pined Sirius only the wand was doing all the work.

Sirius stepped around me and over to his father.

"Don't you ever lay a hand on her." He growled.

Sirius kept his wand pointed at Orion while he backed up and stood next to me. I took his outstretched hand and let him pull me to my feet. He wrapped an arm around my waist and I instantly felt us apparating once more.


	24. Chapter 24

Authors Note: I'm Back! I am so sorry for the long, long delay of this story. I never had any intentions on abandoning this! I've decided to get back writing so hopefully this makes up for it. Thank you for all the loyal people following this story and also to all the adds. I hope you all enjoy this next chapter, and I promise there is more to come.

* * *

><p>From that moment on, I didn't know if I was dreaming or if my life had really come down to this. Sirius and I apparated and I knew where we were the moment my vision became clear. The manor stood tall in front of me, surrounded by thick woods. If it hadn't been such a terrible night, I would've felt at ease by the peace and beauty of the place. The moonlight shone down brightly on the snow covered ground, casting an eire glow into the space amongst the dark, tall trees. Slowly, Sirius led me towards the large front doors. Once there he knocked loudly and before long I could hear footsteps approaching inside.<p>

The door opened and revealed a woman, about my mothers age. She had chocolate brown hair which was tied in a motherly bun at the back of her head and she wore a light blue sleeping robe with soft slippers. She looked at the both of us for a moment before smiling sympathetically.

"What's happened dear?" She asked Sirius in a gently voice.

"Would it be alright if we stayed here tonight?" Sirius said, and the woman nodded then moved out of the way.

Sirius led me into the house, and the woman shut the door behind us. We walked through a grand hallway then turned left and entered a large sitting room. I sat down on one of the couches facing the stone fireplace that was lit upon entering the room. The feeling of the fire flickering across my skin was comforting, but the chill that rested inside of me lingered. The woman left the room before Sirius sat on the couch next to me. He went to rest is hand on my knee, which made me flinch slightly. He looked at me sadly and sighed as if to say something, but stopped when the woman returned. She was carrying a tray with three cups of tea and a plate of biscuits. A man was following close behind.

I didn't pay attention to the conversation that went on around me. Up until that point I knew that if I just kept my head high, and tried to shut all the terrible events I had been through out of my mind, I would be okay. All of a sudden I felt myself breaking down. My body felt numb, voices sounded distance and my vision was blurred to the point of darkness. I didn't care where I was, I didn't care if I knew these people or not. I just wanted to get away from everything. From all the pain that had been caused this past night. I didn't think pain at this level was possible.

They were talking to me, trying to make me eat and drink but I felt frozen to my spot sitting straight on the couch in what looked like a very cozy sitting room. My legs felt like jelly, as if they were about to fall off, my arms wouldn't move and my eyelids didn't close. I couldn't move. It wasn't until Sirius placed his face in my line of sight and held his warm, shaking hands on my shoulders, shaking me gently that I snapped back to reality.

"Ana, please talk to us, you're scaring me." Sirius' kind voice said quietly.

I blinked twice, wondering why he was looking at me that way, with big round eyes, and a look of despair etched into his features. I had never seen Sirius look so dark before.

I I shifted myself, not wanting to look at Sirius any longer. I didn't understand why he was so upset, of course he cared for me, but he should've known by now that there isn't much he can do for someone so fucked up like me. I didn't speak to him, instead I lowered my gaze to my hands which were clasped on my lap. The woman left the room abruptly and the man looked at me, in a concerned sort of way.

"What is all the ruckus about?" A voice sounded from the hall. When I went to turn and look at who the voice belonged to, I found that my neck was stiff and almost impossible to move without causing a piercing pain straight through my head.

"Sirius! Nice to see you mate." The voice said happily.

He didn't respond.

There was a long pause before anyone spoke again, and once more it was the same person who I could not see, yet I knew exactly who it was.

"What's happened?"

"Sirius just came from his house." The man said quietly. "Him and Ana are staying the evening."

"Ana?" The voice sounded again, this time it was from much closer and I could hear footsteps approaching me. I lifted my eyes and came face to face with the James Potter.

I couldn't speak.

"What happened to her?" James said, more loudly this time. He looked from Sirius to his father, then back to me.

"I don't know." Sirius said gently, shaking his head.

"What do you mean you don't know?" James asked. He didn't sound angry, but discouraged.

"There was a party Malfoy Manor. I left her for a few minutes then finally found her, like this so I brought her back to my house. I didn't think my parents would be home until later, but I was wrong."

"Mate, you can't keep living there, they're going to kill you." James said sternly.

"That's why he is moving in with us." The woman had re-entered the room holding a tray of vials and cups of steaming hot tea. The smell of peppermint wafted over to me, sending a shiver down my spine.

"What?" Sirius said in disbelief.

"You are staying here from now on, at least until you are ready to move out on your own. You are of age. We can get your stuff in the morning." The man said, James' father. They looked identical.

"You'll let me live here?" Sirius said, stunned.

"Of course my boy, you are practically our second son." Mrs. Potter smiled at him, then took a seat next to me. "Here you are darling, some potions to clear up those cuts, and some tea." She said, dabbing a gray cloth with one of the vials and pressing it gently to various spots on my face.

I hadn't even realized I was bleeding until she pulled the cloth away, which looked soaked with blood.

"Alan, dear will you fix up the guest bedroom for Miss Travers please?" Mrs. Potter said to her husband who nodded and left the room quickly.

"Now Ana, tell me does anything hurt? Your head, anything?" She asked in a kindly mothers voice.

I shook my head no, knowing full well that my head was throbbing so hard it was a miracle I hadn't passed out yet.

I was sick of the potions, sick of people tending to me. Sick of feeling like I was a pathetic little girl who couldn't stand up for herself. I couldn't live like this anymore. This isn't who I am, I'm not some girl who takes a beating from anyone. I am stronger than this, I know I am, and somehow I needed to free what was inside of me.

A while later, once all my tea was drunk, and a new glass drunk as well I was helped upstairs, although I didn't need it, by Sirius and James. They led me to the end of the hall and turned right into the last room. There was a small bed in the center of it, and a fitting night table. I sat down on the bed and looked down at my hands, which were clasped on my lap once again, waiting for them to leave.

They didn't.

"Are you going to tell me what happened Ana?" Sirius said as he crouched down in front of me.

I sat still, thinking the quieter I was and the stiller I sat would cause them to give up and leave. It didn't work. Instead, James closed the door behind him and continued into the room then took a seat on the bed next to me.

"You have to tell us what happened to you, or we'll never be able to help you." His voice was calm.

I sighed and bit my tongue, hard. I hated to be interrogated. All I wanted to do was sleep.

"Please." Sirius begged, taking hold of my hands in his own.

"I don't want to talk about it." I whispered, closing my eyes as I tried to pretend I was somewhere else, far, far from here.

After a long pause, Sirius spoke.

"If you're not ready, it can wait."

I nodded, keeping my eyes closed tight. I felt the weight from James shift as he stood from the bed and walked towards the door. I opened my eyes slightly and watched as Sirius stood.

"Do you want me to sleep in here with you?" He asked gently.

"No, I want to be alone." I answered. I knew it sounded harsh, but I was in no mood to be around anyone right now.

He looked at me, sadness pouring from him. I wanted to hug him, to tell him everything was okay. He had been through just as much as me tonight. But I just couldn't I could be around anyone, I couldn't feel the touch of anyone without wanting to scream. I felt so confined being in this room with two other people, I felt the walls closing in on me. I needed air.

I needed to be alone.

"Goodnight Ana." And with that, they both left and the door was shut behind them. I felt clearer, safer. I knew neither of them meant any harm to me, in fact they meant the exact opposite. Having everyone worried about me all the time was driving me crazy. I could deal with these things on my own. I didn't need them asking me for details and wanting me to bring it up again. If I did, it would be like it really happened. All I wanted was for it to go away, for all these things to disappear. For my life to go back to how it was in fifth year, when the biggest worries were my OWL's.

Things were so different now. I was weak and vulnerable, something I never wanted to be. Things needed to be different.

Slowly, I stood from the bed and pulled back the covers. I climbed under them and pulled them against my chin. The dim lighting of the candle Sirius set on the nightstand was calming as I laid and watched it flicker.

I thought about everything that happened, the look on my brothers face as he lead me to that room filled with those horrible people. The look of Voldomort as he arrogantly sauntered throughout the room. I could still feel Lucius pressed against my back, and Rabastan's brothers hand pressed against my neck. I could see the lustful look that Tomas' eyes gave me as he stared into me.

My stomach tightened and my body felt sweaty. Everything was still so vivid. I could smell each of them as I thought of their faces. I could feel the marks their hands left on my body and I could picture their dark, wicked eyes.

I closed my eyes and focused on something else. Something happy. On Sirius.

The way he was always so strong and energetic. His father took that away from him. I had never seen Sirius look... scared. Although he and his father looked identical, they were nothing alike. Sirius was so gentle, so sweet and understanding. Orion Black was crazy. He was almost as terrifying as Voldomort himself.

Voldomort.

The man everyone had been afraid of. The man who was behind all those disappearances of all those innocent witches and wizards. The one who started this entire war. He was behind people choosing sides, making all these terrible things happen to those who weren't fully pure blooded witches or wizards. He is the reason Shay had turned on me. My own brother had chosen some nut's side instead of mine.

I felt dirty, and used but nothing topped my feeling of betrayal. Both of Shay, as well as Lucius.

Lucius was the first person I ever believed I loved. The first person I ever felt complete with. Even though I knew things would never have worked out with us, deep down I had always hoped that one day we would rekindle what we had. That was until seeing him tonight. Never did I think Lucius would do something so cruel. He used to be such a charming, kind boy. Arrogant, and a little annoying yes, but never cruel.

It was like everyone I had ever trusted betrayed me that night. Everyone but the only person I didn't want to be around. I didn't want to be around him, because I didn't want to lose faith in him, too. Sirius was all I had left.

My family wouldn't understand. I couldn't tell them what happened, what Shay did. It would break their hearts. Sirius was the only person I could talk to. He was the only person who could understand what was going on, because he had gone through something so similar.

I focused on the tiny flame of the candle and thought of Sirius. Of all the things we had been through. Before this year, how we were such good friends and all the exciting things we had done. Slowly my eyes began to flutter closed, and I dozed off into a dreamless slumber.

* * *

><p>The day had finally come. I had dreaded it every night since the ball at Malfoy Manor. I had been staying with the Potters for almost a week, but school would be starting in two days, and all my belongings were at my home, with my family.<p>

I had written them, letting my parents know where I was and what I was doing. They didn't seem to mind me staying away too much, but they refused to send over all the things I needed to bring back to Hogwarts because they wanted to spend my last days with them. I guess I understood where they were coming from, since I just up and left one day for a whole week without any notification but I couldn't bring myself to go back home. Not with the possibility that Shay would be there.

I sighed while I laid on the bed in the spare room given to me. It had been a relaxing but also eventful few days. Sirius had officially moved in with the Potters after Mr. Potter went to the House of Black to retrieve all his things which apparently didn't go so well. Sirius' parents were glad to get rid of him, mostly his mother, but all the sacred Black possessions Sirius had were a whole different thing. In the end, Mr. Potter was able to get everything Sirius needed, and everything that he did not Sirius could care less about.

Things between Sirius and I had gotten strange. I felt distant to him, distant to everyone. Lily had come to visit yesterday and even talking to her felt awkward. It was like I had nothing to say. I still hadn't told anyone about what happened to me that night. It was too difficult to talk about it, even just to think about it tugged at my heart and made my stomach clench. My resistance to going back home only made things worse because everyone was expecting an explanation that I was unable to provide.

Eventually the questioning stopped, and thats when things got worse between Sirius and I. I knew he still cared, and I sensed what he was going through. I wished I was able to confide in him. I knew he would be there for me, he always had been but something about telling him what happened didn't seem right. Things within myself had gotten better since keeping this a secret. The last time I told Sirius about what happened didn't have a positive outcome, and this was much worse than what happened last time. He meant well, but I couldn't handle anymore repercussions of his actions.

There was a light knock on the door which brought be back from my thoughts. The door slowly opened and Lily's sweet face became visible.

"It's time to go now Ana, are you ready?" She asked me in an almost too kind voice.

Sighing, I stood from the bed and made my way through the room and towards the door. We walked down the hall together, not saying a word. It was very strange being in the presence of Lily and not being all happy and chatty.

When we were down the stairs, the Potters and Sirius greeted us in the main hall near the front door. Sirius had a bag of some of my things, which Mrs. Potter had picked up on finding out I was staying a while. I took the bag from Sirius and thanked him then inhaled deeply, nervously.

"Thank you so much for allowing me to stay here Mr. and Mrs. Potter." I said as kindly as I could manage without my voice shaking.

"Anytime dear, we were glad to have you." Mrs. Potter responded with a more sincere kindness.

"I'll see you at school James." I said and smiled weakly. James saw me that night, looking battered and awful. Things weren't going to be the same between us for a long time.

"See you at school Ana." He grabbed my hand gently. "Take care of yourself until then." He said the last part in a whisper so that his parents wouldn't here.

I nodded slightly then turned to face Lily. My best friend.

"See you Ana."

"I'll see you soon Lily." I leaned in and hugged her tightly. The feeling frightened me slightly until I smelt the strawberry scent of her shampooed hair and I was instantly relaxed.

When we broke our embrace I turned back towards Sirius.

"Ready?" He asked.

I nodded and started towards the door which Mr. Potter held open.

We walked a ways down the front path until the spot where we apparated to, then Sirius grabbed my hand and without a word we were swirling and stopped in front of the all too familiar sight of my home.

It was a lovely place, and I had always felt the safest here but now knowing that my brother could be in it scared me. The thought sent a shiver up my spine.

Sirius dropped my hand and looked at me.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Why won't you tell me what happened? And why are you so nervous about being home Ana?" He said in an almost harsh tone.

"I'm not ready to talk about it Sirius, can we just drop it? And I'm not nervous about being home." I defended.

"No we can't drop it, something horrible happened to you that night. And yes you are Ana don't lie to me. You had a feared look in your eyes the moment we got here."

"I don't want to talk about it. It's not a big deal Sirius." I said, cheeks getting warm from the near argument.

"What did my father mean when he said "did you learn nothing tonight?" Sirius' voice suddenly went quiet.

I froze.

How did he remember something like that, and why was he just bringing it up now?

"Sirius..."

"Did my father do something to you Ana?" He asked so quietly I barely heard him.

Now I understood. And now I felt even worse than I had before. It must've been terrible for him to think that his father had done something to me. Now I understood why he always looked so guilty when he gazed at me.

"No Sirius, your father didn't do anything to me, I swear." I said calmly and grabbed his hand gently.

"I've felt so awful. I thought that was why you were avoiding me, because you thought it was my fault somehow." He confessed.

"I haven't been avoiding you Sirius, I just have wanted my space lately. I'm so sorry I made you feel that way, and even if that was the case I would never blame you for something your disturbed father did. You are nothing like him Sirius, you are so much better than him."

"You don't know how relieved I am to know that." Sirius sighed.

I smiled at him sadly. Sirius had looked so weak lately, which was so different from his normal attitude. I couldn't imagine what it must've felt like to think that your parent hurt someone you cared about.

"I'll see you at school okay Sirius?"

"Okay, be careful Ana." He whispered and leaned in to kiss me gently on the cheek. For some reason I didn't flinch.

I took my bag from Sirius and began towards my house. My stomach was twisted in knots. My hands were shaking and my palms were sweaty. I had no idea if Shay was in there. I prayed to Merlin that he wasn't. The thought of being confronted by him scared me more than anything else I could imagine.

At one point in time Shay and I were best friends. He always stood up for me like a good big brother would but now things were completely different. Never did I think something like this would happen to me. I understood him not believing me when Tomas attacked me, and I understood why he always took his side. Because they were friends, and I was just his little sister. But this was different. Shay was the one who set this up, he was the one who let all those sick bastards touch me and disrespect me. At the worst, he was standing in the room, watching it all happen.

I took a deep, calming breath when I stepped up the front steps to the door. I grabbed the large knob and turned before pushing it open lightly. Carefully I walked into the house and before shutting the door I looked back at Sirius, who waved goodbye.

Once the door was closed I focused on the sounds of the house. The large clock that hung in the front hall was ticking loudly, which was the only noise I heard. It sounded as if the house was empty, but just to make sure I called out.

"I'm home."


	25. Chapter 25

Authors Note: Again I am sorry for the wait, December should be a faster month for me. I want to thank all the reviewers once more, they are very much appreciated and keep me motivated! I also want to thank my new beta who has helped me with this chapter.

* * *

><p>I waited in the silent house, straining my ears for some sign of inhabitance. After a few moments, I relaxed and continued into the house. I peered into each room, but came up with the same conclusion. No one was home. I climbed up the stairs and headed down the hallway towards my room. The door was closed so I pushed it open and looked in. It was exactly how I'd left it.<p>

Faint light seeped through the curtains and fell on the big wardrobe in the corner. My bed was unmade and my vanity table was littered with various makeup products and accessories. My jewelry box was open and one of my long silver diamond studded earrings was hanging over the side. I had debated whether to wear those or not, but in the end had opted for the studded emerald earrings still embed in my earlobes.

I dropped my bag down with a sigh and sat on the bed. My head felt light and my eyelids heavy so I lay down still wearing my clothes and pulled a pillow against my face. I inhaled deeply, closed my eyes and before I could stop myself I drifted into a light sleep.

* * *

><p><em>The isolated corridor was dimly lit. I was carrying more books than usual, holding them close to my chest while I hurried through. The echoing sound of my footsteps reminded me that I was alone, but I didn't feel that way.<em>

_Suddenly a loud bang came from somewhere up the hallway and stopped me dead in my tracks. I squinted in an attempt to see through the darkness clouded with an eerie mist. I crept forwards, trying desperately to reach my destination without any trouble, but was unsuccessful. A dark figure cut my way._

_His face was obscured, but his bright hair gave him away. His sharp grey eyes almost glowed in the darkness, but he seemed to be looking through me. A shiver went down my spine and goosebumps rose on my pale skin. I could not turn my gaze from those eyes. They looked arrogant, but past the initial look I could see something else deep inside of them. I didn't understand it. I reached my hand forward to touch the pale, airbrushed skin, but was too far away. Slowly I lowered my hand and wrapped my arms tightly around my books holding them against my pounding chest._

_His defined aristocratic features gradually emerged from the dissolving mist. It was sadness etched on his face, entwined with something more. Was it guilt? He stepped closer to me, so close that I could feel the warmth that radiated off of him. His eyes bore into mine so deeply that I shuddered. I was instantly taken back to that ungodly night._

_I was lying on my back with the force of a heavy body pressing me to the cold stone floor. My eyes were closed and I could hear chatting and laughter. I opened them to see those same grey eyes staring at my chest, not looking me in the eye. He whispered to me, in a sincere sort of way as if trying to make me feel better. It made me feel worse. It made my heart tighten and my body quiver in fear. I thought back of when he and I had been happy, an intoxicating secret. He had always treated me with the outmost respect. Never had he tried to enforce anything I was not ready for. But this was not the boy I'd once known. This was a monster, the same monster that had inhabited my brother's best mate and haunted my dreams._

_He reached out to me like I had to him, breaking me out of my reminiscence. He touched my cheek with his hand and slowly ran his fingers along my cheekbone. His touch was so soft I wasn't quite sure it was there. I closed my eyes trying to hold in the pain he caused by being so gentle, when I heard his silvery voice._

_"We all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, and an unforgotten love. It is all you, my darling Ana."_

* * *

><p>My eyes opened and I shot up into a sitting position. My heart raced and sweat coated my skin. I knew it was only a dream, but it had felt like so much more. I looked around my room. It was dark now. I must've fallen asleep for quite a while. Before getting out of bed, I took several deep breaths in an attempt to slow my heart rate. I stood up and approached my wardrobe with caution. I changed into pajamas and wrapped my fluffy black robe around me, grabbed my potions textbook from my bedside table and left the bedroom.<p>

I walked through the upstairs hallway which still seemed to be abandoned, down the stairs and into the study. Once there I shut the door quietly behind me and took a seat on the plush couch that rested in the center of the cozy room. The fireplace was lit and the moon was shining brightly through the large window directly in front of me. It looked out on the landscape of our backyard and beyond where moonlight reflected off the snow covered grounds and cast a haunting glow throughout the room. The walls were lined with tall bookshelves adorned with various books and antiques my father had collected over the years. I rarely came in here. I usually did my homework in my bedroom, but for some reason this room felt more relaxing today.

Hanging over the fireplace was a family portrait. It was taken during the Christmas holidays of my first year at Hogwarts. I was eleven and Shay had just turned thirteen. I stared up at the moving photograph. Every once in a while my smiling face would glance up at my big brother's with a twinkle in my young and naive eyes. I fixated on Shay's face. Arrogance was evident in his eyes, but there was also youth and innocence in his toothy grin. The thought of Shay when he was a young boy made me cringe. All the happy memories we shared began to resurface in my mind and I did all I could to push them away. I didn't want to think about us being close. It only made what had happened harder to cope with. As far as I was concerned, that boy in the picture was a lost memory. I no longer had a brother.

I shifted on the couch so that I was facing the opposite wall instead of the past. I found it remarkably easy to finish my Potions homework and quickly moved onto my History of Magic essay that was due the starting day of school. There was so much homework that I was unable to complete during the holidays and I was beginning to realize how behind I was going to be once school started again. Instead of worrying I decided I would simply hand in the assignments late. My grades were decent enough not to suffer from it.

I jumped out of my seat at the sound of a door slamming down the hall. I held onto the side of the couch so tightly that my knuckles began to turn white. Listening carefully, I tried to decipher who was in the house. I felt myself getting dizzy. If it was my brother, there was no way I would be able to face him. Facing my parents would be even worse. I had thought about telling them about that night at the Malfoys', but aware of how it would devastate them, I knew it wouldn't be worth it. I loved my parents too much to tell them that their one and only son had joined Voldemort, the most feared wizard alive.

I took a deep breath, grabbed my books and crept to the door. I peered out into the hallway to make sure no one was there and then carefully walked out of the study and headed for the stairs as quickly and soundlessly as possible. Once I was up the stairs I ran towards my room and closed the door behind me. I leaned my back against it and slid down, breathing heavily.

I sat on the floor, trying to catch my breath while I mentally slapped myself. I knew it was only natural for me to be afraid, but at the same time I felt like I was being ridiculous. The more fear I showed, the harder it would be to get over it. I had to be strong and let them know it didn't affect me the way they wanted.

I stood and pushed away from the door. After kicking off my socks and changing into my silk nighty, I lay down on my bed and pulled the covers up under my chin. I desperately wished Fang was there to cuddle with. I felt incredibly lonely. I reached over to my bedside table and picked up a novel I had begun to read before leaving for school. I adjusted my pillows and turned to the page I had left off at months ago. I began reading, but every so often my mind drifted somewhere else.

I wondered about Sirius. He had to be so much happier now that the Potters had invited him to stay. I didn't talk with him as much as I should've while we were there together. I cared for him deeply, but there were some things he just couldn't help me with, and this was one of them. I didn't know how to talk to Sirius about what had happened. There was no way he would understand. He wouldn't be able to take it if I did tell him, especially when it came to my brother's betrayal. I just knew that he would become overprotective and that was something I didn't want. I didn't want him to worry about me. I was so sick of being the frail little girl that everyone needed to take care of. For once, I wanted to be strong. I wanted to go back to the way things used to be when boys never disrespected me and when I was stronger. The person I used to be was so lost inside of me that I was afraid of losing her. If Sirius knew how I had been treated, she wouldn't have a chance to resurface.

Sirius was the greatest guy I had ever met. I didn't want to hurt him. So I wasn't going to tell him.

I knew all I had to do was move on. It was simple yet so complicated. I had no positive thoughts about Tomas, no special emotion I held for him. All I could think about was the way he took my innocence from me. Sometimes I imagined my life the way it would have been had I never gone on that simple date with him at the beginning of the school year. I was foolish to accept a date from a Slytherin. I had been told so anyway. I asked myself constantly why I had stayed strong during that time knowing it wouldn't cure my unhappiness. Somehow I knew deep down that everything wasn't over. We were living in dark times and things seemed to get more nightmarish each day. No one knew how hard life was for me; to see those people every day, to act as though I had moved on. Everything I tried failed, and I needed to come up with something. I wasn't the type to sit back and let others push me down. I was not going to remain their victim.

I had no idea what time it was when I heard the voices down the hall. I couldn't decipher who they belonged to. The ancient floor of my home creaked as they continued down the hall, coming closer to my room. As their voices got louder, the words became clearer.

"You're not worried about what's going to happen when she tells someone?" I recognized Shay's voice immediately.

The other person laughed with contempt. "Do you actually believe she will say anything?"

I clenched my hands into fists. I knew that sickening voice all too well.

"I don't know. If she does and people find out we are in with the Dark Lord, the Ministry will get involved," Shay replied quietly.

"She's had so many chances to tell Dumbledore and she hasn't. Don't you notice how weak she is? Sometimes I can't believe you two are even related," Tomas said. "It's too bad though, she would've been useful."

My face went red as I heard him talk about how I hadn't said anything about what he's done to me. It was true I'd never told the headmaster or any other teacher. I had been convinced that telling a figure of authority would make things worse. Now I knew it was much too late to tell anyone. It was now clear that Tomas and his friends were more than just a group of cruel Slytherins. They were caught up in the Dark Arts and I couldn't imagine the things they were capable of.

"Besides, she wouldn't betray her only brother, and I personally don't think she'd want me in Azkaban either. There's history between us and even if she won't admit it, she cares for me, even more than she knows."

I'd never planned on confronting Shay about what happened. I knew it was going to be hard ignoring him for the rest of my life, but in the beginning it was the only idea I had. After hearing his conversation with Tomas I changed my mind. I wasn't going to hide away from him forever. Things were going to change.

I didn't get much sleep that night for thoughts of Tomas and Shay being only a door away clouded my mind. The train to Hogwarts was leaving today which marked the ending of the worst winter break I had ever experienced in my life time. I was torn between wanting to go back to school and dreading it. I knew I was much safer there then anywhere else, even if it meant walking under the same roof as all those who were there that night. Another thing on my mind was Sirius. I hadn't been fair to him lately and I was not going to let what happened ruin the one special thing I had.

I rolled out of bed lazily and changed into proper outing attire. Then, before going downstairs, I packed the essentials into my bag that I would be bringing with me back to school. My homework still wasn't complete, but that was the last thing I was worried about. I didn't know how to avoid going to King's Cross with Shay. I did the only thing I could think of, and stalled. Shay hated to be late for things.

Once my bag was all packed, I slowly sauntered down the staircase all the while listening intently for any sign of Tomas or Shay being present. The only voices I heard were those of my mother and father that emanated from the kitchen along with a mouthwatering scent. They greeted me warmly when I walked into the room and sat down next to my father at the table. He was reading the Daily Prophet as my mother rambled on about nothing in particular. I loaded my plate with bacon, eggs, and various fresh fruits then poured myself a glass of pumpkin juice.

"It's a shame we didn't get to spend much time with you over the holidays, Ana, what with you being with your friends most of the time," my mother said as she finally sat down next to me.

"We went to Fiji, Mom," I mumbled as I had just forked a mouthful of scrambled egg into my mouth.

"It's just different now that you and your brother are older," she said. "He spent most of the holidays with that friend of his, Tomas."

I bit the inside of my cheek at the mention of the name.

"I quite like that boy. Strong minded, he seems," my father pitched in, still looking at his paper.

I sat quietly as my parents discussed my brothers newly found friendship, looking down in an attempt to avoid any questioning about the subject.

"Did Shay already leave for King's Cross?" I asked nonchalantly as I finished the last of my meal.

"Yes, he left just before you came down. You know how that boy is. Won't be late for anything," my mother replied casually.

I breathed a sigh of relief. My plan worked. Avoiding him was going to be easier than I had thought.

"You better hurry or you will be spending the rest of the school year here with us," my father told me, so I levitated my dishes to the sink and hurried upstairs to gather my belongings.

Less then half an hour later I was on the platform. I stealthily made my way through the crowd and onto the train. Knowing Lily would already be seated, I peeked into each compartment until I found her sitting with James, Sirius, and the other Marauders.

"Ana, how are you feeling?" Lily asked quietly as I sat down between her and Sirius.

"I'm doing alright, thanks." I replied, already getting annoyed with the unwanted sympathy.

"Are you sure you're alright? Is there anything I can do?" Sirius added.

"I swear I am perfectly fine. All you can do is stop treating me like a little girl and help me move on with my life," I said.

My words weren't meant to be harsh, but the look on Sirius' face told me that he took them that way. I was relieved when he shook it off and put his arm around me, pulling me close. The warmth of his body was soothing and I was comforted, a feeling I'd forgotten.

Soon after the train took off and we were on the journey to Hogwarts. I couldn't wait to be in the safety of the Gryffindor common room surrounded by friends. The ride went by faster than ever before with James and Sirius constantly laughing and joking while Remus read a book that was on the holiday reading list. Peter sat quietly which struck me as odd, but I didn't question it further.

As dusk approached hours later the train pulled into the Hogsmeade station. I was overwhelmed with a sense of joy and quickly abandoned the compartment and stood on the platform waiting for my friends and boyfriend to catch up to me. It was then that the rare bout of happiness was abruptly taken away.

"Hey, Ana. Nice seeing you."

When I turned it was like my stomach had been ripped out through my throat and then shoved back down. I could hear my heartbeat ringing in my ears.

Rabastan, Tomas, and Shay stood before me. They all had the same, sickening smirk on their faces as they turned and walked away laughing.

Sirius came up from behind and grasped my hand tightly.

"Those idiots will pay for what they did to you, Ana, whatever it was." His voice was low and menacing.

I smirked to myself.

"I'm not going to get upset about it anymore. I've learned to expect the lowest out of the people that I once thought highest of, but I don't wish them ill fate. That would make me just like them."


	26. Chapter 26

Authors Note: Sorry again for the long wait, but the new chapter is finally here! Thanks so much to those who reviewed as well as the new adds. I also want to thank my beta for taking the time to edit this while being busy with real life. Enjoy!

* * *

><p>Being back at Hogwarts was bittersweet to say the least, but the only time I ran into any of the Slytherins was in the Great Hall during meals. They left me alone during those times, usually not one glance sent my way. Things were going alright, for now anyway. The only thing I had to worry about were my friends trying me for information on what had happened that night. I felt so distant from them, disinclined to reveal anything in fear of retaliation. Perhaps that was what Tomas and all his disturbed friends wanted, for me to be cut off and alone. At the same time, it was what I needed. I needed to be left alone because being in the constant presence of Sirius made me feel heartbroken that I was keeping this secret from him. He deserved to know. Just not yet.<p>

It was a Tuesday evening. I had gone for an early dinner and just as I was finished and about to leave, Lily and the Marauders sat down.

"Hey, Ana! We wondered where you were," James said as he and Lily sat across from me.

"Yeah, why are you here so early?" Sirius added while he loaded up his plate.

"I was starving, and this way I can get up to the library to work on that paper that's due for History of Magic," I answered knowing fully well that I had barely touched the food on my plate.

"That paper isn't due for two weeks." Remus looked at me in suspicion.

One can always count on Remus to spot a lie.

"Even I haven't begun working on that," Lily chimed in before taking a bite of her cut pork chop.

"I know, but my grades are slipping. I want to hand in quality work," I tried to defend myself against the growing accusations.

Truth was that I had been immersing myself in school work in order to avoid my questioning friends. Though each day I spent in the library alone attempting to finish assignments, I very rarely did actually get anything done. Instead I found myself getting lost in thought for hours on end.

"Well, if you wait for me, I'll join you. I have Charms homework to catch up on," Sirius said rather quietly.

"No, that's alright. You don't have to join me. Besides, I like doing school work alone."

"Since when?" Sirius questioned.

"What do you mean since when?"

"We always work on stuff together Ana." He sounded harsh.

"Yeah, but we never get anything done when we work together," I said rather defensively.

What was with the third degree?

"You've changed, Ana," Sirius muttered and went back to eating.

I wasn't sure if I was supposed to hear the words or not, but I was about to make it very clear that I had.

"What is that supposed to mean, Sirius?"

"I think what Sirius means is that ever since the holidays... Actually, ever since that thing with that guy happened, you've been acting... differently. It's like you don't want to be friends with us or something," James answered in a sincere type of voice.

"Is that what you mean, Sirius?" I asked, turning my full attention to him.

"No, that's not what I mean. What I mean is ever since Christmas break, you have been acting like a secretive bitch. You don't tell us, your friends, your boyfriend, anything. We have been very patient with you, Ana, waiting for you to finally gather the trust to tell us what the bloody hell happened to you. Yet you seem too caught up in your own life to include us. Do you expect us to act all cheery with you when we know something terrible has happened? Something that you seem unwilling to talk about?" Sirius said, his voice getting louder by the second.

He looked angry. I hadn't seen this side of him in a long time. Not directed at me.

I sat there speechless as Sirius stabbed at his plate and the others avoided eye contact. No one said anything to contradict him, which meant they all felt the same way.

"I don't know what to say," I started.

"Don't say anything, Ana. It's what you're best at, isn't it?" Sirius said in a controlled voice.

"Do you all feel this way?" I asked, knowing what the answer would be.

No one said anything. Peter shrugged ever so slightly and everyone else looked down. After a moment of silence, I stood from the table.

"Ana, wait-" Lily began before I cut her off.

"No, Lily, it's very clear that none of you want to be in my presence. I'm sorry for apparently making you all unhappy. I was trying so hard to get back to how things were, but you all seem so hung up on wanting to know every little detail of what happened. I know you are my friends, and I do trust you with everything. I'm just not ready to talk about it yet. I thought you understood that."

I said the last part to Sirius directly. He shook his head and sighed without saying a word.

I walked away from the table in a quick pace. Once out of the Great Hall I started down the hallway that led to the staircase. Before I sat for dinner I had every intention of going to the library afterward to study. It was now the last place I wanted to be. I knew that if they were going to look for me, that would be the first place they went, and I wasn't in the mood for another confrontation. Instead, I took the moving stairs to the third floor. I navigated my way through the hallways and found a spot to sit.

Most students didn't come down this hall unless they were heading to class, which was done for the evening. I sat on a wide stone ledge next to a window that looked out onto the Forbidden Forest thinking how much I would love to go there instead of remaining in the castle. I debated it for a long moment before coming to the conclusion that it was much too cold outside to go for a walk.

I felt vulnerable sitting here alone, but for some odd reason I didn't care. I didn't care that I was alone or that I had a fight with Sirius and my friends. I was a strong and independent witch. It was becoming clear once more. If Sirius wanted to make up with me, he would have to apologize. It wasn't my fault that he was annoyed. I had already decided to tell him in time, but he was just too bloody impatient. With a sigh I pulled out my books from my bag and began to read even though I knew that I wouldn't be able to concentrate.

Sitting undisturbed, I lost track of time. It was so dark outside. It was a cloudy night and all that was visible was the outline of the thick forest.

To my annoyance I suddenly heard distant footsteps down the hallway. It was dimly lit so I couldn't make out the ant like figure at the end. I bit my tongue. I knew it wasn't someone I wanted to see, how could it be? It was late, no one came down these halls at this hour.

When I saw who it was, I mentally slapped myself for not getting up and leaving the moment I heard him coming. He sat down next to me, but didn't face me. Instead he looked out onto the grounds.

"Hey," he said quietly.

I didn't answer.

He sighed.

"Look, I know you're upset with me, but can you at least let me explain?" he said. To my surprise he sounded slightly worried.

Again I didn't reply. Instead I turned my attention to my hands that were clasped on my thighs.

"Ana, look, you don't understand how hard that was for me. Every day I regret what happened. I didn't know they were going to do that."

"Liar." I whispered.

"What?" He asked.

"You are a LIAR!" I shouted as I stood up. I stuffed my book back into the bag.

"I'm not lying to you, Ana. I swear, if I'd known what they were going to do-"

"Don't feed me that bullshit, Shayden," I cut in. "You knew exactly what they wanted, what that vile man you associate yourself with wanted. You knew what you got yourself into. The type of people you hang out with these days says it all. If you were really sorry, you wouldn't still be hanging around them now, would you? You're all chummy with the guys who raped your little sister, Shay. So don't you dare tell me you're sorry."

"Please, Ana, just let me explain!" he begged.

"I will never forgive you for what you did." My voice was deathly calm while I looked him straight in the eye. I could see regret on his face, but I didn't care.

Turning away from him, I walked down the hallway at a normal pace. My heart was pounding and my cheeks were flushed with anger. How dare he approach me and pretend he is sorry? How could he ever expect me to accept an apology?

My head was beginning to feel woozy from the lack of food so I climbed the stairs up to the seventh floor and entered the common room. There weren't many people still awake. Unlucky for me, Sirius was among the few still occupying the room.

"Ana, can we talk?" he asked as he stood from the chair that was situated in front of the fireplace.

"I'm really not in the mood to talk, Sirius."

I did want to talk to him, to make things right between us, but the run in I just had with my brother was killing me on the inside, and I didn't know how well I would handle what would probably be yet another discussion about the same event.

"Please, babe? I promise I won't ask you about what happened. I just want to talk to you. I feel like we haven't been spending enough time together," he said quietly.

Those irresistible eyes made my heart melt.

"Alright, but only for a little while. I'm really tired," I said as I sat down next to him. Sitting made me feel one hundred times better.

"Are you glad you are living with the Potters now?" I asked as I leaned against him in the small couch in front of the fire.

"Yeah, it's better. I know I shouldn't have left Regulus,but I just couldn't handle being there anymore, not after what he did to you. I can handle what they do to me, I've been put through it for as long as I can remember." I could see the pain in his eyes as he talked about his father. I knew things were bad there, but I never knew just how bad until I actually witnessed it.

"The worst part is that what you witnessed wasn't as bad as he gets," Sirius sighed.

"I'm so glad you're not involved in that anymore. The Potters are wonderful for taking you in." I took his hand and held it tightly.

"Ana, you know I'm always here for you, right? I know you don't want to talk about it, but when you do, I won't get mad, or judge you or anything. I love you so much, I have for ages," he said sincerely. "I just can't stand that someone would do this to you. I know it was Tomas, Ana."

"How do you know that?" I asked slowly, hoping that he hadn't confronted Tomas.

"I saw him leaving the room I found you in. He told me what he did to you," Sirius answered sadly.

"What did he say?"

There was a long pause and I was convinced Sirius wasn't going to answer me.

"Sirius, please, tell me what he said to you."

"He told me he fucked you, and that you liked it," he answered at last.

"Do you believe him?"

"Not the second part. It seems that to him hurting a girl constantly is a turn on. I don't think he realizes that it actually means you don't want it when you say no."

"Maybe he is just so narcissistic that he thinks anyone would want him to do those things to them."

It was true, Tomas seemed to think I enjoyed what he did to me, that I was pretending to be afraid of him, but that deep down I secretly liked him. I despised him, but no matter how apparent I made that, he didn't seem to notice. I needed to think of a new way to show him how I really felt. Maybe, just maybe, then he would leave me alone. One day he had to get over his fascination with me. There was no reason for him to want me. There were many girls in his own house that were sure to be into him. Why did he have to single me out and torture me when I had clearly been through enough? Was he the type that kept hurting someone until they were so utterly defeated that in the end they didn't see the point in fighting back?

The thought angered me. I liked to think there was no way he could break me down that far. He had done almost everything he could do other than kill me, and I'm still the same Ana I have always been, just a tad more jumpy. And much more careful.

In a twisted way, I knew that he would always be there. Despite my efforts, there was a connection between the two of us. No matter how much I tried to deny it, there had to be a reason he was so drawn to me, and there had to be a reason I always ended up in his destructive path.

"Maybe you should get to bed, Ana. You look tired." Sirius' voice brought me out of my daze.

I looked at him and smiled softly. He was such a sweet guy. Nothing he ever did could hurt me. I needed to stop thinking about Tomas, and start focusing on Sirius.

"I think I will, I haven't gotten much sleep lately," I said honestly. The two of us got off the couch and walked up the stairs to the dorms. We kissed gently goodnight before splitting off into opposite directions.

Quietly I entered the dorm room and tiptoed to the bathroom. After a warm shower, I wrapped myself in a fuzzy white towel that hung behind the door. I creaked open the door and grabbed the night clothes that hung on one of my bed pillars. I changed in the bathroom once more and then crawled into my cold bed. Pulling the blankets around me, I snuggled in a tight ball and closed my eyes. I knew sleep wouldn't come quickly to me. It always took a while for me to drift to sleep these days.

I lay there and listened to the steady breathing of the other girls in the room. Jealousy formed in the pit of my stomach as they slept soundlessly without a care. I used to be one of those girls, having happy and innocent dreams. These days my dreams were filled with violence and hate.

* * *

><p>I had been wandering the halls for far too long looking for Sirius so I decided to go back to the common room. There, I could ask one of the Marauders to borrow the map. I hurried to the room and once through the portrait hole I found Remus sitting alone at a table that was scattered with books and parchment.<p>

"Remus! Do you have the map? I've been looking for Sirius everywhere and can't find him," I said.

"Yeah, I have it here. Sirius gave it to me before leaving. Told me not to give it to James." He fished out the map from underneath all the other items.

I thanked him and rushed out of the common room and back into the halls. As I walked I opened the map and began searching for his name. It didn't help that so many students were wandering the halls. Finally after searching and descending two flights of stairs I found his name. He wasn't alone.

My stomach dropped as I saw the name next to his. They were heading towards an abandoned classroom. Being who I am, I decided to follow and see what he was up to. For all I knew, it was completely innocent. I made my way swiftly through the crowds. They were thinning because curfew was fast approaching. I made it to the room that Sirius' name was in faster than I had expected.

The door was closed so I pressed my ear against it and attempted to hear any activity from the other side. Without any luck, I got aggravated and pushed the door open. It was unlocked. My suspicion was confirmed and what I saw made my heart shatter into a thousand tiny shards that sliced through my innards.

Sirius was entwined with Charlene, kissing her neck and making her moan. The noise was deafening. It seemed like I was standing in the threshold for ages before either of them noticed me.

"Ana," Sirius said, out of breath. He was shocked. That much was evident, but if he felt guilty I couldn't tell. He pushed Charlene away from him and started towards me. His hair was a mess and the top buttons of his polo were undone, exposing his chest, which was red from the activity.

"How could you?" My voice was calm. I was too shocked to show any sign of emotion.

"I'm so sorry, Ana, I got carried away. Please let me explain," he begged as he got closer.

Sirius went to touch my hand before I snapped back to reality.

"Don't you dare touch me," I said quietly. Lucky for him, he backed away.

"You have to understand, Ana, I love you so much. It's just so hard being with someone who never wants to do anything with you. You haven't kissed me in ages!" he said defensively.

His excuse was weak.

"Don't bother, Sirius. Go back to your little whore." I turned my back to him and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind me.

I was amazed that I was able to keep my emotions controlled for that long. Once down the hallway, things changed. I broke down and cried. I cried harder than I had ever cried before. I was so distraught that I didn't realize I wasn't alone until I felt a hand grasp my shoulder. I looked up and saw the only face that could make things worse.

"You!" I shouted. "Why do you always have to come and make things worse for me? Can't you see that you've done enough damage already? Can't you just leave me alone?" I cried hard. Instead of saying anything, he wrapped his arms around me tightly and let me sob.

I knew I should've struggled. It was wrong what I was doing, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to get up and leave. Maybe it was because I was weak from the emotional shock I had just received. Maybe it was because I didn't feel like even his presence could make things worse. There was nothing left to be taken from me. Instead of the normal pain that radiated through my body every time I saw him, I felt a strange tinge of provided comfort.

"Don't cry, Ana. I'm not going to hurt you," he said soothingly.

For a long while I sat crying in his arms until I felt myself drifting from consciousness.


	27. Authors Note

Hello to all of those who have still been following this story. I know you all probably hate me for taking forever to update. Truth is, I lost inspiration for this story. It was not getting the attention I had hoped for, and school was a big part of my life so I didn't feel the need to spend my free time working on it. Now that I am done school I have started working on it again. The next chapter will hopefully be posted this weekend.

To all those of you who have reviewed and followed, you are the reason this story is still in the works. I know it sounds silly to only continue a story if people are following it, but if you too are a writer you know that feedback provides inspiration, which I am lacking.

I would appreciate feedback; positive or negative, and I would also encourage messages about what you would like to see come out of this story. Right now, I have planned for 12 more chapters.

I am sorry for the long wait, and those who have not abandoned the story I thank you for your patience with me. School kicked my ass hard this semester.


	28. Chapter 27

Authors Note: So here it is, the next chapter! It's a shorter one meant to start the next part of the story. Hope everyone enjoys!

* * *

><p>I woke the next day at sunrise as the bright light shone through my window and cascaded into my eyes. Last night I must've forgotten to close my bed curtains. I sat up in my bed and saw that everyone else was still soundly sleeping, so I sighed and lay back down. Thinking to myself, I remembered the previous night. Sirius with that tart Charlene flooded my mind once more while I felt a pain in the center of my stomach. How he could do something like that to me after everything I had been through was beyond my comprehension. I had thought things were going to get better, but evidently I was wrong. Maybe I should've known it was too good to be true. Sirius never dated girls seriously; I should've expected something like this to happen. Now I felt naive for being so hurt over what he did to me.<p>

Things had just started to be getting better for me. I thought Sirius and I had finally recovered. According to our conversation the night before his infidelity, he was secure about how I had been acting and me telling him I wasn't ready for things to move to fast. Now all I could think about was how he had lied to my face. It made me question how many times he had done something like this. His words floated in my memory, him saying that he couldn't be with someone who never wanted to do anything destroyed me. Had he felt like this since the first time Tomas raped me? Had he been sleeping around with Charlene since it happened? I didn't know for sure, but my intuition told me he was.

I should've known that getting involved with someone close to me would end badly, especially someone who had the reputation of breaking girls down. It wasn't the relationship that I would miss most. We were in a romantic relationship for such a short time that it didn't really matter to me if I lost it. What mattered to me most was the fact that I would be losing such a good friend. It would be hard for me to forgive his betrayal.

My mind was racing with the image of Sirius and Charlene entwined with one another; then another face clouded my memory of the previous night. We sat in the corridor for the longest time. He let me cry on his shoulder while he rubbed my back soundlessly. It was a strange thing to have happened with such a person as him. I never would've expected him to act the way he did when seeing me so defeated. I knew there was something seriously wrong with me for enjoying our time last night, but I couldn't help myself. Perhaps I was just so fucked up after everything that happened to me that now I cannot tell the difference between good and evil.

Rabastan was evil; common sense said that. He was destined to be apart of the wrong side of the war. He was a friend of Tomas my rapist and Shayden my pathetic excuse for a brother. His brother was one of the most disturbing people to ever set foot in Hogwarts. That night at Malfoy manor told me that much was true. The way he talked to me, even looked at me told me there was something off about him. How could Rabastan be any different? I knew him back before the Christmas break. We had fooled around a few times and it had been fun. He was always respectful about it though the things he said were much more degrading. I remembered a time when I had started to develop feelings for me. That was of course before he had fed me to Tomas.

Despite all the harmful things he had done, he never once hurt me himself. Sure he gave me up to Tomas, but when I saw him again in the hallway he had apologized for it and told me he actually cared for me. Maybe he was telling the truth. Last night showed that he cared somewhat for me, because if he were as evil as Tomas or even his brother, he would have taken advantage of my weakened state then and there. Deep down maybe he was sweet unlike the rest, but honestly I didn't have the slightest idea about him. For all I knew he was the worst of them all because he was able to manipulate someone like me so simply. I just hoped that for once someone would be there for me, instead of screwing me over when they knew how defeated I was.

This was all Sirius' fault. Everything that had happened to me seemed to be his fault. It made me remember the conversation I had with Shay before the school year started. He warned me not to be friends with Sirius. He told me that I would be targeted if I were to remain close with him. Of course I would never take something like that seriously but now that I think about it, what if Shay was right? What if all these things were happening to me because they wanted to punish Sirius for his abandonment of their culture? Was I just a toy in their little game?

Is that how Shay saw me? Thoughts of him intentionally hurting me spun through my head. I couldn't help but think that he had every intention of attacking me this year if I remained friends with Sirius. That may have very well been the reason he warned me to stay away, not for my own well-being but for the well being of him. Not wanting to be associated with someone who is friends with a blood traitor would be something Shay would value. If word got out that his sister was a friend with someone like Sirius it could be humiliating. Even worse, it could cost him a position with the Dark Lord.

It was then that I decided to cut my ties to Sirius. I cared deeply for him, but he obviously didn't have the same feelings for me. If it was true that the Slytherin's were only wanting to hurt me to punish him then it would be best for the both of us. Besides, I was done being pushed around by his arrogant ways. I was done with everyone pushing me around. From now on, things in my life were going to change. No one was going to treat me like the pathetic little girl they all thought I was after all the things that had happened to me. Instead I was going to prove to them that I could handle all the vial things they would throw at me. I was finally ready to stand up for myself. Against the Slytherin's, and against the Marauders.

After getting up before all the others I headed down to the Great Hall for an early breakfast. It was quiet since it was a sunday morning and most people were enjoying sleeping in. I enjoyed the quiet breakfast as I sat alone. The food tasted extra delightful that morning for a reason unknown. Maybe it was a breakfast to start of the new chapter of my life, the chapter that consisted only of content, and of strength.

After eating, I headed out into the grounds. The air was brisk which held a great refreshment. It seemed that I had been deprived of fresh air for a long time, and stepping out into the late winter air was an indescribable feeling. I slowly walked through the grounds and towards the lake. The lake had always been comforting to me, whether it be when I was stressing over an exam, or now, when I had been through so much and just needed an escape.

With my wand, I melted a patch of snow to reveal brown grass which I sat on. For an hour at least I sat in peace, in front of the lake on a dead patch of grass without a care in the world. I breathed deeply and embraced the numb feeling that came across my face after an hour of chilly wind sweeping across my face. I was completely lost in thought and must have lost track of time, because before I knew it I heard voices scattered throughout the grounds around me. Despite the chilly wind, today was a relatively warm day and the other students were taking full advantage of that. I looked around to see couples walking, which surprisingly didn't stir any emotion inside of me, while others were playing with friends in the snow.

"It's very lovely isn't it? The lake covered in snow when the sun hits it and makes it sparkle." A voice said next to me.

I looked over and saw him sit down next to me.

"It reminds me of home, the lake over the hill that mum and dad used to take us to when we were younger." I replied quietly, smiling to myself at the memory.

"You always loved it there, you loved to swim, as far out as you could then dad would send me to go get you. It was never over my head." he chuckled lightly.

We sat quietly, both staring at the lake for a long while.

"Ana, I'm really sorry about what happened to you. I know you won't believe me but I had no idea any of that was going to happen. I only thought he was going to attempt to persuade you into seeing things his way. Tomas talked about you, my sister, being a blood traitor and he wanted to meet you." Shay said, turning to me.

I could tell by his eyes he was telling the truth, but I didn't care. What he did was gruesome. I know now that he was mainly scared to act against Voldomort, but it was his choice to join forces with him, it shouldn't have been taken out on me.

"I forgive you Shay."

"You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that Ana. I'm so sorry, you know I love you more than anything right? You're my little sister, and I never meant to put you in any danger." He wrapped his arms around me tightly.

"Despite what happened, I've begun to see things your way." I said shrugging after he let go of me.

"What do you mean?" He said slowly.

"I mean that I see where you and all those others are coming from. I don't want to be a blood-traitor. I am a pure blood, and I should embrace that."

"Ana, how could you think that after what happened to you?" He seemed shocked.

"Do you see any differently after what they did to me? Do you not think you are better than mudbloods and blood-traitors like Sirius?" I questioned.

"No, I still firmly believe that, but I do not like the way they treated you."

"That's how people like me are treated Shay, and I don't want to be treated like that." I said firmly.

"If you're scared Ana, I promise I'll keep you away from them. You don't have to worry about any of them hurting you again." He said sincerely.

I looked out towards the lake once more, my head spinning with contrasting thoughts. On one side, I didn't feel as strongly as any of those from the cult, and my decision was partly based upon fear. On the other hand, I was a pure blood, and I deserved to be respected. Everyone in my life had disrespected me in these past months and I was done with being stepped on.

"I know you will," I said coming out of thought, "but that doesn't change how I feel. How do I join Lord Voldomort?"

Shay watched me curiously for a long moment before finally speaking.

"If you're serious about joining the ranks I will tell him Ana, but you need to know you can't change your mind after you've joined. It is a life long commitment."

"I know that Shay, and it is what I want. I do not want to associate myself with people like Sirius. I want strength and power, and this is where to find it, am I right?" I looked him in the eye.

"What did Sirius do?" Shay questioned.

"It doesn't matter what he did." I said angrily.

I knew my decision seemed rash, but it wasn't. I was always the type of witch that craved strength and power, and if joining Voldomort was the way of achieving it, then that was what I was going to do. Being on the other side was clearly not working for me.

"I will talk to someone. It won't be easy for you Ana, given everything you are, but I think he will find it admirable that you came back after the previous treatment." Shay said skeptically.

"Thank you Shayden." I said.

He stood, looked at me then walked away down the snow-covered path. I listened as his feet crunched in the snow.

My life was going to change. Sirius was going to pay for what he did to me; I was going to regain my strength and pride. I was done being treated like dirt. My life didn't seem real anymore. I had no emotion flowing through me anymore. It was refreshing; before today all I had felt was fear and pain. Everyone had treated me like some fragile little porcelain doll and I was so sick of it. I couldn't stand people looking at me as if I was about to crumble under the pressures of the world around me.

I was going to prove to everyone that I wasn't some pathetic little rape victim. I was powerful and I was about to show it.

* * *

><p>Authors Note: Don't worry all you Sirius lovers. Ana and Sirius will still have a relationship throughout the rest of the story, just not the type you would expect. The next few chapters will be a lot darker and less fluffy much of the story so far. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I am sorry for the delay, and also for it being so short. I am away in Mexico for a week, so after that I will finish and edit the next chapter. Reviews are appreciated, be it encouragement or criticism! Thanks for reading and following everyone.<p> 


	29. Chapter 28

Authors Note: Thank you so much to those who reviewed! I am pleased to present the next chapter and I hope that each one of you like it. Again, write me and tell me what you think! Enjoy.

* * *

><p>If someone were to tell me that this year would be life changing I would never have believed them. On top of that, if someone had told me that by the middle of second term I would no longer be friends with any of the marauders or Lily, I would look at them as if they had a hippogriffs head. If they were to tell me I would agree with my brother's perspective of Sirius Black, I would probably just simply die laughing at the ridiculousness of it. Despite it all, my life had changed to just that. I was a completely different person than I was at the start of the year. The Ana that once was, was gone. She was nowhere to be found under the new Ana that stood in her place.<p>

Instead of worrying about my exams and essays, or contemplating what I would be doing for weekend activities, I was sitting alone at meals and studying by myself. I had lost my friends, obviously. I had lost my brothers companionship, not surprising either, and I had lost my sense of purpose. What is the point of sitting with people who deep down, you knew weren't there for your company, but for an easy lay? Not that I was giving out fucks for fun; in fact I hadn't since the night at Malfoy Manor. It was my reputation, something that for the life of me I couldn't change. Even my ex boyfriend and best friend went around talking about how much of a whore I was. It was heart breaking, that someone who I once trusted with my life could be the one to kick me when I was at the bottom.

I saw Sirius today; he was with the Marauders. Lily was there too, and some other girls I recognized from Gryffindor. It seemed that their lives were going on so smoothly since I had been shunned from each of them. I guess I couldn't really expect them to mourn the loss of a friend, especially the way everything happened. I assumed they knew about me changing sides. I still had to share a dorm with Lily but we didn't talk anymore. She never even looked at me. In my mind she was a hypocrite. She stood by Severus Snape for years despite his undying devotion to the dark arts. It was only when he slipped up and called her out on being a mudblood that she finally dropped him as a friend. Before that she gave him loads of chances, but when it came to me, or anyone else, she was just too good to waste time on forgiving them. I guess everyone knows what people on the dark arts side of the war stood for, and I guess she believed I was as opposed to muggle-borns as the rest of them were.

Truth was I had no problem with muggle-borns. I was never the type to discriminate against witches and wizards based on their blood purity. I didn't join to rid the wizarding world of muggle-borns; I joined for the power. It was too bad none of them realized that; but then again, why would they? Why would they care at all about what I did, and why I did it? They never cared when we were friends. They prodded and pushed me to my breaking point instead, but none of them were there when I finally cracked. I know it was selfish to blame others for the decisions I've made, but I fully believe they played a role in this, in my new life.

If Sirius hadn't proven my brother right, then none of this would have ever happened. He was the only person I thought I could count on, and look where that got me. When the one person you put all your faith into you betrays you the way he did, it's pretty hard to stay on track. I trusted him with everything. Everything that happened made me vulnerable and I didn't want a relationship because of it. I didn't want anything to do with guys because I was convinced they were all the same, that they were all out to hurt me. Sirius tried to prove me wrong in the beginning; he told me he would never want to hurt me and that the only guys who did weren't worth thinking about, but when I wasn't improving fast enough, he chose to move on. He chose to be one of those guys who weren't worth thinking about. He ripped my heart out, the little part I had left, and crushed it under his feet while he was snogging Charlene.

I think I can obviously say that my encounter with Sirius didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped. We had potions together, like we always did, but this time was different, this time we were paired up Slughorn and of course I was paired with none other than Sirius Black.

Before this, I had done my best to avoid him. I would see him every day in class, at dinner, and in the common room, but I never talked to him. I would watch him, and think about how it used to be when it was I he was joking around with. Sadly I didn't realize all along he was playing me like a pathetic fool.

I sat at the desk awkwardly. I knew he didn't want to be there any more than I did, but I never expected him to outwardly treat me like an outcast. I thought he loved me at one point, but if he did then why did he have to treat me like I was another one of his one night stands?

"My brother told me you're in the with the Dark Lord now. I always knew you'd turn bad. All sluts do." He said harshly as he sat down in the seat next to me.

"So what about Charlene then? Is she going to turn sour like I have?" I retorted.

He snorted.

"Charlene isn't a slut Ana, you're just jealous because her and I were together before you and I, and there was always feelings left over."

I always knew he wasn't over her.

"Well then I'm happy for you. You're with the one you truly wanted."

"Yeah, and you're with your rapist. Tell me, were you actually raped? Or did you just lie about it to get attention, because to me, you two seem too chummy to have actually been violated by him."

"How dare you Sirius? How dare you accuse me of something like that?"

My voice was quiet but strong.

"Well look at you Ana, you're so pathetic that you join your brothers side. You're a hypocrite, you talked about how stupid he was for siding with those freaks, and you talked about how horrible it is to discriminate against muggle-borns, yet isn't that what you're supporting? I wouldn't put it past you to be a liar too." He wasn't looking at me, but I could feel the rage radiating off of him.

"I am so sick of you Sirius. I'm so sick of the way you treat me and everyone else around you. You act like you can do no wrong; you act like everyone is beneath you. You're no better than your father Sirius. You're selfish and arrogant. You're inconsiderate of other people's feelings and you treat everyone who you don't like, like shit. Do you know how badly messed up I was after everything that happened? Do you know how much faith it took to trust someone like you after what happened: someone who is known for lying to and cheating on girls? I thought I would never be able to trust someone again, but I did. I trusted you. I loved your Sirius, and you betrayed me worse than anyone else did because you were the one person who I always thought I could count on, and in the end you weren't there."

I sat, waiting for him to respond, but he didn't. He didn't look remorseful, or guilty. He just looked angry, and I could tell he was trying to keep himself from yelling, because he knew that would mean I won. He didn't want to lose his cool in front of me, because that would show he actually did care.

I sighed and gathered my books, but before I stood up to leave class I turned to him one last time.

"I gave you chance after chance to prove to me that you were worth it. I was stupidly convinced that everything you said to me, about me being different, was true. It's too bad I was like every other girl you screwed over."

With that, I stood and walked out of class without looking back, hoping that would be the end of it.

I heard footsteps behind me, and prayed to merlin it wasn't Sirius.

"Ana wait."

'Will I ever catch a break?' I thought to myself as I slowed down.

"What do you want from me Sirius?" I sighed.

He approached, then blocked me from walking any further .

"Tell me what happened to you at Malfoy Manor." It was more of a command than a question.

"Why should I tell you what happened Sirius? You've made it perfectly clear you don't want anything to do with me."

"Ana, I know I've been horrible to you, but I deserve to know what happened."

He finally looked somewhat defeated.

"If I tell you, will you promise not to mention it to the others?"

"It'll be between you and I only." He said.

We walked to a bench in the quiet hallway. Most students were in class and there were only the odd wanderers, so I deemed it a semi-private place to talk.

"That night, when you went searching for your coat, I saw Shay. He said he needed to talk to me, so he pulled me down the hallway where it was quiet. We went into a room, the room you found me in, and I thought that he was going to tell me something. I was wrong; we weren't alone. There were several others in the room already and they were all wearing masks. He was there, the one leading the revolt. He insulted me, said I was a poor excuse for a pure blood. Then he ordered three of the men in masks to assault me. Everyone watched two of them rape me in the middle of the floor, including Shay. They all left the room before the third. Tomas was the third. I was practically numb from the previous two so it wasn't as bad as the first time. But ever since then I've been terrified that it's going to happen again.

"That's why I joined Sirius. If you can't beat them, join them. I've tried my hardest to forget and move on after Tomas first hurt me, but I haven't been able to. Almost every night since then I've had nightmares about it. I pretended to be fine, but I wasn't." I looked at him. He had an unreadable look on his face.

"Then I found you, with her, and that sent me over the edge. You were my last hope Sirius. You were the last thing keeping me sane, and when I saw you betraying me like everyone else had, I just lost it."

"Ana, I'm-" he started.

"Don't Sirius. Don't tell me you're sorry and tell me everything is going to be okay. It's not; I can't forgive you for what you did. I want to, but I can't be that weak little girl I once was. You may think I made a mistake in joining the dark lord, but it's the only thing I've been completely sure of in a long time. I don't want your help; I like what I've done. It keeps me safe and I don't remember the last time I've felt safe." I sighed and smiled slightly.

His expression now changed from unreadable to shock.

"You're happy being on the opposing side? I don't believe that Ana. I know you, and I know you don't believe in any of the things they do."

"It doesn't matter if I do or not. This is what I want, and that's not going to change." I said firmly. "You wanted to know what happened to me that night, and I told you. Knowing or not, you still had no right to hurt me the way you did, and an apology now, because you feel sorry for me, is not acceptable."

I gathered my books in my arms and stood.

"I'm glad you're happy with Charlene. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy." I smiled and turned away.

I walked down the halls, which were eerily quiet. No one had walked by for a while.

I headed towards my next class, which was at the other end of the school. My next class was history of magic, with Professor Binns. Thank merlin I didn't have this class with Sirius; who took it only for the required amount of time and dropped it the moment he was able to. Lily was in this class with me, and we usually sat together up until recently. Now I sat at the back with some Ravenclaw girl that no one talked to because she stunk like mothballs.

I sat down on the ground outside of the class and waited for the current period to be over. Sitting quietly, I looked over my notes from defense against the dark arts. The class had become my favorite ever since joining the dark lord. I thought briefly back to the encounter but my thoughts were shaken when the bell rang, signaling class exchange.

The classroom was empty when I walked in since everyone had ten minutes to arrive, so I gazed out the large window while sitting quietly. I saw people running through the grounds, probably trying to get from class to class without being late. The snow was almost completely melted now, and the grass under it was brown and dead. The lake was free of ice once more and glistened in the sunlight.

'It doesn't feel like a sunny day.' I thought to myself.

Today felt like it should be cloudy and raining, not warm with sunshine.

Slowly the class began to fill and by the time everyone was in their seats, Professor Binns began his lecture on the ancient witch-hunts which equaled a very boring and long period, and by the time it was over I felt like skipping dinner and going back to the common room to sleep.

Once class was over I was on my way to the common room when my brother stopped me.

"Ana, we need to talk." He said professionally. It was as if we weren't even related.

"About what?" I said annoyed. I really wanted to sleep.

"About the cause Ana. You're apart of this now so stop being a brat and grow up. You don't want to get on his bad side." He said strictly.

I groaned and followed him down into the dungeons where the Slytherin common room was. For some reason I was the only Gryffindor of the bunch.

We sat in the Slytherin common room. I admired the architecture of the room. It was located under the lake, and out each of the windows was a view of the lakes floor. Fish would swim by occasionally, and the water ripples casted a ghostly reflection on the furniture and floor.

"What is this meeting all about anyway?" A harsh voice interrupted my thoughts.

It was Antonin Dolohov, an unpleasant Slytherin who enjoyed torturing muggle-born students then wiping their memories.

"Just a gathering of likeminded individuals, Dolohov. No need to be sour about it." Tomas spoke up. I watched as he passed Antonin a bottle of fire whisky, from which he took a drink straight from the bottle then passed it to the one sitting next to him.

"So this isn't actually about anything serious?" I asked. I was deeply annoyed now. My favorite past time wasn't exactly hanging out in the Slytherin common room with a bunch of blood purity fanatics.

'But this is your life now, you chose this.' My conscious reminded me.

"It's a Friday night Ana, what else would you rather be doing? Sleeping?" Avery commented slyly, which caused others to chuckle.

"Yes actually, I would rather be sleeping." I retorted.

"Well if you'd like, there is a very comfortable bed in my dorm room which is presently unoccupied if you'd like, and I would gladly join you." Tomas smirked at me over the bottle of whisky.

Few of them snickered again at his comment, but when I looked over at Shay he wasn't smiling or laughing. Instead, he was looking past everyone at the wall behind their heads with a vicious look on his face.

'Perhaps he did believe me.' I thought to myself and looked down at my hands.

"So did Crabbe tell you about the Ravenclaw slut I fucked last night?" Goyle laughed as he started the very violent conversation of sexual assault.

Twice I tried to leave the 'party', but both times I was forced to stay, so I decided the only way I was going to get through this was to get drunk and numb my mind.

I had already drunk about seven gulps before I began to feel the alcohol hit me. My vision was slightly fuzzy and my hearing seemed off. Keeping quiet, I listened and attempted not to act horrified with the stories they shared with the group. I was the only girl present, since the one other girl within the inner circle of death eaters was Bellatrix Lestrange, who was finished schooling at Hogwarts. Instead of holding their tongues, they made me endure horror stories about the various girls here at Hogwarts they took joy in raping. Many of them would do the same girl and simply wipe her memory after the encounter.

It was horrifying.

The only two that never told a personal story were Shay and Tomas. I hoped Shay didn't say anything because he didn't have any. I knew my brother was misguided and perhaps slightly under the influence, but I never imagined him as a monster.

I thought about Tomas then, and why he never said anything. From my experience, he was a vile beast, so why did he not share his conquers? Was it because I was the only one and he didn't think it wise to discuss his triumph over me in front of Shay? Or was it because he simply didn't think any of his actions were as brutal as the others were? Tomas was a horrible being, but compared to the others he was as gentle as a kitten.

I knew I was getting drunk because I suddenly had thoughts about him that I knew my sober self wouldn't agree with.

"Can I please leave now? I'm exhausted." I yawned for emphasis.

"Yeah sure. This isn't really conversation for a woman anyway." Shay said.

'This wasn't conversation for a decent human being.' I thought, but knew I shouldn't say.

I stood up from the couch and swayed on my feet slightly.

"Maybe I should walk you back to your common room." Tomas said and stood with me. He took hold of my arm, gentler than I would have expected, and led me around the couch and towards the door.

"I can do it myself!" I slurred and pulled my arm out of his grasp and almost fell over in the process.

"Come on Ana." He said firmly and wrapped his arm around my waist and led me out of the common room.

I had conflicting emotions about his arm being around me. On one hand, every time he was around me, all he did was hurt me. But on the other hand, it felt sort of comforting to have someone strong holding me.

He led me up seven flights of stairs and down the hall to the Gryffindor common room.

"Have a good night Ana." He said after letting me go. He began to walk away before I stopped him.

"Tomas, wait."

He turned around and looked at me questionably.

"Why didn't you join the conversation?" I asked stupidly.

"What conversation?" He asked.

"The one about all those different ways of hurting people, and hurting girls."

"Because I don't have anything to tell." He stated.

"You are one messed up guy Tomas." I felt my words being slurred, "if you think that girls enjoy being taken against their will. You have stories, I'm a story of yours, and I can't be the only one."

"Well you are. I didn't enjoy what I did to you Ana."

"Of course you did! You told me each time that you did!" I was beginning to get angry. I didn't like that he was lying to me.

"Sure, in the beginning it was just for fun. You pissed me off and in my mind you deserved it. But I regret what I did to you. I now know you didn't deserve what I did. I didn't talk about it because it isn't something I feel the need to boast about."

Was this really happening? Was Tomas actually trying to be a decent person?

"I like you Ana, I like you a lot. I don't want to like you; I know it will just complicate things. And I know that our past will haunt me because I will never know what could've happened between us if I hadn't been cruel to you." He sounded sincere, but I was too drunk to tell. For all I knew, this was another mind game.

"Goodnight Tomas." I said and turned towards the portrait.

It was open, and standing there was Sirius, looking disgusted.

"You'll never learn." He said and walked past me then past Tomas and down the hall.

I sighed and continued into the common room. I heard the portrait shut quietly behind me, and turned to see that only a few people were scattered throughout the room. I groaned to myself. That meant Lily was up in the dorm.

I climbed the stairs as best I could, stumbling only twice into the railing. I finally made it to the top and opened the door to the girls' dorm. To my surprise no one was in here. I was thankful, but I felt a tug in my heart. There must be a party going on tonight that everyone is at, which is probably where Sirius was off to.

I sighed and headed to the bathroom to shower and change. Once I was done, I headed back to my bed and shut the curtains. Lying down on my soft, warm bed, my eyes fluttered closed. I wasn't sleeping. Instead I was thinking; thinking about my life and how everything had turned out. I then thought back to my last night as a free witch.

"_We are meeting him at the Malfoy Manor." Shay explained to me. He had told me to wear my finest gown so that I looked like a worthy pure blood. _

"_What is going to happen?" I asked as I curled my hair around my finger. We were waiting in the entrance hall for some of the others. _

"_He is going to talk to you, make sure this is what you really want and that you are devoted to him."_

_I looked down at my shoes, which were too high for my liking._

"_Am I going to be branded like you?" _

"_I don't know." He said honestly. _

_Rabastan, Tomas, and Avery arrived and we began out the main doors. I attempted to hide my fear, but I think Shay could sense it, because he wrapped his arm around me and whispered in my ear: _

"_It's going to be alright. This is the hardest part." _

_I nodded and continued on at a fast pace. We had to avoid all eyes, since it was past curfew and we needed to make it to Hogsmead in order to apparate to Malfoy Manor. Once there, I held Shay's arm and felt the instant tug behind my belly button as we apparated. _

_Malfoy Manor looked the same as I remembered it. It was dark out, and the trees surrounding the manor made it look even darker. There were random lights on that shone through various windows. As we walked I could hear the four of them muttering to each other. I didn't listen to what they were saying, in fear that I would catch something that I didn't want to hear. _

_We made it to the door and Shay knocked loudly, twice. A small house elf answered the door. He bowed at us then let us in. He directed us to the door on the far end of the left hallway, the same one that I had been in before. I slowly walked towards it, and before I could knock, the door swung open. _

_Inside were four people who I recognized instantly. The first was Lucius, his blond hair glistening in the candlelight. Beside him stood Rodolphus and Bellatrix Lestrange. I saw Rodolphus smirk arrogantly as I walked into the room. Standing under the large windows was Lord Voldomort. He looked more monstrous than the last time I saw him. His skin was paler, and his eyes were a glowing gold color. _

_I walked fully into the room and stood before him, feeling awkward and not knowing what to do with my hands. I wasn't sure if I should bow or not, and I could feel my feet sweating in my heels. _

"_What a surprise to see you again, Ana." Voldomort's voice sounded like a hiss. _

_I stood quietly in front of him. _

"_Shay tells me you want to join my ranks, is this true?" He asked. _

"_Yes." I answered timidly. _

"_So you've finally come to your senses." He smiled and ugly smile. _

_He then walked towards me, and touched my face. His fingers were cold and slightly clammy. _

"_You are a pretty thing when you want to be. Tell me, why do you want to join me?" _

_I decided it would be best to answer honestly. _

"_I want power." I said and was surprised at how strong my voice was. _

"_I can give you power." He said quietly and smirked, "but you need to prove to me that you want it." _

_I didn't like where this was going._

"_What would you have me do?" _


	30. Chapter 29

Authors Note: So I realize I am really turning into one of those Fan Fiction authors I don't like in the way I update. I am so sorry for taking so long to post new chapters. I had most of this written and couldn't find the inspiration to finish it, but here it is, completed and revised! I really should thank OneRepublic's _Native_ soundtrack for getting me in the writing mood. I hope you all like it, and I hope I am not losing too many readers due to my lack of updates. Special thanks to those who review. It's nice to hear feedback on my work!

* * *

><p><em>The moment I uttered those words I knew something terrible was about to happen. He smiled at me, a smile that could turn your heart cold. He took my arm firmly and within a moment we apparated to a completely different setting. The two of us were alone in a dimly lit stone alley. I had no idea where we were, and I could hear loud voices coming from the other side. The site was eerie. <em>

"_We are in Livingston, Ana." He answered my question. I suddenly became aware that he probably had insight into what went on in my mind. _

"_Why are we here?" I asked quietly. Shay had told me that one must not question the Dark Lord, but I truly didn't understand why he would bring me away from his followers into a muggle town. _

"_You have much to learn, Ana. We are here, so you can prove your loyalty to me." He said as the corner of his lip turned upwards unattractively. _

"_How exactly am I supposed to do that?" I asked. _

_He glared at me with dangerous eyes. _

"_You will see soon enough." He began walking forward and motioned for me to follow. _

_We walked down the alley, passed a couple of closed shops and occupied pubs, then finally reached the end of the alley and turned right. There was a tavern called the Black Bull, which was built out of black stone with a green door. Muggles, mostly men, were standing around the entrance, which was up a few steps. I stood awkwardly as the muggle men hollered at me to join them inside for a drink. I looked beside me and noticed the Dark Lord was behind me, hidden away in the shadows. I looked at him bemused, when he smirked at me._

"_You are to go inside the tavern, alone, and pick out one of the weak and pathetic muggles. Once you find one, you bring him out here and I shall meet you. You have one hour." He said before turning away from me and walking back down the alley. _

_Why would he want me to fraternize with muggles?_

'_Unless he wants you to torture him.' My mind answered my own question._

_I couldn't wrap my head around what this task was, but I decided it would be in my best interest not to disobey him on my first mission; therefore I entered the tavern and headed straight for the bar. _

_There were several open seats, so I took one between two empty stools, not wanting to attract any of the drunks that were already sitting at the bar. _

_I ordered a cider and sat quietly as I eavesdropped on the muggle conversation swirling around me. Much of the conversation revolved around jobs and families, as well as girls and drinks. It seemed to me all muggles thought about the same core things; or maybe it was just the male species in general. _

_It wasn't long before two men approached me. One sat in the vacant seat next to me, while the other stood next to him. _

"_Good evening mam," The one who had sat down said. _

"_Hello." I said politely. _

_This felt so disgusting. _

"_What is a pretty young thing like you doing in a pub all alone drinking a cider?" He asked. His voice was slightly slurred and I could smell brews on his breath. _

"_I just came for a drink, and I happen to like cider." I said coolly. _

"_Well then what would you say to another round?" He smiled, and I noticed he was missing about half his bottom teeth. _

"_I'd have to say yes." I said as I dug my nails into my thigh to keep myself from getting up and walking away immediately. _

_He signaled the bartender for another round of drinks for the two of us and tipped him generously before looking to me and winking._

_I could feel bile rising in my throat, as if tipping large would impress me. _

_I sipped my drink femininely and giggled as him and his friend joked around. Slowly I pretended to get drunk and when an hour was almost up, I had mastered the skill of slurring my words. _

_I led him out of the pub with no difficulty other than his friend wanting to join. Jason was his name, and he told his friend to kindly bugger off, as he was eager for whatever was about to follow. In his mind, he probably thought he was going to get a good shag out of me and wouldn't have to call me in the morning. Little did he know; he wasn't about to earn bragging rights for what was about to happen._

_The alley was darker now; clouds had rolled in which made the atmosphere uncanny. I led him to the end of the alley in search of the Dark Lord for my next instructions, though I already had a strong idea of what he was about to make me do. _

_At the very end stood a tall, cloaked figure. It was him, he was waiting for me. _

"_Not a moment over, starting off well Ana." His voice was always so professional. _

"_Who is this? You need to leave, the lady and I want a bit of alone time." The man, Jason, slurred. _

_The Dark Lord smirked evilly. _

"_I think I'll stay and enjoy the show." He said smugly. "Kiss him Ana." _

_I looked at the Dark Lord, then to the man standing in front of me. He was looking at the Dark Lord stupidly. I grabbed a hold of his face and pulled it down towards mine and began kissing him roughly. It was far from enjoyably, and all I could fathom was the stink of alcohol on his breath as it suffocated me. _

_Finally, after what seemed like ages, the Dark Lord allowed me to be free of that disgusting man who still had his eyes shut while his face leaned towards mine. _

"_What next, my lord?" _

_I hated saying that. _

"_If you want to prove yourself to me Ana, you must kill the muggle, and make sure it is painful." He said with a sneer towards the man. _

"_Yes, my lord." I obeyed instantly, not wanting to show weakness. _

"_Crucio!" I said firmly and watched as the man fell to the ground in agony. He screamed out, a horrible sound, but no one came. _

_No one came to this man's rescue as I held the spell upon him. It felt like hours, though it was probably only a moment. He was about to pass out from the pain before I lifted the curse. I knew the Dark Lord would not be satisfied if I killed and unconscious man. I levitated him, and then slammed him against the cold stone wall. I walked up to him, pressed my body against his and kissed him fiercely one last time before stepping back. _

"_Avada Kadava." I said quietly, but forcefully enough to allow the curse to take full effect. A green light shot out the end of my wand, and in and instant he slid down the wall and fell dead. I saw the color leave his eyes, and he had finally stopped twitching from the pain of the torture. All he did was lie there, unmoving and pale. _

_I just killed a muggle, an innocent man. Sure he was a drunken idiot, but he did not deserve to die like that. My vision had gone slightly blurry as if I truly were drunk and just now feeling the effects of the alcohol. My body felt cold, as if I had been left out for hours on this night that had suddenly turned bitter. _

"_Congratulations Ana," _

_It was the Dark Lord's praise that brought me back to reality. _

"_you have passed my initiation, and you are now ready to join my ranks." _

_He grabbed me once more and apparated us back to Malfoy Manor. _

_People stood abruptly when we returned and bowed down low to their master. _

_I could feel myself trembling as I slowly lost myself to this horror. _

"_My friends, welcome your new member: Ana Travers." The Dark Lord said proudly. Everyone nodded their acceptance as I looked around at the others in the room, imagining them going through the same thing. They all seemed pleased, but I could see in Shay's eyes that he wasn't proud. _

"_It was enticing the way she handled that muggle filth. Now the only question is what task do I assign you next." He smirked in my direction. _

"_Surely you wouldn't ask her to become a fulltime murderer, she's only just a young girl." Shay spoke out of turn, which visibly angered the Dark Lord. _

"_I shall ask of her what I please, Shayden, and you will not question me. I do not care that she is your sister, you do not sway my judgment on what I believe she will willingly accomplish." The Dark Lord's eyes were merely slits of hatred. _

"_Yes, my lord." Shay said timidly and bowed his head once more. _

_I looked at everyone in the room. Bellatrix giggled with sheer enjoyment while her partner, Rodolphus stood next to her, smirking. Lucius had an unreadable look on his face, the same look he always wore. Shay and Tomas bore the same look; one of fear was it? Or maybe regret that they brought me here. They probably knew what the Dark Lord asked of me tonight, they must've gone through the same thing when they were initiated. Perhaps they didn't think dear little Ana, who was scared of her own shadow, would be able to murder someone and act calm about it. Little did they know, it was indeed, an act, and if they couldn't see me visibly shaking, they weren't looking hard enough._

_The meeting was soon adjured and slowly everyone left the room, me being last. I was out the door when I felt someone grab my arm. They pulled me around the corner and down the dark hallway. He stopped under a lantern hanging from the wall and turned to me. _

"_Could you be any more idiotic Ana?" Tomas said cruelly. _

"_Enlighten me on how I am being idiotic, Tomas." I answered and stood in front of him, arms crossed over my chest. _

"_Come on Ana, you and I both know you don't value the same things the Dark Lord and all the others value. All I want to know is why you joined." Tomas asked calmly as he faced me, his eyes burning into mine. _

"_I joined for the power, and the safety." I saw no point in lying now. "Without the guidance and protection of the Dark Lord I would still be a target for you and all the others. The Dark Lord's ranks is a safe place for me." _

"_You really think that if I wanted to do whatever I wanted to you I couldn't because you are in with the Dark Lord?"_

_I looked at him dumbfound. _

"_Ana, he couldn't care less about you. You are merely a puppet waiting for the first time you become usable, and when that day comes, you aren't going to be able to change your mind and tell him no. You think we are dangerous? The Dark Lord is the most feared dark wizard of the age, and you have just signed away your life to him and his cause. He will take you, like he has taken Bella. That's the only reason he has agreed to let you in, because he needs to get it somewhere and where better to get it then women who devote their lives to him."_

"_Bellatrix is married, to someone in his ranks. I highly doubt they are sleeping together. Get your mind out of the gutter Tomas, not everyone uses people for sex like you." I said stupidly. _

"_Do you really think he's different?" _

"_I just thought…" _

"_Whatever you thought, you thought wrong." He cut me off. _

_He sounded angry. _

"_I don't understand why you are so upset with me. Isn't that what you wanted? Was to see me in pain, Tomas? You wanted me helpless, or is it only good enough when you are the one I am helpless to?" My mood was quickly turning from shocked to irritate. _

"_I've already told you Ana, I may not show it, but I do care about you."_

_With that he turned his back on me and walked away. It was then I decide he was the most annoying person I could have ever met. One moment he is raping me in the closet outside of my common room, and the next he is telling me he is worried for my safety. He made me so bloody angry that I just wanted to throw him into the black lake and watch the giant squid tear him apart._

* * *

><p>It had been a week since I had spoken to anyone. I had another meeting with the Dark Lord, and everything became clear on what I would have to do and what sacrifices I needed to make. It was my last chance to make a permeate decision. After what happened with him I couldn't bring myself to talk to the Mauraders or anyone else from Gryffindor and on the other hand, none of the Slytherins acknowledged me anymore either. I had made my decision very clear in front of all of them and they were now keeping their distance from me. It was difficult convincing them of that, but it was what needed to be done. I was now completely on my own, regretting my every decision I had made these past few months. I couldn't believe I let myself get involved with a society who killed muggles for fun. That was nothing like me; nothing like the old me anyway.<p>

All I could hope for now was to make amends with Sirius and the others. Despite what they knew, I was counting on them to think I had just momentarily lost my mind. I had known them for as long as I could remember, and I knew they knew me as well, and wouldn't ever believe I would join the Dark Lord just for the hell of it. I would tell them that everything with Tomas messed me up more than I had led on, which was partly true. I didn't want them to think of me as weak, but I was clearly weak enough that I did the unthinkable and joined Lord Voldomort.

I had decided not to tell them about the initiation, it didn't matter anymore anyway. They would never believe I was done with that scene if I told them about it and I couldn't have that. I especially couldn't have them see me as a murderer. They were my only hope at having a clear life, and finally becoming the stronger person I once was. It was just an unfortunate way to have to achieve it.

It was a Monday morning. I sat at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall alone. Down the table and across from me sat Sirius and James. Sirius looked pale and much more stressed than I had ever seen him. I watched him as he sat unnaturally quiet next to James, picking at the food on his plate. Something was obviously bothering him, and I could guess that it had to do with his brother Regulus recently joining the Dark Lord.

Just then his gaze shifted from his plate and turned on me. He must've felt my eyes on him. I quickly looked away but out of the corner of my eye I could see him watching me. I noticed him gaze down at my exposed forearm, evidently searching for the dark mark; of course there was nothing but pale, unmarked skin.

I smiled to myself.

He had looked at my arm and suddenly looked much more relieved. Maybe things between us could be salvaged, but I wasn't about to leave it to chance. I had one mission, and that was to re-insert myself in the Mauraders' lives. It was probably impossible to go back to how things once were, but I was willing to settle for only an ounce of trust from them. Their trust in me was all that mattered.

I ate the last of my eggs before picking up my books for first period and began walking to class alone. It was History of Magic, and I arrived just as the bell rang. One could say Professor Binns was old fashioned; he believed in assigned seating, and my spot was next to Severus Snape, someone who _always_ showed up to class. I sat down in my seat and placed my books gently on the table.

"Hello Ana." Snape said in his drawling voice.

When I was friends with James, I always agreed with him on how unfortunate it must be for Snape to have that permanent voice, but then getting to know him as one of the Dark Lords' supporters I had gotten quite used to it. Now, I was back to my initial opinion; that voice was designed to bore people to death.

"Hello." I replied, not taking my eyes off the front of the room.

"Everyone is really pissed at you for avoiding them."

"That doesn't concern me." I said strongly.

"It should. You should hear the things they've been talking about doing to you, Ana. You shouldn't have done what you did, but I feel like I should warn you." He said quietly.

"Like I said Severus," I was now facing him, "I could care less what those _people _are saying about me, about what they plan to do to me as punishment. If they were going to do anything, they would've already done it. You can go tell your little friends that their threats don't scare me,"

I knew Sirius and Remus, who were sitting together at the next table, could hear what I was saying. I turned back and faced the front, waiting for Professor Binns to start on his hour-long snooze fest.

* * *

><p>That day passed by slower than usual, I was assigned more homework than usual, and I felt more on edge than usual. My mind was fuelled by the mere thought of eating a delicious dinner sandwich then heading up to my bed and passing out, without starting on any of the assignments; they could wait until tomorrow.<p>

I had just finished my meal in the great hall and started my trek up to the common room when Rabastan stopped me.

"Hey Ana, haven't seen you in a while." He said as he approached me.

"Yeah well, there isn't any good reason for me to be hanging around you right now." I answered and attempted to keep walking before he grabbed my arm harsher than I had expected.

"Just because we _shouldn't _be hanging out, doesn't mean we can't."

"Let me go Rabastan." I said firmly.

He looked at me and grinned. I knew Rabastan; he enjoyed breaking the rules.

"Come on Ana, I know you want to…"

"She said let her go. I think it would be in your best interest to listen to her." A voice from behind interrupted.

I turned to see who it was, and saw Sirius standing there with his wand raised at Rabastan, who continued to smirk, but decided to let me go.

"I didn't know you had a bodyguard, Ana. My mistake." He grinned at me once more and started walking towards Sirius. My heart stopped as Rabastan walked passed him, expecting a duel to break out, but Rabastan just kept walking down the hall.

I exhaled loudly and looked down at my arm. It was already turning pink from the pressure he had inflicted.

"You okay?" Sirius voice was closer now.

I looked up to see him standing next to me, looking at my arm with concern.

"Yeah, thanks for that."

"No problem, you heading towards the common room?" He asked.

"Yeah I am."

We started towards the common room together. I felt like I was back where I belonged, but at the same time out of place.

"I heard you talking to Snape in History of Magic this morning. I wasn't sure you were out of that scene, but after seeing that happen tonight I'm convinced. What happened to make you back out?" He asked boldly.

It felt so weird consider confessing my previous activities with him.

"I realized what I had gotten myself into before it was too late. That's not who I am. I think everything that happened, with Tomas and everything, clouded my judgment." I answered, not looking him in the eye.

"I'm glad." He said simply.

We walked in silence the rest of the way. To me it was an awkward silence, while to him it was probably comfortable.

Once up to the seventh floor and through the portrait Sirius turned to me again and broke our silence.

"Look Ana, I'm sorry for everything that happened between us, and with you. I'm relieved that you've changed your mind and have come back, but that doesn't change anything. I don't think the others, or I can trust you, not yet anyway."

I bit the inside of my mouth as I nodded. He had no reason to trust me, nor did I have a reason to trust him.

"I understand Sirius, I don't expect you or any of the others to trust me after what I've done." I said quietly before heading towards the dorms, not wanting to dwell on the topic for too long.

"Goodnight." I heard him say from behind me. I kept walking up the staircase and into the girls' dormitory.

I lay down under my blankets without showering or changing first. I was exhausted, and extremely peeved. I couldn't stop thinking about what happened in the hallways only minutes before. Despite how Sirius felt about me he still defended me against Rabastan. My plan may be beginning to work; perhaps I could rebuild my relationship with the marauders after all.

As for the encounter with Rabastan, I couldn't believe how he had acted tonight. He could've ruined everything.

* * *

><p>Authors Note: I hope you all enjoyed what you read! Finally Sirius is back in the story. Let me know what you think and if you have any ideas!<p> 


	31. Chapter 30

Authors Note: Here it is, the next chapter! Thanks to the reviews and adds, they are much appreciated. Enjoy!

* * *

><p><em>Everything around me seemed so silent and dark. My eyes could only make out twisted images with a fuzzy surrounding. As I walked through the thick shrubbery of the dark forest I heard twigs cracking on my left. Someone, or something, was out here with me, following me. I picked up my pace and began to run through the woods before I finally made it to a clearing. Once there, I paused, my breath ragged from the exercise and the fear coursing through me, fear of the hidden beast shadowing my movement. <em>

_I stood for the longest time, not moving or making a sound as I listened for any sudden movement around me. There was nothing, but as I turned to continue on my path to nothingness I noticed a shape. It was a person, but I couldn't tell who it was. They were distorted by the darkness that surrounded the quiet meadow and the moon that was partially covered by clouds provided the only light. _

_We stood facing each other, neither of us moving or speaking. It wasn't until the moon was completely exposed that I could see who it was; Sirius. He had a grim look plastered on his face as he watched me. His eyes were jet black and his skin pale as snow. I shivered at the mere sight of him, he looked almost dead. _

"_You are making a huge mistake, Ana." _

_The way he said my name in a whisper sent chills down my spine and I suddenly lost my voice. _

"_You think you can deceive me this way without me finding out and everything will turn in your favor? You think we will suddenly be on better terms because you claim to have found the light? You and all your lies are going to lead to devastation." He added, taking a large step towards me. _

"_I-I…" I stuttered but could not manage to make out any real words. _

"_You are evil." He hissed at me. "You are untrustworthy, you are a traitor to us all." _

_His words stung, only because I knew what he was saying was true. _

"_You are going to feel pain Ana, a pain that no one can save you from. No one is going to be there as you suffer." _

_Suddenly there was a hissing laughter that sounded from behind me. I turned only to see a hooded figure step out of the shadows. _

I woke with a start. There was a flash from outside the large window that was followed by a deafening crash. A severe storm had rolled in. I sat up in bed and was freezing from not covering myself before falling asleep, so I grabbed the sweater that hung off of one of the bedposts. After putting on the sweater, I quietly walked through the dormitory and headed down to the common room. There was another slap of thunder as I crept out of the portrait hole. The halls were silent other than the sound of rain hitting the windows and the rolling thunder that sounded in the distance.

I made my way up to the astronomy tower and peaked out the door to find there were no night classes, then stood against the railing. I watched as the lightning forked across the dark sky and reflected off of the lake to light up the hills surrounding Hogwarts. I had always loved to watch the storms back home with my family. I found them to be calming. The smell of the air was pure as the rain fell hard from the black sky. The sound of nature instantly relaxed my swirling mind.

So much had happened these past few weeks. I was now back in with the marauders, though I knew some of them didn't fully trust me. Remus, being the biggest skeptic, watched my every move and listened carefully to what I said. Although he would never admit it, I knew he believed I was still in with the Dark Lord. It hurt to know that he would think I would do such a thing as betray them again, but I knew it was his personality. He didn't want me to hurt him or his friends and I respected that so I didn't ever comment on his behavior. Besides, it didn't matter if he thought that way, it wouldn't change what I had to do.

I had very few run-ins with the Slytherins. For the most part, they seemed to avoid me, knowing it would be best. Sometimes I would see Shay and we would share a knowing glance to one another, but other than that it seemed that half of them didn't even attend Hogwarts anymore. For all I knew they probably didn't. A lot of them talked about not finishing school so they could be at the beck and call of the Dark Lord.

As for the war, we all knew it was inevitable. People were going missing more often than not, and instead of being muggle families, they had turned into wizarding families; muggle-borns. It was obvious who was behind the attacks. There was often a dark mark left in the sky above the scene when the aurors investigated. The thought of a war between good and evil frightened me. I knew what side I would have to be on, and that meant I needed to fight against loved ones. Nothing could prepare me for what was about to come.

Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hogwarts, had created an order in an attempt to fight against the Dark Lord and Death Eaters. He called it the Order of the Phoenix, and plenty of us Gryffindors were recruited. We would have meetings in the Headmasters office, discussing the recent events and the moles shared information. So far, not much was known about what the Dark Lord had planned. There were known threats, the Death Eaters, and Dumbledore had said he would keep a close eye on those who still attended Hogwarts.

I vaguely thought that perhaps this was why many of the known Death Eaters were no longer seen around school. I also knew that the Dark Lord would have some way to place unknowns into Hogwarts. It would be foolish for him to not have intel on the happenings of the school.

For me, joining the order was difficult. I was constantly being grilled on what I had learned during my time spent in the presence of the Dark Lord and each time I would not share any information I would get accused of being a double agent. Sirius was one of the only ones who trusted me completely, for which I was thankful. In my gut I knew what I was doing was wrong, but my heart kept reminding me that I needed to do this.

The dream that had awoken me was sitting in the back of my mind. I couldn't help that it held some sort of hidden meaning. I closed my eyes as I thought back to the way Sirius looked.

A loud crash of thunder brought me out of my thoughts as I jumped back away from the railing. It began to hail, so I took a seat closer towards the staircase to prevent getting wet. I looked up as the storm continued on. The loudness sent vibrations through my body and I smiled to myself. In this moment, I didn't have to worry about anything. All I needed to do was watch the night sky as nature created this magnificent sight, and breathe. I knew in my heart that everything would be alright if I just stuck with what I believed was right, and this storm had the ability to clear all the stresses in my life about doing the wrong thing, something I had worried about for months.

Thunder rolled loudly in the distance for hours that night. The flashes of lightning lit the entire dorm room, making me aware that I was the only one that was still awake at this quiet hour. I had tried for hours to sleep but was continuously unsuccessful.

I sighed as I stretch my legs before standing and wrapping my robe around my cold shoulders. I quietly crept through the room and made my way silently down the stairs to the common room. It was empty and the coals of the large stone fireplace provided the only light.

I placed a log onto the coals and sat, watching as flames took over. I leant back against the couch and pulled my robe tighter against me, still cold despite the new heat the fireplace provided.

A sudden crash of thunder startled me as I jumped into an upright sitting position. I sighed again and leant back once more. Grabbing the throw that rested on the back of the couch, I wrapped it around me and laid down, resting my head upon a scratchy couch pillow that was strangely more comfortable than my bed had been. Slowly, I felt myself drifting into a slumber. It wasn't more than five minutes that I was completely engulfed into a world of fantasy and dream.

* * *

><p>The next morning the chatter of students coming down from the dorms awaked me. I looked out the window to a dark gray sky. Groaning loudly, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and stood from the couch. I had every intention of skipping classes today.<p>

I was just about to start up the stairs when Lily, Alice, and Marlene came down.

"Hey Ana, where were you this morning?" Lily asked too loudly for the morning in my opinion.

"I couldn't sleep last night so I decided to come down to the common room and fell asleep on the couch." I answered with a slight yawn.

"Oh, well you better hurry or you'll miss breakfast. I know how well you do with classes without eating." She laughed lightly.

I smiled but shook my head.

"I'm actually not feeling well this morning so I don't think I'll make it to class." I said, intentionally sounding weak.

Lily gave me a suspicious glance before speaking again. "Alright, I'll collect homework for you. I hope you feel better Ana."

With that, her and the girls left. I inhaled deeply. I knew Lily didn't believe me, but I was thankful that she didn't push the subject any further. I slumped back up to the dormitories, suddenly not feeling well. I laid my head on my pillow and fell asleep instantly.

It was as dark as night by the time I woke up, yet when I looked up at the large clock, it was only five in the evening. I lay in bed for a while longer before deciding I would head down for an early dinner. Not eating all day had a trying effect on my body. My stomach was as loud as a dragon by the time I was up and out of the Gryffindor common room.

I hurried down to the Great Hall, not expecting to see many students. To my surprise, all the marauders, including Lily, were seated at the dining table. I took a seat next to Sirius and began loading up my plate with potatoes, mixed greens, and chicken.

"Good to see you Ana, how are you feeling?" James asked as he watched me pile food in front of me looking amused.

"Much better now that I am rested. I don't know why, but I was up for such a long time last night." I answered before starting on my food.

"Well I'm glad you're feeling better. Lily said you looked really pale this morning when she saw you." Sirius added.

I simply nodded then went back to my food.

I didn't speak much during dinner, but listened to the others. Apparently I had missed a fight between two of the Slytherins in potions class. No one knew what they were arguing about, but the spilt hiccoughing solution caused a huge laugh as Snape fell victim and was sent to the hospital wing because he was hiccoughing so much that his pale face turned purple.

I smiled weakly as the others relived the memory. After getting to know Severus, I wasn't too amused by this story. I glanced at Lily and noticed she was looking down at her plate and not participating in the conversation at all. Lily and Severus used to be good friends; it was a shame that it had ended.

At that moment I heard the unflattering voice of Charlene enter my ears.

"Oh my goodness Sirius, I didn't know you and Ana were friends again!" Her utterly fake happiness was sickening.

"It's very good of you to forgive her after what she's done." She added more quietly, pretending to keep me from hearing.

"Do explain what I've done, Charlene." I cut in before Sirius could speak.

She looked at me as if I was some undiscovered species before answering.

"Well you know, lying to him, hanging out with all the Slytherins that hate him and all."

I laughed.

"That's funny, because the way I see it, he was the one who ruined our friendship, and our relationship by shagging this bloody disgusting slut in an abandoned classroom." I smirked at her as she glared at me.

"Ana..." Sirius started before I interjected.

"You know what, I think I'll go. I don't want to risk my spot here at Hogwarts by doing something to this bitch."

With that I stood forcefully and headed out of the Great Hall. I didn't make it up the stairs toward the staircases before Sirius grabbed my arm.

"What was that back there? You didn't have to be so rude to her." Sirius said, stunned.

"So I am supposed to just let her talk to me like that then?" I raised my brows. I didn't understand why Sirius would defend someone like Charlene to me.

"You don't have to take it, but you don't have to be so mean. When did you change so much Ana?" Sirius had a sincere look on his face.

That was enough to make me lose it.

"You know what Sirius, yes I have changed. I'm not as nice as I used to be because I don't want to get walked all over by people like her. I don't trust anyone anymore, not even you. I've changed so much that I distance myself from people because in the end they're only going to hurt me. You have proved that to me, along with my brother. I have changed because I have realized that I'm the only person I can depend on. So if that makes me 'mean', then yes, I am mean and I really don't care if you think that of me." I spoke loudly and could see in his eyes that he was hurt by my words.

"Ana, you know I'm sorry for hurting you, and losing your trust. I'm not defending her to you, but the Ana I knew would never have just lost it like that. You used to be mature about it."

I scoffed. Was he calling me immature?

"Stop Sirius. I handled it the way it should've been handled. I'm sick of that girl pretending to be nice to my face. I can't believe you of all people would fall for her act."

Sirius sighed. I could tell he was trying to think of something to say.

"I'm going back to the common room." Before he could answer, I started up the stairs.

The halls were littered with students as I maneuvered my way towards the Gryffindor common room. Suddenly, someone grabbed my arm and pulled me into an empty classroom.

I spun around to see who it was and rolled my eyes.

"What is so important that you needed to pull me into a private classroom?" I asked.

"Don't talk to me like that Ana." Shay said harshly.

I took a deep breath and calmed myself.

"I'm sorry, I'm just not having that great of an evening," my conversation with Sirius still fresh in my memory. "What is it?"

"How have you been doing? I heard you've joined the Order." He looked at me intently.

"How did you find that out?"

"They know who many of us are, we know who they are." He shrugged.

I bit the inside of my cheek. The separation of sides was all too real now.

"Yes, I have joined the Order. I didn't have much of a choice." I muttered.

He inspected me.

"Are you okay, Ana?"

"Of course I'm okay, why would I not be?" I asked stubbornly.

"You've got a lot on your plate. If you're feeling overwhelmed-"

"I've got everything under control Shay. I'm not in over my head. You don't have to worry about me." I cut him off.

He shook his head.

"Of course I'm going to worry about you Ana, you're my little sister. I know you still don't trust me, but I trust that you'll tell me if you needed help. I worry about you being in all of this. It's not safe for anyone, especially not for you."

"What do you mean especially not for me?" I asked, suddenly suspicious of his intentions.

I had been out of the loop for a long time, and knew the others probably talked about me being a traitor. I hoped those that didn't know the story weren't plotting something.

"I've heard rumors. I hope to Merlin they aren't true, but if they are, Ana, I fear for you." He started towards the door.

"What rumors Shay, what are you talking about?"

He turned around.

"Meet me in the dungeons at ten tonight, there's a meeting and you're expected to be there. I love you, Ana."

He closed the door behind him gently. I knew I should wait a few minutes before leaving or people may see us both and suspect something.

After ten minutes in the room, I pulled open the door and headed towards the seventh floor. Once in the common room I threw myself down on of the chairs near the window.

What rumors could my brother have been talking about, and how was I in more danger than the rest of them? My mind ached as I thought of possible scenarios, all from tame ones like having to leave Hogwarts and do the Dark Lords bidding somewhere else, to the unthinkable; having to kill one of the marauders.


	32. Chapter 31

Authors Note: It's that time of year again, when I have been swamped with assignments for University. I intended to have this chapter posted a while back, and never got around to editing it. Hope you all enjoy and leave some feedback!

I've also added an update to the first chapter which should make the story a bit clearer. I felt the beginning of the story was quite dry.

* * *

><p>It was nearing quarter to ten by the time I left the Gryffindor common room. I had been studying Transfiguration with Lily and Alice for the past hour and a half and could feel my mind aching so I decided to call it a night and leave for the meeting.<p>

I walked quietly through the halls and down the stairs and was taken off course by one of the moving staircases, which stopped outside the annex of the library. I was just about to step down the next staircase that arrived when someone grabbed my shoulder, making me screech unattractively.

"Sorry Ana, I didn't mean to scare you, it's just me." Remus said quietly from behind me. I turned around to see him holding in a laugh at my reaction.

"You scared me out of my skin Remus, what are you doing down here so late?" I asked as I attempted to steady my breathing.

"I was in the library studying, the common room was too full and the others were in the dorm making lots of noise."

Remus' smile turned into a frown.

"What are you doing down here so late?"

My heartbeat began to quicken.

"I just needed a break from the common room so I went for a walk. I was heading for the kitchens but the staircase moved on me." I answered, mentally praising myself for the excuse I had conjured.

"Would you like some company down to the kitchens?" Remus offered but I shook my head.

"No that's alright, I still want time to myself."

He looked at me skeptically.

"Is anything wrong Ana? You know you can tell me and I won't talk about it with the others." He said softly.

"Nothing's wrong Remus, I just feel a bit distant from everyone, and I just need some time to myself to think about things, that's all." I answered.

He nodded and smiled gently at me.

"Alright, but don't stay out too long or the prefects will catch you roaming the halls afterhours." He advised.

"I won't get caught." I laughed lightly and continued down the staircase towards the main floor.

I watched as Remus climbed the stairs back up to the common room and once I was out of his sight I turned to the left, heading towards the dungeons instead of right, which lead to the kitchens. Since students were now all supposed to be in their common rooms, the castle was, so I didn't have much trouble getting to the Slytherin common room unnoticed.

It was cold down in the dungeons, which also held a slight mist from the changing weather outside. Waiting for me outside the common room entrance was Shay, who looked oddly out of place standing against a stonewall kicking the ground.

"Don't you look inviting." I said sarcastically, causing him to look up from the ground.

"Right on time." He said before whispering the Slytherin password. The door opened and he peered in, looking to see if any students not in the inner circle were wandering about. After a moment he gave me the all clear, and he held the door open for me to continue.

We walked through towards the dormitories where Shay once again held the door open for me. The boys' dorm was eerily quiet as we walked to the last door on the left, leading into Shay's shared room, which was where the meeting was being held.

I entered the room to see a group of Slytherins talking animatedly while sitting on the beds. Tomas and Evan were sitting together on one, while Rabastan, Severus, and Regulus sat on another. Mulciber, Nott, Dolohov and Avery were also present. I was the only female in the group, and the only Gryffindor.

"We are the last to arrive." Shay spoke upon entering behind me and closing the door firmly behind him.

"Come, sit over here Ana." Rabastan said with a suggestive smirk.

Luckily Shay pulled me down on the only empty bed next to him, which I assumed was his since his trunk was placed on the floor next to it.

"What is this meeting for, anyway?" Nott chimed in.

"We are meant to discuss our progress on the tasks the Dark Lord has set for us. I also needed a secure place to tell you all of the next meeting in the Dark Lords presence." Rabastan answered.

Rabastan was technically in charge of all those who were still attending Hogwarts since the Dark Lord was clearly not able to get into the school and address us himself. Since Rabastans older brother was also in the inner circle, the information was passed to him, and then passed to us.

"Well I for one haven't been able to leave the castle. Dumbledore has eyes everywhere since forming the Order. There is no way for me to complete my duty unless I can get to a safe place outside of the grounds to apparated." Avery started the conversation.

"Same with me, it's impossible to get anything done while the Order is watching our every move. I think they have clear suspicions of who we are." Dolohov replied.

The conversation increased, and I was soon unable to follow what everyone was saying as everyone attempted to talk over one another. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying not to get overwhelmed by the crowded space.

"This can be easily solved." Tomas' voice rang loud above the others, who immediately quieted down. "All we have to do is get Ana to tell us when Dumbledore is having a meeting of his own. While he is occupying everyone in the Order, we will be able to sneak out and complete any set tasks."

I opened my eyes and look at him.

"You are still trusted within the Order, aren't you?" He arched his brow.

"Of course I am." I answered strongly.

This was my one job, to gain the trust of Albus Dumbledore and the Order as a spy. The Dark Lord trusted me with this task, and it could lead him to victory or downfall, and each of these wizards looked to me for information about the other side.

"Will you be able to notify us when the next meeting is?" Rabastan asked.

"Yes. It won't be for another week or so, we just had one this past Friday." I looked to Shay who nodded.

"Great." Tomas said. "On another note, Ana. We need to know what you've found out within the Order. Do they have any attack plans, any defense strategies we need to know about?"

"Dumbledore hasn't mentioned anything about that yet, but he knows who you all are and he's been keeping a close eye on all of you. None of you can afford a slip up." I replied and looked to Regulus who looked uncomfortable.

Sirius knew that the Dark Lord had recruited his younger brother. He also knew that Regulus had accepted the offer and was now apart of the inner circle. This crushed Sirius, but he was quite aware that it would eventually happen. Sirius' parents always treated Regulus as one of their own, while Sirius was treated as an outsider because he didn't believe in the same things as they did and it shamed their family name. In their opinion, a Black must have certain views on things like blood purity, and when Sirius showed signs of relation, they disowned him.

The meeting felt as though it dragged on for hours. It wasn't until half past eleven that all the important things had been discussed. Shay lay down on his stomach and reached for something under his bed.

"What do you all say about ending this meeting with a bit of fun?" He smirked as he pulled out a bottle of mead.

"Sounds like a plan if you have more than one bottle. That won't even get half of us tipsy." Mulciber stated.

"You are quite wrong my friend, this bottle is enchanted to never go empty." Shay answered gleefully.

"How did you manage that?" Regulus asked, clearly in awe.

"Severus helped me." Shay nudged Severus in the arm with a light fist.

Several glances were cast in Severus' direction. Although he was apart of the group, he always seemed like an outsider. Now all the other boys seemed impressed with him. Perhaps he would open up a little more if they thought he was more than just a potions nerd.

"Then let us get this party started." Rabastan grabbed the bottle from Shay and took a giant swig.

The bottle had been passed around several people before Rosier stood.

"I really want to join you all but I have a Transfiguration assignment due tomorrow that I haven't even begun working on, and you all know how McGonagll is."

"I should go too." Regulus added. He was the youngest of the group and looked completely overwhelmed.

A few more decided to leave, so all that was left was Shay, Tomas, Mulciber, Rabastan, Nott, and Severus.

"I think I should head out too. I don't want anyone to be suspicious of my absence."

"Stay Ana! They'll think you fell asleep in the library or something." Mulciber said and passed the bottle to me.

"Guys I really shouldn't-" I attempted to protest before being cut off.

"Come on Ana, chill a bit. You're probably in the need of a little fun more than any of us. I can't even imagine how stressed you must feel over having this task but you're doing it so well. You need to have time to relax or you might slip up." Shay said and raised his eyebrows at me.

After a moment I sighed and took a gulp of the mead.

"Alright, I'll stay, but I'm not getting drunk."

Six shots later, my face felt hot and my hands were tingly. I could tell I was getting drunk and knew I was placed in a very vulnerable situation. If Shay were to step out only for a moment I would be in a lot of trouble. Despite knowing this, there was a part of me that wanted to keep drinking, a part of me that wanted to feel reckless and dangerous.

The bottle was passed to me once more from Severus who stood.

"I'm going to bed. Enjoy the rest of your night." He nodded goodbye and cast me a look. I thought it was a look of sympathy, but wasn't sure.

I took another long swig of the bottle and handed it to Shay.

"When did my little sister turn into such a big drinker?" He asked before taking his drink.

"When I stated to hang out with you lot." I answered blankly. It was the truth. Before my encounter with Tomas I rarely ever drank, but ever since I realized I had drank almost every weekend. Perhaps it was because it gave me a false sense of happiness.

I looked to Tomas who was looking down, then to Rabastan who smirked at me. My most out of control drinking was done with him. What I knew but didn't want to admit was that alcohol inhibited my mind and clouded my ability to make good choices, and Rabastan was the biggest mistake I made when under the influence.

Tomas looked up from his lap and stared into my glassy eyes. I looked back into his, trying to figure out what he was thinking. The bed I was on moved and interrupted our prolonged look.

"I'm going to shower." Shay announced after standing. He wobbly made his way to the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

"I should go too." I said, beginning to stand, when I felt my legs give way. I fell back onto the bed and giggled slightly.

"Don't you realize how much more suspicious you will look to Black and the others if you show up hours after curfew, drunk?" Rabastan said matter of factly.

"They're probably all asleep by now." I said, not entirely convinced by my own argument.

"Are you willing to take that chance?" He countered.

I pondered the idea of being found out for a moment. It wouldn't be easy to explain.

"Well what would you have me do, sleep on the ground?" I asked sarcastically.

"You can have my bed." Nott offered, winking at me.

"I think I would rather sleep on the ground actually." I rolled my eyes.

"I'm sure Shay wouldn't mind sharing with you Ana." Tomas spoke up. I looked at him and nodded.

"I guess I could sleep on his bed." I finally said and took another swig of the bottle.

My body felt warm and my sight was out of focus. I ran my fingers through my hair, closing my eyes and enjoying the heightened sensation when I felt the bed shift once again, this time with weight added. It was Rabastan.

The others were in a loud conversation while laughing with one another.

"How are you feeling Ana?" He asked smoothly.

"I feel amazing, alcohol has such a blissful effect." I smiled and felt my words slur.

He watched me in what I thought was admiration.

"Remember how much fun we used to have together?" He asked and I suddenly felt his hand rest on my thigh.

"I do." I giggled flirtatiously.

"What do you say to reliving the past?" His hand was slowly creeping up my leg towards the inside of my thighs.

I looked at him with drowsy eyes but I could still comprehend the situation.

"I don't think that's such a good idea." I said with my brows raised.

"Come on babe, you know you want it." He whispered in my ear. His hand was now too close for comfort.

"If you even try something with me Lestrange, I can assure you it will be the biggest mistake you'll ever make." I said quietly which took him back slightly.

"Are you threatening me Ana?" He asked rather harshly.

"Yes." I answered with a smile.

His eyes changed instantly from lust to anger. I knew it was time to leave, even if it was just for a moment, and let him cool down. I stood from the bed and walked out into the hall, careful not to be caught by a passing Slytherin. The hall was completely empty so I stood against the wall waiting for a while until I knew Shay would be done his shower. I wasn't particularly fond of being alone in a room with them all, but I also knew it could ruin everything if I went back to the Gryffindor common room so late after drinking.

I heard the door open and turned, thinking it was Shay. Rabastan appeared and he looked furious. Before I could react, he covered my mouth and pulled me through a nearby door, which opened to a linin closet. It was small, but big enough for the two of us to fit.

I looked at him, waiting for an explanation but received a harsh slap on the side of my face instead, which knocked me off balance and into the side of the closet.

"What the fuck Lestrange?" I cursed loudly at him, pushing him away from me, though there wasn't much space to create between the two of us.

"You are a tease, Ana and I don't like teasing. If you're going to flirt with me, you're going not going to reject me a moment later," He said angrily. "I don't get rejected."

"And you are not going to take me against my will either. You are an idiot, Rabastan. Out of all of them, I never thought you would do this." I looked him in the eye and searched for something other than anger. I had no such luck.

"You had this coming." He forced me back against the wall and started undoing my pants.

A wave of sensation surrounded me at that moment. Déjà vu of the night Tomas raped me flooded into my memory, and my body began to ache from the pain that was inflicted that night. I wasn't about to relive that pain once more.

Knowing it would be easier than reaching for my wand, in one fluid motion I brought my knee up as hard as I could and hit Rabastan directly between the legs. His grip on me loosened instantly and his face began to turn purple. I took this opportunity to push him aside and get out of the closet. Once back in the hall I closed the door on Rabastan and turned to see Tomas standing in the hall.

"I was coming to find you, I thought maybe you got lost looking for the loo." He said awkwardly. "Shay said you could stay, but passed out as soon as he laid down. I put him on the floor for you so you could have his bed."

I nodded weakly and straightened my clothes. I was about to walk back into the room when Tomas stopped me.

"What happened to your face?" He asked.

I mentally kicked myself for not clearing the blood in the corner of my mouth.

"It's nothing, I just tripped in the dark." I said, just as Rabastan came out of the closet.

"You little bitch." He spat.

"Ana what happened?" Tomas said slowly, watching Rabastan.

I laughed. What an awkward conversation.

"This bastard tried to rape me. This time I was able to fight him off, he wasn't as determined as you were I guess." I snarled and walked past him into the room, clearing the blood on the back of my hand.

Shay was lying on the floor next to his bed sound asleep with a small throw covering him. I slipped into his bed and under the covers then pulled the blinds shut.

I whispered an incantation and silenced the outside world, not hearing whether Tomas or Rabastan had come back in. This wasn't Rabastans room so I assumed not.

I lay curled up on my side in Shays bed, oddly comforted by the musky smell of my brother's pillow.

When I was younger, I nightmares of demons in the dark and had always run to Shay's room instead of my parents. For some reason I always believed that he would be able to protect me from the demons better than my parents would have. The same smell that lingered then lingered now and relaxed my swirling head from all the things I was scared of.

I cursed myself for being in this situation and not being able to go back to my own bed, but decided it would be best to stay here the night. I didn't fully sleep the entire night, my ears were open for any sound of Rabastan coming back to take revenge on me after what happened, but not a sound nor movement was made all night.

* * *

><p>"Where were you last night Ana?" Sirius asked over breakfast.<p>

"What do you mean?" I picked at my food. My head was pounding.

"Lily told James you didn't come back to the dorm."

"I fell asleep in the library." I looked up to him and shrugged.

He nodded and looked down. I wasn't convinced he believed me but he didn't push the subject any further.

Silence fell between the two of us as we both picked at our food.

I finally had enough of the awkwardness and spoke up.

"So are you going to go watch the quidditch game this afternoon?"

"Of course, I think James wants to take some notes on how Ravenclaw plays since the break because Gryffindor plays them next." He replied nonchalantly.

I smiled to myself. James was a nutter when it came to quidditch.

"Mind if I join you?" I asked before popping a grape into my mouth.

"Yeah sure." He smiled.

The day was the warmest of the season, the sun was shining and not a cloud was in the sky. A light breeze blew through my hair as Sirius, James and I walked toward the quidditch pitch. Lily and Remus were studying, and Peter was nowhere to be found. I quite enjoyed being alone with James and Sirius. It reminded me of my old life, the life I had before meeting Tomas, before knowing about the Dark Lord and the upcoming wizarding war. It reminded me of the fun I used to have with my fellow Gryffindors. It made me feel something other than constant deceitfulness.

Playing today was Ravenclaw and Slytherin, which would be an interesting match seeing as both teams were pretty equal in skill. The next game for Gryffindor was against Ravenclaw, who we had beat last time, but James heard they'd been practicing new tactics since that game. Although I wasn't very interested in the sport, I had to admit it was exhilarating to watch, and interesting to listen to James' strategizes. He didn't put his all into things: except Lily of course.

We climbed the stairs into the stands of the pitch and sat in the Gryffindor section along with many other screaming students, most of which were cheering for Ravenclaw. In the back of my mind however, I hoped Slytherin won.

The game started, and lasted for a good hour and a half while both seekers searched for the snitch. The game was even for the most part, other than the obvious dirtiness of the Slytherins. Ravenclaw was in the lead by twenty points before the snitch was caught buy the Slytherin seeker who, in my opinion, gloated about it for much too long. Sirius and James rolled their eyes and talked of the disappointment the felt by Ravenclaws defeat.

Students flooded out of the stands, some walking back to the castle while others spread throughout the grounds to enjoy the beautiful weather. We were heading towards the Black Lake when I heard a shout from behind us.

"Oi, Potter, Black!" The three of us turned around to see who was calling James and Sirius.

It was Rabastan and Rosier.

"What do you two snakes want?" Sirius answered, putting his hand on his wand inside his robes.

"How did you like watching Slytherin take the lead in the quidditch season? Means we have a spot in the final game." Rabastan smirked.

"You'll be embarrassed in that final game when we kick your asses." James retaliated.

I let out a slight laugh, knowing James was probably right. The Gryffindor team was much better this year than Slytherin and a lot of it had to do with James being captain.

"We'll see about that." Rabastan said before looking at me. I narrowed my eyes.

"Good to see you're still hanging out with these blood traitors. You're brother would be so proud." He said before glaring at both the boys, then turning to walk away.

"They must still be sour about you switching back to the good side. Don't worry about them, you're safe with us." Sirius placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently in a sympathetic manner.

If only I could believe him.


	33. Chapter 32

Authors Note: I know, it's been forever since I last updated. I apologize for the LONG delay, but I'm back! Enjoy. Let me know what you think.

The remainder of the term passed sooner than I had anticipated. It was already the end of May and I was just now starting to prepare for the exams that begun a week and a half from now despite the constant hounding I had received from Remus to start earlier. I was beginning to regret waiting so long, but felt like I had no other choice. Things with the Order kept me busy at least twice a week, while the death eaters met every weekend.

I was content though. Things weren't escalating on either side. The Order was determined on finding a way to prevent any advances the Dark Lord made but were not about to strike first, and the Dark Lord had not finalized any plan of attack. So far things were easy enough to handle. I had only been nearly caught once, which was when I was coming back to the dorms from a meeting. Sirius saw me coming out of the dungeons when I had said I would be in the library writing a report.

Luckily for me, all the sneaking around had increased my ability to lie on the spot. I was able to steer Sirius away from my true intentions by saying Shay left his notebook in the library and I was simply returning it. Sirius didn't question me any further.

It was a Saturday afternoon and Sirius and I were taking a long needed study break. We were wandering the grounds, heading towards this secluded spot next to the lake that we discovered in our fourth year.

The sun was warm and the only sound was of our footsteps and the birds chirping as we walked through the thick trees. When we reached our spot, the both of us sat on a patch of dry grass next to each other. Sirius was the first to speak.

"Aren't you excited for the summer?" Sirius sighed as he lay on his back and closed his eyes, letting the sunshine drift over his face.

"Yeah." I replied.

To be honest, I had been extremely stressed about leaving Hogwarts. I knew it would be horribly difficult hiding my secret from the Order during the summer, and even harder when the summer was over and I was meant to return to Hogwarts for my last year. Half of those attending Hogwarts who were supporters of the Dark Lord would be finished school this year, including Shay. I was going to be left alone with those who didn't particularly like me, including Rabastan.

"You don't sound very excited." Sirius opened one eye and squinted at me, breaking my train of thought.

"No, no I am. It's just going to be hard, with Shay and the Order and everything." I admitted half truthfully.

"You know if you're having problems with Shay, or anything at all, I'm sure the Potters would let you stay with them. I'll be there, we can hang out all the time." He grinned up at me, making me smile.

"I know, I just don't think I can leave my parents to deal with Shay alone. They need to know they at least have one reliable child." I joked. Sirius laughed lightly before continuing.

"Do you think Shay will stay with your parents, or do you think he will leave?" He asked and I could tell he was trying to be gentle about it.

Sirius knew me better than anyone, and he knew that it was hard for me to accept my brother's part in the war, and it was even harder for me to talk to him about it knowing I was on the same side as Shay.

"I think he'll leave. I hope he does anyway." I admitted. I didn't like the idea of meetings being held at our home while our parents were away, which they were a lot of the time during the summer.

"I hope he does too." Sirius added. "I worry about you being alone with him, and them after everything that's happened. I know Shay wouldn't ever hurt you, but I don't trust his friends to respect you."

I bit my tongue as I thought back to the ball at Malfoy Manor when Shay practically gave me as live bait to a room full of lustful, disturbed death eaters. I still hadn't told anyone about what really happened that night. As much as they can guess is that Tomas was the only one in the room with me.

I lay next to him and closed my eyes, letting my mind wander from my upcoming exams to how I was going to handle my difficult position in the summer.

"Ana?" Sirius spoke up.

"Yeah?"

"I know things between us were… complicated," I smiled at the understatement. "But I was wondering if you were ever willing to give me, give us, another chance."

"Sirius…" I began before he cut me off.

"Ana I know what I did was inexcusable and I am so sorry. It was an immature way to handle everything, but you must know that I truly cared about you. I was hurting, and I know that's not an excuse for what I did, but that's the truth. I didn't know how to handle everything that was happening."

I looked into his dark eyes, which were filled with sincerity. I had no response, and before I could think of anything, Sirius leaned over and placed his lips against mine. Before I knew what I was doing, I was moving my lips against his, and brought my hand up and placed it on his cheek, deepening the kiss.

After a long moment, our lips parted and I looked back into his eyes. I suddenly felt a terrible release of guilt forming in the pit of my stomach. If I didn't already feel bad about deceiving the entire Order before, I felt it now. I was betraying Sirius, my best friend, the one I truly cared for.

Despite this, I knew that if I did accept his offer I would be putting him in a dangerous position, as well as myself. If the Dark Lord ever found out I had been shacking up with someone within the Order he would kill me on the spot, then hunt Sirius down for fear of his secrets being shared. On top of all that, I still wasn't ready to start a relationship with anyone. My wounds were still too fresh from the happenings of Malfoy Manor.

"I love you Sirius, I have the entire time and I forgive you for what you did, but I'm not ready for a relationship, not right now." I whispered hoping he wouldn't take it too harshly.

He sighed and lay back down next to me.

"I understand Ana, and I don't want to push anything. Maybe when the summer is over we can talk about it again."

"Maybe" I nodded and smiled. I took his hand in mine and squeezed it, my smile growing as his squeezed back.

We lie for a while, but not long after we headed back towards the castle to continue studying for exams. I needed to get as much done as I could, as I had another meeting with the death eaters tonight. This would be the last one before the summer, something I couldn't be happier about. It would give me a month of stress free time to focus on my studies and on the Order. I hadn't been taking my job seriously, as I never had any information to share with the death eaters about the Order, which was clearly making them irritable.

I was studying alone in the library, and when it was nearly nine, I began to pack up my books and headed towards the common room to drop off my bags before heading down to the dungeons. I entered the common room and dorm without any question, but was less fortunate when I was about to leave for the meeting.

"Hey Ana, where are you off to?" James asked, as I was about to exit through the portrait hole. I hadn't even noticed he was sitting on one of the couches with Lily and Peter.

"Just going out for a visit with a friend." I said nonchalantly.

"What friend?" Peter asked.

_Damnit Peter. _

"She's in Ravenclaw, you probably don't know her." I said as I turned to walk out before I was stopped again.

"I probably do." Sirius said from the other side of the room. He was sitting with Remus.

I shook it off, knowing he said it jokingly.

"You always seem to be busy on Saturday nights." Remus piped in.

"Yeah, any secret plans you're leaving us out of?" James joked, causing my heartbeat to increase.

"Yup, I'm part of a secret cult and all we ever talk about are cats and how adorable they are." I said sarcastically. "See you later guys."

Before anyone could say anything I left the common room and hurried down the staircases, glancing up occasionally to make sure no one was following me. I hurried down to the Slytherin common room, and waiting for me like always was Shay. I still wasn't allowed to know the Slytherin password.

"You're late." Shay stated as I walked up to him, breathing heavily.

"I was questioned on my way out." I said shakily. The marauders weren't stupid. They could easily figure out what I was trying to hide from them if they caught any more clues. I was becoming more and more thankful it was the last meeting.

"Did you give anything away?" He asked. I was surprised that his tone wasn't one of worry.

"No, I didn't." I frowned as I pushed him into the common room and followed behind once everything was clear. We headed for the dorm room in which we always held the meetings. It amazed me how much roomier the Slytherin common room and dorm rooms were compared to that of Gryffindor.

Everyone was already in the room, and I shook my head at Rabastan and Dolohov for smoking out of a pipe. They were already high. Avoiding them, I sat on the arm of one of the armchairs, which was occupied by Severus who offered me his seat. I shook my head, getting comfortable on the arm. I was much smaller than him; it would've been almost cruel to make him sit on the arm.

"So this is the last meeting of the term." Tomas started which earned a few cheers from those who would be finished school after this term.

"We have a few things to discuss tonight. First things first, the Dark Lord is holding a ceremony for us all at the beginning of the summer, and we are all expected to be there." Shay said and looked directly to me, so I nodded in acknowledgment.

"It will be held at the Malfoy Manor, and will be the first true meeting of the year involving all those who have not been attending Hogwarts while we have."

My entire body went numb at the mention of Malfoy Manor. It was the place this had all started. The place I lost Sirius and the others, and the place I would eventually surrender my soul to. I had no intention of going back to that horrid place, and never once thought of the possibility of having to go there for a meeting of the Death Eaters. It was like déjà vu, only this time I was apart of the madness.

"Second, the tasks we have all been given by the Dark Lord himself. He will announce them at the meeting. I believe this is the beginning of his plan to purify the wizarding world." I looked casually around the room at all the seemingly happy faces and I could only wonder if I was the only one who was terrified.

"Finally, I feel like we've been sitting ducks for the past few months. At last we will get to do some of the fun stuff." Rabastan commented with a smirk on his face.

I knew what this meant. Rabastan wanted to torture people. He talked about it all the time; how his brother was appointed the task of hunting a muggle family down and slaughtering them, often in their own homes. I could envision Rabastan doing it with the same smirk on his face as he had now. I wondered if anyone noticed me turn green at the thought.

"Third has to do with you Ana." Shay started.

"What about me?" My voice was quiet.

"The Dark Lord isn't impressed with your achievements so far. You haven't given us much to go on, we have no idea how the Order is planning to attack."

"That's because the Order has no plan of attack. I don't think they realize he is starting his plan." I defended.

"The Dark Lord doesn't seem to believe that. If there is no improvement there will be consequences." Shay said, and I could sense the sadness to his tone.

There was snickering coming from someone in the room though I didn't know whom. I looked down at my palms, which were slippery with sweat. The Dark Lord was terrifying, and I knew it was dangerous to be on his bad side.

"And with that we're done." I heard Shays finality and bit my lip hard.

I stood; ready to leave the dorm room before Shay grabbed my arm and turning us away from the rest of the group so no one heard our conversation.

"Ana, if you're in over your head you just have to tell me. The Dark Lord would rather have another spy then have you struggling to keep your identity hidden."

"I'm fine Shay, really. I don't know what to do; there is nothing I can report. Maybe within the next few weeks something will come up but for now there's nothing. What else can I do?" I asked quietly, not wanting any of the others to hear my panicked voice.

"You'll come up with something. Just tell him everything you can, and don't lie to him Ana. He's a master in Occlumency."

I shuddered at the idea of the Dark Lord penetrating my mind and viewing all my personal thoughts. I nodded at my brother and asked him to check if it was clear for me to leave. He led me out, and once I was out of the common room and in the public dungeons I leaned against the cold stonewall.

I was just now realizing how over my head I was. I was a horrible liar, my mother always knew if I was lying to her about homework or whom I was hanging out with. How was I supposed to fool one of the greatest wizards of all time without getting caught? What would happen if I did get caught, would Dumbledore forgive me or send me to Azkaban with all the others?

Frustration embraced me as I felt tears coming to my eyes. I quickly wiped them away as I heard the portrait open and Tomas coming out.

"Ana? What're you doing?" He asked as he came closer to me.

My heartbeat picked up its pace and I pushed myself as close to the wall as I could while I thought of an escape plan.

"Nothing, I'm just on my way back to my common room. What're you doing?" I answered attempting to hide my shaky voice.

"I'm going to the kitchens to get food for everyone. They've all started on the pipe and I got voted food duty."

"That's too bad." I said casually.

"Would you like to join me?" He asked as he started walking towards the exit, assuming I would walk with him but instead I stayed where I was.

"No that's alright."

"Are you scared of me Ana?" He stopped and looked at me, as I didn't leave my spot.

"Yes."

He looked slightly taken back by my honesty.

"Can you blame me?" I added.

"No, but we're on the same side Ana. I'm not going to hurt you, you have to trust me." His voice was slightly desperate.

"I will never trust you." I answered and quickly pushed myself off the wall and walked passed him and up the stairs towards the main hall. He wasn't following me so I slowed my pace and headed for the grand staircase and headed up to the common room. I felt overly exhilarated by telling Tomas off. The feeling of finally standing up to the one person who caused me so much pain was like bliss, and I knew that it was because of my newfound power.

What Tomas said was true, even if he did want to hurt me; there was no way he could. The others in the group would look at it as him turning on their own, and this was one of the major benefits of being within the death eaters. While putting myself in my current situation, I was freeing myself from any harassment I would receive if I were not apart of them. I smiled to myself as I waited for the staircase to change.

The common room was empty other than a few students hanging around the fireplace and some writing term papers that were likely due the next day. I was heading for the stairs when a voice caught my attention.

"How was your meeting?" Remus asked from a table.

My stomach lurched into my throat, but without hesitation I turned towards him. He was turned in his chair to face me, so I walked over and sat at the table across from him. He was writing notes for History of Magic.

"It was alright, we just talked about random things." I said nonchalantly, hoping he meant the meeting with my 'friend'.

Remus looked at me skeptically but didn't push it any further before smiling slightly.

"The entire Order is having a gathering tomorrow evening, the last one of the year. It's in Dumbledore's office at eight in the evening. I don't know if anyone mentioned it to you, Sirius is always forgetting to tell you when I ask him." Remus said.

"Well he didn't tell me this time." I laughed.

"You'll be there?"

"Of course I will, when have I ever missed a meeting? Besides, we've got to start discussing how we are going to handle the summer." I answered, leaning back in my chair.

Remus nodded before closing his notes.

"Do you think the war will start over the summer? I mean, do you think he will start attacking students once they aren't under the protection of Hogwarts?" Remus asked and I could see fear behind his seemingly secure eyes.

"I honestly don't know. If he does we don't have a plan to stop him or anything. It seems like Dumbledore is waiting for that to happen before he thinks of a way to stop it." I answered while slightly probing him for information.

Remus was also a part of the Order, and although we both attended meetings regularly, I had hoped he would've caught something that I had missed.

"I know what you mean. It seems to me like Dumbledore is hoping it won't escalate to that point and having the Order is simply a precaution." I was slightly disappointed with Remus' answer.

We sat there silent for a few moments before I stood.

"Well I'm off to bed. Early class in the morning." We said our goodnights and I slumped up to the dormitory.

Lily was just getting out of the washroom after taking a shower and heading to bed. She lectured me on having stayed out so late when I should've been studying with her and the others, but that was typical Lily. She turned into a nagging mother around exam time.

I had a hot shower, cleansing myself of the slime I had to endure in the Slytherin common room, as well as allowing my mind to ponder over everything that had happened tonight. I would have to meet with the Dark Lord himself, and for that I was not nearly prepared, mentally or physically. Then I thought back to seeing Remus before heading to bed. He asked how my 'meeting' was. Did that mean he knew something more than he was letting on?

I was beginning to scare myself with my ability to deceive my friends so easily. Before joining the death eaters I rarely ever told lies, and when I did they were miniscule things that most people lied about. Now it seemed like my entire life was a lie. I was living a double life, and I was certain one day it would come back to haunt me. Either that, or I would totally lose all my humanity and find myself as demented as Bellatrix Lestrange, something I never wanted to be.

I could feel myself growing paranoid and quickly finished washing up, then slipped into my nightgown and crawled into bed, thoughts of the upcoming Order meeting swirling around in my head. This might finally be the one where I could gather something useful to tell the Dark Lord. This could help me from becoming the laughing stock of the Death Eaters, all of whom doubted my authenticity. Slowly my thoughts began to slow, and I could feel myself drifting off into a much-needed slumber.


	34. Chapter 33

Authors Note: Really happy to finally post this chapter, I had this planned a while back but needed some filler chapters to get up to it. Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

* * *

><p>The last meeting of the Order was being held this evening. I was walking with Lily towards Dumbledore's office while the mauraders were late, as usual, and going to catch up. There were about twenty of us meeting tonight, and we were all hoping some plan of attack would finally be established.<p>

We had entered his office and sat at a large round table, Dumbledore at the head of the table in an extravagant chair. Once everyone was present and seated he rose, causing the room to grow silent. I was seated next to Lily on my one side and Sirius on the other. We all looked to our leader, amazed by his authority.

"I know you have all grown anxious with the lack of information given to you all. I will be honest with you, I had hoped it would not escalate to the point it has. More and more muggle families are being murdered by the Dark Lord's followers, and I fear he will soon turn towards our kind." Dumbledore began the meeting off strong.

"We do not know when the Dark Lord will strike, but when he does he will strike hard and we must have a plan of attack. I am going to refrain from advising the Ministry to alert the muggle Prime Minister until it is necessary, but I am pleased to say that we have support from a large section of the Ministry."

I sat in my chair quietly, attempting not to break my gaze from where Dumbledore spoke. I knew the death eaters had infiltrated the Ministry and there was now almost no sector completely free from the influence of the Dark Lord. I thought about my parents, hoping they were not being affected.

"We have a number of Aurors who have signed themselves to the task." Dumbledore continued, and I eagerly waited for him to recite their names, knowing it would be the perfect information to give the Dark Lord.

There were plenty names given that I noted, knowing I needed to give the Dark Lord as much insight as I could incase he invaded my mind.

"I know with such a large group it will be hard to meet outside of school, so I have found a way to communicate with one another incase of an emergency. We will use our individual patronus' and have them rely the message." Dumbledore briefly went over how to achieve this and asked us to practice before the end of term.

He assured us that there would be no meetings unless something urgent came up and it was absolutely necessary. He saw it as unnecessary to meet since the majority of us students were returning the next year for our last school year, and the others would be given special permission to apparated to the school.

The meeting was over, and as everyone stood we began for the door. I was walking with Lily and Remus when I heard Dumbledore call my name.

"Ana, could you hold back a moment?" He asked, and instantly my palms began to sweat.

_Did he know? How could he have found out? Can he read minds like the Dark Lord can?_

I attempted to keep my composure as best I could while everyone filed out of the room, talking amongst themselves.

"Do you want us to wait for you?" Remus asked as he and Lily stopped at the door.

"No thanks, I'll meet you guys in the common room." I smiled at them, trying not to let my nerves show.

Once everyone was out of the room, Dumbledore closed the door behind him and turned to me. I stood quietly and watched him walk slowly around the table.

"Ana, you're probably wondering what I want to talk to you about." He stated gently.

"I am sir." I said formally.

He looked at me a moment before continuing.

"Please, have a seat."

We both pulled out our chairs to face one another before he spoke once more.

"I just wanted to ask you a couple things, mainly about your brother." He started.

"What about Shay?" I asked, knowing my voice was shaky.

"I've been told of suspicions against him, suspicions of him being in the inner circle of the Dark Lord. Do you know anything about this?" He asked.

I looked down at my palms. I had no time to think my words through before I spoke them.

"I've heard similar things, sir." I stated quietly.

"Ah, I see." He leaned his head to one side slightly. "What have you heard?"

"Well before we came to Hogwarts this year, throughout the summer he would always be arguing with my parents about it, and would say the second he was done school he was joining him. I didn't believe him, that he would actually go through with it, but now that I see him hanging around those other boys, I just get the feeling that he's joined." I answered truthfully.

"That is what I feared. Your brother is a strong wizard, one who could be very dangerous in the wrong circumstance." He said as I simply nodded in agreement.

"I want you to know, that no matter what happens this summer, you will have a safe place to go. I've talked to Mr. Potter and he has agreed to allow you residence if need be." Dumbledore's voice was calm. If he knew about me, he did a very good job at hiding it.

"Thank you sir, I've been offered that deal before. I just don't want to leave my parents with him, if he is dangerous." My answer was truthful.

If Shay was willing to give me to the Dark Lord, who knows what he would be willing to do to my parents.

"I know, and I admire your loyalty to your family. I want you to practice the spell I mentioned in the meeting today, incase of an emergency you will be prepared. Stay safe Ana." He said before rising from his seat.

I nodded and walked towards the door and was about to leave before I heard him speak once more.

"Your brother was influenced to make the wrong choice, I know you will make the right one. Don't let his mistakes haunt you." He spoke so softly that I barely heard his words.

I continued out of the office and hurried down the spiraling staircase that led out into the quiet hall. My head was spinning with what I had just revealed to Dumbledore. I was worried I would get into trouble with the Dark Lord for revealing evidence of Shay being in the inner circle.

_He already knew, there was nothing you could do._

My conscience spoke to me; it had been doing that a lot lately. It was probably a sign of me going mad, but I knew it was right. Dumbledore was already aware of Shay being apart of the Dark Lords ranks, whether I told him or not. The important thing was that he didn't know about me being a spy. At least I didn't think he knew about me. I hoped that the Dark Lord would value the fact that he still had an inside resource, and wouldn't punish me for loosening my lips slightly.

I walked up to the common room, debating whether I should tell the others about my conversation with Dumbledore. I decided it wouldn't harm anything if I told them. After all, they all knew Shay was within the inner circle anyway. Briefly wondered if Dumbledore had the same talk with Sirius about his brother Regulus.

I reached the common room, which was packed full of cramming students. The first exam was tomorrow afternoon, and I wasn't nearly prepared. I decided that no amount of studying would do me any good so I had given up on Potions. It wasn't like it was a required course. If I was lucky enough I could get a spot next to Snape who may let me cheat off of him.

"Hey you're back already." Sirius said from the couch. It looked as though he was done with studying as well.

"Yup." I muttered and took a seat next to him, raising my legs and placing my feet into his lap, hoping for a foot massage like he always used to give me.

He pushed my feet off his lap, laughing as I brought them back up and wiggled my toes.

"Fine, fine. How can I resist those cute nubby toes?" He pulled my shoes and socks off and began to rub with his amazingly skilled hands. I leaned my head back on the arm of the couch and sighed.

"What did Dumbledore want?" James asked before Lily shot him a glare.

"I'm sure it was something secret between the two of them James, you can't ask Ana to reveal what they talked about." She said quietly.

"It's fine Lily, he asked me about my brother." I admitted.

"What about your brother?" Sirius asked.

"He received some inside info on him being a follower and wanted to know what I thought. He told me about how you offered me a place to stay." I said to James who nodded.

"What did you tell him? Are we going to have a two month sleepover?" Sirius asked excitedly.

I smiled and shook my head.

"No, I already told you Sirius, I want to stay with my family."

Sirius sighed and continued to rub my feet.

"As long as you're careful. Don't stay if it's getting to out of hand." James said heartedly.

"You know I wont. Did he ask you about your brother, Sirius?" I asked quietly, knowing this was a sensitive topic for him.

"No he didn't, it's probably too obvious for him to even bring up. My whole family is bad. I'm the exception." He answered, and I could tell he was upset so I dropped the subject.

We turned our conversation to the upcoming exams. Once they were finished we were out of school and on our own for the entire summer. Everyone seemed so excited, and I played the part well.

* * *

><p>They were finally over. Though I wasn't excited for summer before exams, I couldn't wait for it now. I needed a long break from school, from studying, and everything else. I did better than I thought would. We don't get our official marks back until about two weeks into the summer, but I felt as though they went well. The only one I struggled with was Transfiguration. Even potions went well. We had to choose three potions we studied over the course of the year and had to recreate them perfectly. Luckily for me, I had an amazing partner, Lily, who was easy to learn from.<p>

Now that exams were over, and all our things were packed up, we spent our last evening together in the grounds. James carried the Mauraders Map, allowing us to stay out past curfew, so we simply laughed and talked until 1 am.

We were heading back up to the castle when Remus caught up with me.

"Ana, slow down, I want to talk." He said, slightly out of breath from hurrying up a hill to catch Lily and I.

"Sure." I said and slowed, allowing everyone to pass us so we wouldn't be overheard.

"How are you doing?" He asked.

"Good?" I answered, confused.

He nodded, while looking down. He evidently had something to say but was thinking about the right way to say it.

"Ever since that night I found you in the closet, I've noticed you've been acting different. Even before the night at Malfoy Manor, although I don't know what happened then, you still seemed off before that. I know you said you were fine and over what happened, but it seems to me that something is still wrong." He talked quickly and it was hard for me to understand what he was rambling about.

"It was so long ago Remus." I answered the only way I knew how.

"I know, but that still doesn't change anything. Ever since, you've been acting like a different person. Before it felt like we all belonged together, and now it seems like you're keeping secrets from us and don't trust anyone. I understand why, don't get me wrong, but I just want you to know that you can trust us. Even with whatever trouble you got into at Malfoy Manor, you know you can tell us anything and we won't judge you right?" His eyes were filled with a sense of sadness when he looked at me.

I thought to myself for a moment. It was true what he was saying. Ever since that night in the closet with Tomas I felt like I didn't belong, no matter how hard I tried. The night at Malfoy Manor just seemed to push me even further from them. Now everything I've gotten myself into with the Dark Lord was forcing me to keep even more secrets. I was bad, like Shay, like Sirius' whole family. I didn't belong with them.

"Remus, I know you mean well, but some things I just need to keep to myself. I promise I'm okay, as okay as I can possibly get after everything that's happened. Thank you for caring about me so much, you're a good friend." I hugged him tightly, not knowing what else to do.

He was too good to me, they were all to good for me and I didn't deserve them.

"You better keep in touch this summer." He said when our embrace ended.

"Of course I will." I smiled, not knowing if that was the truth or not. To be honest I didn't know what was going to happen this summer.

I didn't know if I was going to end up the same person I am now, or someone completely different. I could feel a monster growing inside me every day that I have been connected with the death eaters, and I knew there was only so much time before it surfaced; I just hoped it would be after school was over and I could separate myself from the mauraders permanently. I didn't want them to see that side of me.

* * *

><p>We arrived at the station half an hour earlier than expected. I said my last goodbyes to the mauraders and hugged Lily tightly. Her and James departed to see her parents, and Peter was gone before I could say anything other than goodbye. Remus left to find his parents, leaving Sirius and I alone.<p>

"I'm going to miss you." He said.

"I'll miss you too. Write to me?" I smiled as he nodded. He leaned in and kissed my forehead sensitively and looked into my eyes.

"I love you Ana, have a good summer. Be careful, and if you need anything you know what to do." He was referring to the communication tactic Dumbledore introduces.

I nodded and pulled him into a tight hug.

"I love you too Sirius, be good." We pulled apart and I turned to search the platform for my parents.

When I found them, Shay was already there with his luggage. He nodded to me and grabbed my trunk. I hugged both my parents and told them how much I missed them before we started for the exit. I looked back to see where Sirius had gone and spotted him with James and his parents. I smiled to myself, knowing that he would be away from all the danger surrounding his family. For once he would be completely happy.

* * *

><p>I had been home for a week and a half, which was going by extremely slow. I had already received and replied to a letter from both Sirius and Lily. Lily was going to be staying at the Potters house for a week at the end of July and she wanted me to join them. Sirius' letter had no news and was basically pointless rambling, which made my so-far summer.<p>

It was a warm summer day. I was out in the back yard laying in a bathing suit with a romance book when my mom startled me.

"Sorry Ana, I didn't mean to scare you. You must be really into that book." She said and smiled as she took a seat next to me in the soft grass.

"It's a really good book that Lily sent with her last note. It's about two muggles who attend high school and fall in love." I explained the basics.

"I see. Well I just came out to tell you that your father and I would be leaving soon, we're going over to the McKinnon's for some drinks."

Mum and Dad were close friends with the McKinnon family. Mr. McKinnon worked at the ministry with dad after they attended Hogwarts together.

"Alright." I nodded and returned to my book. I was really interested in the muggle version of school. They went to different schools once they were done a certain amount of years, which was fascinatingly weird to me.

"We likely won't be back until late. There's dinner in the kitchen for whenever you are hungry. I think Shay has invited over a few of his friends so I will let him know to save you some." She said kindly and touched my hair before standing and going back into the house.

About half an hour later I heard the familiar pop of apparation and knew they were gone. I closed my half read book and set it done next to me, sighing and closing my eyes. The sun felt heavenly on my skin, and was disturbed by a light breeze, making the heat bearable

I don't know how long I was lying outside, but suddenly the sun that was once shining bright through my eyelids was dark. I opened my eyes, thinking clouds had rolled in, but instead Shay was standing in front of me, blocking the rays from my face.

"What are you doing?" I asked, annoyed at my disturbance.

"You need to get ready to leave." He said, sounding just as annoyed as I had been.

"Get ready for what?"

"The meeting, it's happening tonight. Tomas and Rabastan are here. Go get cleaned up and wear something fancy, a nice dress or something." Shay said and walked back into the house.

_Weird coincidences that the meeting is on the same night my parents go to meet their friends. _

I walked into the house and saw the three standing around the kitchen enjoying glasses of firewhisky. I immediately felt overly exposed, realizing that I was only wearing my bathing suit. I could see Tomas staring at me, his eyes dark while next to him was Rabastan with an evil smirk on his face. I quickly headed up the stairs and into my room, closing the door tightly behind me.

My closet was stuffed with nice dresses from all the events I had attended with my parents. Having a father in the Ministry meant that the entire family had to be present and looking their best for any occasion. I sifted through the dresses and finally settled on one I liked. It was a long green dress that reached the floor. It had long sleeves with a low cut front and back. It was classy, yet risky. I knew something too conservative wouldn't be appropriate for the event.

I walked into my washroom to wash off all the sweat that had formed while I was sitting out in the sun. I was about to take my bathing suit off and step into the warm shower I had started when I heard a knock on the door.

"I'll be ready in 10 minutes Shay, just give me time to freshen up." I called from the bathroom but heard no answer.

I turned around to see, not Shay, but Rabastan approaching the doorway.

"What are you doing here?" I asked slowly.

"Your brother sent me up here to tell you to hurry up. We can't be late to our first official meeting." He said as he continued to get closer.

"I'm almost ready, I just need to shower." I answered, reaching to close the door before he reached his hand out and caught it.

Rabastan stepped inside the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

"You don't want to do this, Shay's right down stairs, all I have to do is yell for him." I threatened, as I stood strong, not wanting him to bully me into submission.

"Good thing I know a spell to prevent you from doing that." He said with a smirk.

"_Mufliato"_

_Where did they learn this spell?_

I was strangely unafraid of him. I went to grab my wand from the counter, but when I turned back around he grabbed me and pushed me harshly into the wall face first.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." He murmured in my ear. His hands travelled along my overly exposed body, sending shivers down my spine.

"Remember how much fun the two of us used to have together Ana? I can still hear your moans in my head, saying you wanted me." He whispered as I struggled against him.

"That was a long time ago." I said hatefully.

"That doesn't mean it has to be forgotten. We can do it again you know, I won't tell anyone." He pushed my hair back with one of his hands and licked my neck before biting down lightly.

He pulled the string of my bathing suit that was wrapped around my neck, then ran his hands down my back to untie the second. As his hands caressed my skin I shivered slightly, causing him to laugh deeply.

"I can see what I do to you Ana, you do the same to me. I can't tell you how many times I've dreamt of those moments we had together and how I wished for another." His voice was deep and husky as he spoke directly into my ear.

Rabastan reached his hand down between my legs and began to rub. Never had my feelings been so conflicting. On one hand I wanted to vomit from being violated, and on the other hand I could feel my bathing suit becoming warm and wet. I bit my lip and closed my eyes before deciding what I needed to do.

I was able to push my arm out from under his grasp and swung my elbow into the front of his face, hitting his nose and mouth hard. Within that moment I grabbed for the door and pushed myself out, grabbing a blanket that hung off the side of my bed.

I was about to run down stairs to find Shay when the door to my bedroom opened, and Tomas stood in front of me. He stared at me for a moment before turning his head to the bathroom, hearing a groan from Rabastan.

"What's going on in here? Did Rabastan tell you to hurry up?" Tomas asked as he walked past me and into the bathroom. I turned to see Rabastan leaning against the sink with tissue clumped in his hand. It was soaked with blood.

"The little bitch hit me." He swore and spit blood into my sink.

"He tried to rape me." I defended angrily.

"You wanted it." He countered, and glared into my eyes.

Tomas let out an annoyed sigh before grabbing his wand and pointing it at Rabastan.

"_Episky" _He said, snapping Rabastans nose back into place.

"That was a stupid thing to do, Rabastan." Tomas said darkly while glaring at him. "Both of you, get ready or we will be late."

Rabastan quickly wiped the blood away from his face and followed Tomas out of my room.

I decided to skip the shower, knowing Shay would be furious with me if I made us late, and instead sprayed double the amount of perfume I usually wear. I slipped on my dress and added some light makeup, and pulled my hair out of the bun it was currently in, leaving it naturally wavy. I grabbed some black high heels to finish my outfit and slipped my wand under my dress and hurried from the room.

Shay, Rabastan, and Tomas were all waiting in the main room for me as I hurried down the stairs.

"Finally." Shay breathed as he stood from his seat and led everyone from the house.

We apparated to Malfoy Manor and quickly headed inside. There was a large group of people waiting in the main foyer. I recognized almost all of them. Everyone from the school meetings was present, along with Lucius, Rodolphus, and Bellatrix. Shay pointed out Igor Karkaroff, who attended the Durmstrang Institute. I followed my brother, Tomas, and Rabastan to where his brother was standing with Lucius and Bellatrix.

"Hello brother, glad to see you made it on time." He spoke to Rabastan who nodded his head. He briefly acknowledged Tomas and Shay before spotting me.

"Well now, I know you and I have met." He smirked as he eyed my body in a predatory manor, making me shiver.

Rodolphus made Rabastan look like a harmless bunny.

I looked down to the floor as I shifted uncomfortably, while I felt his gaze hover over me.

"Come now, don't be embarrassed. You were better than you think." His words brought heat to my face.

How could I be accepted into the inner circle and taken seriously when I was publically shamed by several of these men in front of all the others? I looked to Lucius to see him watching me. He had a stern look on his face, but I could see it in his eyes that he was worried. Worried for me or for himself, I didn't know.

Before any more words could be said, two large doors opened and everyone began entering. I followed behind Shay, seeing a large round table, much like the one in the Order meetings, and then sat down beside him. On my other side was Rabastan.

Once everyone was seated, a figure cloaked in black approached the table. He was tall and handsome, and unfortunately very familiar. He was the Dark Lord, my Lord.

He took a seat at the end of the table as everyone sat silently, ogling at his presence.

"My followers, my friends. I am so glad you could make it this evening." He started, his voice just as authoritative as I remembered it.

He spoke slowly about the cause and that everyone was making the right move. He briefly mentioned that he would begin setting out tasks to each of his members, and included threats if anyone was to deceive him. I kept my head down, not wanting to engage in any eye contact, and before I knew it, the meeting was over.

I was told it would be impolite to leave so soon, so everyone stayed and sipped on fine fire whisky while discussing various topics. I was standing with Shay and Evan while they talked about their plans now that they have completed school. Instead of listening to the conversation, I was glancing around at everyone in the room. They all seemed so comfortable, as if they all belonged. I felt like the outcast in the room, like I didn't belong. I was the only one who was ever in Gryffindor and I felt like that set me apart.

Suddenly Tomas tapped me on the shoulder.

"The Dark Lord wants a word with you." He stated.

"What about?" I asked suspiciously, not wanting this to be another trick of his to lead me into an abandoned room where no one could hear me if trouble started.

"Just come with me." He put his arm on my back and slowly led me through a door that was attached to the main room.

The fireplace was flickering soft flames as I noticed the Dark Lord standing by a near table. Tomas entered with me and closed the door behind us, before the Dark Lord turned to face me.

"So happy you could join us Ana." His voice hissed as he approached me.

"I'm happy to be here, my lord." I stated obediently.

He raised his brows.

"I am assuming you have some information to tell me about the Order?" He asked.

"I do, I have names-" I began before he held up his hand, signaling me to stop speaking.

"Very good, that was all I needed to know. I do not wish to discuss that just yet. I have something else I would like to talk to you about." He said. I didn't like where this was going.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked hesitantly, not sure if I should've asked the question or not.

He didn't seem to mind; instead he smiled harshly.

"I like you Ana, I think you have great potential, despite how much you resisted, you finally made the right decision. People like you, pure blooded, deserve recognition and that is what you will get by siding with me. I admire your decision to come back after everything you have been put through." It seemed to me as though he forgot he was the one who ordered the brutal attack on me the last time I was in this house.

"I want to show you how much I appreciate you, and show you that I will be the merciful lord you can trust and feel safe around." He waved to the door, which opened, revealing Rabastan.

Tomas closed the door behind him, and my heart began to race. I couldn't believe this was going to happen again.

I looked to Rabastan, but was surprised to see fear etched on his hard features.

"I was informed of the unwanted attention Lestrange has shown you this evening, only hours ago." He reached into his robes and pulled out his wand.

"I want you to know that you have nothing to fear, and I want the others to understand that you need to be kept safe, for reasons which will be revealed in time. Come here Rabastan."


	35. Chapter 34

Authors Note: It's been such a long time since I posted my last chapter, and for that I am sorry. Before now, I didn't realize how hard balancing school, work, and a social life would be. I know I have probably lost many readers, and to all of those who abandoned the story because of my lack of updates I understand. Despite that, I am still going to continue to post, perhaps I will gain new readers and those that have already read the story and are still reading fan fiction will hopefully like me again.

The main reason for this long delay was a lack of inspiration. I had so many ideas but couldn't place them into a long enough chapter. To solve this I went back and read my entire story over again, and in doing so I realized just how poorly it is written. I began working on this when I was only 18 years old, and now that I am 21, and have nearly completed my university degree I would like to think I am a much better writer than I was before.

I have decided to continue on with the story line, there are about 10 chapters left, and then once I have it completed I am going to go back and rewrite all of the previous chapters (keeping the story line the same, just fixing grammar and word choice and all those minor mistakes like using "Hannah" instead of "Ana"). I am really looking forward to finishing this story, I have the ending all planned out and I think it is just perfect, and I hope you all that stick with me think so too.

I would love to receive some reviews on my first chapter back in forever. Please let me know what you think, let me know if you are still reading the story or if you are a new reader. I would love to know, as well as I would love to know what you predict the ending will be!

Enough of me, onto the brand new chapter...

* * *

><p>I watched as Rabastan approached the Dark Lord, and ever since that moment I would remember the look of absolute terror etched onto his usually smug face. Once he was within arms reach, Rabastan bowed to the Dark Lord who laughed in response to his gesture.<p>

"Look at me Lestrange." Rabastan did as he was told.

"Did you in anyway, dishonor Miss Travers this evening?" He asked as he stared into Rabastan's unflinching eyes.

"Perhaps."

That was a stupid response, and he knew it the moment the words left his lips.

"What do you mean, perhaps?"

"I mean that I didn't know it wasn't reciprocated. Ana and I have a long history." He stood his ground. It seemed as though he was trying to turn the entire thing on me.

"Is this true?" The Dark Lord turned his attention to me.

I shifted nervously on my feet.

"Yes, my lord… but that was a long time ago, and tonight I told him I wasn't interested in what he had to offer." I answered honestly. After he cornered me in the classroom with Tomas, I had no intention of ever being with Rabastan again, and I regretted my decision to be with him in the first place.

"Very well." The Dark Lord answered and turned back to Rabastan.

Before I could fathom what was happening, the Dark Lord raised his wand and directed it at his minion.

"Crucio!" He said in a calm but strong voice. Rabastan fell to the ground and wailed in pain from the spell. His eyes instantly filled with tears as his body crumpled unnaturally.

Only once Rabastan's screams were no longer audible, did the Dark Lord release him from his spell.

"Now it is your turn, Ana." The Dark Lord said. The shocked look on my face was likely obvious.

"I don't understand." I replied stupidly.

"He upset you, now it is your turn to make him feel pain for how he treated you. Is that not what you want?"

"I… uhm, yes my lord." I winced at my shaking voice. I didn't want to hurt Rabastan because I knew I would pay for it later, even if it was on the command of the Dark Lord.

"Well then, do it." He hissed.

I looked down at Rabastan who still hadn't risen from the ground. I pulled out my wand from under my robes and pointed it at him, silently watching him for a moment before pronouncing the curse.

I knew it from the moment the spell left my wand; the Dark Lord would not be impressed. I didn't make Rabastan wail or cry like he had, my curse was much weaker than his. After a moment of watching him wither on the ground, I released the curse and look down at my feet, not wanting to meet his cold eyes and praying I would not as well be the victim of his wrath.

"I respect you Ana. I know how difficult it must be for you to hurt one of your own comrades. It increases my faith that you will not turn away from my cause while you are set on your mission." The Dark Lord said quietly.

"Thank you my lord." My voice quiet as ever.

"That was for you Ana. I hope now you know that I take your safety very seriously. You will play an important role in my future plans. If Lestrange, or any other ever lay an unwanted hand on you they will be severely punished. Have you learned your lesson?" The Dark Lord addressed me before turning back to our target.

"Yes, my lord." Rabastan gasped.

"And what do you have to say to Miss Travers about your actions tonight?" He pressed, a smug smirk on his face.

Rabastan looked to me, hatred gleaming in his eyes.

"I'm sorry for my actions tonight, Ana. It won't happen again." He growled through closed teeth.

I nodded, immediately looking away. I was terrified that this would backfire and I would once again be the victim to Rabastan and his friend's cruelty.

The Dark Lord smirked at me, then to the man lying on the ground.

"Until next time." He hissed before walking out the door.

The moment he was gone I rushed to Rabastan's side. He was breathing heavily while blood flew from his nose. I attempted to wipe the blood with the sleeve of my dress, but it kept a steady flow down his face and onto the floor.

"Are you alright?" I spoke softly, knowing from experience that his head was likely throbbing.

"Fuck off Ana." He sneered at me and attempted to push me away.

"I'm just trying to help." I said as I attempted to assist him in sitting upright and prevailed.

I looked at his face, noticing now how rough he looked. He was paler than usual with beads of sweat pooling at his hairline and dripping down his temples, while his mouth and chin were smeared in blood. I ripped the bottom part of my dress and handed it to him in a ball to hold under his bleeding nose.

"What is your game Travers? You rat me out then try to help me?" He said, his voice softer than usual.

"I didn't tell him anything Rabastan, I don't know who did." I answered honestly, thinking that it was likely Shay who had mentioned it, who had probably heard from Tomas.

He groaned as he attempted to stand, so I gave him my shoulder and aided in his movement.

We slowly made our way to the door, and just as I went to push through, it opened. Tomas was standing on the other side and looked at the scene with confusion etched into his face.

"What's going on here?" He asked, though I had a hunch he already knew.

"The Dark Lord found out about what happened before we arrived. Did you tell Shay?" I asked him quietly, not sure if there were others lurking in the hallway.

He looked amused.

"I told the Dark Lord, not Shay." He stated nonchalantly. I felt Rabastan tense in anger beside me.

"You what?" Rabastan snarled, suddenly gaining strength and standing up right. I looked at him skeptically, wondering if he was acting the entire time. It slightly hurt my feelings, was my torture curse really not that strong?

"That's right, I told the Dark Lord. Thought he would like to know what his members are doing to one another." He shrugged.

My mouth fell agape.

"You're one to talk Wilkes, you were here before me and succeeded." Rabastan referred to me as he stood, his hands balled into fists as if he was ready to swing.

"Yes well, we all make mistakes. I'm simply making up for mine." He smirked at me.

_I'm so confused._

"You made me look like a fool in front of the Dark Lord." Rabastan was raising his voice, reminding me of how terrifying he can be.

Tomas didn't answer; he didn't have time to. Suddenly Rabastan had punched him square in the stomach and watched sadistically as he folded over in pain. I stood awkwardly, not knowing whom I should be rooting for. Instead, I simply walked away from the two and found Shay in conversation with Lucius.

"Can we leave?" I asked as I approached them.

"In a minute Ana, I'm in the middle of a conversation." Shay responded, annoyed.

I sighed and clasped my hands together in front of me, attempting to look sophisticated.

"So whenever you've decided, I will let them know you are interested and I am sure there will be a position available." Lucius continued with whatever conversation they were having.

"That would be fantastic, thank you Lucius." Shay responded.

Lucius nodded then looked to me, clearly noticing my appearance.

"What happened to you?" He asked as he raised a perfectly shaped brow.

"Nothing I want to talk about." I stated, not knowing what to say. I truly didn't know what happened.

"Well then, I will see you two off." Lucius made his way to the front doors with both Shay and I in tow.

"I will see you both next week." Lucius said before nodding to Shay and looking at me. He quickly grasped my hand and brought it to his lips for a quick peck, then let go after nodding to me. I was certain he smirked as my cheeks reddened.

The house elf that escorted us into the manor opened the doors to allow us leave. As we stepped into the dark night, a gust of wind blew over us, causing me to shiver slightly. I looked up at the night sky that was completely visible, and smiled at the twinkling stars. Today was the perfect night to observe the constellations.

I took Shay's arm, and within a moment we left Malfoy Manor and stood in front of our own home, which looked oddly inviting compared to the previous. There were several lights flickering in the windows, and in my own window I could see the silhouette of a cat, Fang, sitting on the windowsill.

We entered the house, relieved that our parents were not home from their outing with the McKinnons. Shay shook off his outdoor robe and placed it on the robe rack that stood in the main entrance, and then followed me up the stairs to change. If mum and dad saw us in our formal wear, it would likely cause suspicion.

"Is there another meeting next week?" I asked, as we reached the landing at the top of the stairs.

"Yes, then a group is coming back to our place." Shay answered.

"What about mum and dad?" I practically screeched. He looked at me as if I was an idiot.

"Obviously they won't be here. I've gotten them two tickets to that chalet they like to stay at in the Alps. They'll be gone all weekend."

I looked at him curiously.

"Won't that be a little conspicuous?"

"Another reason I am the favorite Ana. Clearly you've forgotten it is their wedding anniversary this weekend?" He smirked at me and continued down the hall towards his room.

I mentally slapped myself for not remembering. My parents would be celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary tomorrow and I hadn't planned a thing.

'I will make them a nice dinner.' I mentally decided.

I followed Shay down the hall towards my room and nearly bumped into him when he suddenly turned around.

"Why is your dress bloodied and ripped?" He asked, eyeing me down.

"Rabastan had a bloody nose, so I tried to help him." I shrugged.

"Why did he have a bloody nose?"

"Severe head trauma." I answered.

"Ana."

"Earlier, Rabastan was being sort of inappropriate with me, and Tomas told the Dark Lord, who dealt with it." I looked away, knowing I wasn't nearly telling him the entire story.

"Alright." He said after looking at me, then turned back and entered his room. Standing in the hallway, I stared at his now closed door.

_Did he really just walk away after what I told him?_

I slowly walked into my room, deciding this night couldn't get any weirder, and closed the door quietly. Immediately, I pulled more comfortable clothes from my closet and changed. Fang jumped off the windowsill the moment I entered my room and watched me while sitting comfortably on my bed. I pet her heard softly before sighing and picking up a piece of parchment and headed to the study, intending to reply to Lily about going to James' place at the end of July.

I had mulled it over and decided it wouldn't hurt to spend some time with my friends. After all, they were the only ones I was going to be spending time with in the next school year since virtually all the Slytherin's I was associated with would not be returning. As well as I still needed to keep up to date with anything happening within the Order, as it was still my task set by the Dark Lord.

I sat at the desk and with my wand, ignited the lanterns that were on the table, which casted down an eerie shadow onto my parchment. I wrote my letter, enjoying the quiet scratching sound my quill made as it ran across the parchment.

Once I was finished with Lily's reply, I moved on to Sirius'. I sat for a moment, looking down at the blank piece of parchment, not knowing what to write. I couldn't exactly tell him what I had been up to since being back from school, and I wasn't sure whether or not it was wise of me to tell him that Shay was still living with me in my parents house.

Instead of talking about what I was up to, I settled on what I wasn't up to. I told him how much I wished I could be spending time with him and James, and how excited I was to get out of here at the end of July to see them. I also told him about how my parents once again would not allow me to travel to the lake across the hills, and how disappointed I was. I ended the letter with a simple 'I love you', and sealed it off with the wax stamp of my family crest.

I kissed the letter before placing it with Lily's then stood from the desk and made my way back to my room, intending on mailing the letters tomorrow when Shay's owl would hopefully be around.

I wandered around the quiet house before going into the cabinet and grabbing a bottle of red wine and a goblet. I poured a generous amount of the sweet liquid into the glass before heading for the yard, where I decided I would watch the night sky.

Sitting on the terrace, I sipped on my wine and watched as the stars flickered, and attempted to find the constellations I had learned about in my previous years of astronomy class. The night was warm, though there was a slight breeze that would occasionally cause my skin to bump up as it blew through my hair. I inhaled deeply the smell of the Irish green lands and smiled to myself.

This was the one place I would always feel peace and comfort. My home reminded me of my childhood, as I had grown up in this house. It was a reminder of all the good things I had in my life, like my parents and their love, and my freedom. My freedom, something I had so willingly threw away.

I pushed the thought from my mind and closed my eyes, wanting to savor the moment for as long as I could. Time must've gone by faster than I had thought, because my mother calling me from the house suddenly brought me out of my relaxation.

"Ana darling it's late. Come inside." She spoke from the door. I leaned my head back to look at her from my spot. She had a goofy grin on her face, which I knew was caused by too much whiskey during her get together with the McKinnon's. I sighed and looked at my now half drunk glass of wine and stood.

I walked into the house and saw my father on the couch talking with my brother. They were both smiling, something I didn't see often. I sat down on the couch opposite the two men and took another sip of my wine, wanting to listen to their conversation.

"Did Shay tell you about being offered a job at the Ministry?" My father asked as he turned to me, eyeing the drink in my hand but not commenting.

"No he didn't mention it." I knew this must've been what Lucius and him were talking about at Malfoy Manor just before we left.

"He's been offered to apprentice under Lucius Malfoy as a Governor of Hogwarts!" My father said excitedly.

I raised my brows at Shay who smirked.

"I didn't know you were interested in that." I commented, taking another sip of wine. I knew this was simply a past time for him to hide his true identity.

"Yes well I thought I would give it a try." He nodded and looked to my father who smiled, looking so proud of his son.

_If only he knew what his children were really doing with their lives._

I continued to sip on my drink as my brother discussed what he would be doing under Lucius' guidance should he accept the job. I began to feel extremely tired, knowing the wine was likely affecting me.

I stood and was about to bid my family goodnight, but before I could, Shay interrupted me.

"Wait Ana, I thought we could give mum and dad their surprise a bit early." He said and pulled a sealed envelop from his pocket.

Confused, I watched him hand the envelop to my father, who began opening it as my mother entered the room to see what it could be. Their faces instantly brightened as they read the card and held the two tickets Shay had gotten them for the chalet.

"You two are the best kids any parent could ask for. Come here." My mother stood with her arms held open, waiting for a hug. Both Shay and I embraced her and nodded in acknowledgment. I assumed Shay had put my name on the card along with his.

"We wanted you to have some time to yourselves, since Ana sort of ruined your time alone in Fiji." Shay looked to me and smirked.

I bit my tongue and nodded, thinking back to our most recent family vacation, one that was accompanied by Tomas. I had clung to my parents for the majority of the vacation, not wanting to be around him after everything that had transpired between the two of us.

My parents laughed and thanked us once more before I finally was able to slip away and head up to my bedroom for some much needed sleep.

* * *

><p>The following week went by slowly and was rather uneventful. My father was working long hours because of the ongoing threats made by the Dark Lord. Aurors were extremely busy keeping up with the attacks made on both wizarding and non-wizarding families. Death eaters had already killed several aurors, and every day I worried my father would be at the receiving end of the killing curse.<p>

My mother on the other hand spent all of her time at the house, keeping busy with housework. When she wasn't roaming around the manor, she was out with her long time friend, Deborah McKinnon. Deborah had a daughter my age that was in Hufflepuff at Hogwarts. Our parents had repeatedly attempted to create a friendship between us, but we never really got on. She was into different school subjects than I, and had no past time activities other than de-gnoming her family's garden. The only real similarity we shared was that we were both apart of the Order.

Speaking of the Order, I had received a letter back from Lily expressing how ecstatic she was that I would be coming to visit at the end of July. It was good to hear from someone; all my other friends from Hogwarts had not written me since leaving school, Sirius being the only exception, though he had not responded to my most recent correspondence. I assumed he was busy with the Potters doing Merlin knows what.

Shay had been absent this past week as well, only returning in the late evening after dinner was served. He claimed it was because he was spending so much time with his new mentor Lucius, but I had my suspicions that there was more going on. The only time Shay spoke to me was in simple greeting in the morning before he left and at night before he locked himself in his bedchambers.

I didn't mind though. I had plenty of time to myself, something I had missed while being away at school, and was able to get a lot of reading done. Despite my newly found relationship with the Dark Lord and his followers, I still enjoyed novels written by muggle authors. I had always been fascinated by their simplicity and their ability to survive in every day life without the help of magic.

Before leaving Hogwarts, Lily gave me a list of several muggle books she thought I would enjoy, so the week after leaving school I headed into a muggle town by myself in search of a bookstore, and gathered a collection of books that would keep my interest on these long boring summer days.

Despite my love for reading, I was getting quite bored with it. I had wandered the yard several times, and had tanned my skin until I nearly blended in with the night, so I was constantly in search of new things to do. I had even turned to working on several homework assignments that had been assigned over the summer break, and had nearly finished them all.

Needless to say, I was becoming rather claustrophobic and fidgety, so I decided there would be no harm in taking a walk to the other side of the hill for a swim in the lake. I was after all, not threatened by the growing dark power.

It was Friday afternoon; both my parents had left for their trip to the Alps and Shay was away at work, so there was no need to be secretive about where I was headed. I was wearing a new black bikini under a pink and yellow sundress, with a towel hung over my shoulder as I left the house and headed towards my destination.

The walk was longer than I had remembered it, and it was mad harder by the sun beating down on my head and shoulders. My pace was slow so that I wouldn't exhaust myself walking up the steep part of the hill. The grass was soft against my ankles and smelt like a summers paradise. Once I reached the top of the hill I smiled to myself at the breathtaking sight in front of me.

The lake sparkled under the high summer sun and there was no wind, which allowed the lake to sit still and shimmer like unbroken glass. As I got closer I was able to see a cluster of ducks near the east shore that caused slight ripples to effect the entire surface of the lake.

It was faultlessly calm as I reached the shore and tossed my towel along with my sundress onto the rough sand. Before I had a chance to think about how cold the water would be, my feet were submerged in the lake. The chilly water sent a shiver up my spine but was soon replaced with a feeling of bliss as the hot sun continued to shine on my exposed skin.

I walked further into the lake, my movements causing large ripples that broke the smoothness of the lakes surface. Once my body was half way immersed, I dove forward into the water and quickly rose back to the top, feeling utterly refreshed.

The afternoon passed by as I spent time both in and out of the water. I had forgotten how natural it felt to swim in deep lake water, as I hadn't been allowed out last summer due to the rise of the Dark Lord, which frightened my parents. If they had known I was here now, I would have undoubtedly received a harsh scolding for putting myself at such a risk. Little did they know, I was at virtually no risk at all.

Later that evening, Shay and I were outside eating dinner and discussing tomorrow evening's plan. We were to go to Malfoy Manor where the Dark Lord would likely provide us with a task to accomplish before the next meeting, and then a group was coming back to our place for a few drinks.

Shay mentioned that about twelve people agreed to come back, therefore we needed to have the appropriate amount of libations to keep them all happy. Once we were both finished eating, we dressed and apparated to Diagon Ally in order to purchase the party favors.

The street was not nearly as crowded, as it usually was when we did our back to school shopping. Most people walking the streets were adults doing some shopping or teenagers around our age on dates. There was plenty to do in Diagon Ally other than shop. There were ice cream shops and coffee shops that were overly congested with couples and groups of friends that were celebrating their Friday evening.

We passed by these shops and entered the liquor store that our parents frequented; they were wine enthusiasts. We scaled the shelves and collected a variety of spirits and wines, adding up to a dozen bottles. The price was hefty, but barely made a dent in Shay's pocket. Apparently his new job at the Ministry was well paying. The man at the counter placed our bottles into an enchanted bag that allowed us to easily carry the bottles through the long ally.

We had exited the shop and turned to continue down the ally from whence we came when a familiar face stopped us.

"Shay, Ana. What're you two doing here?" Tomas asked as we stopped in the middle of the street.

"Just purchasing liquor for tomorrow evening." Shay answered, gesturing to the bag.

Tomas smiled, clearly looking forward to consuming our liquid refreshments.

"What're you doing here?" I asked from beside Shay. Tomas looked at me and smirked.

"Just leaving Knockturn Ally. I'm about to apparated home. Would you two like to join me for some pre party beverages?" He asked looking to Shay who nodded.

"Sure, just a short visit." He accepted and looked down at me. "Is that alright with you Ana?"

I shifted my feet. I wasn't sure how I felt about going to Tomas' house; it felt rather personal. But also wasn't great at apparating alone and didn't want to get lost on the way so I agreed and took hold of Shay's arm, who apparated us out of Diagon Ally.

We were sitting in the lounge, Shay and I on the couch while Tomas occupied an expensive plush chair. We were sipping on whiskey while Shay and Tomas talked about Shay's new job at the ministry. It seemed as though he talked about nothing ever since getting the job. I briefly wondered if Lucius was the same.

"It must be interesting working with Malfoy." Tomas commented after taking a small sip from his glass.

"He can be an arrogant git sometimes, but he's got the resources to ensure that we both go far and make a lot of gold while doing it." Shay shrugged.

"So are you nervous for tomorrow Ana?" Tomas asked. Before now, I hadn't spoken a single word, only listened to the two of them converse, so it took me by surprise.

"Why would I be nervous?" I asked.

"About what the Dark Lord is going to ask you to do." He clarified.

I bit my lip and thought about my answer. The truth was yes, I was nervous. I knew whatever task I would be given wouldn't be easy, but I also knew I signed up for this freely, so I wasn't permitted to change my mind when it got tough. At the same time, I didn't want Shay and Tomas to look at me as though I was a weak and scared little girl, something they likely already thought.

"No, I can handle whatever he asks of me." I sipped on my drink and bit my cheek as the liquid burned while it slipped down my throat.

"What if he asks you to murder someone?" Tomas pressed, his eyes flashing dangerously.

"My answer is the same." I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat.

_What if I had to kill someone I knew?_

Shay sat quietly, not getting involved in the conversation. I wasn't sure if he had concerns about what the Dark Lord would command of me or if he simply didn't care.

Tomas was about to speak once more before the front door opened and shut loudly. A tall man that was the spitting image of Tomas entered the room.

"Good evening." He addressed us all at once.

"Ana, this is my brother Marco. Marco, this is Shay's younger sister Ana." Tomas made the introductions. Shay had already met Tomas' brother.

"Pleasure to meet you." He smirked, his eyes lingering on me longer than I would have liked.

The brief thought of Tomas mentioning me to his brother crossed my mind.

"I'm going to use your rest room." Shay said as he stood up and left the room.

I sipped once more on my glass nervously. If Marco was anything like his brother, then I needed to be mindful of my exits.

"So Ana, I've heard a bit about you." Marco said as he slipped out of his traveling cloak and hung it on the arm of the duplicate chair Tomas was occupying.

"What have you heard?" I asked, placing my glass down on my thigh so they wouldn't notice my shaking hand.

"Nothing bad darling, just what this fucking jagoff has told me." He smirked meanly as he insulted his brother.

"Seems to me Tomas that you're more pathetic than you look. A beauty like this would never be interested in someone like you." He continued.

I looked to Tomas who was sitting still, glaring at his brother from his seat. I decided it would be best to keep my mouth shut in order to avoid unwanted anger directed at me on either of their part.

"Watch what you're saying in front of the lady, Marco." Tomas said, his voice dripping with venom.

"What did you say to me?" Marco slowly turned to face his brother.

Suddenly I saw a flash of fear across Tomas' face. It was so brief that I almost missed it, as his facial expression returned to one of anger.

His brother stood, making Tomas flinch, and whispered something I couldn't hear before leaving the room. I watched the exchange in interest, realizing this could possibly be the reason Tomas was so deranged.

I gulped down the remainder of my drink right as Shay returned from the loo and stood.

"It's getting late." I said, hoping Shay would agree.

"Alright, we should head out. Will see you tomorrow." Shay said to Tomas who stood to escort us out.

"Until tomorrow." He said to the both of us, though looking at me.

I manage a small smile before Shay and I headed out the door and into the dark night. We apparated home and unpacked the liquor bottles we had purchased that evening and placed them on and behind the bar that was situated in the lounge. Once everything was organized I sat down, feeling exhausted from the afternoon swim I had taken.

"What's wrong with you?" Shay questioned as he sunk down into the couch opposite me.

"I'm just tired, I had a busy afternoon."

"What did you do?" He sounded just as tired as I.

"I went to the lake." I admitted, knowing it wouldn't bother my brother.

He nodded silently.

"Have you met Tomas' brother before?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes." His answer was simple.

"Is he always that mean?"

Shay shrugged, probably thinking about what to say.

"He's not the most pleasant man."

"How come he's not a death eater?" I would have assumed both him and his brother would share the same views.

"I don't know, Tomas never talks about it." He answered my question then stood.

"Where are you going?"

"To bed, see you tomorrow. Don't forget to be ready when I get home." He left me in the dimly lit room.

I sat alone, listening to the fire crackling quietly, thinking to myself, both about the brief encounter I had with Tomas' brother, as well as what would be requested of me tomorrow, and I wondered if I had the courage to accept my task.


	36. Chapter 35

Authors Note: I was going to post this chapter sooner, but I am a little disappointed by the feedback, considering there are at least 50 people looking at the last chapter. Because of this I think I'll stick to hopefully updating once a week in hopes that it will give people more time to read and review! Be warned, this chapter is rated M.

* * *

><p>It was nearly eight o'clock on Saturday evening. We were gathered in the atrium of Malfoy Manor, waiting for any instruction on what would be asked of us during the meeting. I stood silently next to Severus, who seemed just as nervous as I was. I could tell he was looking at me, unsure of what to say, but the moment I would gaze up and him he would be looking away.<p>

In all my years of being friends with Lily I never understood why she would befriend someone like him. In my eyes he was a greasy know it all who liked to pick fights with the marauders, but ever since getting to know him I realized he was more a victim than anything. It was clear to everyone, including Lily, that he had feelings for her, and James and the others mocked him for it.

I knew now James did what he did because he was jealous that Lily may have had feelings for someone else, since Lily and Severus spent so much time together working on homework and such, but I knew that she never felt for Severus the way he felt for her. It was for her own good that they never had a romantic relationship. If this was what Severus had always wanted, like he claims it is, then she would have likely been targeted by the Dark Lord simply for have a connection with Severus. I sighed to myself, feeling sorry for the boy standing next to me. I knew what it was like to love someone so much, but never have him or her feel the same for you.

I looked up when everyone began moving towards a now open door, the same door that led to the room the last meeting was held in. I silently screamed inside, not wanting to be given my task in front of all the other death eaters.

We all entered the room, taking the same spots around the round table as we did at the previous meeting. Everyone looked eager and somewhat thrilled to be sitting here, about to receive new tasks from their lord. I briefly wondered if I was the only one praying on the inside that I didn't have to murder anyone, including muggles.

The Dark Lord sat at the head of the table, which was expected. He scanned over everyone arrogantly, and when his snake eyes laid upon me I put every effort to act as though I was getting pleasure out of sitting at this round table with a group of merciless murderers. It seemed to work, because his eyes did not linger on me and before I had a chance to exhale the breath I was holding he spoke, addressing us as a whole.

"My fellow witches and wizards, what a pleasure it is to see you all once more." He began his speech as many nodded in acknowledgment.

"You must all be getting weary as you have waited for more instruction, and I would like to thank you for your patience. I have carefully selected tasks for each and every one of you. These are required, not recommended, and if you should fail to complete your task by the next meeting, which will be held in two weeks time, there will be sever consequences. I however, doubt that there will be any problems, as I am sure you are all as committed to this movement as I."

He began addressing each person individually, starting with Bellatrix who sat next to him on his left. She was presented with a particularly gruesome task of torturing three muggleborn families, and killing their magical offspring. Though terrible, she accepted her task with glee as she smiled, a hideous sight, for several minutes afterwards.

Rodolphus, Rabastan, and Mulciber were all instructed to work together in recruiting a pack of giants to fight for the Dark Lord in his upcoming war. They weren't nearly as excited about their task as those before them were, mainly because it didn't involve killing and torturing.

I held my breath as the Dark Lord addressed me individually.

"Ana Travers, I have a special task for you. You have infiltrated the Order and given me a list of names, and for that I am entirely grateful, but that is not enough."

I bit my tongue, afraid to let my nervousness show with my fidgeting mouth.

"I am requesting you to eliminate an Order member, to prove to that daft wizard that I am indeed a threat. You must kill Marlene McKinnon. Ensure that you do not draw attention to yourself; I do not want to lose you as a valuable spy." He finished, and effortlessly moved on to address Shay.

I didn't hear the rest of the tasks sent forth, for I was too caught up in the thought of killing someone else; that person being a girl my age who I lived next door too and whose parents were my parents close friends. My mind had gone blank as I stared down at the glassy tabletop. My hands were sweaty and my mouth was dry. I couldn't believe this was real, that I would have to do this.

I was shaken from my thoughts as the chair beside me slid out. I looked over and saw Shay stand next to me, waiting for me to come along with him. I mimicked him and stood to my feet, feeling my legs wobble from under me. I quickly grasped Shay's shoulder to straighten myself before making a fool of myself and tumbling over.

"Are you alright?" He whispered so that no one around could hear.

I didn't open my mouth, afraid that I would cry out in angst. He led me out of the room and towards the entrance, without stopping to converse with anyone, we would be seeing them soon enough, and apparated back home the moment we stepped out of the Manor.

Everything continued to spin as we arrived in front of our house, and Shay practically pulled me inside before allowing me to collapse on the hardwood floor of the entrance.

"You need to pull yourself together Ana, people will be arriving soon." Shay hissed at me, no sympathy in his voice.

"I can't do it." My voice was so quiet that I didn't think he could hear me.

"You don't have a choice."

I let out a soft sob while still sitting on the ground.

_How could I possibly do this?_

"Ana get up now." Shay ordered, grabbing my arm and heaving me off the ground. It was then that my insides gave way and I lurched up all the contents of my stomach. The taste of bile was stained in my mouth as tears ran down my face.

The thought of killing Marlene, of killing anyone, made me sick. What made it worse was that I knew if I didn't the Dark Lord would consider me a traitor and would kill me himself. Killing others was the only way I was going to stay alive, the thought had just hit me.

"Seriously?" Shay sounded exasperated as he waved his wand to clean up the mess, which was gone instantly. "Get upstairs and clean yourself up. We will talk about this later."

I slowly made my way up the staircase, hunched over and holding my stomach, which suddenly felt extremely painful. I closed my bathroom door and turned the tap on to rinse out my mouth. I then brushed my teeth to remove the taste of vomit and opened the medicine cabinet in search of a pain reliever. I took a small vial of purple liquid and downed it in one shot, sat on the edge of my bath, and waited for it to take effect.

No more than five minutes passed before I felt loads better. I changed into more comfortable clothing, still dressy of course, and headed downstairs to find that there were already four guests in my home. Bellatrix, Rodolphus, Rabastan, and Rosier accompanied my brother in the lounge, while drinking various liquors out of our most expensive glasses.

The only available seat was next to Rabastan, so I sat down, careful that our legs did not touch. He didn't look at me, which struck me as odd, but I left it alone not wanting to draw any attention to myself.

I listened to the conversation going on in the room, which revolved around our newly assigned tasks. I had missed what task Shay was given, and was surprised to find out he, along with Lucius, had to attempt to infiltrate the other governors of Hogwarts in an attempt to take over the school. This didn't seem all that hard to me, considering all one needed to do was use the imperius curse on the others.

Perhaps the Dark Lord somehow knew I was his weakest link, and that was why he granted me such a cruel task.

"I'll believe it when I see it." Bellatrix's vicious voice brought my mind back to the room as I looked over; I saw her watching me with a maniacal grin.

"Ana will complete her task just as everyone else." Shay spoke up, and I immediately knew they were talking about the doubts they had of me.

"It seems a bit odd though, that she doesn't look the least bit excited about it. You look rather sick actually." Rodolphus smirked.

"Are you scared, Travers?" Bellatrix taunted along with her fiancé.

Before I had a chance to speak, the door opened and a loud group of wizards entered the house. It was the rest who were meant to be arriving. Mulciber, Snape, Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Mcnair, Dolohov, and, of course, Tomas were all present, and very loud. It was only going to get worse, something I was not particularly excited about.

I stood from my seat and poured myself a drink from behind the bar, quickly maneuvering away so I wouldn't become the bartender, and stood near the exit. I watched as everyone entered the room to grab drinks, and then slowly dispersed around the main floor of our home.

For the most part I stood alone, having drink after drink until my skin was warm and my vision was slightly fuzzy. Enjoying the feeling, I grabbed a half empty bottle from the bar and brought it with me, sitting down on the now vacant sofa.

"That's a lot of alcohol for such a young lady." Lucius said as he took a seat next to me.

"Are you going to tell me I shouldn't drink?" I raised my brow.

"Of course not, you deserve to let loose, especially after the task you've been given." He took a long sip from his glass while peering over at me.

I took a swig from the bottle, not caring how dirty I looked.

"What do you mean, 'after the task I've been given'? Do you not think I can handle it?" I asked stubbornly, knowing full well he was right.

"Honestly no Ana, I don't think you can handle it. What were you thinking when you joined the Dark Lord?" He asked, hushing his voice so that no one would overhear our discussion.

"I joined for the same reasons as you did, Lucius. For the power and security." I shrugged.

He observed me for a moment before responding.

"That's not the whole reason I joined, Ana. I believe in blood purity, my family has for centuries. That's the only good enough reason you should have to join a cause like this."

"Yes, well some of us aren't in consistent threat of being brutally raped and killed I guess." I said as I stood from the sofa, wobbling slightly.

"Ana you know I feel terrible about what happened." He stood with me.

I snorted at his attempt to make me feel better.

"Do you really Lucius? You haven't whispered so much as an apology since, so how am I to believe that's true?" I stated.

Before he was about to reply I placed my finger on his soft, warm lips.

"Forget it happened; I will. We're colleagues now, we might as well make the best of it." I grinned before walking away from my brothers' new boss.

I wandered my way through the room, suddenly feeling very social. The alcohol was taking affect on me, and influenced me to start up a conversation with the first vile man I could find.

"Hello, Rabastan, Rodolphus. Where is your lovely fiancé?" I asked as I leaned against Rabastan's side, who instinctively placed an arm around my shoulder.

"Ah, she's off somewhere. Why, did you want to have a little fun without her knowing? I can assure you she doesn't mind." Rodolphus said, moving too close for comfort. Not even the effects of the alcohol could make me want to be around that menace.

"Actually, I wanted to spend time with your handsome brother here. If you don't mind." I gestured him off so that Rabastan and I stood alone.

I turned to face him, a grin plastered on my drunken face as I brought the bottle I had been carrying around up against my lips. I cringed at the foul taste it left in my mouth as it burned down my throat, but swallowed it in one swift gulp.

"Some things never change, Travers." Rabastan commented as he took the bottle from my grasp and consumed his own portion.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked, rocking myself into him. I didn't care how slutty I was being, or who noticed; I was feeling frisky and who better to confide in?

"It means that you are not as innocent as you portray yourself to be. You're the naughty little girl that's caught my eye from the beginning." He began to run his hand across my back, causing me to shiver.

"What do you say we go upstairs?" I whispered against his ear.

He hummed against my neck as he kissed it lightly.

"Now what fun would that be?" He asked as he ran his hand down my stomach and between my thighs.

"My brother's here Rabastan, if he sees this he will avada you in an instant." I laughed slightly.

Rabastan groaned as he pulled away from me slightly, then looked into my eyes. He sighed and took my hand, pulling me away from the crowd and up the stairs. Once we reached the hallway and were out of sight, Rabastan pushed me roughly against the wall and kissed me feverishly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his face closer to mine, deepening the kiss. We were about to retire to my room when we heard footsteps approach.

"Well, well, what's going on here?" Tomas said as he drew closer to us.

"This doesn't concern you, Wilkes." Rabastan snarled, evidently still angry about the other evening when Tomas ratted him out to the Dark Lord.

"I think it does. I promised her brother that I would keep Ana safe. I don't think she is all that safe with you, Lestrange." He was within arm reach now, and Rabastan let me go to face him.

They looked at each other for a moment before Rabastan growled in frustration.

"We will continue this later." He spoke to me before pushing passed Tomas and descended back down the stairs to rejoin the party.

I stood in the hallway awkwardly before turning into my room and closing the door behind me. I was about to undress for a bath when I heard the door open behind me.

"So because you couldn't shag Rabastan you're going to just leave the party?" Tomas said, closing the door behind him.

"What do you want? You scared off my fun, you can leave now." I said strongly, not wanting him to know how afraid I was to be alone in his presence.

He continued to walk further into my room, examining almost everything he passed and looking at my bed much longer than I would've liked.

"You could do much better than that savage Ana, and you know it." He was suddenly right in front of me, and I could feel myself shaking.

"I'm not going to hurt you, I want to make you feel good." Tomas whispered as he pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. I shivered slightly at his gentle touch and closed my eyes, wondering if he was sincere.

"How am I supposed to believe you when all you've done is hurt me?" I asked quietly and opened my eyes to peer into his. They were just as dark as usual, but there was something different about them. The lust and danger that they usually held was gone, and replaced with a type of honesty.

"You have no reason to trust me Ana, just please give me a chance to show you." He kissed the sensitive spot on my neck, causing my head to involuntary tilt and allowing him better access. The feeling was sensational as he moved his lips across my neck and up to my ear. He licked and sucked lightly on the cartilage causing me to hum softly.

He took this as an invitation to move his lips towards my face, and in an instant claimed mine with his. The kiss was surprisingly warm, and gentle as our lips moved together. He took the opportunity to slide his hands behind my back and pulled me so close to him that our bodies were pressed flat against each other.

Carefully he guided me back towards the bed, and leant me down beneath him, never breaking the kiss we shared. Everything about this seemed wrong, my mind was screaming at me to stop, but my body would not oblige. His kiss and touch felt so amazing against my skin, I had forgotten what it was like to be touched by someone in this way.

After several minutes, Tomas pulled his lips away from mine and peered down at my face. I looked up at him as I felt his hands roam down to my thighs then began to push the skirt of my dress up. In one swift movement he pulled the dress over my head and tossed it to the ground beside my bed, then hungrily eyed my half naked form. I suddenly felt extremely exposed and was about to sit up when he brought his hands up to my breasts and began working them expertly.

He massaged each with the same attention, teasing my nipples through the fabric of my silk black bra. I arched my back, pushing my breasts harder against his strong hands, wanting more, to which he obliged. He reached around my back and unfastened the clip, freeing my breasts from their confinements, then brought his head down and began sucking and kissing them.

He flicked his tongue against one nipple while he massaged the other, causing a moan to escape from my lips. Something about his actions sent waves of pleasure throughout my body, and he hadn't even gotten below my belly button. Tomas pulled his face away from his task and looked at me with a smirk on his swollen lips.

"Do you like what I'm doing to you?" He asked huskily as he returned his lips to my neck while continuing to massage my chest with his hands.

"Yes." I breathed, my mind still screaming no.

"I'm going to make you feel pleasure you've never felt before, Ana." He groaned into my neck as he began trailing kisses down my chest and stomach, only stopping at the hem of my last article of clothing.

"Wait." I looked down at him and watched as he raised a brow at me. "It hardly seems fair that I am pretty well naked and you have all your clothing on."

He smirked.

"All you had to do was ask darling." He said and leaned up, pulling his black sweater and whatever shirt was on underneath over his head and dropped them to the floor. He then removed his shoes, socks, and trousers before I could even blink once.

"Better?" He asked.

"Much."

"Now, where were we?" He said before leaning back down, kissing every inch of my stomach while running his hands up and down my thighs.

I could feel myself getting wet with anticipation, hoping that he would allow me release. I hadn't had an orgasm in months, as I had been with men who were only in it for themselves, or just too shy to do it myself since everything that happened.

The word rape popped into my head, and I briefly thought about how twisted it was that the man who violated me was now situated between my legs giving me shivers of pleasure. I casted the thought aside, knowing that there was no need to get emotional. This was simply sex, and it didn't matter whom it was with.

Tomas grabbed the bottle of alcohol that I had placed on my bedside table and opened the top. Slowly, he poured the liquid into my belly button and along the small valley that ran down the center of my stomach. He re-fastened the bottle and tossed it onto our piled clothes and leant his face down to my stomach.

His tongue trailed along my abdomen as he gathered and sucked up the alcohol, finding my belly button last. The sensation was exceptionally erotic, causing me to wither in primitive pleasure beneath him. Slowly he trailed kisses back up to my face and kissed me, allowing me to taste the alcohol on his breath.

Tomas ran his fingers up to my stomach and tugged on the hem of my underwear and pulled it down passed my knees and feet. He then began to explore my most private part with his hand, pushing in two fingers and curving them upwards. The sensation was extraordinary and I could feel heat building in my stomach, but was soon disappointed when he removed his fingers and placed them back on my thigh.

"Don't worry, I'll have you moaning my name in no time." He said before spreading my legs further and pressing his mouth between my thighs.

That moment I let out a loud gasp, the feeling of his tongue moving across my clit caused me mind-blowing pleasure. The quietness of the room was soon interrupted by my constant moans of enjoyment as he moved his mouth and tongue around my warmth and it didn't take long to feel the build up of pressure caused by his actions.

"Fuck it feels good." I moaned as I grabbed the sheets and squeezed them in a clenched fist.

Tomas pulled away and replaced his mouth with his hand, rubbing gently enough to keep the pressure from fading.

"I love it when you moan Ana, it's so fucking sexy." Tomas groaned in my ear as he hovered over me, the warmth of his breath caused me to let out another loud moan.

"Please, Tomas I'm so close. Don't stop." I whispered as I bucked my hips up into his hand.

"I like to watch you squirm under my touch." He said as he slowed his pace, causing me to whimper in both frustration and pleasure.

"Please."

"Please what?" He spoke against my ear.

"Make me cum Tomas!" I moaned loudly.

I felt his hand pick up the pace and press harder against me, bringing me to my tipping point. I suddenly felt myself fall over the edge as his fingers rubbed against me perfectly. I cried out as my body shook from the immense release of pressure that had built up under his touch and I arched my back, pushing myself into him.

He slowed his hand, and inserted a finger into my now tight and soaking opening and slowly fingered as I came down from my high. I soon relaxed against the covers and ran my hand down my warm, smooth stomach. Tomas lay next to me and kissed my neck once more, which returned the tingling feeling all over my skin.

"How was that?" He breathed against my skin.

Only one word came to mind.

"Amazing."

I could feel him smirk against my neck as he ran his large hands down my torso, and once again caressed my breasts.

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself darling." He said as he leaned his head on his hand and looked down into my face.

I looked at him quizzically.

"Are you saying that's it?" I asked.

"If you want it to be." He raised a brow.

"I thought you were going to fuck me?" I said in the sexiest voice I could muster.

Tomas smirked and bit down on my neck lightly.

"So now you WANT me to fuck you, is that it?" He growled in my ear. His voice was so primal; it was the sexiest think I'd ever heard.

"Yes, I want every inch of you inside me." I moaned as my hand roamed over his toned chest.

"As you wish."

He quickly removed his boxers and climbed on top of me. He rubbed his tip against my opening; the feeling brought me back to where I was before, feeling enormous pleasure. Slowly he pushed himself inside me, moaning at how tight I was around him. Soon he was all the way inside, and began to pull out before thrusting back in.

"Oh Merlin Ana, you feel better than I remembered it." He groaned as he sucked on the sensitive spot of my neck.

He began to pick up the pace, moving harder and faster into me, causing another build up of pressure to form in my loins. I wrapped my legs around his waist, urging him to go deeper with each thrust.

"I want you on top." He said and flipped us without removing himself from me.

Slowly, I began to rock on him, feeling his pelvic bone press against my clit each time I moved, causing me to moan once more. Tomas grabbed my hips with his strong hands and guided me across his hardness, for which I was thankful for as I had no experience.

"Ugh Ana just like that. You're so fucking tight." Tomas moaned, his dirty talk causing me to come closer to my release. I continued to rub my clit against him as he rocked me back and forth, and before I could stop myself I let out a loud cry as I came for the second time, my insides squeezing tight against him.

I stopped rocking and allowed him to thrust into me hard as he searched for his release, which came quick after mine. I laid down on top of him, still shaking slightly from the sensations that passed through me. Never had I felt this much pleasure with a man. It was far better than anything I have done for myself, and I never wanted this sensation to end.

"That was amazing. You're incredible." Tomas whispered, breathing heavily as he draped his arms around my exposed back.

I stayed quiet, partly because I didn't know what to say and partly because I didn't want to ruin the moment. I rolled off of him and laid next to him, my heart beating fast.

We laid in silence for a while before I stood up and headed for the bathroom, wanting to wash away his seed that was now sticking to the inside of my legs. I turned on the hot water and immediately stepped in, washing myself with my orange scented body wash.

I just had sex with Tomas, the man who raped me at the beginning of my school year and who tormented me for the remainder of the year, and I liked it. No, I loved it. It was unbelievable the amount of pleasure someone could give another person. I had never felt that way with any of the other's I had fucked over the past year, not even with Sirius. This felt different; it was like he wanted me to feel amazing, which surprised me.

I shook my head and rinsed all the soap off my body, careful not to get my hair or face wet as I intended to return to the party downstairs. I quickly dried off and wrapped the towel around me as I headed back into my bedroom. It seemed that Tomas had the same idea, as his clothes were gone along with him and mine were laid neatly across my messy bed.

I put my dress back on and straightened my hair before heading back downstairs to rejoin the party. I met up with Shay who was talking to several people about their excitement to be finished with school. I ignored the conversation, still feeling blissful and not wanting to ruin the moment. I looked across the room to see Tomas, who looked to me and grinned before returning to his conversation with Lucius. It would be our little secret.


	37. A Sad Moment

Hello all.

I know I promised not to do this, but I've discontinued this story. It's been months since I've come up with any new material and feel as though I'm never going to be motivated to continue until the end. I want to thank all those who stuck with it despite my consistent hiatus'. I have felt as though my readers too have not been as into the story recently, which may partly be a reason for stopping now. I just cannot think up enough ideas that would bring this story to an end.

Despite this, I have the last chapter written, as I had written it when I began writing long ago. I had continued each chapter knowing how it was to end, and I feel it only fair to publish my vision for Ana. I would like opinions on whether I should publish the last chapter on it's own, or if you who are still interested would like a filler chapter. Be warned, there are many events that have not yet been written that would have lead to the finale.

Thanks again for all your support. I have continued with my other Fan Fiction, and wish The Last Time would have lived up to it's full potential, but I do not want to continue with something that is inevitably over.

xo. SevSnape4ever


End file.
